Would you remain friends with someone that cheated?

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  • mkinzalow
    mkinzalow Posts: 13
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    I think that it all depends on the circumstances
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    It really depends on the circumstances. I'd like to think that I wouldn't but when I found out my friend's wife cheated on him, but he stayed married to her, I kind of had to be friends with her too, if I wanted to be friends with him.
  • vaderandbill
    vaderandbill Posts: 1,063 Member
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    Anybody who'd cheat in marriage would never honor a friendship.
    But go right ahead - be my guest - :laugh:
    Birds of a feather flock together....

    I have to disagree here. While I agree with your earlier post of confronting and saying it needed to end, if one of my core friends screwed up like this I wouldn't for a second think they wouldn't support me or be there for me in any situation.

    and "birds of a feather" hardly applies. I have a friend (not a "core" friend) that screwed up and we all helped him get back on his feet...I don't think that means we all "flock together".
  • Erica002
    Erica002 Posts: 293 Member
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    No. I have a few friends that have and we're still friends. It all depends on way too much. If they were being very untrustworthy to me, then yes, they'd be gone.
  • Gwenski
    Gwenski Posts: 348 Member
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    A friend of mine cheated. I asked her to please finish one relationship before starting another.. for her own good and that of her children, spouse, and the current lover. I also explained that I was not in her marriage, so I had no place to judge her, but that I wanted her to take the time to make sure it's what she wanted. She didn't take the time. She did leave her husband, and eventually married the lover. We went to her 2nd. wedding, but the friendship was never the same.. but I love her bunches and always will.
  • MyFeistyEvolution
    MyFeistyEvolution Posts: 1,015 Member
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    There is no cookie cutter answer to this as it would depend on a lot of variables.

    I agree with this.
  • seekingthepatienceofjob
    seekingthepatienceofjob Posts: 288 Member
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    I would stay friends with them.

    Everyone makes mistakes. I mean, it would be different if they say "Oh, I cant believe I cheated! I will NEVER do that again!" and then a week later cheat...if that makes any sense?
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    I've had friends who've had sex with married guys/guys with boyfriends. I'm still their friend, but I've definitely lost some respect for them.
  • nicolebunny55
    nicolebunny55 Posts: 110
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    Yes I would. I think if your being a true friend to a person and really care for them, you will be there for them through the good and the bad. Regardless of what they do you have their back and are willing to listen to any problems they may have. If they cheated I would talk to them and give advice and not just give up on them for a mistake. We are all human and make mistakes......
  • MumOfGirlsOnly
    MumOfGirlsOnly Posts: 99 Member
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    I lose respect for them and our friendship changes but they would still be a friend.

    In the last 6 months I know of 4 relationships that have separated due to cheating. In 3 cases it was the husband/boyfriend cheating and the other the wife.
    In every case I felt disgust that they could betray their partner, their children (every couple had children and had been together more then 5 years) that they could throw away everything without trying everything they could to fix it.

    All my friends know how I feel about cheating, hell as a teenager I set fire to a guys ute because he cheated on me (my boyfriend before I met my husband, I had just turned 15) I still support them and listen if they need me but they will never be the same friend in my eyes.
  • toadiejones
    toadiejones Posts: 608 Member
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    I kept thinking about this topic last night and I think I've figured out why it bothers me so much...

    My husband is my best friend. Before he is my lover, provider, father of children, etc, he is my number one friend and confidant. If I visualize myself as the cheater and if I was willing to do something so despicable to my BEST friend, then I would likely have no hesitation betraying other friends. You know what I mean? I guess I don't see how a friendship with ones spouse is of LESS value than friendship with friends. In my eyes if someone is willing to betray their spouse/loved one, they are willing to do anything and, yes, that makes them untrustworthy and unreliable as a true friend. I'd remain civil and help out as needed (as I would do for any person friend or no), but I would not consider them someone to rely on.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    It is all to do with forgiveness and as I would have nothing to forgive because it did not concern me directly, then they would still be my friend. Besides which, I am no angel myself, I do not cheat on my hubby, but I have my faults make no mistake and I would hate for a friend to disown me because they considered me to be a liability in some way. In fact, if they thought that way, they are not a real friend anyway.

    Would you still trust that friend?

    Unless they had betrayed me personally, yes, I would.
  • Buddhasmiracle
    Buddhasmiracle Posts: 925 Member
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    I kept thinking about this topic last night and I think I've figured out why it bothers me so much...

    My husband is my best friend. Before he is my lover, provider, father of children, etc, he is my number one friend and confidant. If I visualize myself as the cheater and if I was willing to do something so despicable to my BEST friend, then I would likely have no hesitation betraying other friends. You know what I mean? I guess I don't see how a friendship with ones spouse is of LESS value than friendship with friends. In my eyes if someone is willing to betray their spouse/loved one, they are willing to do anything and, yes, that makes them untrustworthy and unreliable as a true friend. I'd remain civil and help out as needed (as I would do for any person friend or no), but I would not consider them someone to rely on.

    Agree.
  • daisydieter
    daisydieter Posts: 118
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    Yes. People make mistakes. It is after you make a mistake that you need your friends the most. God forbid my friends abandoned me every time I make a mistake...they've been a part of me managing the negative consequences and avoiding making the same mistake again.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    How judgemental this thread is.

    For what it is worth, if anybody were to judge me the way some are judging situations on here and would just disown me because they did not consider something I had done to their own satisfaction, then I would not want them as a "friend" anyway.
  • JanetLM73
    JanetLM73 Posts: 1,277 Member
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    I have not been put in this situation, but a good friend is hard to find, so I think that I would stay friends. It's none of my business what happen's in someone else's bedroom (in my opinion).
  • Secret_Agent_007
    Secret_Agent_007 Posts: 1,082
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    For me it depends on if we were really friends in the first place. I have a *kitten* ton of acquaintences but very few of what I call friends. I'm reasonably sure my friends would still be so depending on the circumstances. And like others have said, they didn't cheat on me so my trust wasn't broken. And IMHO when a person cheats it's because there are much bigger issues in the relationship and they probably should be out of said relationship anyways.
  • dancer4evermsu2
    dancer4evermsu2 Posts: 5 Member
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    I had a friend do this years ago. I felt the same way as you. I didnt speak to her for years. I realized though that her friendship was really important to me. We reconnected about a year ago and I am really happy we did. She learned from her mistakes and what had caused her cheating. She is a better person now.
  • shelbyfrootcake
    shelbyfrootcake Posts: 965 Member
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    Yes. I try not to judge people. I don't know their business or private life and head space to know why they do anything. Being a cheater in a relationship isn't a reason for a person to be ostracised by the people around them.
  • shelbyfrootcake
    shelbyfrootcake Posts: 965 Member
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    How judgemental this thread is.

    For what it is worth, if anybody were to judge me the way some are judging situations on here and would just disown me because they did not consider something I had done to their own satisfaction, then I would not want them as a "friend" anyway.

    QFT.

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