Would you remain friends with someone that cheated?

kaetmarie

My husband and i have opposing views on this...we are/were good friends with a couple and the wife cheated on her husband with another one of our friends. Obviously, we all found out about it (because they did it while we were all together at a party...dumb) and now we are kind of dealing with the aftermath -- both were married, both are staying together, but now the group has been divided because they can't be together ever. I'm having a really hard time being friends with them and don't trust themanymore (...stay away from my husband please!) but he thinks that it's none of our business and we need to support both of the cheaters and their spouses....which is totally awkward because everyone knows that we all know.

philOHIO

I have gotten rid of a "friend" on here for that very reason. My real life friends don't treat their SO's like that. If they did, I would not want them anywhere near me. Guilty by association. No thanks.

^^^^ this! Plus, if they are being 2-faced to their spouse, what COULD they be saying about you behind YOUR back? Doesn't sound like a friend I would want to be around... regardless of circumstance. If it is a bad relationship, get out FIRST - then date after separation... don't sneak around. Your logic makes sense, Kaetmarie... but of course I am biased.

XXXMinnieXXX

I myself met my partner when I was with my ex. He was abusive physically, sexually and psychologically and when I met my fiance I ended my other relationship as it finally gave me the courage to walk away. Not many people knew what was going on in my relationship and wouldn't have understood. I lost all my friends because I had to move away because I was being hunted down by the ex partner, the police made me change work loacations, move to a new town. I've suffered terrible lonliness loosing my friends. Granted most situations aren't that bad, but how are you to know what happens behind closed doors? I'd never ever cheat on my partner or be disloyal to my friends because they are good to me and I love them. I'd always walk away first... Don't be too quick to judge there may be many things your not aware off x

EMarvie

if that friend cheated with my husband - I'd probably have to rethink the friendship and marriage -
but in general I would remain friends- Im not there to judge them , they know my opinion , but it's their life. Unless it directly involves me.. im still there!

UponThisRock

only if I was the receiving party. LMAO

ha ha

HMD7703

A real friend would be there to help a friend through whatever they are going through. Judging your friend and cutting them off is not going to help them. Want to be a real friend? Ask them if they need to talk. Many times people cheat for companionship (or whatever they are missing at home). A friend can sometimes take the edge off enough to help them through rough times in their marriage or life.

And isn't loving someone (friend or otherwise) mean to accept them at face value (flaws and all)?

toolgirl626

I cheated on my late husband; but I had my own reasons. I didn't share this with many people, but if I had and they dropped the friendship, so be it. They were not really a "close" friend, nor was it any of their business. I'd be better off without the "friendship".

Natural

i guess i would. it's funny how other people become so moral when it comes to other people's marriage vows, especially when people get divorced or cheat on their spouse, but yet, as long as the person stays married, then it's okay if these same individuals are:

liars (including white lies or little lies)
curse like a sailor and then go to church
steal from employers
cheat on taxes
break other laws

and we're still their friends, but break a marriage vow or cheat and everybody is on their soap box about what a horrible person they are. want to break out the moral ruler, that's fine, but let's pull it allll the way out.

i don't condone cheating, but i also don't judge the individual. i'm more likely not to hang around someone with a filthy mouth than someone who cheated on their spouse.

we don't know what happened or maybe if we do, which one of us hasn't done something wrong where we have needed or asked for forgiveness. i ask for forgiveness and i hope if i ever do something stupid, that forgiveness is extended to me (if i am truly sorry).

and no, i have never cheated, but i have done stupid.

and YES, i would still trust them if they have not given ME any reason not to trust them. one stupid mistake, does not mean the person is all bad. they might make a horrible marriage mate to someone else, but still a good enough friend for me.

p.s. heck King David, the bible king david, cheated and killed - he suffered the consequence of his actions, but even god didn't write him off. who the heck am i again?

skinnywithin

Until you have walked in their shoes..You should not judge !!!!!!!!!!! some people do things for reason we may not understand BUT it is not our place to understand it..They have to live with what they have done..It is our job as a devoted and true friend to stand with them and help them through it not push them away..perhaps thats the reason they cheated in the first place.... People cheat for many reasons ...some for the emotional part of it that they are lacking at hiome, some for the desire they have longed for and someone may be in an abusive relationship and found a comfort zone in someone else and things happened...Never the less, I am not perfect NOR do I try to act like it..We all have flaws and all have made a mistake a time or two but I can say that without the help that I have had from my friends I dont know what I would have done. !!!!

SO Please dont be so soon to turn your back on them.. They may need you now more than ever !!!

loriamcq

I think it depends on their situation. I had a friend that cheated and I stopped being friends with her. But she did so in a way that it really hurt her spouse. She was wreckless and hurtful to him and I lost my respect for her. But there are different situations so I cant say that I would flat out stop caring for anyone who cheated because it depends on the reason and the outcome.

HMonsterX

I have gotten rid of a "friend" on here for that very reason. My real life friends don't treat their SO's like that. If they did, I would not want them anywhere near me. Guilty by association. No thanks.

You assume that person was cheating on their loved one. Does it matter than they may have fallen out of love with their partner? That they may be miserable, trapped, and just sick of everything? You would rather than stay with them, despite all that?


Regards the OP, as others have said, each case if different. If that friend had a loving, caring, partner, then id need a good reason why the friend cheated. If the friend's partner was mean, rude, didnt respect my friend, and treated them like **** for years, id be bloody cheering my friend on! Serves that partner right!

NewVonnie

Until you have walked in their shoes..You should not judge !!!!!!!!!!! some people do things for reason we may not understand BUT it is not our place to understand it..They have to live with what they have done..It is our job as a devoted and true friend to stand with them and help them through it not push them away..perhaps thats the reason they cheated in the first place.... People cheat for many reasons ...some for the emotional part of it that they are lacking at hiome, some for the desire they have longed for and someone may be in an abusive relationship and found a comfort zone in someone else and things happened...Never the less, I am not perfect NOR do I try to act like it..We all have flaws and all have made a mistake a time or two but I can say that without the help that I have had from my friends I dont know what I would have done. !!!!

SO Please dont be so soon to turn your back on them.. They may need you now more than ever !!!

^^^ THIS

hbrittingham

I would...people make mistakes...You never know the whole story as to what is going on behind closed doors. I would still trust that person as well because they didn't do anything to ME by cheating on their spouse. Just my opinion, maybe I'm a sucker lol

What about marrying a man that cheated on his last spouse?

Yes as the circumstances had nothing to do with me

I would definitely not say no. I think it would depend on circumstances.

vaderandbill

I am still friends with a friend that cheated. He is aware that I disagreed with his actions and then I helped him get settled in his new place and start his life over. I'm also still friends with his ex-wife.

I think friends are there for you when you're down and when you make mistakes.

myopus

I agree. People make mistakes and we all deserve forgiveness.

ffuunnnnyy__ggiirrll

I have gotten rid of a "friend" on here for that very reason. My real life friends don't treat their SO's like that. If they did, I would not want them anywhere near me. Guilty by association. No thanks.

You assume that person was cheating on their loved one. Does it matter than they may have fallen out of love with their partner? That they may be miserable, trapped, and just sick of everything? You would rather than stay with them, despite all that?

Wow, imo that person is better off without you tbh...how about you consider THEIR feelings first, rather that your own stupid misguided sense of ethics...


Regards the OP, as others have said, each case if different. If that friend had a loving, caring, partner, then id need a good reason why the friend cheated. If the friend's partner was mean, rude, didnt respect my friend, and treated them like **** for years, id be bloody cheering my friend on! Serves that partner right!

Oh the irony....judging her for judging her friend. Smh.

I applaud her for sticking by her moral convictions whether it be IRL or on the internet.

VictorianJade

Yes, I would and I have... and I have cheated once, myself. Long ago, and I learned from it... and my friends saw me through my stupidity.

MaximalLife

Our unit of associates are close like family.
NO WAY!
If I found out, I would simply confront him, demand he cease the illicit relationship or else he's finished.
If a man would cheat on his spouse, anything goes.
How could I trust such a man?

No, that's one of our biggest rules: no screwing around.
And if one of my guys were screwing around with another one of my guy's wives?
OMG!
That would not end well for either.

Bentley2718

In all likelihood yes. People make mistakes. Also, relationships with friends are not exactly analogous to relationships with partners.

Carrot1971

You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. They may seem like they have the perfect life but home alone may be a completely different story. Cheating doesn't necessarily mean they are untrustworthy. Maybe they are missing something from their relationship...maybe they are emotionally abused...you don't know so how can you possibly judge? Besides, its really nobodys business what happens in a marriage. As another poster said, thats between them and GOD!!

And, yes, I've had friends who cheated. Several (unfortunately). Some just because they could. I don't condone it, but I don't judge them for it either.

UponThisRock

Cheating doesn't necessarily mean they are untrustworthy.

To me, it kinda does.

Dayna154

I would remain and have remained friends with a friend who cheated. I was upfront on my feelings about it though.
I said I wouldn't in any way support the cheating, nor be a party to it in anyway. I told the friend that they were cheating not only their spouse but the person they were cheating with as well as themselves. Obviously there were problems in the relationship, I didn't judge though. I pushed for her to be honest about the problems the couple had, they temporally worked out and then later on split.

On marrying a partner who had cheated on me. I had been in a long term relationship with a man who cheated on me. 11+ yrs, it eventually became abusive in so many ways and levels. He also had substance abuse issues. I would like to think that it would have been possible to work through what happened, had it not been for the alcohol abuse would the cheating have happened?? Who knows but because he never quit no one will know...
I think in some ways it depends on why the cheater cheated... Can that broken part of them be fixed? If not then no wouldn't marry them.. Because til it it the pattern will never cease, it will spiral out of control..

kugagirl

I completely disagree with a lot of the posts about this. You are not here to judge your friends. That is God's job. You are a friend through thick and thin. Good and bad. I have friends that have cheated on their spouses and of course I am still friends with them. You are NOT guilty by association. That is just ludicrous! Just because your friend's cheated doesnt mean you would! UGH I rarely disagree but this is crazy!

kugagirl

I don't my friend cheating on their spouse has anything to do with my relationship with them...Honestly, I don't judge. That's between them and God.

EXACTLY and we arent GOD!

sjmgde

Cheating doesn't necessarily mean they are untrustworthy.

To me, it kinda does.

have you had this happen before. You might feel different if you actually experience the sitaution. Just a thought before you start ditching friends

dalgirly

Yes yes I would. If they were a good friend, I would stick with them.

They did not cheat on me. Why would I cut someone out of my life because of a mistake they made?

People will make mistakes. Do you just automatically cut someone out of your life because they messed up? A great friend wouldn't.

I am not saying you should condone the behaviour or even say the friend was right. But by no means do you have to completely abandon your friend.

ItsCasey

Friendships and marriages are like apples and bananas. Nobody ever knows the full story about what goes on in someone else's marriage. Unless a friend personally betrays my trust, I'm not going to cut them out of my life just because their relationship with someone else fell apart.

Rocco_99

Yes i would

shanlynt

Yah it wouldn't really bother me. A good friend cheated on her husband routinely but when she told me that they were going to become swingers, I felt very, very uncomfortable around her.

california_peach

I would take my cues from their SO. If the couple stays together,then I would find a way to support them both. Not sure what I would do if they broke up.