How do you tell someone they're not quite there yet....
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This can't be a serious post. I didn't read all the replies yet, but this is terrible. It's not your business or your place to judge her and it certainly isn't your place to say anything. Worry about yourself.0
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Do what I did, take her on Space Mountain at Disneyland. This happened w/a friend of mine who swore we were the same size even though I am a good 100 lbs smaller than she is. They have individual lap bars on this attraction. So I pulled mine way down to my lap, about 7 inches lower than she got her's. She looked at me and said, "Wow, you really are way smaller than me." She still kids about it.
Good luck w/your co-worker.
Yeah. Why just make her feel bad at the office when you can spend $160 plus transportation to Anaheim to make her feel crappy.0 -
I think y'all are being harsh...u know it'd get annoying if u worked with someone like that :-P0
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Say nothing. It's not worth the grief. I am in a similar situation.
Some people will want to think that working out but eating the same will make a difference. in some, it will....but in most people, it won't get the desired results. And if they lose the weight, most will stop working out and continue to eat crap. Of course, they will re-gain the weight.
It's frustrating for sure....but saying anything is going to create more problems. :P0 -
Just don't say anything. She feels good about herself, so let her! She can make the change when she's ready
This ^^^^^^0 -
I haven't read the whole thread but...
Why not suggest you take some pictures of her in her outfit prior to her performance? That way you don't offend her to her face, and she sees the whole gory picture in full colour. You can't argue with pics. And if she does, well, you tried.0 -
It's not your duty or responsibility to tell this person what to do. Leave her alone.0
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I don't understand this. Why do you have to bring someone down to feel good about yourself? Would it really feel so great to see her not fit into a pair of jeans? It's not going to make you look any better. I think that's just such a pathetic way of thinking. It really irritates me to see.You could always go shopping together, and try on the same pair of jeans.
If they fit you and not her, she can't claim to be something she's not. And you, won't have to be mean about it. :bigsmile:0 -
You don't. It's none of your business. Did god come down and put you in charge of making sure everybody knows how well they're doing in the areas of fitness and weight? Did this coworker ASK for your fitness and/or diet--or even fashion--advice? I didn't think so. Keep it to yourself.
exactly.
The OP should be encouraging their friend/co-worker, not comparing the two of them to her in order to stroke their own ego. Just because someone chooses to make improvements to their life, doesn't mean they can place themselves on a pedestal because they now think they're better then everyone else. Everyone does things at their own pace, and it is NOT the OP's place to pass judgement. It is also not right for the OP to post about it on the forums in order to try to get other MFP users to condone their behavior. If you want to be a bad friend/co-worker - that's fine, but don't expect everyone to coddle you and tell you that you're right and it's perfectly fine to act like that. Yeah - not happening.0 -
It's apparent that anyone posting on this thread who thinks the original poster should mind her beeswax is "soft" (in their eyes)...but honestly, it must make a person feel great to be the queen of all things fitness and food, huh? Obviously, she's not "doing it right" and you could just SHOW HER...what exactly? that she's a failure because she's only lost 6 or 7 pounds and still (GASP) eats chocolate and salad dressing?
Good grief. Being respectful and KIND is not being soft! Maybe for your best friend or a close family member, it's ok to be brutally honest (and even then it is sometimes just cruel depending on how things are worded), but for a coworker who you don't sound like you even care about that much? It just sounds like you want to show her up and make her feel bad about herself...and all that does is speak volumes about you.
I have a coworker who recently started her weight loss journey and honestly has a long way to go...I don't approve of everything she is doing 100%, but you can be DARN sure I am encouraging her to build healthy habits and keep working on it...because that's what the people in my life did for me when I started my fitness journey. Why is it necessary to be hurtful to others?
Sorry, rant over, just darn tired of the meanness in this world that people pass off as "honesty."
*Edited for a typo. I hate when I see those after I post. Oops.0 -
You don't. It's none of your business. Did god come down and put you in charge of making sure everybody knows how well they're doing in the areas of fitness and weight? Did this coworker ASK for your fitness and/or diet--or even fashion--advice? I didn't think so. Keep it to yourself.
exactly.
The OP should be encouraging their friend/co-worker, not comparing the two of them to her in order to stroke their own ego. Just because someone chooses to make improvements to their life, doesn't mean they can place themselves on a pedestal because they now think they're better then everyone else. Everyone does things at their own pace, and it is NOT the OP's place to pass judgement. It is also not right for the OP to post about it on the forums in order to have other MFP users condone their behavior. If you want to be a bad friend - that's fine, but don't expect everyone to coddle you and tell you that you're right and it's perfectly fine to act like that. Yeah - not happening.
This post X 100.0 -
Why is there a need to say anything? If she asks for advice, that's one thing-but if she wants to have her illusions, let her. It's not a competition.0
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^^this.I haven't read the whole thread but...
Why not suggest you take some pictures of her in her outfit prior to her performance? That way you don't offend her to her face, and she sees the whole gory picture in full colour. You can't argue with pics. And if she does, well, you tried.
Are you also performing? Get a photo of the two of you in your outfits before the event. Maybe just say that you want to make sure the outfits are photogenic (some aren't... remember that see-through dress at the Cannes film festival?). Tell her it's the new thing that performers do to minimize "exposure"...
Otherwise, it is hands off. All I can think of is turn her conversation around... when she mentions how good her abs are looking, for instance, just say something like "I'm finding that doing ___ kind of crunches are working better for me than ___ type. Of course, that's after my ____workout."
I have an acquaintance that does Zumba class. Yay. I don't think she watches what she eats much, and she' s a bit bigger than me, but you know what? she's doing something. Go her. But then, she has never made a big deal of it, except that I overhear her say, "oh, no, I can't, tonight is Zumba class".0 -
I'll admit to being "soft" as I haven't really said exactly what I was thinking about OP in an attempt to be nice.It's apparent that anyone posting on this thread who thinks the original poster should mind your her beeswax is "soft" (in their eyes)...but honestly, it must make a person feel great to be the queen of all things fitness and food, huh? Obviously, she's not "doing it right" and you could just SHOW HER...what exactly? that she's a failure because she's only lost 6 or 7 pounds and still (GASP) eats chocolate and salad dressing?
Good grief. Being respectful and KIND is not being soft! Maybe for your best friend or a close family member, it's ok to be brutally honest (and even then it is sometimes just cruel depending on how things are worded), but for a coworker who you don't sound like you even care about that much? It just sounds like you want to show her up and make her feel bad about herself...and all that does is speak volumes about you.
I have a coworker who recently started her weight loss journey and honestly has a long way to go...I don't approve of everything she is doing 100%, but you can be DARN sure I am encouraging her to build healthy habits and keep working on it...because that's what the people in my life did for me when I started my fitness journey. Why is it necessary to be hurtful to others?
Sorry, rant over, just darn tired of the meanness in this world that people pass off as "honesty."0 -
Why would you tell someone they are not quite there? Maybe she is exactly where she wants to be. Everyone's journey is their own. You seem to be judging her on your standard and what you think.0
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It's human nature for us to compare ourselves with others. But it's also toxic and it poisons relationships. The 5 seconds you feel good because she has finally realized her pants are bigger than yours is not worth how crappy you and her will both feel afterward. I know because I lost on of my closest friends over passive aggressive petty nonsense like that. Chances are she knows where her body is deep down and is just putting on a front around other people. Why not just encourage her and maybe offer advice if she asks? After all, we all start somewhere right?0
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You don't. And you also try to remember from whence you came and how far you could so easily fall, one fork-full at a time.
I do think it would be a good idea, IF you are part of the performance, to try to arrange some kind of costume fitting ahead of time. Don't know that I'd bother with pictures, though. Just a try-on and a full-length mirror. If you're not part of it, just let her be.0 -
She isn't hurting anyone and she's happy.
If she's overweight, then she's hurting herself. Being delusional about it is not going to change the fact that she still is at an unhealthy weight.
If she is your friend, then tell her. You obviously care about her otherwise why start a thread about that girl.
I don't get all those ''mind your own business'' answers. She needs a serious reality check. Being honest is not being cruel.
We're allowed to hurt ourselves. It's not your job to keep anyone from hurting him or herself. It's not your job to tell them they're "delusional," and it's not your job to make sure everyone is at a healthy weight. You are responsible for ONLY you. And the OP has admitted she does want to "put her in her place" and that IS cruel. Nothing you or she say now changes the fact that it IS cruel, it's unnecessary, and it NOYB.0 -
I agree with the people who think you should just leave it. There is no kind way to say it, so you're best to just remain quiet.0
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I'll admit to being "soft" as I haven't really said exactly what I was thinking about OP in an attempt to be nice.It's apparent that anyone posting on this thread who thinks the original poster should mind your her beeswax is "soft" (in their eyes)...but honestly, it must make a person feel great to be the queen of all things fitness and food, huh? Obviously, she's not "doing it right" and you could just SHOW HER...what exactly? that she's a failure because she's only lost 6 or 7 pounds and still (GASP) eats chocolate and salad dressing?
Good grief. Being respectful and KIND is not being soft! Maybe for your best friend or a close family member, it's ok to be brutally honest (and even then it is sometimes just cruel depending on how things are worded), but for a coworker who you don't sound like you even care about that much? It just sounds like you want to show her up and make her feel bad about herself...and all that does is speak volumes about you.
I have a coworker who recently started her weight loss journey and honestly has a long way to go...I don't approve of everything she is doing 100%, but you can be DARN sure I am encouraging her to build healthy habits and keep working on it...because that's what the people in my life did for me when I started my fitness journey. Why is it necessary to be hurtful to others?
Sorry, rant over, just darn tired of the meanness in this world that people pass off as "honesty."
I am definitely a person some might consider "soft" as I believe in being kind...not hurtful at someone else's expense. And frankly...I'm proud of being soft. Cutting others down does not lift me up.0 -
How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)
Don't. Seriously. Do not go there.
Just do your own thing and let her be.
Drama with coworkers is bad for everyone involved.0 -
This is where I run into so much trouble.
People post pics of themselves which denote great improvement, yet, they still look bad.
And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!
Yep this, MFP has too many people that are too soft. I commented on a topic once stating that the OP needed to keep losing weight, got locked out of the topic.
EXACTLY!!! Like I said - I got fat again because no one was brave enough or cared enough to tell me to do something about it! People are too soft on here - do you see half the reactions I'm getting?
I like how you place blame for your getting fat again on those who didn't tell you.... I pretty sure they weren't feeding you your meals....
So true and so typical. This gives her a way to stroke her own ego by tearing someone else down, with the bonus of shifting the blame for her own weight gain squarely onto someone else's shoulders. It's not her fault she got fat, other people should have been more responsible!0 -
OK. Just my two cents!!! It seems like this person is just a COWORKER and not an out of work friend right??? If so, LET IT BE. If she is bipolar, this could easily spiral out of control and cause HUGE HR issues for yourself. What if this starts an argument in the office? What if it causes work tensions?
I'd tread lightly with coworkers. Always keep conversation light unless you are social outside of work with her. Just a thought.0 -
Yep - care factor ZERO!!
She has to do it herself anyways - delusions don't work in real life0 -
You could always go shopping together, and try on the same pair of jeans. If they fit you and not her, she can't claim to be something she's not. And you, won't have to be mean about it. :bigsmile:0
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I'll admit to being "soft" as I haven't really said exactly what I was thinking about OP in an attempt to be nice.It's apparent that anyone posting on this thread who thinks the original poster should mind your her beeswax is "soft" (in their eyes)...but honestly, it must make a person feel great to be the queen of all things fitness and food, huh? Obviously, she's not "doing it right" and you could just SHOW HER...what exactly? that she's a failure because she's only lost 6 or 7 pounds and still (GASP) eats chocolate and salad dressing?
Good grief. Being respectful and KIND is not being soft! Maybe for your best friend or a close family member, it's ok to be brutally honest (and even then it is sometimes just cruel depending on how things are worded), but for a coworker who you don't sound like you even care about that much? It just sounds like you want to show her up and make her feel bad about herself...and all that does is speak volumes about you.
I have a coworker who recently started her weight loss journey and honestly has a long way to go...I don't approve of everything she is doing 100%, but you can be DARN sure I am encouraging her to build healthy habits and keep working on it...because that's what the people in my life did for me when I started my fitness journey. Why is it necessary to be hurtful to others?
Sorry, rant over, just darn tired of the meanness in this world that people pass off as "honesty."
Believe it or not, as harsh as my post sounded, I backspaced over a LOT of MUCH harsher stuff in an attempt to be nice. Her original post made me so angry. Why is it when some people have some success they decide they know what's best for everyone and feel the need to tell everyone so?0 -
Another thing, you said in your profile that you are an admitted control freak. Do you think that perhaps since she isn't doing her journey the same as you.... that you don't like it because it's not the way you have done yours?0
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you don't need to say anything, she'll find out for herself.0
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I understand how frustrated you must feel to consider popping a hole in this woman's bubble. However, please don't actually do it. Vent all you want here but don't "put her in her place." She is bipolar. That doesn't necessarily mean coddle her but something like her friend telling her she isn't nearly as attractive as she thinks she is can trigger a depression phase. The depression phase is no joke whatsoever and if she is already wobbly in the emotion department, just no. Please don't go there. Maybe do some research into bipolar disorder or manic depressive disorder. As a matter of fact, her thinking so highly of herself is in itself a symptom of bipolar disorder.
If you must do anything at all encourage her to keep going. Try to work out with her (which also helps her disorder btw - and you'd be a pretty awesome friend if you did help with this). Try to encourage her to eat healthier foods. But please don't go about triggering her depression.Depression really can be deadly.0 -
Honestly... don't say anything. Eventually she will just go back to her old ways and you will just come out looking better than her. You can't tell someone to be healthy, just like us all on MFP we came here on our own free will. Eventually she will have that "final straw" and seek real health.0
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