How do you tell someone they're not quite there yet....

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  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    This can't be a serious post. I didn't read all the replies yet, but this is terrible. It's not your business or your place to judge her and it certainly isn't your place to say anything. Worry about yourself.
  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
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    Do what I did, take her on Space Mountain at Disneyland. This happened w/a friend of mine who swore we were the same size even though I am a good 100 lbs smaller than she is. They have individual lap bars on this attraction. So I pulled mine way down to my lap, about 7 inches lower than she got her's. She looked at me and said, "Wow, you really are way smaller than me." She still kids about it.

    Good luck w/your co-worker.

    Yeah. Why just make her feel bad at the office when you can spend $160 plus transportation to Anaheim to make her feel crappy.
  • brittanyla077
    brittanyla077 Posts: 79 Member
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    I think y'all are being harsh...u know it'd get annoying if u worked with someone like that :-P
  • healthyliving_girl
    healthyliving_girl Posts: 290 Member
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    Say nothing. It's not worth the grief. I am in a similar situation.

    Some people will want to think that working out but eating the same will make a difference. in some, it will....but in most people, it won't get the desired results. And if they lose the weight, most will stop working out and continue to eat crap. Of course, they will re-gain the weight.

    It's frustrating for sure....but saying anything is going to create more problems. :P
  • 1Timothy4v8
    1Timothy4v8 Posts: 503 Member
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    Just don't say anything. She feels good about herself, so let her! She can make the change when she's ready :)

    This ^^^^^^
  • dollipop
    dollipop Posts: 379 Member
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    I haven't read the whole thread but...
    Why not suggest you take some pictures of her in her outfit prior to her performance? That way you don't offend her to her face, and she sees the whole gory picture in full colour. You can't argue with pics. And if she does, well, you tried.
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    It's not your duty or responsibility to tell this person what to do. Leave her alone.
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    You could always go shopping together, and try on the same pair of jeans. :wink: If they fit you and not her, she can't claim to be something she's not. And you, won't have to be mean about it. :bigsmile:
    I don't understand this. Why do you have to bring someone down to feel good about yourself? Would it really feel so great to see her not fit into a pair of jeans? It's not going to make you look any better. I think that's just such a pathetic way of thinking. It really irritates me to see.
  • LilacDreamer
    LilacDreamer Posts: 1,365 Member
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    You don't. It's none of your business. Did god come down and put you in charge of making sure everybody knows how well they're doing in the areas of fitness and weight? Did this coworker ASK for your fitness and/or diet--or even fashion--advice? I didn't think so. Keep it to yourself.

    exactly.

    The OP should be encouraging their friend/co-worker, not comparing the two of them to her in order to stroke their own ego. Just because someone chooses to make improvements to their life, doesn't mean they can place themselves on a pedestal because they now think they're better then everyone else. Everyone does things at their own pace, and it is NOT the OP's place to pass judgement. It is also not right for the OP to post about it on the forums in order to try to get other MFP users to condone their behavior. If you want to be a bad friend/co-worker - that's fine, but don't expect everyone to coddle you and tell you that you're right and it's perfectly fine to act like that. Yeah - not happening.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    It's apparent that anyone posting on this thread who thinks the original poster should mind her beeswax is "soft" (in their eyes)...but honestly, it must make a person feel great to be the queen of all things fitness and food, huh? Obviously, she's not "doing it right" and you could just SHOW HER...what exactly? that she's a failure because she's only lost 6 or 7 pounds and still (GASP) eats chocolate and salad dressing?

    Good grief. Being respectful and KIND is not being soft! Maybe for your best friend or a close family member, it's ok to be brutally honest (and even then it is sometimes just cruel depending on how things are worded), but for a coworker who you don't sound like you even care about that much? It just sounds like you want to show her up and make her feel bad about herself...and all that does is speak volumes about you.

    I have a coworker who recently started her weight loss journey and honestly has a long way to go...I don't approve of everything she is doing 100%, but you can be DARN sure I am encouraging her to build healthy habits and keep working on it...because that's what the people in my life did for me when I started my fitness journey. Why is it necessary to be hurtful to others?

    Sorry, rant over, just darn tired of the meanness in this world that people pass off as "honesty."

    *Edited for a typo. I hate when I see those after I post. Oops.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    You don't. It's none of your business. Did god come down and put you in charge of making sure everybody knows how well they're doing in the areas of fitness and weight? Did this coworker ASK for your fitness and/or diet--or even fashion--advice? I didn't think so. Keep it to yourself.

    exactly.

    The OP should be encouraging their friend/co-worker, not comparing the two of them to her in order to stroke their own ego. Just because someone chooses to make improvements to their life, doesn't mean they can place themselves on a pedestal because they now think they're better then everyone else. Everyone does things at their own pace, and it is NOT the OP's place to pass judgement. It is also not right for the OP to post about it on the forums in order to have other MFP users condone their behavior. If you want to be a bad friend - that's fine, but don't expect everyone to coddle you and tell you that you're right and it's perfectly fine to act like that. Yeah - not happening.

    This post X 100.
  • justmel4now
    justmel4now Posts: 9 Member
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    Why is there a need to say anything? If she asks for advice, that's one thing-but if she wants to have her illusions, let her. It's not a competition.
  • raevynn
    raevynn Posts: 666 Member
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    I haven't read the whole thread but...
    Why not suggest you take some pictures of her in her outfit prior to her performance? That way you don't offend her to her face, and she sees the whole gory picture in full colour. You can't argue with pics. And if she does, well, you tried.
    ^^this.

    Are you also performing? Get a photo of the two of you in your outfits before the event. Maybe just say that you want to make sure the outfits are photogenic (some aren't... remember that see-through dress at the Cannes film festival?). Tell her it's the new thing that performers do to minimize "exposure"...

    Otherwise, it is hands off. All I can think of is turn her conversation around... when she mentions how good her abs are looking, for instance, just say something like "I'm finding that doing ___ kind of crunches are working better for me than ___ type. Of course, that's after my ____workout."

    I have an acquaintance that does Zumba class. Yay. I don't think she watches what she eats much, and she' s a bit bigger than me, but you know what? she's doing something. Go her. But then, she has never made a big deal of it, except that I overhear her say, "oh, no, I can't, tonight is Zumba class".
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    It's apparent that anyone posting on this thread who thinks the original poster should mind your her beeswax is "soft" (in their eyes)...but honestly, it must make a person feel great to be the queen of all things fitness and food, huh? Obviously, she's not "doing it right" and you could just SHOW HER...what exactly? that she's a failure because she's only lost 6 or 7 pounds and still (GASP) eats chocolate and salad dressing?

    Good grief. Being respectful and KIND is not being soft! Maybe for your best friend or a close family member, it's ok to be brutally honest (and even then it is sometimes just cruel depending on how things are worded), but for a coworker who you don't sound like you even care about that much? It just sounds like you want to show her up and make her feel bad about herself...and all that does is speak volumes about you.

    I have a coworker who recently started her weight loss journey and honestly has a long way to go...I don't approve of everything she is doing 100%, but you can be DARN sure I am encouraging her to build healthy habits and keep working on it...because that's what the people in my life did for me when I started my fitness journey. Why is it necessary to be hurtful to others?

    Sorry, rant over, just darn tired of the meanness in this world that people pass off as "honesty."
    I'll admit to being "soft" as I haven't really said exactly what I was thinking about OP in an attempt to be nice.
  • i_am_losing_it
    i_am_losing_it Posts: 310 Member
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    Why would you tell someone they are not quite there? Maybe she is exactly where she wants to be. Everyone's journey is their own. You seem to be judging her on your standard and what you think.
  • annemw82
    annemw82 Posts: 97 Member
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    It's human nature for us to compare ourselves with others. But it's also toxic and it poisons relationships. The 5 seconds you feel good because she has finally realized her pants are bigger than yours is not worth how crappy you and her will both feel afterward. I know because I lost on of my closest friends over passive aggressive petty nonsense like that. Chances are she knows where her body is deep down and is just putting on a front around other people. Why not just encourage her and maybe offer advice if she asks? After all, we all start somewhere right?
  • KareninCanada
    KareninCanada Posts: 795 Member
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    You don't. And you also try to remember from whence you came and how far you could so easily fall, one fork-full at a time.


    I do think it would be a good idea, IF you are part of the performance, to try to arrange some kind of costume fitting ahead of time. Don't know that I'd bother with pictures, though. Just a try-on and a full-length mirror. If you're not part of it, just let her be.
  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
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    She isn't hurting anyone and she's happy.

    If she's overweight, then she's hurting herself. Being delusional about it is not going to change the fact that she still is at an unhealthy weight.
    If she is your friend, then tell her. You obviously care about her otherwise why start a thread about that girl.
    I don't get all those ''mind your own business'' answers. She needs a serious reality check. Being honest is not being cruel.

    We're allowed to hurt ourselves. It's not your job to keep anyone from hurting him or herself. It's not your job to tell them they're "delusional," and it's not your job to make sure everyone is at a healthy weight. You are responsible for ONLY you. And the OP has admitted she does want to "put her in her place" and that IS cruel. Nothing you or she say now changes the fact that it IS cruel, it's unnecessary, and it NOYB.
  • Natley
    Natley Posts: 58 Member
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    I agree with the people who think you should just leave it. There is no kind way to say it, so you're best to just remain quiet.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    It's apparent that anyone posting on this thread who thinks the original poster should mind your her beeswax is "soft" (in their eyes)...but honestly, it must make a person feel great to be the queen of all things fitness and food, huh? Obviously, she's not "doing it right" and you could just SHOW HER...what exactly? that she's a failure because she's only lost 6 or 7 pounds and still (GASP) eats chocolate and salad dressing?

    Good grief. Being respectful and KIND is not being soft! Maybe for your best friend or a close family member, it's ok to be brutally honest (and even then it is sometimes just cruel depending on how things are worded), but for a coworker who you don't sound like you even care about that much? It just sounds like you want to show her up and make her feel bad about herself...and all that does is speak volumes about you.

    I have a coworker who recently started her weight loss journey and honestly has a long way to go...I don't approve of everything she is doing 100%, but you can be DARN sure I am encouraging her to build healthy habits and keep working on it...because that's what the people in my life did for me when I started my fitness journey. Why is it necessary to be hurtful to others?

    Sorry, rant over, just darn tired of the meanness in this world that people pass off as "honesty."
    I'll admit to being "soft" as I haven't really said exactly what I was thinking about OP in an attempt to be nice.

    I am definitely a person some might consider "soft" as I believe in being kind...not hurtful at someone else's expense. And frankly...I'm proud of being soft. Cutting others down does not lift me up.

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