How do you tell someone they're not quite there yet....

Spayrroe

You know, for the general tone of this website community to be supposedly supportive, I see tons of judgmental posts of people who aren't know to the poster as members of this site, and I find it really aggravating. People need to derive a sense of worth from themselves and not bashing other people. If she's comparing herself to you, I get how that can be annoying. I get how watching someone not work as hard as you at something, and then claiming an equal share of "glory" can be irksome. However, in the end, it's what you think about you.

Sorry if I offend, but I get sick of watching this "Oh, I watch someone who claimed to be on a diet eating sugar" or "Ewww! This person is taking a supplement instead of doing it the 'natural' way" or "I hate when people say "I just need to get to the gym again" and not watch their diet at all". Get over yourselves. I watch tons of people say that people should switch to diet drinks who are having problem cutting out soda, and from my own soap box, I find that an appalling suggestion. I think those fake sweeteners are worse for you than real sugar, but that's my opinion and I keep it to myself (well, except for just now as a way to illustrate my point). My ideals, and my way of "healthy" dieting is not the same as everyone else's and neither is yours.

mrleepiano

Just keep doing what you're doing. Hopefully she'll see your progress and realize that she needs to step it up.

JasonSwetland

If she's happy with herself, who cares?

^^^^ DO This. Do you really want to be the fitness police to someone who didn't ask you too judge them? Did she ask for your opinion? Until she says, "Hey would you judge me and give me critical feedback including constructive critisism on what I could be improving?"

You should probably do what you would like other people to do- recognize her achievement of 6-7 pounds lost, give her some praise for her success, and encourage her to keep improving on it. I am pretty sure you would be offended if someone said,

"Hey I lost 100 pounds and your 50-60 pounds isnt good enough. Quit being so proud and work harder like me."

Soubnds pretty offensive and arrogant too me.

digdeep2011

Try get a casual photo and show her, also casually, so she can decide for herself. That is what got me to make a change, and probably alot of other people too, seeing themselves in a photo. If she thinks she looks good, then seriously just leave it. You dont want to be responsible for ruining her confidence.

PNWriter

No offense....and please don't take offense, but it's none of your business, really.

shellybean826

I have this coworker who after seeing me drop about 30 pounds decided to go on a diet and get back to the gym. So far, I think she's lost about 6 or 7 pounds, but she's not serious about it (example - eating Reese's peanut butter cups at her desk, chowing down on a salad that was mostly dressing - and not lowfat, going to the gym one day a week to flirt with her trainer and skipping it the other 6 days a week, etc.)

Now, I'm not claiming to be a fitness or nutrition guru, but I know what I'm doing when it comes to weight loss. Also, I'm not a fashion expert, but I know when your clothes don't fit.

Well... she's fully convinced that she doesn't have a stomach anymore and that she's the same size as me..... I weigh at least 50 pounds less and I promise you, her stomach hasn't changed at all except to expand outwards.

How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

if she is truly bi-polar and you two are close then you know that when they get in their heads that something is true ..there is very little you can do to change that idea ...right now she sees herself as beautiful and a size 8, and nothing you say is going to change that ....she will say youre jealous, she will say youre crazy and yes she is going to cry ....so why tell her anything and why does she have to be on a high-horse ??? she is bi-polar ..youve just said it. leave her alone
and if you are truly her friend, instead of being yet another person that is going to tell her she looks bad (cause she is still going to wear whatever outfit you are saying looks bad), be a TRUE FRIEND and be there for her once she wears it and they do rip her apart and be her shoulder to cry on

shellybean826

I understand how frustrated you must feel to consider popping a hole in this woman's bubble. However, please don't actually do it. Vent all you want here but don't "put her in her place." She is bipolar. That doesn't necessarily mean coddle her but something like her friend telling her she isn't nearly as attractive as she thinks she is can trigger a depression phase. The depression phase is no joke whatsoever and if she is already wobbly in the emotion department, just no. Please don't go there. Maybe do some research into bipolar disorder or manic depressive disorder. As a matter of fact, her thinking so highly of herself is in itself a symptom of bipolar disorder.

If you must do anything at all encourage her to keep going. Try to work out with her (which also helps her disorder btw - and you'd be a pretty awesome friend if you did help with this). Try to encourage her to eat healthier foods. But please don't go about triggering her depression.Depression really can be deadly.

soooooooooooooo this ^^^^

kimzie77

LIKE

joders1313

I personally think this is a ridiculous post....I'm sorry if your offended, but you're obviously not in high school anymore, who cares who is skinnier than who? Real friends support each other no matter what size they are, it sounds like this poor girls problem is the jealous frenemy she should ditch.

wilkin777

What motivated you to start losing weight ?
Was it because someone else told you you didn't look great in an outfit?
Was it because you saw a picture of yourself that you hated?
Was it because you realised that you were really ready to make a committed change?

I only ask because from my experience the people who told me I looked awful just made me angry and sad and want to eat more to prove that they didn't matter and neither did their opinions.

When I saw THE picture I hated it was enough for me o finally get it on my own. (it's my profile pic and i really do hate it)

Then I - me alone - decided to make a change.

What happened when my ex boyfriend told me to stop eating butter? I ate twice the amount.

Consider whether it is worth telling this girl that there is a big difference between the two of you or that she doesn't look great in a performance outfit. I know that you expressed concern over critics and unattractive photos. Maybe this is what she needs in order to really see that there is a difference that she needs to make. I get the difficult situation you are in but if you are friends will she resent you more or less. And is it better just to be a friend and support her when the penny finally drops.
(my sister was a model and I was forever trying to squidge into her clothes... it took a while but I got it in the end)

I also understand that someone comparing themselves to you when you have worked REALLY hard to get where you are can be SERIOUSLY frustrating. I have also been there. I am not criticising you. Just asking a few questions that might help with another perspective.

Good luck : )

wilkin777

I understand how frustrated you must feel to consider popping a hole in this woman's bubble. However, please don't actually do it. Vent all you want here but don't "put her in her place." She is bipolar. That doesn't necessarily mean coddle her but something like her friend telling her she isn't nearly as attractive as she thinks she is can trigger a depression phase. The depression phase is no joke whatsoever and if she is already wobbly in the emotion department, just no. Please don't go there. Maybe do some research into bipolar disorder or manic depressive disorder. As a matter of fact, her thinking so highly of herself is in itself a symptom of bipolar disorder.

If you must do anything at all encourage her to keep going. Try to work out with her (which also helps her disorder btw - and you'd be a pretty awesome friend if you did help with this). Try to encourage her to eat healthier foods. But please don't go about triggering her depression.Depression really can be deadly.

AND THIS IS A VERY VALID AND IMPORTANT POINT> YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR A DEPRESSION EPISODE!!

angelams1019

She'll figure it out herself..Or she won't! lol Its no concern of yours, really. Let her think whatever she wants, if you know the truth, why does it matter what she says? I just laugh to myself at people when I'm in situations like yours

daniivdean

I have this coworker who after seeing me drop about 30 pounds decided to go on a diet and get back to the gym. So far, I think she's lost about 6 or 7 pounds, but she's not serious about it (example - eating Reese's peanut butter cups at her desk, chowing down on a salad that was mostly dressing - and not lowfat, going to the gym one day a week to flirt with her trainer and skipping it the other 6 days a week, etc.)

Now, I'm not claiming to be a fitness or nutrition guru, but I know what I'm doing when it comes to weight loss. Also, I'm not a fashion expert, but I know when your clothes don't fit.

Well... she's fully convinced that she doesn't have a stomach anymore and that she's the same size as me..... I weigh at least 50 pounds less and I promise you, her stomach hasn't changed at all except to expand outwards.

How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

If she is happy leave it. Focus on yourself

happystars82

If she's happy with herself, who cares?

agreed

monkeymouse74

If someone came on here and complained that after working really hard and losing 6-7 pounds, one of her co-workers (who is close to her size) started lecturing her about "how she is doing everything right, while I am doing everything wrong", what would you say?

Because in her eyes, this would be the situation.

Just don't say anything.

You won't open her eyes, you will only make her mad at you, and possibly feel bad about herself.

No win.

This^^

swilk627

I don't see how it's any of your business the method she chooses to lose weight. Unless she is doing something that is medically unsafe for her body, you kind of just need to mind your own business.

I read most of the posts but didn't see anyone touch on this.....It honestly sounds to me like SHE is the jealous type. Like, she doesn't want her coworker to be successful and so she is wanting to put her down or put her in her place. The coworker IS obviously doing something right if she's lost some weight. And the fact that she's comparing herself to the OP would suggest to me that she's using the OP as as role model and trying to achieve what the OP has done. If that's the case, the harsh and hateful words the OP has spoken here would probably crush her.

Nopedotjpeg

Who gives a ****? If she's a close friend then be encouraging. Otherwise, let her be another resolutioner.

SilverStrychnine

Suggest MFP to her. Maybe with a "Oh I found this really cool fitness website, I love it" kind of line. She will soon see how she really is.

MelanieAG05

I have this coworker who after seeing me drop about 30 pounds decided to go on a diet and get back to the gym. So far, I think she's lost about 6 or 7 pounds, but she's not serious about it (example - eating Reese's peanut butter cups at her desk, chowing down on a salad that was mostly dressing - and not lowfat, going to the gym one day a week to flirt with her trainer and skipping it the other 6 days a week, etc.)

Now, I'm not claiming to be a fitness or nutrition guru, but I know what I'm doing when it comes to weight loss. Also, I'm not a fashion expert, but I know when your clothes don't fit.

Well... she's fully convinced that she doesn't have a stomach anymore and that she's the same size as me..... I weigh at least 50 pounds less and I promise you, her stomach hasn't changed at all except to expand outwards.

How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)

Thats an easy one - say absolutely nothing. It is not really your concern. As long as you know that you are doing the right thing for your weight loss that is the only thing that matters here. Her bi-polar condition may be what is causing her to think in this way and so you should just leave her to get on with it - she obviously feels better about herself regardless of what anyone else thinks.

Di3012

I get a feeling that this is more about ego than anything else.

OP just leave her be, you continue what you are doing, let her enjoy her new-found exercise and dieting kick. If her doing what she is doing is making her feel better, why try and ruin it? She's hurting nobody and has gotton off her butt and into gear, why put a spanner in the works?

firesoforion

Other people's personal business are other people's personal business. Leave it unless she asks you. You never know what all is going on in someone else's life as much as they might lead you to believe, so it's best just to stay out of it, be nice, and not say anything.

godricshollow

I'd only say anything to her if she consults you. I know it's annoying seeing people do that, but each to their own. I am, however, a big fan of honesty. If she is asking you, then tell her straight.

fitnoflab

.

kateroot

No offense, OP, but it's none of your business. If I were that woman and you said something to me, I'd probably kick you in the shin. If she's not asking for your advice, leave her alone.

walkdmc

Only read the OP but seriously, you don't say anything. It's not your place to say anything and I suspect part of your desire to set her straight is jealousy. It's human nature, esp. for women to want to look better than their peers. If you feel good about how you look and she's acting like she looks as good as you, it can be annoying but really, there's nothing you can do without making yourself look petty, IMO. Anyone with vision can see if her belly is bigger than yours so let it go.

hanky1

haven't read all the other posts and imagine others have said the same but other than generally encouraging her to carry on being healthy, there is nothing else you should do. her goals may be different to yours. she may be happy with the weight she's lost, even though she isn't as slim as you want to be. i will be happy when i can comfortably fit into a uk size 12 but know that others prefer to be slimmer. if someone told me i 'wasn't quite there yet' i would (politely) tell them where to go!

FearAnLoathing

why do you HAVE to tell her anything?

Faye_Anderson

I was really pleased when I lost my 20lb, I had people telling me how much better I looked. Then my uncle told me he could not see a change. It hurt for a moment but that is the comment that has stayed with me and helped me to lose another 12lb this month, and it's that comment that will keep me going. If she asks for honesty give her honesty but in a nice way "maybe we could step up our exercise together" etc, she'll thank you for it in the long run.

blissfuldrake

This situation reminds me of that old saw..."Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." She is trying to imitate you, in her own way. You say she is a co-worker and don't use the word friend, if I remember rightly. Maybe she is lonely and needs a friend. Do you want to befriend her? If so, bring her here and take her to the gym with you. Do the Disney World thing with the lap restraints if you can't tell her she is bigger than she thinks. If you don't want to deal with her drama, just ignore her hijinks. You can't be all things to all people.

:ohwell:

Lesa_Sass

I was really pleased when I lost my 20lb, I had people telling me how much better I looked. Then my uncle told me he could not see a change. It hurt for a moment but that is the comment that has stayed with me and helped me to lose another 12lb this month, and it's that comment that will keep me going. If she asks for honesty give her honesty but in a nice way "maybe we could step up our exercise together" etc, she'll thank you for it in the long run.

Please note that the co worker is not asking anything. The OP of this thread is mad because she feels she looks better and feels very strongly it is her responsibility to let the coworker know that she does not look as good as her.

The OP feels that she has worked very hard and does not like the attention the coworker is bringing on herself and feels she deserves it more than the coworker.

Too bad the OP of this thread is not patient, loving or tolerant. She could very well find that if she was, a situation like this would not be so toxic to her. After all, letting something like this bother you in life is kinda sad, no actually its very sad.