I think my husband is trying to keep me fat.....

shipleyd

I just don't know what to do at this point. I swear that my husband is trying to keep me from losing weight. I have asked him repeatedly not to bring junk into the house. Here's a recap of what I have come home and dealt with the in the last few days:

Tuesday- we went to the store and I had to fight him out of the store without buying cookies or cake mixes.

Wednesday- 2 bags of Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream Chips (my favorite) and cheesecake.

Friday- cake on the counter (NOT the cheesecake from Wednesday) and then he ordered pizza and bread sticks for dinner. (without my knowledge) When i say bread sticks I mean one order for him and one just for me. (I didn't eat it!)

Today- He went to the store for toilet paper and came home with chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and raspberry sherbert and three 2 liters of soda. I have already been informed that he will be bring home what is called a Bacon Cheddar bomb from the restaurant he works at.

I have been working out everyday, some times twice a day. I eat so well when he is not around but by the time I get home and see all of this its hard to avoid. I have lost 7 this last month so I am doing okay at avoiding but it is so frustrating when there is no one to support your efforts at home.

On Thursday night I wasn't feeling good and skipped my evening workout. The same day I had taken 30 minutes of my lunch hour and walked 1.5 miles with my coworker. He had the nerve to ask me if I was giving up! I wanted to smack him so bad. Really? Your going to ask me if I'm giving up because I didn't workout twice in one day?

I have a lot of weight to lose. Another 86lbs to be exact. How am I going to do this if he will not show me an ounce of support?

Thanks for reading my vent. Also looking for new MFP friends who actually log on to help keep me motivated. Almost everyone on my current list has not logged on in 5-6 months.

3laine75

i can really sympathise but at least he is not going and preparing unhealthy stuff for you then bringing it to you which is what my partner did for 3 years. i didn't want to be ungrateful and not eat what he brought me.

you are doing so well, keep it up. i think he may be a bit scared incase you look elsewhere once you are 'hot'. my partner has asked who i am losing weight for - obv for me.

either have it out with him or try to ignore all the stuff that hes bringing home - he will eventually get the picture and it will get better.

IveLanded

It's so funny you should mention this.......just this morning I was thinking about how incredibly difficult it is to effectively lose weight when your partner is not supportive.

I am divorced, but I attempted to lose weight a few times when I was married and I had the exact same thing........I'd talk to my husband one night about how I wanted to get in better shape and the next night he was bringing home McDonalds. UGH!

My suggestion would be that you either need to sit down and have a real heart to heart with him OR you need to buckle down with serious will power and accept that in your house you have YOUR food and everyone else has THEIR food.

I have three kids and my menu plan is pretty strict. I still buy things for my kids that I don't eat. Not cookie dough ice cream, but still things that are tempting and that I can't eat. And I am just more tired of being fat than I have desire for cake or cheese its.

And feel free to friend me if you want....I just started on MFP but I've been doing my diet and meal plan since January and I've lost about 15lbs so far. My original goal was just 30 but I think I'm going to up it to 40. *crossing fingers*

hapoo100

When significant others arent supportive, it becomes so much harder. What would happen if you printed out that post and had your husband read it? would he start to understand?

krunchykat

I'm sure he probably is trying to keep you fat. I've had a couple of boyfriends who did this, with one being particularly bad about it. It's a self esteem and security issue on his end. He's afraid if you lose weight guys will start flirting with you more and will give him competition, or that you may leave him for someone else once you're thin. You're going to have to address what the real issue is with him; just be ready for him to deny everything. He likely won't want to admit that it's based on his own insecurity. Be strong and don't give in to the temptations. Put your foot down and tell him how it's going to be!

grinch031

Either he finds you more attractive at your current size than he would if you were thinner, or he's really insecure about you losing weight maybe because he fears you'll leave him for someone else.

Either way, I think its time to have a little talk with him.

LRH64

My suggestion, take the "crap" he is buying and THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE as soon as he brings it in the door!! He'll get the message. Go to the store by yourself and make healthy food choices. If he doesn't want to eat healthy that's fine, but don't bring it in the house. 'Nuf said.

carolemack

I'm sure he probably is trying to keep you fat. I've had a couple of boyfriends who did this, with one being particularly bad about it. It's a self esteem and security issue on his end. He's afraid if you lose weight guys will start flirting with you more and will give him competition, or that you may leave him for someone else once you're thin. You're going to have to address what the real issue is with him; just be ready for him to deny everything. He likely won't want to admit that it's based on his own insecurity. Be strong and don't give in to the temptations. Put your foot down and tell him how it's going to be!

^^^^THIS^^^^ My ex-husband use to do that all the time! Many years ago I lost over 100 pounds (since put most of it back on) and he told me that I had about as much sex appeal as the telephone pole across the street. He did seem to only look at women who were significantly overweight. After we divorced his next two girlfriends, and his next wife were all far larger than me.

I really think that he had a very low self esteem issue and needed to feel that no one else would want to look at me. Do whatever you have to do to keep on track...you are doing this for you and your health...he will either get on board or not. Try dumping some of that crap he is bringing home in the garbage so that he gets the message.

BIGJIMMYU

I think it is more a "him feeling threatened" thing than anything else. He knows full well you will lose weight, look and feel better. He will probably feel less attractive to you as you look more attractive to others. Still...it would be nice to have the support though. Let him know that you are doing it for your own physical, emotional, and spiritual health and he is welcome to join you if he likes.

tina9988

I know a lot of women who have lost a ton of weight (via surgery) and then left their husbands/boyfriends. They start feeling good about themselves then they totally ditch their partner, so I understand the fear, kinda. Sounds like deep down, he doesn't want you to feel good about yourself, and that's a problem. Love means wanting your partner to be happy no matter what the cost is to you. Talk to him about it, it sounds like he has some real issues that he may need to get help for. Good luck and hang tough. I am impressed that you are able to avoid eating what he brings home, I don't think I could be that strong.

kcoftx

He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.

Just a thought.

Erica002

I have heard that there are men out there that get scared of their woman getting fit and leaving them.

Fit4_Life

He may have bought all the wrong foods to keep in the house..but he isn't actually feeding you, is he?? I suggest going out and buying your OWN healthy products. That way..nobody is blaming anybody from not losing/gaining weight but yourself.

joey200for2

I have been in a similar situation and it is sooooo much harder without support. Hopefully you can get the support you need from this site!

Happymom12

I don't have a significant other at the moment to know the feeling and when I did I didn't need to loose weight so I can't sympathize with you from experience other than hearing similar things from friends. I would ignore him and his food and let us on here give you the support and motivation you need. Not sure how good I would be but I will try if you want to add me. Just reading what a person does exercise wise and burns calories gets me motivated if they are on my friends list and I see that they are doing more than me. LOL That's the competitive side.

amy32lynn

Is your hubby over weight? Maybe hes just not ready to give up the junk! I dont KNOw but stay strong girl you can do it......im sending you a friend request...

L2M1D52

Have you had a real serious talk with him to figure out ways you both can be happy? As well as for him to understand how serious you are taking your weight loss journey.

joconnor09

Definitely try to have a heart to heart. It's always best to be really honest and try to get him to see where you're coming from- that you don't want to seem ungrateful, but that the food he's bringing home is really damaging to your health (and his). Ask him why he isn't supporting you- does he just not realize what he's doing, or is he doing it out of insecurity?

If he continues to bring home bad food after this, you'll just have to get tough. He might get mad and continue to be unsupportive, but you've got to do this for you. If it means separate food, then that's what you have to do. I think after a couple weeks of separate food, and your husband seeing how happy and energetic you are, he may come around and want to join you. But stay strong! This won't be easy- it might feel like you're disappointing him. But just think about what the issue really is- sacrificing your health just to eat the same food as your husband. It's not worth it!

simplyblessed5

my husband used to do that to me until I got him on track and now he's lost weight right along with me!

MB_Positif

I went through a little bit of this with my husband. I just let him do what he was doing and I did what I was doing, eventually he decided to start making smarter choices for the meals I wasn't cooking for him. Now he's more militant than I am.

yuckidah

There is always 'naughty' food in my house but I am very rarely tempted by it as once I've made up my mind to do something (diet in this instance) I tend to be really stubborn & stick with it.
We can't rid the world of temptation so we need to deal with our own demons in order to avoid it

irishasian05

I have heard that there are men out there that get scared of their woman getting fit and leaving them.

YES. Mine is trying to do the same thing. I've tried to explain to him that I'd like him to support me even if he doesn't want to diet. I actually ask him to hide the junk food he wants to have in the house. I'm only 5'0'', so I can't reach a lot of the cabinets in the house which is helpful. You should definitely talk to him about this or start throwing the food away or putting in the garbage disposal. My boyfriend started to get the hint that he should stop wasting his money. Good luck! (And FYI, if you need some motivation, I'm on here a lot more than I should be, but I'm finding help and trying to help others.)

irishasian05

I'm sure he probably is trying to keep you fat. I've had a couple of boyfriends who did this, with one being particularly bad about it. It's a self esteem and security issue on his end. He's afraid if you lose weight guys will start flirting with you more and will give him competition, or that you may leave him for someone else once you're thin. You're going to have to address what the real issue is with him; just be ready for him to deny everything. He likely won't want to admit that it's based on his own insecurity. Be strong and don't give in to the temptations. Put your foot down and tell him how it's going to be!

^^^^THIS^^^^ My ex-husband use to do that all the time! Many years ago I lost over 100 pounds (since put most of it back on) and he told me that I had about as much sex appeal as the telephone pole across the street. He did seem to only look at women who were significantly overweight. After we divorced his next two girlfriends, and his next wife were all far larger than me.

I really think that he had a very low self esteem issue and needed to feel that no one else would want to look at me. Do whatever you have to do to keep on track...you are doing this for you and your health...he will either get on board or not. Try dumping some of that crap he is bringing home in the garbage so that he gets the message.

And FYI, my boyfriend also said that if I get too thin he's going to leave me because he prefers me with "extra meat." *sigh* I told him I'd probably burn a lot of calories helping him move his stuff out.

amanda2727

I'm on everyday, he's an a** for doin that. My hubby does the same thing.

Nerdybookgirl

A few things:

1. Compromise: I've had to compromise a bit with my husband and dear daughter (she is 12). There is a list of food that we avoid bringing in the house (for example, I can pass up potato chips UNLESS it is Cool Ranch Doritos). If they do bring it in the house I don't know about it.

2. I don't know if your husband is overweight or not, but even if he is thin he can't be healthy eating all of this stuff. Maybe you could encourage him to eat better, but make some allowances. For example, maybe healthy stuff and then Friday night is pizza night and on Saturday night there is dessert after dinner.

3. Your husband could very well feel self-conscious or guilty about what he is eating. Maybe he feels bad eating junk along, but not with you. Or maybe he is worried that you won't want him anymore. My husband actually asked if I was going to find a "hot, rich man" when I lost all the weight. He said it in half-jest.

4. But when it comes down to it... alas... it is your problem to deal with. There will always be fatty huge portions of food. At restaurants, family gatherings, breakroom tables, etc.... You control your fork and as much as that sucks it is the truth. We can only change ourselves.

DragonStar

Do what my sister taught me. Don't think of food as enjoyment. Think of it as fuel and don't get upset with him for bringing it. Just don't eat it and stick to your plan. Only way to lose. Hope this helps a little.

sensa516

Sorry he's not being more supportive. It really is hard to do when you and your SO aren't on the same page. I've gotten really good at completely ignoring mine in the food department.

Keegansmum6

He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.

Just a thought.

This!

sslloyd5

I don't think your hubby is trying to keep you fat...I know he is! I have the same problem with my mate. He is very small frame but I have gained a lot of weight since being with him. I can pretty much eat healthy foods but he likes to force me to eat the junk he likes such as candy bars, cereal and ice cream all times of the night and heavy fried foods. I commend you for having the will power not to give up even when temptation is not just knocking but slapping you in the face. Base on my experience with this, it is definitely a bug of insecurity biting.

tinattinat

He may not be doing it on purpose. He may very well feel threatened. If you love your husband and value your relationship, sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Without anger. Or accusations. From a place of love. Try to understand where he may be coming from. At the end of the day, you are the only one responsible for what you put into your mouth. As you continue to lose weight, try to reassure him that you only have eyes for him and you aren't going anywhere no matter what and I bet you he will come around. Good luck to you.
BTW, I log in every single day. I'll add you. : D

scott1080

sounds like my wife she claims its so the kids have something for snacks well get fruit right..i have lost close to 50lbs in less than a year and im less noticed now than a year ago. sure im doing this for me and to have more energy for the kids but still would be nice to get some help with my new lifestyle