Is it wrong?

ncw89

ask yourself why you feel the need to keep in touch with single guy friends that no longer live near you, and why you have some loyalty to keeping those relationships alive. Sure, a hi now and then, but to actively engage on a regular basis seems odd to me.

So...you would just ditch all your friends the minute you got married? What if the OP is truly *friends* with these people? Does she not have the right to keep in contact with those friends and not be controlled by her husband's jelousy?

OP, I see your point. If there really isn't anything else going on, I don't see why you should have to give in to your husband's baseless insecurities. That said, he obviously *is* insecure, whatever the reason. Couldn't he join you on nights out? Would it not be nice to socialise together...it might even help out your relationship to just have fun together. If nothing else, you need to sit him down and ask him why he doesn't like your friends, and if it's no more than he doesn't trust you then you need to work out what to do about it. There's a lot of give and take and it shouldn't be all one who does the giving and all the other who does the taking. If you give up your friends to soothe him you'll probably only find that you hate him for it and end up losing him as well as them.

TheRoadDog

I am married and have been for 6 years. When my husband and I got married I used to have tons of guy friends! Since we got married and I moved, I still keep in contact with them from time to time which my husband says bothers him, but I still do it because I don't feel I should have to choose my marriage over my friends. So I was seeing our marriage counselor who told me that I should not have any guy friends. He said it is bad for the marriage. What!? Really? I encourage my husband to have friends that are girls because I am hoping if he doesn't listen to me, then maybe he will listen to thier advice! lol. I have no issues with it, I am not a jelous person, I have no problems with him going out with the guys to a bar, or dance club at all. He doesn't see it that way though. He and apparently my counselor think that once you are married you should not have friends of the opposite sex that aren't also married or it can "ruin" the marriage.

What do you all think of this? I am not going to stop chatting or hanging out with my guy friends because I think it's stupid to assume my marital problems are because I have friends that are guys. I rarely talk to them on the phone, and I have one or two main guy friends that I hang out with in a group when I go out with the girls, but I have never done or said anything that would give him any reason to be jelous so I have a hard time understanding why he is. I have never cheated on him, even when we were filing for divorce, and we are currently in marriage counseling right now and the newest thing is that he is not happy that I'm on a coed softball team since I am going to be around guys! It's like he is so insecure with himself, he can't stand to let me talk to anyone else!

I know exactly how I feel about this and am going to stick to my guns on this one, but what would you all do in this situation and what do you think about it?

If you've already made up your mind, why ask "Is it wrong?" What you really want is to tally up the yes and no votes and see if you get a consensus. Your problem is not that want to keep in contact with old friends. Your problem is that you have no repect for your husband.

Marriage is about respect.

I don't a problem with my wife keeping in touch with old friends, but that comes from respect, love and trust. Sounds to me like your spouse doesn't trust you. Are you trustworthy?

sashalarue

If you are go thro dangerous times, why put yourself in the centre of temptation?

I agree...although your intentions are "innocent" but this has dangerous written all over it. A day is going to come and your husband is going to piss you off and your going to happy hour pissed and there goes your good ole guy buddy <incert name> and after a few drinks and he is telling you how wrong your husband is and how he would never treat you like that...and oh btw he let's you know he has always found you attractive..................next thing you know your in the hotel room or in the parking lot making out! Since you asked for our opinion i say put your husband 1st before anyone....trust me when i tell you there is no reason for a married woman to be sitting having drinks with a single man w/o her husband being there...since it bothers him, respect him on this one.

seehawkmomma

I am married and have been for 6 years. When my husband and I got married I used to have tons of guy friends! Since we got married and I moved, I still keep in contact with them from time to time which my husband says bothers him, but I still do it because I don't feel I should have to choose my marriage over my friends. So I was seeing our marriage counselor who told me that I should not have any guy friends. He said it is bad for the marriage. What!? Really? I encourage my husband to have friends that are girls because I am hoping if he doesn't listen to me, then maybe he will listen to thier advice! lol. I have no issues with it, I am not a jelous person, I have no problems with him going out with the guys to a bar, or dance club at all. He doesn't see it that way though. He and apparently my counselor think that once you are married you should not have friends of the opposite sex that aren't also married or it can "ruin" the marriage.

What do you all think of this? I am not going to stop chatting or hanging out with my guy friends because I think it's stupid to assume my marital problems are because I have friends that are guys. I rarely talk to them on the phone, and I have one or two main guy friends that I hang out with in a group when I go out with the girls, but I have never done or said anything that would give him any reason to be jelous so I have a hard time understanding why he is. I have never cheated on him, even when we were filing for divorce, and we are currently in marriage counseling right now and the newest thing is that he is not happy that I'm on a coed softball team since I am going to be around guys! It's like he is so insecure with himself, he can't stand to let me talk to anyone else!

I know exactly how I feel about this and am going to stick to my guns on this one, but what would you all do in this situation and what do you think about it?

First off if your not willing to be flexable within your marriage and "stick to your guns" than I can see further issues that you two may have.

Second off I think that for the most part men and women can not be friends. Now I do have two friends who are male, but both of them would drop trou if I asked. They are good guys, but whenever I am with someone I cut back on seeing them.

I dont think jealousy has anything to do it with it, but humans are not Monogamous creatures, so it would be like putting a cake in front of a fat kid, yeah he might not eat it but it could be tempting.

I think its disrespectful, for me I would not like if my husband had more girlfriends than guy friends. Maybe a select few, but that would be hard.

happychic

Maybe your husband is insecure becasue you have lost weight and have gained some confidence....maybe he's worried that your guy friends will look at you differently. IDK, just a thought....

rileamoyer

bump

LorinaLynn

Haven't read the whole thing, but I have four older brothers. I've always been a tomboy and gotten along great with guys. I like guy things... power tools and weapons and geeky sci-fi and fantasy stuff. I look at men as peers, not as possible future romantic partners. It takes a LOT more than just a handful of common interests for me to fall for a guy. I need mutual attraction, chemistry, compatibility, respect... having a mutual love of Gimli or Boba Fett isn't going to make me fall into bed with a guy.

I'm actually surprised at how many people on here don't think men and women can be just friends. That's really sad. Having been friends with guys my whole life makes me a much better wife and partner. Likewise, I love that my husband has always had lots of female friends. We have both benefited from having a glimpse at perspectives from the opposite gender.

Respect and trust are important. I wouldn't want to be married to a guy who didn't trust and respect me enough to believe I could be tempted by anything with a penis. He should understand that I wouldn't be friends with a guy who didn't respect me and my relationship. I wouldn't be friends with a guy who viewed me as a potential conquest.

kimoRUN

The word 'platonic' doesn't exist in a man's vocabulary. That's enough reason not to choose your male friends over the hubs. Just my $0.02.

EmCarroll1990

I honestly think the way you do. Your husband should trust you enough to allow you to have guy friends. It's not like you have gone out of your way to make NEW guy friends, they're ones you've had for a while. Maybe you should discuss with him why he has these insecurities and assure him there is no reason for the mistrust. Good luck.

Nitachi

#1 Reason for divorce is infidelity, you are also more likely to cheat with a friend/colleague than a stranger.

Just my 2 cents

EmCarroll1990

#1 Reason for divorce is infidelity, you are also more likely to cheat with a friend/colleague than a stranger.

Just my 2 cents

So because other people have done it, it means she's going to too?

porcelain_doll

If it bothered my husband that much, as much I wouldn't like it, I would put my marriage first. Me personally, I would not be comfortable having a lot of guy friends if I were married anyway. I just don't feel like it is very appropriate. I believe marriage is about give and take, and compromise, even if that means certain people have to leave the picture. I don't think you are looking for advice on your certain situation so I won't offer any, but I do hope that things can be worked out between you and your husband, and that the two of you can reach some kind of agreement that leaves both of you happy.

KimmieBrie

#1 Reason for divorce is infidelity, you are also more likely to cheat with a friend/colleague than a stranger.

Just my 2 cents

If someone is going to cheat - they are going to cheat regardless of the friends they have. You can't isolate your spouse from the opposite sex for fear they may cheat. That's not trust. I don't believe marriage actually exists without trust. You can call it that if you want... maybe with a new counselor and some work on BOTH parts they can get there.

She is not hanging out in bars w/men, She said she was hanging with girlfriends and a couple of guys hang with their group - so a group of friends. She said her husband doesn't want her on a co-ed softball team. He's pissed her friends husbands comment on FB. Red flags...

Nitachi

#1 Reason for divorce is infidelity, you are also more likely to cheat with a friend/colleague than a stranger.

Just my 2 cents

So because other people have done it, it means she's going to too?

No but this just shows how many people end up having sex with their friends...

My advice is to stay away from temptations and rather spend the extra energy on your significant other.

BreakingUpWithObesity2013

I think that your husand comes first....if it bothers him...dont do it. Your marriage should always come first.

Jenn638

It sounds like you made your decision. Hanging out with single male friends takes precedence over your husband's desire for you not to do so.

^^ this

lyddsmom

Sounds like you'd rather not be married. Your husband feels uncomfortable for some reason. You may not think you are doing anything wrong, but your preference for these other friends is getting in the way of your marriage. You truly do need to make a choice and it sounds like you are choosing your friends.

adaffern

Can you include your husband in on the Softball Team? My husband and I each have girl and guy friends. But he knows that he is my BEST FRIEND! There really isn't much that we don't do together.

amezeez

I just don't understand where all of this jelousy is coming from! I mean common! He doesn't like me bring on a coed softball team? He is making be feel so isolated. I just don't get the difference between having guys as friends and girls as friends. We all hang out the same way regardless. There is no flirting, there is no hiding anything, it's just more fun when we all mingle together. I just feel like he's trying to cut me off from my friends and they were all there for me when he was not so it's like he's taking away my support system...

He's insecure because he thinks he is losing you because of the strife you are going thro. You standing around with team of fit men will not inspire confidence. The same would be rolls reversed.

Lets face it, when things go wrong and you argue you'll want a shoulder to cry on. Some men are sharks and will be that shoulder and look for something more from it.


Course they'll never admit it.

The shark thing-exactly! Hang out w/other couples. It's a respect thing.

EmCarroll1990

I'm actually quite surprised by the majority of you. Oh no, don't have male friends, it's not right, you're going to cheat. Geesh people, you must have some really insecure significant others if you're willing to just give up friends because you got married. So sad.