How do you tell someone they're not quite there yet....

dakitten2

Remember the days when no one could tell us anything about our bodies or that we needed to lose weight? Didnt matter how many doctors, family and/or friends who mentioned it I still chose my own path to destruction.

My honest advice, leave her alone. You are only responsible for yourself and your body. Quietly lead by example and if she is happy with herself, let her be and it shouldnt be bothering you anyways.

hsmithway

Telling the truth when asked is not tact?
If you don't want an honest answer, don't ask.

In many situations it is possible to be both honest and tactful.

I mean, if your co-woker comes up to you super excited about losing 5lbs, you could say something like "That's a great start!" instead of "You're a huge fatty. Come back and tell me when you've lost 50lbs."

akjmart2002

How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

You don't. Why do you care so much about her self-image?

If you know this will be a can of worms, not to mention a socially questionable direction to go (if it wasn't you wouldn't be asking for advice), then just avoid the topic or be complementary.

Contrarian

This is where I run into so much trouble.
People post pics of themselves which denote great improvement, yet, they still look bad.
And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

Yep this, MFP has too many people that are too soft. I commented on a topic once stating that the OP needed to keep losing weight, got locked out of the topic.

EXACTLY!!! Like I said - I got fat again because no one was brave enough or cared enough to tell me to do something about it! People are too soft on here - do you see half the reactions I'm getting?

The snivelers hate truth, because they feel threatened by it. No doubt they fear it in their own life, so they dare not tell another the truth - even is asked for an opinion.

That's where we have digressed into political correctness.
Everybody just wants an echo chamber of worthless cheer-leading.

Who exactly are these "snivelers"?

I'm honest with other people, but more importantly, I am honest with myself. Some people have the ability to be honest AND kind at the same time. Unfortunately, some of the loudest crusaders for "truth" are incredibly unkind and completely devoid of tact. Honesty doesn't always have to be hurtful.

Speaking of honesty, OP, you are claiming that you want to help her, but it seems that perhaps your primary motivation is that she thinks she's the same size as you are, and is being boastful about her so-called success. Be honest about your reason for wanting to tell her. Do you want her to see that you're doing much better than she is, or are you genuinely concerned about her? Do you really think that people will make comments to her face after the performance, or do you just want her to feel bad?

If we're being honest here, let's look inward first, shall we?

pukekolive

I have someone similar to her at work - she decided to start a 'Biggest Loser' competition and have everyone who entered 'donate' about $50 to the prize, obviously thinking she would win it.

Some people joined in and got serious but every time I hear her talk or see her she's eating cake or fried potato chips etc and moaning she hasn't lost any weight.

Meantime, even though I didn't go in for the comp, I have lost over 4kg (10 pounds) and her best friend is going to a personal trainer and working out religiously. This girl also has some issues being ocd ...at this stage I have only vaguely hinted that I think she is going down the wrong track but I won't be any more blatant as I don't think she wants to hear it

mhar_s

When I have to say something not pleasant , it has always been useful to start by saying something nice. For example "This skirt is beautiful and you look so sexy on it, but I don't think it's OK for a job interview because it's too short". The message is clear and it's better than say "Are you out of your mind???!!! you look slutty"

Maybe you can tell her that she looks better and you know how hard she is trying, but if she wants to see better (or faster or whatever) results she needs to take her compromise to the next level .... Hard to offend when you say the truth in an objective, polite and friendly way.

Beastette

This is where I run into so much trouble.
People post pics of themselves which denote great improvement, yet, they still look bad.
And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

Yep this, MFP has too many people that are too soft. I commented on a topic once stating that the OP needed to keep losing weight, got locked out of the topic.

EXACTLY!!! Like I said - I got fat again because no one was brave enough or cared enough to tell me to do something about it! People are too soft on here - do you see half the reactions I'm getting?

The snivelers hate truth, because they feel threatened by it. No doubt they fear it in their own life, so they dare not tell another the truth - even is asked for an opinion.

That's where we have digressed into political correctness.
Everybody just wants an echo chamber of worthless cheer-leading.

Who exactly are these "snivelers"?

I'm honest with other people, but more importantly, I am honest with myself. Some people have the ability to be honest AND kind at the same time. Unfortunately, some of the loudest crusaders for "truth" are incredibly unkind and completely devoid of tact. Honesty doesn't always have to be hurtful.

Speaking of honesty, OP, you are claiming that you want to help her, but it seems that perhaps your primary motivation is that she thinks she's the same size as you are, and is being boastful about her so-called success. Be honest about your reason for wanting to tell her. Do you want her to see that you're doing much better than she is, or are you genuinely concerned about her? Do you really think that people will make comments to her face after the performance, or do you just want her to feel bad?

If we're being honest here, let's look inward first, shall we?

Not gonna happen. They just aren't quite there yet.

kennethmgreen

Here we go again....
Telling the truth when asked is not tact?
If you don't want an honest answer, don't ask.

I won't argue with your assessment of people not wanting to hear the truth. I agree with much of what you say. But you regularly demonstrate that you do not understand tact. See: http://www.tfd.com/tact

katemiddletonisawesome

[/quote]
"I'm honest with other people, but more importantly, I am honest with myself. Some people have the ability to be honest AND kind at the same time. Unfortunately, some of the loudest crusaders for "truth" are incredibly unkind and completely devoid of tact. Honesty doesn't always have to be hurtful.

Speaking of honesty, OP, you are claiming that you want to help her, but it seems that perhaps your primary motivation is that she thinks she's the same size as you are, and is being boastful about her so-called success. Be honest about your reason for wanting to tell her. Do you want her to see that you're doing much better than she is, or are you genuinely concerned about her? Do you really think that people will make comments to her face after the performance, or do you just want her to feel bad?

If we're being honest here, let's look inward first, shall we?"
[/quote]

You're absolutely right - it pisses me off when she compares herself to me. She's sees my weight loss as her own - and it doesn't make sense. Just because I look at Kate Middleton on line doesn't mean I'm the same size as her. I've been in performance venues and afterwards seen pictures of myself - horrific doesn't even begin to describe it.

So yes, I have looked inward and I'll admit 100% there's a part of it that would make me happy getting her to realize she's got a long way to go before she gets to where I've worked my *kitten* off (literally) to get to, but at the same time, I've been in her shoes and been delusional about my outward appearance and I WISH someone would have said something to me.

Beastette

I'm honest with other people, but more importantly, I am honest with myself. Some people have the ability to be honest AND kind at the same time. Unfortunately, some of the loudest crusaders for "truth" are incredibly unkind and completely devoid of tact. Honesty doesn't always have to be hurtful.

Speaking of honesty, OP, you are claiming that you want to help her, but it seems that perhaps your primary motivation is that she thinks she's the same size as you are, and is being boastful about her so-called success. Be honest about your reason for wanting to tell her. Do you want her to see that you're doing much better than she is, or are you genuinely concerned about her? Do you really think that people will make comments to her face after the performance, or do you just want her to feel bad?

If we're being honest here, let's look inward first, shall we?
[/quote]

You're absolutely right - it pisses me off when she compares herself to me. She's sees my weight loss as her own - and it doesn't make sense. Just because I look at Kate Middleton on line doesn't mean I'm the same size as her. I've been in performance venues and afterwards seen pictures of myself - horrific doesn't even begin to describe it.

So yes, I have looked inward and I'll admit 100% there's a part of it that would make me happy getting her to realize she's got a long way to go before she gets to where I've worked my *kitten* off (literally) to get to, but at the same time, I've been in her shoes and been delusional about my outward appearance and I WISH someone would have said something to me.
[/quote]

This makes you a leader and role model. Please don't abuse the position.

rainbowbow

My advice- and this can be applied to multiple aspects of your life...

Focus on yourself. It's none of your business what anyone else does. Stop being pretentious or get over yourself. Let that pride go and focus on being humble and doing things that will make an impact on YOUR life.

Best of luck!

ESVABelle

Ask her where she got her confidence. Come back and tell the people who need some.

katemiddletonisawesome

Ask her where she got her confidence. Come back and tell the people who need some.

LOL Will do!

Lesa_Sass

Its a bad idea to give this kind of criticism to someone that is bipolar that does not take it well.

Maybe you should ask yourself why it is so important to you to say something to her? What makes this your business? This is actually an issue that YOU need to work on, not her. Maybe you could figure out how to not be so judgmental and not worry about what she is saying?

Would you say this same stuff to a child? Would you tell a happy 16 yr old this same thing? Would you consider their feelings?

This is how you tell someone to mind their own business.

moniquelessard

You don't say anything. It's not your place.

eolivero

I think this is a Nunya. Nunya damn bizness.
Unless she's forcing you to eat peanut butter cups, I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot carrot.

kstep88

try to teach her by having her eat lunch with you and see what you're eating. Maybe tell her some of your tips during a conversation, but don't go overboard with it. She will do what she wants either way, and it's her "gain"....

phatgirl30

If she's happy with herself, who cares?

kstep88

damn- now I want a peanut butter cup!

masonjessica11162007

Most of us before we got serious about it bounced back and forth. Do not say anything let him or her figure it out for himself or herself. Never be negative about weight loss because if you cannot be positive about it you have more than a fat problem. Congrats on your weight loss and keep losing for you not the co-worker.