I think my husband is trying to keep me fat.....

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  • MrsLong1980
    MrsLong1980 Posts: 181 Member
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    He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.

    Just a thought.

    This - this is YOUR journey so if he brings this stuff home to eat that's his choice. I would suggest telling him not to bring it home for you because you're not going to eat it and it's just going to be wasted. And leave it at that. You have the will power not to eat it so keep going :)
  • AshleyMoe86
    AshleyMoe86 Posts: 17
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    Whenever someone makes a life change- such as losing weight/eating healthy etc it's a big decision and it takes a while for the person who is making the choice to accept it and it is also a process for our spouses. I don't want to believe that your husband wants you to stay fat, I'm sure he wants you to feel good about yourself ( after all he did notice that you didn't exercise 2x in one day) so he is paying attention to the choices you are making. I would stay just talk to him and tell him while you transition if he could help with not bringing so much junk into the house you'd be grateful. Ultimately though, if he isn't on the weight loss track with you he probably isn't going to want to give up those things. You'll just have to look at it as a way to build up strength in your ability to say No to those foods. You are always going to have situations in where you have to make the healthier choice, it stinks to have your partner eat chips in front of you but you can say no and it will make you stronger. You are on the right track so far, don't let this detour you! You can do this!
  • busymom50
    busymom50 Posts: 29
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    wow, I am shocked to find other people that are in the same situation as I was for over 20 years. I gained soooo much weight. Although no situation is exactly alike,I am finding since I joined MFP that not only am I not alone,there are a LOT of people in a very similiar situation. My husband said he wanted to be supportive,but I could never afford the right foods and he would buy foods that were very difficult to work with to lose weight. He always made comments about my size or weight(just kidding of course) that made me feel even worse. I finally finally got a car and that helped so much especially with 2 stepsons,our 2 sons and a newborn daughter. I started working 1 or 2 hours every morning assisting an elderly woman and I started feeling a little independant. That has been. I have since had another daughter with special needs and the newborn that I spoke of when I got my first car (as a married woman)was 18 years old in Jan. My husband is still controlling and I still have a lot of issues with him. I weigh more now than ever. But, I have something now that I never had before. All of you,and that makes all the difference. My weight loss has become a medical issue and I also work at my daughter's school as a sub aide. Sooo, I only can work sporadically when I am needed. My advice? Post,talk and get ideas. Whether or not your husband is doing it on purpose or not is not so much the issue as how to handle being tempted by the foods that hold us back from the life we want at the size we want. When my husband asked me to buy ice cream and doritoes and coke,i can do that as long as i can buy my green peppers and other veggies, I also get sugar free low fat fudgcicles that have 60 calories but are actually good, for when I am being tempted the most. I also try to keep busy while he is having whatever is difficult for me. I always have cleaning that needs done. I have only been on my present and last diet for a week,but have been on many before just like most of you. I am just grateful to the many that are willing to share their journey with me.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    You obviously should divorce him.

    I mean, you have totally changed your life and he isn't bending to your whims; it's not like you're a grown adult who can implement self-control and just not over eat on the things he brings into the house. I mean, how dare HE, a grown man, think he has the right to eat whatever he wants-the NERVE of him.
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 663 Member
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    Guys will do that. We're control freaks and have to keep a woman down so that we can control her. Amazingly, women fall for it at an alarming rate. It's great for us tho. Sure, on rare occasions one of our women will grow a pair and stand up for herself, but generally, our success rate is through the roof.
  • AliciaBeth78
    AliciaBeth78 Posts: 437 Member
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    You obviously should divorce him.

    I mean, you have totally changed your life and he isn't bending to your whims and it's not like you're a grown adult who can implement self-control and just not over eat on the things he brings into the house. I mean, how dare HE a grown man think he has the right to eat whatever he wants-the NERVE of him.

    LOVE THIS!
  • rmoga99
    rmoga99 Posts: 37
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    I think it is more a "him feeling threatened" thing than anything else. He knows full well you will lose weight, look and feel better. He will probably feel less attractive to you as you look more attractive to others. Still...it would be nice to have the support though. Let him know that you are doing it for your own physical, emotional, and spiritual health and he is welcome to join you if he likes.

    :smile:
  • peaches712799
    peaches712799 Posts: 18 Member
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    It really is tough when you don't have support at home.

    I think, you did need to talk to him about why you're getting healthy. But, I would also be prepared for the behavior to continue. However, that doesn't mean you can't still do it.....you will probably have to have more willpower. But what can you do? It's his house too, and if you start "laying down the law" about what comes in the house, you'll likely have a harder time gaining his support.

    So, let him do his thing, you do yours, and come here for your support. Add me, if you want, I log in every day.

    REMEMBER, ultimately YOU are the only one who can do this for you!
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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    He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.

    Just a thought.

    Exactly this... your lifestyle choices are yours and no one elses. Everyone has the right to make their own. Be supportive of yourself and the rest will come...
  • peninsulahair
    peninsulahair Posts: 8
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    it is true! men will do this! my ex did this to me for years and years! he wanted to keep me heavy for fear if I lost the weight he would loose me! well he did loose me but it wasnt for the reasons he thought! I did loose the weight and his jealousy and possessiveness drove me away! and my current fiance does sabotaging too! I dont know what it is about these guys wanting to keep us plump! but it is annoying! Just realize that you "have the will and strength" within yourself to turn that food down that he brings you! Talk to him about it, tell him how seriously this bothers you! and if he doesnt listen say to him when he brings it home "thank you for thinking of me honey, but if you trully want to be thoughtful of me please respect my desire to be healthy". and throw the food straight in the garbage right in front of him! maybe then he will realize that you are serious about this! you have to stand your ground and do this for "you"! being healthy and fit will benefit him as well! you will have more energy your sex drive will go way up, you will want to do more things with him! so by you being healthy he gets lots of bennies too! ;-) so stand your ground and be strong! :-) You can do this!
  • ARMom8251
    ARMom8251 Posts: 194
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    Ahhhahaha...not laughing at you per say, I just know how you feel. Well sort of my husband is a wonderful support to me, he gives up his time to allow for me to have my time to workout. He tries to support me and stand behind me on my eating healthy, and for the most part he is included in that as well. If he cooks a meal for us he cooks mine the way I want it cooked to be healthier, and he almost never brings home anything sweet or chocolate to eat in front off me, because to be honest I would probably tackle him to the ground and beat him with it...lol( in theory only no physical violence in our house). Then there are times he says what do we have to eat in this house thats sweet. His thing of late;however, is are you getting all skinny and in shape so you can leave me, which is absolutely ridiculous because I have never given him any reason to think I would, and I wouldn't he is the love of my life. I think it just comes down to you are changing, they see those positive changes in you, they notice you being more of an out going person, not so enclosed because you feel better about yourself...and that makes them feel a little less secure I think. Of course there are just some guys out there that love their food....good luck to you!
  • vanprabhu
    vanprabhu Posts: 3
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    My husband brings all kinds of chips in the house and he eats it too.He is good about exercising and his idea is as long as he exercises he can eat whatever he wants. At first I thought he should not bring chips and cookies because i cannot control myself but then I thought I am on a diet not him. If i want to lose weight then I have to control myself. So now I do not even go near the junk food. I have two very young kids who want to eat cookies and icecream and I am not going to deny them that.

    Every time I look at junk food I think to myself " eat that and get fat". I have healthy options available to me like dried fruit and nuts. So I can get my sweet,salty or crunchy craving without doing damage.

    It is very important to resist temptation. If you are at work and your co-workers are eating cupcakes and chips are you going to be mad at them and punish them? It helps to have a team so we can lose weight together but you cannot force people to be a part of your team.

    Be strong and you will do great :flowerforyou: And please do not punish people for trying to live their life the way they want to .
  • Wildcat682
    Wildcat682 Posts: 4
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    If I leave him, it won't be because I look and feel good, it's because of his insecureness and his assholeness.

    If you feel that he is an insecure *kitten*, then why not leave him now while you are still fat? Weight is one thing. Someone can lose weight. Being an *kitten* is ingrained in someone. You can change, but very unlikely. It's like telling someone who is sunny and pleasant all the time to become more pessimistic. It could happen, but probably not.
  • mdj1501
    mdj1501 Posts: 392 Member
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    :smile: It is hard when you are the only one in the house trying to eat healthy and lose weight. Hang in there, and stay motivated. I just joined, you can add me if you want. Good luck!
  • Sy_MiAna_Kotik
    Sy_MiAna_Kotik Posts: 4
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    I think everyone has already covered most of it, but I fully agree with the people who say compromise and have a <32<3. Explain to him that you want to do this for you, that you love HIM, not other guys not the people you see elsewhere, HIM. Sometimes, soothing his ego is what's needed. I wish I could say that I understand, but my current BF is very supportive of me wanting to lose the weight. He's not mean about it and he tells me all the time that he loves me the way I am, but he's willing to help me if losing is what I really want to do. Also, ask him if he has concerns about you losing the weight that go beyond losing you or what not. It may be that he is genuinely concerned for your health and safety. It's not hard to get on a health kick and go from healthy to eating disordered in about 10 sit ups flat. I hope this helped some and feel free to add me. I am new, but I fully intend on getting on at least once a day unless I'm EXTREMELY busy. Chin up; it can't rain all the time <3
  • BaconMD
    BaconMD Posts: 1,165 Member
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    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/willpower
  • here_I_go_again
    here_I_go_again Posts: 463 Member
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    I just don't know what to do at this point. I swear that my husband is trying to keep me from losing weight. I have asked him repeatedly not to bring junk into the house. Here's a recap of what I have come home and dealt with the in the last few days:

    Tuesday- we went to the store and I had to fight him out of the store without buying cookies or cake mixes.

    Wednesday- 2 bags of Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream Chips (my favorite) and cheesecake.

    Friday- cake on the counter (NOT the cheesecake from Wednesday) and then he ordered pizza and bread sticks for dinner. (without my knowledge) When i say bread sticks I mean one order for him and one just for me. (I didn't eat it!)

    Today- He went to the store for toilet paper and came home with chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and raspberry sherbert and three 2 liters of soda. I have already been informed that he will be bring home what is called a Bacon Cheddar bomb from the restaurant he works at.

    I have been working out everyday, some times twice a day. I eat so well when he is not around but by the time I get home and see all of this its hard to avoid. I have lost 7 this last month so I am doing okay at avoiding but it is so frustrating when there is no one to support your efforts at home.

    On Thursday night I wasn't feeling good and skipped my evening workout. The same day I had taken 30 minutes of my lunch hour and walked 1.5 miles with my coworker. He had the nerve to ask me if I was giving up! I wanted to smack him so bad. Really? Your going to ask me if I'm giving up because I didn't workout twice in one day?

    I have a lot of weight to lose. Another 86lbs to be exact. How am I going to do this if he will not show me an ounce of support?

    Thanks for reading my vent. Also looking for new MFP friends who actually log on to help keep me motivated. Almost everyone on my current list has not logged on in 5-6 months.

    My hubby brings junk food in too. Sometimes my favorites. You just have to make the decision NOT to eat it, and remember you will be the healthy one and lose weight while he remains unhealthy. If you think he is doing it on purpose, have a talk with him. Otherwise, and I know it's difficult, but you just have to maintain your decision to be healthy and dont' eat it. I hope I don't sound harsh, but the world is going to be full of tempations and you have made the choice for you to be healthy. Stick to that choice. That is what I tell myself when junk food is in my house, and take it one day at a time.
  • namina13
    namina13 Posts: 16 Member
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    A lot of people have mentioned that he may be feeling insecure and trying to keep you in his comfort zone. I don't know your husband, so this may be true. But it also may be that you used to really enjoy the treats he would bring home for you, and it was an easy, low-effort way for him to show you his love. Also a way that he probably enjoyed, since he got to share the bread sticks or ice cream or whatever. Food may have been something you bonded over. Now that you're watching your weight, it may just take some time for him to get used to not showing his love in this way.

    I know when I used to go grocery shopping for my former boyfriend, I would buy all the junk that I knew he liked. When we decided to both start watching our weight, when I went to the grocery store I still immediately wanted to buy those things for him because I knew in the past he had liked it. I wanted to do something special for him, even if it was just something simple like buying him a treat. It took awhile to change those habits, because they weren't helpful for either of us. But this sort of thing doesn't happen overnight. Especially if he hasn't gotten excited yet about the changes.

    I would just keep reiterating to him that it is not helpful and it is upsetting you, and if he wants to bring those things into the house for himself you'd prefer to not be a part of it. Maybe you can suggest some new activities for the two of you to bond over?
  • chippy83
    chippy83 Posts: 92 Member
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    Don't give in - Be strong. Tell him how what he's doing makes you feel. It is probably best if you don't "shove it in his face", but instead, share with him that you need to feel supported in what you're doing to improve your health. One day, one workout, one meal at a time~ Shut out the negative, embrace the positive, even if you waver a little here and there - keep moving forward and never look back. Good luck.

    Yes to the above. Talk with your husband openly and honestly, as he is your partner in all of life's journeys! If he's not willing to support you in this effort, that can definitely be damaging to the bond you and your husband share. Saying it is "his" problem is not really true, as you are married to each other (for better or worse) and share your life, home, food, space, finances, etc together. The junk food in the house is not your problem, the harm it could cause to your relationship is!
  • Barbara98
    Barbara98 Posts: 60 Member
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    My suggestion, take the "crap" he is buying and THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE as soon as he brings it in the door!! He'll get the message. Go to the store by yourself and make healthy food choices. If he doesn't want to eat healthy that's fine, but don't bring it in the house. 'Nuf said.

    I agree with this 100%. He won't bring stuff home anymore if he see's he's wasting money. Just let him know your grateful for him thinking of you, but you would appreciate it more if he would bring you home something healthy. I'm lucky my husband is so understand and to the point he's joined MFP with me. Its also feels good to have a great support system :smile:

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