I think my husband is trying to keep me fat.....

happyhiram

I don't think your hubby is trying to keep you fat...I know he is! I have the same problem with my mate. He is very small frame but I have gained a lot of weight since being with him. I can pretty much eat healthy foods but he likes to force me to eat the junk he likes such as candy bars, cereal and ice cream all times of the night and heavy fried foods. I commend you for having the will power not to give up even when temptation is not just knocking but slapping you in the face. Base on my experience with this, it is definitely a bug of insecurity biting.

...you don't know squat about her husband.

Moviedust

I had issues similar to this at the beginning of me trying to lose weight (part of the reason was that he was raised on crap food all the time). I had issues with him bringing stuff into the house that I like to eat. He's pretty skinny and his metabolism is super high so he can pretty much eat all the crap he wants and not gain. Instead I have now convinced him to bring home crap that he likes but that I won't eat (chips I don't like or hamburgers or black licorice). That way he gets what he wants and I am not tempted to eat it. If he brings something home like fries or anything and I want some I have a few but since he eats so fast I really don't get all that many anyways. Just a thought if you can get him to bring home stuff you don't like then you won't have the temptation there (or if my husband brings something home he thinks I might eat he tends to hide it and not eat it when I'm around).

EQHanks

Sounds to me like its hard for him to change himself like you. Try and explain how hard you have been working and you are looking for his support.

xMsAlly

I can totally relate. Except it's my mom who brings home all the junk. Yesterday I was mid-workout and she came up to me with a box of my favorite cookies and said she bought them for me with a smirk on her face! can you imagine! My plan is to not eat any junk she buys. Eventually she will get the hint. I suggest you do the same with with your husband, and that way he'll eventually stop buying stuff for you if he knows you won't have it. The first couple times saying "no" are the hardest but after that I promise it's easier. Who knows, maybe you can inspire him to stop eating all that junk.

speedycakes

Totally with you hear. I dont think there trying to keep us fat but i don't think they know how hard they make it. I'm weak willed enough with out him bringing me junk or ordering junk. He brought me a cadbury egg today and ordered pizza tonight. I know i can say no but I LOVE those things and i can only resist so long. Plus i felt bad not eating what he brought me. He used to take me out to eat all the time and i would try to order as healthy as possible. He would get mad that i would get a salad because "i can have that at home" Yeah i know but i don't want a 1000 calorie meal.

Then i complain about being fat and he says "just go on a diet"

MissJay75

One possibility that occured to me, is maybe food and gifts are his love language. Maybe he actually thinks he's being thoughtful and loving by bringing you things he thinks will make you happy because they are the things that make him happy.

Definitly talk to him, and wait until you are in a mood that is ready to listen and not just attack him for his lack of compassion & support. He may surprise you with what he has to say.

I also agree that you may just have to develop stronger self control This is something I am working on too. Due to the special dietary needs of my children there are a LOT of high fat/high calorie foods in our home. Especially cheese & sausage. I allow myself small portions that don't surpass my calories for the day (though I am often over in in fat grams). I am streadily losing weight, and learning how to make better choices overall, no matter what food I am surrounded by. It's not easy, but I don't expect it to be.

OMGLeigh

Darn, lost my post when I tried to reply.

Basically I was going to recommend that you both really need to have a talk. We don't know your husband so we don't know the kind of person he is.
Until you both can get on the same page, make sure that there is enough food in the house that suits your needs. Fill your home with foods that you can access just as easily as the bad foods.
Portion out some veggies and hummus. Try the apple chips that are just dried apples. These things can be your chip replacements.
I don't keep ice cream in the house but I do buy Arctic Zero. Having it around also helps me work on my portion control. It isn't amazing, but it is pretty good. My favorite flavors are Chocolate Peanut Butter, Coffee, and Chocolate Mint cookie.
If your husband brings home food without talking to you about dinner plans just take your portion and throw it in the fridge or freezer. Let him eat it the next day. Cold food just isn't as appetizing as hot food. (maybe except for pizza, so the freezer may be a better option there)
I find that making a week's worth of meals at the start of the week helps me control what I eat later on.

AvonLucyR

I don't think throwing it out is a good solution. If you both discussed your desire to lose weight and eat healthy and he didn't say "I need my junk food", maybe you just need to let him know you need to talk to him about supporting your choice. If he is being passive aggresive because he is insecure or scared, discuss that aspect. My husband loves to sabotage everything major I do in my life. When we sit down and discuss it, he denies it, but I can tell from his body language. It's rougher to lose weight this way, but I have to fight the temptation. The reason I don't believe throwing out the food works...it's also an aggresive behavior, likely to cause more trouble between you. Good luck to you! You can do it! with or without the temptations...

strbryt

I can relate to this. I have never felt like my husband is trying to sabbotge me but I am married to a very thin man. Like people have told you You are on the diet and not him so don't expect that he will make the wonderful changes that you have. I do see your point though you are prolly thinking ok he is not on the diet I know that be he does not have to put it in my face so much. I get it I really do. Here is an idea and yes I have done this in my house. I do the grocery shopping and I buy my hubby all of his junk and chips cookies candy and all of that. Then I bring it home and I have an enitre cabinet that is just for "HIS STUFF" which is the stuff I dont wanna see all the time and the stuff I should not eat. I actually had a bit of a problem staying away from it a few months ago and I literally asked him to put a combo lock on it so that I would not give in. It has really helped me alot. The other thing I would suggest is to sit him down and just tell him what your feeling he may see where you are coming from. Feel free to add me I am on here eveyeryday it is my life line and I still have like 80 more lbs to lose as well. Good luck and remember that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Hernandeak11

Just stay strong and he'll give up with trying to tempt you eventually; he can't possibly do this forever

joehempel

It all comes down to will power. Not having support sucks, I was told that my running was selfish and I should not be trying to be healthy for my family LOL.

But lets face it, he's not holding you down and forcing it down your throat. It's about what YOU want to do.

JonathansMom0910

While a lot of people have had a lot of unhelpful things to say to your post, I will tell you my story which is very similar in some regard.

I am trying to loose at least 80lbs total and still have quite a bit to go. I started on my journey shortly after being in the hospital for a life threatening ailment. I was told that I had to do some drastic things to change my life and one was to loose weight.


Shortly after I started, my husband was horrible to me. Always buying candy bars and bringing them to bed to eat in front of me. He was rude and would get upset if he had to watch our son while I went to workout classes because he didn't want to get out of bed. He was not nice, nor was he understanding or sympathetic. He has NEVER had a weight problem, so he didn't get it.

When I finally had enough and blew up at him, he broke down and told me he was insecure simply because he felt as if I was growing personally while he was staying stagnant and that he was being left behind.

That may or may not be the problem with your husband, but don't assume that he wants to keep you fat until you have a serious discussion with him.

When my husband and I talked, we talked about why I needed to do this, the benefits to me as a person, and us as a couple/family, and the fact that I am not leaving him behind if he supports my journey and walks by my side.

We talked about the fact that if we were going to succeed on this journey, the whole family had to make changes. We have been doing great since that talk.

I urge you to talk to him, but don't be accusing. Do not go on the offensive as that will cause him to go on the defensive and you will accomplish nothing. Try doing it when you are in a good mood as that will make you more open.

PS-my husband is the head KM in a restaurant so I totally get the bringing "mess ups" home from work.

You are more than welcome to add me as your friend if you want, and if you want to vent, I can listen and offer advice.
I wish you happy loosing, and an open resolving discussion.

qmoniqueq

;-(...I said the same thing about my husband just a few days ago. I told him all about MFP and how excited I was and that this time I was staying focused. He said that sounds great honey. Then he went to the store and came back w/ a crunch cake (my fav) and a family size pack of Chips Ahoy. Ceremoniously he pulls a Coke out of the bag. I looked at him completely dumbfounded. Had he not heard anything that I was saying. He smiled and those brown eyes shone so bright it was hard to stay mad...but I did stress my point on how I was not partaking in his little "celebration." He said this is the last one of each of these things for both of us. U can start MFP on Sunday (tomorrow). I smiled and nodded. Thanked him for his thoughtfulness and threw away the cake the first chance I got. I did leave him a big hunk though. Guys just don't get it. We don't have the same metabolism that most of them have. But I digress. Maybe your hubby just wants to check your commitment or test your will. Think of all the joy you will have at proving your strength. You can do it. I don't know u, but your commitment to exercising twice a day makes me believe in u. Not sure of how to become MFP friends but u have my vote. U can do it!

Amy911Gray

You have made up your mind to watch what you eat and exercise. Sometimes people get scared. Sometimes people don't care. And sometimes, if you have done this before, he's seen how it tears you up inside and he doesn't want to see you unhappy.

I am a very lucky girl. All of the men in my family (1 husband, 2 sons-19 years old) are overly supportive. Since I've been at this for 190 days, it's second nature to them and they are very proud of what I've accomplished. My husband is watching what he eats now too, and counting calories, learning from me how to stick with a serving size (i.e. if it says 16 crackers,, put it in a bowl).

Cheetos and cheesecake, well it's easy to walk away from now...in the beginning not so much. But I knew then that opening a bag of chips was a bad idea, so we didn't keep the "little bags" in the house...big temptation. We can now, I just don't care to eat it.

Whatever you decide to do, think it through. If you are anything like I was in the beginning,, arbitrary discussions would lead me right straight to the kitchen. Good luck to you...and really, no matter how many breadsticks or McD's bags come through the door--YOU CAN DO THIS! I have every faith in you!

HotMamaByVday

He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.

Just a thought.

This.

And you need to talk to him, not us. I had that problem with my hubby but we talked it out and he is now very supportive and helpful. He thought he was telling/showing me that he thinks I am beautiful and sexy no matter what weight I am. Now he goes out of his way to make me fish when he grills burgers for everyone else. He asks me if I want something, rather than just bringing me home junk food. AND, I ewncourage him to eat healthy, but I don't push it. He is not one this journey, I am. He is just along for the ride, which means he can grab some junk without being malicious.

karley511

He may have bought all the wrong foods to keep in the house..but he isn't actually feeding you, is he?? I suggest going out and buying your OWN healthy products. That way..nobody is blaming anybody from not losing/gaining weight but yourself.

This!

Seriously, I had to do this. I used the excuse about my husband bringing junk food home or wanting to go out to eat all the time. Finally, I realized I don't have to eat the crap he brings home or get the worse thing on the menu just because we go out to eat. I started buying my own groceries and telling him not to eat my stuff and getting the grilled chicken and veggies or a salad when we eat out. He finally told me on Valentine's Day that he wanted to start counting calories with me so he can loose weight too. (I've lost 64 pounds so far with 31 to go.)

Good luch, I know how hard this is.

cbmcphillips

tell him that clothes in the misses dept cost less... would that help?

also tell him you want to be around for him and your children and you want to have a healthy future with him...

maybe invite him out for an occasional walk??

hope life will get better sooner rather than later....

munchkinhugs

Perhaps it's his way of saying that he loves you the way you are.. or that he's insecure about the thought of you losing weight and potentially moving on from him?

Could you try to get him on the healthy-eating bandwagon too?

12skipafew99100

There is always 'naughty' food in my house but I am very rarely tempted by it as once I've made up my mind to do something (diet in this instance) I tend to be really stubborn & stick with it.
We can't rid the world of temptation so we need to deal with our own demons in order to avoid it

This^ It may sound harsh but its really the truth. I wish you all the resolve in the world and hope you can resist no matter what comes your way. That being said. I also, along with others think you need to have a talk with him and tell him you need his support. If he is going to have the junk himself to keep it in his car. If he does not want to help, that is up to hiim. But you CAN do this without him.
I also think he might be scared of you leaving him. Keep him involved with your progress and all the ups and downs. There is nothing worse for a spouse then to be left out of a life changing event.

Deb

mama_beth

Willpower!!!! Just because he buys it doesn't mean you have to eat it. And I completely understand I have 3 kids and a junk food junkie husband, Right now in my house there are doritos and like 5 boxes of cake mix. Plus God knows what else, I figure if I can resist em at home I can resist em anywhere!