How do you tell someone they're not quite there yet....

onmyway31 · February 2012

Just let your co-worker be. She knows her body, and whatever she is or isn't doing, she will be the one to have to deal with it. So if she loses no weight, so what that is her problem. I don't think you have the right to tell her anything, it's her life. We cannot control other people just because we do not like the way that they are! So when her clothes don't fit, she will be the one to deal with it the way she chooses. I do not think there is really anything for you to do. If you say something to her, you are going to come across as stuck up and high and mighty and then you will lose the friendship and make things awkward.

Bikini27 · February 2012

I think this is a Nunya. Nunya damn bizness.
Unless she's forcing you to eat peanut butter cups, I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot carrot.

Was hoping Nunya would make an appearance. :flowerforyou:

kennethmgreen · February 2012

You're absolutely right - it pisses me off when she compares herself to me. She's sees my weight loss as her own - and it doesn't make sense. Just because I look at Kate Middleton on line doesn't mean I'm the same size as her. I've been in performance venues and afterwards seen pictures of myself - horrific doesn't even begin to describe it.

So yes, I have looked inward and I'll admit 100% there's a part of it that would make me happy getting her to realize she's got a long way to go before she gets to where I've worked my *kitten* off (literally) to get to, but at the same time, I've been in her shoes and been delusional about my outward appearance and I WISH someone would have said something to me.

Thank you for being honest.

celticmuse · February 2012

Its a bad idea to give this kind of criticism to someone that is bipolar that does not take it well.

Maybe you should ask yourself why it is so important to you to say something to her? What makes this your business? This is actually an issue that YOU need to work on, not her. Maybe you could figure out how to not be so judgmental and not worry about what she is saying?

Would you say this same stuff to a child? Would you tell a happy 16 yr old this same thing? Would you consider their feelings?

This is how you tell someone to mind their own business.

^^^ This. After reading through all the responses, I most agree with this one. I wonder what motivated you to post this question in the first place. I sense that you somehow feel threatened by this woman. That you feel that she is somehow detracting from your success. Becoming fit is not a competition. You share common goals. That's what we all do here. Why can't you celebrate her success, rather than try to diminish it. Bi-polar is a devastating disease. Cut her a little slack. We are all on the same journey. Her boat may not be as fast as yours, but you are both heading for the same destination. Be kind. Life is too short to be anything else.....

Bikini27 · February 2012

Or invite her to MFP, and have her post her bikini pics - :noway:

I love that it's Post Menstrual....

InvidiaXII · February 2012

Yeah, I wouldn't say anything. She'll get serious about it when she's ready. In the meantime, you'll look better standing next to her ;P

Contrarian · February 2012

You're absolutely right - it pisses me off when she compares herself to me. She's sees my weight loss as her own - and it doesn't make sense. Just because I look at Kate Middleton on line doesn't mean I'm the same size as her. I've been in performance venues and afterwards seen pictures of myself - horrific doesn't even begin to describe it.

So yes, I have looked inward and I'll admit 100% there's a part of it that would make me happy getting her to realize she's got a long way to go before she gets to where I've worked my *kitten* off (literally) to get to, but at the same time, I've been in her shoes and been delusional about my outward appearance and I WISH someone would have said something to me.

Okay. That's fair. I think what you should consider, though, is that what you might have wished for isn't necessarily what everyone would want.

There is a woman with whom I used to work who is a friend of mine of Facebook. We also have mutual friends and see each other a couple of times a year. She saw a picture of me wearing a particular dress that she loved, and has (jokingly?) asked me several times if she can borrow it. She is at least 4 sizes larger than I am.

I had a choice. I could have pointed out to her that there is no way it would fit, I could have loaned it to her so she could see for herself that it wouldn't fit, or, I could have just laughed it off and changed the subject. I opted for the latter option. Why? Because I don't want to make her feel bad. It serves no useful purpose. It won't make me feel better and it certainly won't make her feel better.

In a world where so many people perceive themselves as being much larger than they are, I actually find it a bit endearing (if confusing) that she sees herself as smaller than she is. It's not my job to burst her bubble.

IronmanPanda · February 2012

You're absolutely right - it pisses me off when she compares herself to me. She's sees my weight loss as her own - and it doesn't make sense. Just because I look at Kate Middleton on line doesn't mean I'm the same size as her. I've been in performance venues and afterwards seen pictures of myself - horrific doesn't even begin to describe it.

So yes, I have looked inward and I'll admit 100% there's a part of it that would make me happy getting her to realize she's got a long way to go before she gets to where I've worked my *kitten* off (literally) to get to, but at the same time, I've been in her shoes and been delusional about my outward appearance and I WISH someone would have said something to me.

Well at least you finally admit you just want to say something to her to make yourself feel better.

MarincicS · February 2012

I find it surprising when people on MFP are so judgmental. It's really none of your business what anyone is doing to look or feel fit, unless they directly request your intervention. Did you appreciate the honesty and support when people told you you were fat and wrong and how much better they could manage their own lives and you should just do what they say? I just can't work out how it's your business to manage her situation.

StaceyL76 · February 2012

Okay. That's fair. I think what you should consider, though, is that what you might have wished for isn't necessarily what everyone would want.

There is a woman with whom I used to work who is a friend of mine of Facebook. We also have mutual friends and see each other a couple of times a year. She saw a picture of me wearing a particular dress that she loved, and has (jokingly?) asked me several times if she can borrow it. She is at least 4 sizes larger than I am.

I had a choice. I could have pointed out to her that there is no way it would fit, I could have loaned it to her so she could see for herself that it wouldn't fit, or, I could have just laughed it off and changed the subject. I opted for the latter option. Why? Because I don't want to make her feel bad. It serves no useful purpose. It won't make me feel better and it certainly won't make her feel better.

In a world where so many people perceive themselves as being much larger than they are, I actually find it a bit endearing (if confusing) that she sees herself as smaller than she is. It's not my job to burst her bubble.

Excellent advice!

Beastette · February 2012

Ironically, this thread is uplifting. All the people who are too afraid to use the boards should read this. Most people are honest, yet kind and encouraging.

I'm just as shocked as you are.

:happy: