Is it wrong?

jlfred

My fiance has the same issue with one of my guy friends. He asked me to happy hour after work one day, and so my fiance refused to pick up our son from daycare saying that I didn't need to go. At first I was angry that he was allowed to go out with his friends, but after we had talked about it, I saw that he genuinely does not trust this specific person alone with me, especially when drinking is involved. Whether or not he has a valid reason not to trust him or me, is beside the point. I saw that it really would be something that he would be bothered by, so I don't do it. His feelings are more important to me than happy hour with a friend. This doesn't mean I am not allowed to talk to him, just not go hang out with him without my fiance.

Refusing to pick up your son from daycare because he is "bothered" is seriously messed up. He may or may not have had a legitimate gripe. You may or may not have been wrong to go out with this friend. His feelings should be important to you -- but apparently his feelings are more important to him than the safety of you son, and that should say something to you.

lizziebeth1028

Wow this thread is still going?!?!?!??!?!?

Both parties are a mess and NEED therapy.

chubbybunnee

Wow this thread is still going?!?!?!??!?!?

Both parties are a mess and NEED therapy.

Agreed

Koketa0510

Six years? How long has this been a problem?

If it's a recent problem, maybe he senses something, or he has his own issues to deal with.

When you get married, you absolutely need to put your spouse first, above and beyond your friends. That's what the marriage commitment means.

The friends issue, there's no one answer. Some spouses are uncomfortable with their husband or wife having friends of the opposite sex, some are not. It's an important issue - if my wife was not comfortable with a good portion of my friends being female, she would not be my wife. But that's a two way street - some of her best friends are male. Which is 100% okay with me. But this won't work for everyone, so people need to talk, and sometimes compromise...

It started earlier this month, the same time he started going to Houston for his gun shows.

Where is the smiley of a guy waving a GIGANTIC RED FLAG

you made me giggle ...

jimmie25

sounds like your shrink and your husband are re-living the 1800 century. i have male friends, always had, and will not ditch them because a guy has issues with it.

Fit_Canuck

Wow this thread is still going?!?!?!??!?!?

Both parties are a mess and NEED therapy.

Agreed! And I can't believe how many people are piling on the husband and saying how bad he is and the therapist when they aren't here to give their side. Remember people there are always 2 sides to a story and in this case 3!

Misiaxcore

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

^I didn't believe it, but after thinking about it, it was SO true =[

jocelynna

My fiance has the same issue with one of my guy friends. He asked me to happy hour after work one day, and so my fiance refused to pick up our son from daycare saying that I didn't need to go. At first I was angry that he was allowed to go out with his friends, but after we had talked about it, I saw that he genuinely does not trust this specific person alone with me, especially when drinking is involved. Whether or not he has a valid reason not to trust him or me, is beside the point. I saw that it really would be something that he would be bothered by, so I don't do it. His feelings are more important to me than happy hour with a friend. This doesn't mean I am not allowed to talk to him, just not go hang out with him without my fiance.

Refusing to pick up your son from daycare because he is "bothered" is seriously messed up. He may or may not have had a legitimate gripe. You may or may not have been wrong to go out with this friend. His feelings should be important to you -- but apparently his feelings are more important to him than the safety of you son, and that should say something to you.

Our son wasn't in any danger at all...he was at daycare, and I usually pick him up from daycare, so I called my fiance to arrange for him to pick him up instead, while I went to happy hour. This is where our conversation about this issue started. My son was never in any danger, because trust me, if it came down to it, my son will always be the most important!

Matt_Wild

Before you read the below, I'm not saying its the case for everyone, probably a minority of people but, this is what I often see as the case (and in the UK why 1 in 3 marriages end and 1 in 2 have actually cheated inside a relationship).

I think one point women often forget is altho a woman is in control of how she will act, men also know from the way that certain people act/speak/appear etc how they will actually act if a partner is not about. In a moment of weakness or drunkness they'll steam in and if catching you off you're guard could lead to things you didn't want happening.

For example, me and my misses went thro a bad point in our relationship about 6 months back. We split for a little while. On the same day TWO of her ex's contacted her about meeting up. Before this point she'd always maintained they were harmless and would never do anything. She never did anything nor met them and told me about it straight away even tho we'd split but it shows how predatory some men are. If our split had been more bitter, could something have happened? Maybe!

Its just the same way women can *kitten* other women and work out their intentions.

KemahSunshine

It sounds like you made your decision. Hanging out with single male friends takes precedence over your husband's desire for you not to do so.

No wonder you folks are in counseling....lol Listen to the therapist. Why do you need a bunch of second opinions for free when you've paid top dollar for professional advice?

Anyway, I don't have girl friends that I go hang out with, and neither does my wife have guy friends.
It's just not appropriate.
We've been married 28 years, and you must decide what you want.
Good luck with everything.

Max.... Great relationship advice! Mutural respect for the marriage partner is paramount & always preceeds any other relationships, period! In all reality, lets be honest, given the opportunity to be tempted & cheat, it will most likely happen eventually. So, out of respect for your spouse neither person should spend time alone with persons of the opposite sex. It really is that simple. Best Wishes!!!

chubbybunnee

So as an update, I wanted everyone to know what happened in the past year.

My then husband, now ex started following me everywhere, started hiding money and lying to me, so I asked for a divorce. He moved out of state to live with his family and within a week, had a new girlfriend who had two kids. We are still going through a divorce that has lasted almost an entire year because he has been hard to reach out of state and we can't agree on anything. But as for me, I met someone else who I now live with and he has shown me what true love really is. He would come to watch me play softball and in my 2nd season, he joined a team with me! For the first time, I have no reason to talk to my guy friends other than to say hi occasionally. I think that a lot of people were right. Even though I never cheated and didn't have feelings for my guy friends, I would talk to them for advice and they were encouraging me to leave my husband, not for the sense of me being with them, but because they all said he was treating me bad and becoming abusive. Now that I am happy in a relationship with my new boyfriend, I don't talk to them as much because I don't need advice anymore, or their emotional support. My boyfriend also has friends that are girls and even has ex girlfriends on his facebook page which he still talks to. I really don't like it, but I know that for me, being with him has made me lose my need to talk to guys or go out in groups unless he's with me. I did tell him how I felt, and he refuses to stop being friends with them, and when I thought about it, it made me think that I was starting to act like my ex and decided to not bring it up anymore. I finally asked him if he wanted me to be friends with them too because I just want him to know that I want to be a part of his life in a positive way, not negative, but he said no, it would be awkard so I should just stay out of it and not friend request them or talk to them. I can see how some people still have a desire to talk to friends they had a connection with weather they are the opposite or same sex. I just know that for me, being with him has "cured" me of talking to my guy friends for advice (because I don't want to bond with them instead of him) and now when I have an issue, I call his mom or sister for advice I'm not judging or saying that anyone who has friends of the opposite sex means they are unhappy with their relationship, but for me, I just know that once I found someone I was happy with, I no longer needed reassurance and advice from my guy friends.

Every situation is gonna be different, but I wanted to thank everyone who commented for their opinions, advice, and support. Negative, or positive, all the comments really helped me take a step back and look at the situation in different ways to help me ultimately decide what was most important to me.

I was able to get out of an abusive relationship and find the man of my dreams who treats me good Even though it may look tacky that my divorce isn't final, my ex and I are finished, living in different states, and hadn't been intimate for a year prior to the divorce so It was easily emotionally to move on. Especially after the threats of him "shooting me in the face".

Thanks again for all your support MFP!