Would you remain friends with someone that cheated?

Butterfly3730

There is no cookie cutter answer to this as it would depend on a lot of variables.

I agree with this post. There are too many things to consider. Length of your friendship. The circumstances of their marriage. Not excusing it, but until you have walked a mile in someone else shoes...

AGREED!

keenslk

I dont judge my friends and im always on all of my close friends sides... so yea if they cheated I would still be friends with them, I would tell them it was a horrible thing to do but I would try to understand where they are coming from and why they did it etc.... as at the end of the day my loyalities are with them as my friend..cheating in a relationship does not necessarily make you a bad person, they could have be unhappy with their partner, depressed, going through a rough time etc... I would not stop being friends with them... At the end of the day all the people I call friends are my friends because they are decent people and I trust them completely in terms of our friendship; otherwise I wouldnt be friends with them in the first place... what they do on a relationship level with their partner is not my place to judge... i can disapprove and tell them that... but if they cheat on their partner it does not mean they are going to decieve me as a friend....
However, if they were a serial cheater/player/hurting a lot of people and abused my trust etc then yea they are cut... I dont have time for negative people in my life ..

toadiejones

I gotta say, I am stunned that so many people consider cheating a simply a "mistake".

tataliciousd89

If I knew that a friend had cheated I would not be able to trust them. Even if we remained in contact with eachother I couldn't consider them a true friend. Cheating speaks to someones integrity on a very basic level and it doesn't say very good things. There are a lot of losers in this world and I've dealt with enough of them to know that my time and effort are worth more than that.

MissTattoo

I don't my friend cheating on their spouse has anything to do with my relationship with them...Honestly, I don't judge. That's between them and God.

EXACTLY and we arent GOD!

And if you don't believe in God?

dragonfly74

I gotta say, I am stunned that so many people consider cheating a simply a "mistake".

It isn't "just a mistake." and it isn't for others to judge.

SergeantSunshine_reused

I gotta say, I am stunned that so many people consider cheating a simply a "mistake".

It isn't "just a mistake." and it isn't for others to judge.

That depends. If you do not want to surround yourself with people who would do that then you can judge all you want. Purely opinion and will differ

HMonsterX

Can someone actually define cheating?

Is it cheating if that person doesn't love their partner any more, and they both know they are only still together for convenience? Would that still be bad?

Or in your books "cheating" is "cheating", no matter what the circumstance?

kiminikimkim

Yes.. and I have.

If they've been my friend for a long time, I cherish them. We all make mistakes and if my friends dropped me when I made mistakes (because I've made some pretty big ones), I'd be all by my lonesome.

Me too. I don't judge my friends and I hope they don't judge me either.

jenlb99

Yes, and I have. They didn't cheat on me, they cheated on their partner because there was something in their relationship that just didn't work.

That has nothing to do with our friendship.

I have a wide variety of friends -- some who do drugs (beyond marijuana), some who never miss mass on Sunday, some who uphold the law, others who repeatedly break it...I guarantee we all have friends like this. The difference is, people tell me a lot more than they tell others. People have told me the most personal, intimate things about themselves within minutes of meeting me; I think you'd be shocked at the things very normal, trustworthy people have done in the past. You would be a very lonely person if only you knew every secret every one of your friends and family members have hidden.

Loving someone is accepting their flaws, because let's face it -- we've all got them.

Now does that mean I would take back a partner who cheated on me? HELL NO. I have more respect for myself than that. Friends are different.

mkinzalow

I think that it all depends on the circumstances

fiberartist219

It really depends on the circumstances. I'd like to think that I wouldn't but when I found out my friend's wife cheated on him, but he stayed married to her, I kind of had to be friends with her too, if I wanted to be friends with him.

vaderandbill

Anybody who'd cheat in marriage would never honor a friendship.
But go right ahead - be my guest - :laugh:
Birds of a feather flock together....

I have to disagree here. While I agree with your earlier post of confronting and saying it needed to end, if one of my core friends screwed up like this I wouldn't for a second think they wouldn't support me or be there for me in any situation.

and "birds of a feather" hardly applies. I have a friend (not a "core" friend) that screwed up and we all helped him get back on his feet...I don't think that means we all "flock together".

Erica002

No. I have a few friends that have and we're still friends. It all depends on way too much. If they were being very untrustworthy to me, then yes, they'd be gone.

Gwenski

A friend of mine cheated. I asked her to please finish one relationship before starting another.. for her own good and that of her children, spouse, and the current lover. I also explained that I was not in her marriage, so I had no place to judge her, but that I wanted her to take the time to make sure it's what she wanted. She didn't take the time. She did leave her husband, and eventually married the lover. We went to her 2nd. wedding, but the friendship was never the same.. but I love her bunches and always will.

MyFeistyEvolution

There is no cookie cutter answer to this as it would depend on a lot of variables.

I agree with this.

seekingthepatienceofjob

I would stay friends with them.

Everyone makes mistakes. I mean, it would be different if they say "Oh, I cant believe I cheated! I will NEVER do that again!" and then a week later cheat...if that makes any sense?

christine24t

I've had friends who've had sex with married guys/guys with boyfriends. I'm still their friend, but I've definitely lost some respect for them.

nicolebunny55

Yes I would. I think if your being a true friend to a person and really care for them, you will be there for them through the good and the bad. Regardless of what they do you have their back and are willing to listen to any problems they may have. If they cheated I would talk to them and give advice and not just give up on them for a mistake. We are all human and make mistakes......

MumOfGirlsOnly

I lose respect for them and our friendship changes but they would still be a friend.

In the last 6 months I know of 4 relationships that have separated due to cheating. In 3 cases it was the husband/boyfriend cheating and the other the wife.
In every case I felt disgust that they could betray their partner, their children (every couple had children and had been together more then 5 years) that they could throw away everything without trying everything they could to fix it.

All my friends know how I feel about cheating, hell as a teenager I set fire to a guys ute because he cheated on me (my boyfriend before I met my husband, I had just turned 15) I still support them and listen if they need me but they will never be the same friend in my eyes.

toadiejones

I kept thinking about this topic last night and I think I've figured out why it bothers me so much...

My husband is my best friend. Before he is my lover, provider, father of children, etc, he is my number one friend and confidant. If I visualize myself as the cheater and if I was willing to do something so despicable to my BEST friend, then I would likely have no hesitation betraying other friends. You know what I mean? I guess I don't see how a friendship with ones spouse is of LESS value than friendship with friends. In my eyes if someone is willing to betray their spouse/loved one, they are willing to do anything and, yes, that makes them untrustworthy and unreliable as a true friend. I'd remain civil and help out as needed (as I would do for any person friend or no), but I would not consider them someone to rely on.

Di3012

It is all to do with forgiveness and as I would have nothing to forgive because it did not concern me directly, then they would still be my friend. Besides which, I am no angel myself, I do not cheat on my hubby, but I have my faults make no mistake and I would hate for a friend to disown me because they considered me to be a liability in some way. In fact, if they thought that way, they are not a real friend anyway.

Would you still trust that friend?

Unless they had betrayed me personally, yes, I would.

Buddhasmiracle

I kept thinking about this topic last night and I think I've figured out why it bothers me so much...

My husband is my best friend. Before he is my lover, provider, father of children, etc, he is my number one friend and confidant. If I visualize myself as the cheater and if I was willing to do something so despicable to my BEST friend, then I would likely have no hesitation betraying other friends. You know what I mean? I guess I don't see how a friendship with ones spouse is of LESS value than friendship with friends. In my eyes if someone is willing to betray their spouse/loved one, they are willing to do anything and, yes, that makes them untrustworthy and unreliable as a true friend. I'd remain civil and help out as needed (as I would do for any person friend or no), but I would not consider them someone to rely on.

Agree.

daisydieter

Yes. People make mistakes. It is after you make a mistake that you need your friends the most. God forbid my friends abandoned me every time I make a mistake...they've been a part of me managing the negative consequences and avoiding making the same mistake again.

Di3012

How judgemental this thread is.

For what it is worth, if anybody were to judge me the way some are judging situations on here and would just disown me because they did not consider something I had done to their own satisfaction, then I would not want them as a "friend" anyway.

JanetLM73

I have not been put in this situation, but a good friend is hard to find, so I think that I would stay friends. It's none of my business what happen's in someone else's bedroom (in my opinion).

Secret_Agent_007

For me it depends on if we were really friends in the first place. I have a *kitten* ton of acquaintences but very few of what I call friends. I'm reasonably sure my friends would still be so depending on the circumstances. And like others have said, they didn't cheat on me so my trust wasn't broken. And IMHO when a person cheats it's because there are much bigger issues in the relationship and they probably should be out of said relationship anyways.

dancer4evermsu2

I had a friend do this years ago. I felt the same way as you. I didnt speak to her for years. I realized though that her friendship was really important to me. We reconnected about a year ago and I am really happy we did. She learned from her mistakes and what had caused her cheating. She is a better person now.

shelbyfrootcake

Yes. I try not to judge people. I don't know their business or private life and head space to know why they do anything. Being a cheater in a relationship isn't a reason for a person to be ostracised by the people around them.

shelbyfrootcake

How judgemental this thread is.

For what it is worth, if anybody were to judge me the way some are judging situations on here and would just disown me because they did not consider something I had done to their own satisfaction, then I would not want them as a "friend" anyway.

QFT.