How do you tell someone they're not quite there yet....

Beastette

Ironically, this thread is uplifting. All the people who are too afraid to use the boards should read this. Most people are honest, yet kind and encouraging.

I'm just as shocked as you are.

:happy:

pinktulip76

You dont it will bite you in the *kitten* ...... or she will if she is super hungry lol....

laddyboy

If she says anything to you just encourage her and keep going doing what you're doing.

LuckyAng

If she's happy with herself, who cares?

This. And only this.

Bikini27

You dont it will bite you in the *kitten* ...... or she will if she is super hungry lol....

LOL....

j4nash

"You're not quite there yet"

katya73

If she's happy with herself, who cares?

This is what I'm thinkin !!

papa3x

why do you feel the need to say ANYTHING?

sarahbear1981

I would have to say her fitness is none of your business unless she asks. Get over it and worry about yourself.

Gargwin82

If she's happy with herself, who cares?

Exactly.

Exactly Exactly!

jennifershoo

Do what I did, take her on Space Mountain at Disneyland. This happened w/a friend of mine who swore we were the same size even though I am a good 100 lbs smaller than she is. They have individual lap bars on this attraction. So I pulled mine way down to my lap, about 7 inches lower than she got her's. She looked at me and said, "Wow, you really are way smaller than me." She still kids about it.

Good luck w/your co-worker.

Seriously? How does someone not see that they are 100lbs heavier?

It's called body dysmorphic disorder.

jennifershoo

She isn't hurting anyone and she's happy.

If she's overweight, then she's hurting herself. Being delusional about it is not going to change the fact that she still is at an unhealthy weight.
If she is your friend, then tell her. You obviously care about her otherwise why start a thread about that girl.
I don't get all those ''mind your own business'' answers. She needs a serious reality check. Being honest is not being cruel.

Lyndi4

Just don't say anything. She feels good about herself, so let her! She can make the change when she's ready

^^This. Unless she asks for advice, I would leave it alone. You know that you are doing well, so that's all that matters. Let her feel good about herself too.

zacksnana

She's a coworker so let it be!! That's different than being friends - LET IT GO!

pinkraynedropjacki

Get her to get a photo taken with you... don't tell her why. Then afterwards show her the photo & ask her if she would like a copy..... making sure that she can realize that she is NOT the same size as you. Best thing that ever happened to me was my husband sneaking in a photo of me when we were out. I had been 'trying' to lose weight but was not serious about it..... I thought I looked great (he said I did in order not to hurt feelings....god bless him) but when I got home & saw that photo on the computer (I had no idea it was there till then) I actually cried.

Here I was thinking I had lost some, looked better and all without trying hard at all or changing what I was eating (fish n chips ...serious?) and then I cried more. I was HUGE... in fact I was bigger than I felt or thought.

The photo done it for me.... not the mirror, and not anyone being nice. I started serious weight loss then..... 24lbs lighter & I KNOW I'm not done yet. I still have close to 24 more to go I think (I don't know pounds at all)....and this time

I'M SERIOUS.

Ask her for a photo to place on your desk cause you think she is a great friend. Ask for one to be taken with her. Then show her. The camera does NOT LIE. Kinda mean..... but it should work.

VeggieKelli

Just be thankful that you are where you are and not where she is. Unless you two are good friends (and it doesn't sound like you are), its not your place to say anything. Let her be happy. Try to put yourself in her shoes and remember how you were before you made this life-altering change. Be supportive and kind, anything else is just mean.

^^ this

livingaloha

I have learned in life to just worry about my side of the street, her success,or lack of it, or misquided perceptions of herself are not your issues. When and if she is ready to change, she will, for herself. Just work on you, your example will speak louder than any words ever could.

kcoftx

Here's my take...

You CAN lose weight without exercising and with eating crappy food as long as you have a caloric deficit. You said she has lost weight so far. Not everyone chooses to do it the healthiest way. So judging her foods and exercise and assuming she isn't taking weight loss seriously is not necessarily accurate.

Her comparing you is not nice. I would tell her that I am glad she is losing weight and I am excited to also be losing weight. We should both be proud of ourselves and not make this a competition. Let's be supportive of one another. (You can also take a picture together or one of the other visual suggestions if you wish but after that I would let it go).

Quite honestly, until a person is really serious, it isn't going to make any difference. If in fact she is t serious, you aren't going to pressure her into being ready. A visual MIGhT help but the trigger is different for everyone.

You can, however, lightly share some tips you learned that you are working on and that you think she might benefit from hearing or some NSV's IF you think she can take that. "Journaling my foods is really helping me get a better picture on my eating habits," for example. Another one might be, "Some people online take before and after swimsuit pictures to help them see their progress. Sometimes they said they didn't realize they had so much of a difference or others had said it helped them pinpoint what part of their bodies still needed work. These pictures are amazing. Inspirational even. Mostly I love what it has taught people that scales and mirrors can't. They truly do say a picture is worth 1000 words."

Make sure your gentle tips arent said at the wrong time.

Bikini27

Get her to get a photo taken with you... don't tell her why. Then afterwards show her the photo & ask her if she would like a copy..... making sure that she can realize that she is NOT the same size as you. Best thing that ever happened to me was my husband sneaking in a photo of me when we were out. I had been 'trying' to lose weight but was not serious about it..... I thought I looked great (he said I did in order not to hurt feelings....god bless him) but when I got home & saw that photo on the computer (I had no idea it was there till then) I actually cried.

Here I was thinking I had lost some, looked better and all without trying hard at all or changing what I was eating (fish n chips ...serious?) and then I cried more. I was HUGE... in fact I was bigger than I felt or thought.

The photo done it for me.... not the mirror, and not anyone being nice. I started serious weight loss then..... 24lbs lighter & I KNOW I'm not done yet. I still have close to 24 more to go I think (I don't know pounds at all)....and this time

I'M SERIOUS.

Ask her for a photo to place on your desk cause you think she is a great friend. Ask for one to be taken with her. Then show her. The camera does NOT LIE. Kinda mean..... but it should work.

A picture is really worth a thousand words....without you saying a damn thing to her and opening yourself up for not only an uncomfortable working environment, but possibly a talking to from HR for harrassment.

Basically, this or leave it alone. When we know, we know. :flowerforyou:

HonkyTonks

I have this coworker who after seeing me drop about 30 pounds decided to go on a diet and get back to the gym. So far, I think she's lost about 6 or 7 pounds, but she's not serious about it (example - eating Reese's peanut butter cups at her desk, chowing down on a salad that was mostly dressing - and not lowfat, going to the gym one day a week to flirt with her trainer and skipping it the other 6 days a week, etc.)

Now, I'm not claiming to be a fitness or nutrition guru, but I know what I'm doing when it comes to weight loss. Also, I'm not a fashion expert, but I know when your clothes don't fit.

Well... she's fully convinced that she doesn't have a stomach anymore and that she's the same size as me..... I weigh at least 50 pounds less and I promise you, her stomach hasn't changed at all except to expand outwards.

How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

How does eating Reese's buttercups of salad with dressing mean you're not serious about it? I have lost 70kg and I eat chocolate, chips and cake if I want to. I also work out and eat salad WITH dressing. BFD! If the girl is cutting her calories and getting some exercise, that's all it really takes. She may not eat 100% 'healthy' all the time, but she is losing weight.. and on the subject of losing weight, how would her stomach be getting larger if she's dropped 6 or 7 lbs?

I am with those who say you should leave it alone and let her be happy with her own successes.

Shondatingting

Well since you obviously want to shank her with the truth to make yourself feel better, just say it...and let us know how bad it backfires so we can all have a good laugh! You thought she was annoying before..wait til after u hurt her feelings :laugh:

splashangel

So, after she saw you lose 30 lbs she decided to lose weight. I feel bad for her because it sounds like she looks up to you. She's looking for an" atta boy" from you and you cann't give it to her. tsk,tsk,tsk. She has lost weight and is going to the gym. It is a great start. You criticize people on here for being to soft and not being honest.But if she has been asking your opinion , what have you been telling her? You could tell her good job on making a decision to change. You could be that roll model and lead her gently. You say she flirts with the guy at the gym. She must not think he's to hot or she'd be at the gym more often. Why does it bother you? Are you jealous? She sounds great. You sound mean. I'm not saying that you are.You have held your peace this long and if you were a mean spirited person I don't think she would have trusted you. So please, re-consider. Take up time with her. Share what you have learned while you still have her respect. Be there for her if and when she gets her feelings hurt about her wrong choice outfit and use it as a chance to encourage her to go further. I have a friend who at 5'5 and 400 lbs wanted to lose weight after watching me lose. I cooked for her daily for almost 4 monthes while she learned. When I see her dumping loads of creamer in her coffee(example) I say something like, I know your losing but you know eventually your gonna have to change it up girly. But mostly I acknowledge what she does right. Remind her of all the things we can do when she's healthy.She is now 80 lbs lighter and THAT makes ME feel real good. Please don't follow through and hurt this girls feelings. She chose you to trust. It was you she saw do it and wanted to follow. Not someone on T.V. or her Mom ya know.

Chubbyhulagirl

Well since you obviously want to shank her with the truth to make yourself feel better, just say it...and let us know how bad it backfires so we can all have a good laugh! You thought she was annoying before..wait til after u hurt her feelings :laugh:

F'n LOL. "Shank her with the truth" Too fricken funny. This made my night.

mrschappet

If she's happy with herself, who cares?

This... I don't think it is your place to say anything.

LilacDreamer

You should be encouraging her, not comparing yourself to her in order to stroke your own ego. Don't get me wrong - It's wonderful that you took the initiative to better yourself. But that also doesn't give you license to think that you're any better than someone else (and that's how you're coming off in this post)

mrschappet

This is where I run into so much trouble.
People post pics of themselves which denote great improvement, yet, they still look bad.
And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

Yep this, MFP has too many people that are too soft. I commented on a topic once stating that the OP needed to keep losing weight, got locked out of the topic.

EXACTLY!!! Like I said - I got fat again because no one was brave enough or cared enough to tell me to do something about it! People are too soft on here - do you see half the reactions I'm getting?

I like how you place blame for your getting fat again on those who didn't tell you.... I pretty sure they weren't feeding you your meals....

Shondatingting

Well since you obviously want to shank her with the truth to make yourself feel better, just say it...and let us know how bad it backfires so we can all have a good laugh! You thought she was annoying before..wait til after u hurt her feelings :laugh:

F'n LOL. "Shank her with the truth" Too fricken funny. This made my night.

LOL..glad I could make ur night! Who doesn't love a good passive-aggressive stabbing every now & then..lol

FitLink

I have this coworker who after seeing me drop about 30 pounds decided to go on a diet and get back to the gym. So far, I think she's lost about 6 or 7 pounds, but she's not serious about it (example - eating Reese's peanut butter cups at her desk, chowing down on a salad that was mostly dressing - and not lowfat, going to the gym one day a week to flirt with her trainer and skipping it the other 6 days a week, etc.)

Now, I'm not claiming to be a fitness or nutrition guru, but I know what I'm doing when it comes to weight loss. Also, I'm not a fashion expert, but I know when your clothes don't fit.

Well... she's fully convinced that she doesn't have a stomach anymore and that she's the same size as me..... I weigh at least 50 pounds less and I promise you, her stomach hasn't changed at all except to expand outwards.

How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

You don't. It's none of your business. Did god come down and put you in charge of making sure everybody knows how well they're doing in the areas of fitness and weight? Did this coworker ASK for your fitness and/or diet--or even fashion--advice? I didn't think so. Keep it to yourself.

Elzecat

I love how you responded to the one who gave you permission to make yourself feel better and ignored the rest.

Her weight and her performance are not your business. I do think it's interesting that you feel so compelled to put her in her place.

This. Why come here looking for validation and permission to be cruel?

I have to agree with this...

brittanyla077

As much as it may hurt I think everyone respects honesty ...I wish ppl. Were honest ewith me...it makes me feel they think on stupid.