How do you tell someone they're not quite there yet....

katemiddletonisawesome

I have this coworker who after seeing me drop about 30 pounds decided to go on a diet and get back to the gym. So far, I think she's lost about 6 or 7 pounds, but she's not serious about it (example - eating Reese's peanut butter cups at her desk, chowing down on a salad that was mostly dressing - and not lowfat, going to the gym one day a week to flirt with her trainer and skipping it the other 6 days a week, etc.)

Now, I'm not claiming to be a fitness or nutrition guru, but I know what I'm doing when it comes to weight loss. Also, I'm not a fashion expert, but I know when your clothes don't fit.

Well... she's fully convinced that she doesn't have a stomach anymore and that she's the same size as me..... I weigh at least 50 pounds less and I promise you, her stomach hasn't changed at all except to expand outwards.

How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

Tamstar1985

it's hard to say anything in that situation, at least directly.

perhaps you could suggest doing some activities together? like, during lunch break, go for a brisk walk. and then use that time to talk about your respective diets and such, offering constructive criticism in the process? or you could introduce her to several health and fitness websites (this one included). in her own time, she could slowly educate herself on the weight loss process.

maybe keep some fruits at your desk, and when you see her nomming reese's or whatever, say "hey would you like an apple instead? it'll keep you full longer and really is much more satisfying."

for the clothes not fitting thing, though, that's a really touchy subject! i honestly wouldn't touch that with a 40 ft pool, even if she looks like the clothes are painted on her body x_X;;;

taso42

If she's happy with herself, who cares?

f15htank

shrug. just leave it alone?

Shriffee

If she's happy with herself, who cares?

Exactly.

KristalDawnO

Just don't say anything. She feels good about herself, so let her! She can make the change when she's ready

PrincessLou71186

If you want to help her then suggest you go to the gym together, tell her how much you have lost and how you did it etc.

If you aren't wanting to help her then leave her to it. She isn't hurting anyone and she's happy.

Personally though I would tell her straight, if I were to say anything at all.

maidentl

How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

Personally, I don't think it's your responsibility to tell her anything. Just let it go.

katemiddletonisawesome

She's going to be performing in less than a month and she showed me her outfit for her performance. I know how harsh critics can be and I don't want her to hear it from the wrong person. But the constant in my face - look how awesome I am - is really making her ego hard to take.

Jewels_Ka

Hahaha, just the way you just did : get off your high-horse and get serious!!! and if she turns coo coo on you. thats ok. she will cry it out and move on. Maybe end up at the gym more often and gives up on thouse chocolate treats....

katemiddletonisawesome

Maiden - I love your ticker.

madameduffay

I wouldn't say anything. I know it is probably a bit annoying that she compares herself to you, but if you can, just shrug it off.

It's her issue, not yours.

Yanicka1

well mind your own business. She feel good.....why not let her?

katemiddletonisawesome

Hahaha, just the way you just did : get off your high-horse and get serious!!! and if she turns coo coo on you. thats ok. she will cry it out and move on. Maybe end up at the gym more often and gives up on thouse chocolate treats....

LOL!!! I was worried it was too harsh, but ok. Will do.

I really hate when "friends" aren't honest with each other and not telling her how bad she's going to look up there would be me not being honest. If I look fat, tell me I look fat. That's how I got so big in the first place - too many people trying to be nice and no one was willing to rip the fork out of my hand.

Contrarian

I agree with the people who think you should just leave it. There is no kind way to say it, so you're best to just remain quiet.

kyrstensmom

Just be thankful that you are where you are and not where she is. Unless you two are good friends (and it doesn't sound like you are), its not your place to say anything. Let her be happy. Try to put yourself in her shoes and remember how you were before you made this life-altering change. Be supportive and kind, anything else is just mean.

killagb

Punch her in the gut and call her fatty pants






or...I guess you could just let it go.

ErrataCorrige

If someone came on here and complained that after working really hard and losing 6-7 pounds, one of her co-workers (who is close to her size) started lecturing her about "how she is doing everything right, while I am doing everything wrong", what would you say?

Because in her eyes, this would be the situation.

Just don't say anything.

You won't open her eyes, you will only make her mad at you, and possibly feel bad about herself.

No win.

DisneyMommy

Do what I did, take her on Space Mountain at Disneyland. This happened w/a friend of mine who swore we were the same size even though I am a good 100 lbs smaller than she is. They have individual lap bars on this attraction. So I pulled mine way down to my lap, about 7 inches lower than she got her's. She looked at me and said, "Wow, you really are way smaller than me." She still kids about it.

Good luck w/your co-worker.

MaximalLife

How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

See?
This is where I run into so much trouble.
People post pics of themselves which denote great improvement, yet, they still look bad.
And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

I always fall into the camp of truth - objective reality.
Here is the disconnect.
Are they consulting you? If so, be honest, but if not, hold your peace.

Or invite her to MFP, and have her post her bikini pics - :noway:

kylesmommy89

I would mind my own business...It's her body, not yours so who cares??? Unless she asks you for advice, don't give it!

redpat74

Coming from someone who's been around a few years, this is a young woman's issue. You know you've reached adulthood when situations like this only give you pause for thought and then make you laugh.

onedayillbamilf

It's easier to tell someone to get off their high horse when your horse isn't taller than theirs.

IronmanPanda

If she's happy with herself, who cares?

x2 or x3 or whatever it is at this point but seeing as how many people suggested you not say anything and really only responded to the people that seem to agree with you... I don't see why you even asked the question here since you already have your mind made up.

katemiddletonisawesome

How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

See?
This is where I run into so much trouble.
People post pics of themselves which denote great improvement, yet, they still look bad.
And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

I always fall into the camp of truth - objective reality.
Here is the disconnect.
Are they consulting you? If so, be honest, but if not, hold your peace.

Or invite her to MFP, and have her post her bikini pics - :noway:

THANK YOU!!! This made my night :-) She consults me on a daily basis.... I've nearly bitten my tongue off from trying not to say anything. And at 5'6" and 200+ pounds, trying to fit into a size 8 - I'm honestly worried about her more than anything else. I don't want her to see pictures afterwards and feel embarrassed. I'm not saying cover up, but at least stop thinking you're smaller than you are because you're not serious about it and you're not there yet!

shanolap

And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

Or invite her to MFP, and have her post her bikini pics - :noway:

You are just too much!

therealangd

Mmm. I'm thinking you should probably lead by example and mind your own business.

madameduffay

Do what I did, take her on Space Mountain at Disneyland. This happened w/a friend of mine who swore we were the same size even though I am a good 100 lbs smaller than she is. They have individual lap bars on this attraction. So I pulled mine way down to my lap, about 7 inches lower than she got her's. She looked at me and said, "Wow, you really are way smaller than me." She still kids about it.

Good luck w/your co-worker.

Seriously? How does someone not see that they are 100lbs heavier?

CakeFit21

I love how you responded to the one who gave you permission to make yourself feel better and ignored the rest.

Her weight and her performance are not your business. I do think it's interesting that you feel so compelled to put her in her place.

crikey1987

And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

Or invite her to MFP, and have her post her bikini pics - :noway:

You are just too much!

Seconding this. Waaaay too much.

DisneyMommy

Do what I did, take her on Space Mountain at Disneyland. This happened w/a friend of mine who swore we were the same size even though I am a good 100 lbs smaller than she is. They have individual lap bars on this attraction. So I pulled mine way down to my lap, about 7 inches lower than she got her's. She looked at me and said, "Wow, you really are way smaller than me." She still kids about it.

Good luck w/your co-worker.

Seriously? How does someone not see that they are 100lbs heavier?

For real! You should have seen my face. I was polite but boy that comment threw me.