I think my husband is trying to keep me fat.....

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  • crazylikefox
    crazylikefox Posts: 100
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    In my experience men for the most part are just trying to make their women happy. I think he's used to the status quo, where these are the items that you guys usually buy when grocery shopping. Maybe in man logic, you are grouchy because you are hungry so he's trying to feed you what he knows you might find tasty. He's helping out by doing the shopping to make you happy.

    I suggest to use positive reinforement rather than negative. Whenever he buys or brings home something that fits with your new eating lifestyle, give him lots of praise and kisses! Whenever he does bad, don't critique him - just don't react to it at all. Men are very straight forward. I bet if you tell him "I want Vitamin Water Zeros instead of soda" he will do it. Spell everything out, no hinting or reading between the lines. Sometimes we women like to nitpick how they are doing laundry or loading the dishwasher, then get mad if they stop doing these things all together.

    Your journey is your responsibility. Make sure to eat enough calories each day, and don't let yourself get to the point where you are starving, because you will eat the junk. Give your hubby love, and he will respond better than if you chew his butt :)

    Good luck, you are strong!!
  • Trints
    Trints Posts: 6
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    I have had the same problem.I have told my husband I will just throw the junk in the trash, I have even done that.You just have to put a smile on your face and eat something else that is within your meal plan.This is what I tell my husband,You can have pizza or whatever but I am having a salad, yogurt ect....After a few dozen times he has finally gotten the picture for the most part and usually prefers to eat a salad or somthing healthy with me anyway these days.Just stick to it.:flowerforyou:
  • AnewMe2cor5seventeen
    AnewMe2cor5seventeen Posts: 16 Member
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    I have been right where you are actually...not this time but when I lost my first 80lbs My husband said he didnt need to do it so he ate whatever he wanted to! It was hard but motivation for me to show him I was stronger then his tempting...you are too! I know its harder without support at home..but set up support all around you....here at the net at work...people that will keep you accountable...If every once in a while you want dessert have it...but In 1/2 or 1/4 the suggested serving
  • mandamommy3
    mandamommy3 Posts: 297 Member
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    I'm in the same sort of situation, my fiance really doesn't take my weight loss goals seriously. He himself is about 80lbs overweight, but he doesn't mind it. If he's not ready to get healthy then I'm not going to push it on him. But whenever I try to make a "healthy" family meal for dinner I get dirty looks or back handed comments. He also brings home junk and asks me to pick it up at the store. My family isn't nearby to support me this time round either so I have been relying on MFP for motivation. It has helped. I'm sending you a request. Good luck!
  • jenj1313
    jenj1313 Posts: 898 Member
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    When you decide to make a life style change on your own, sometimes it's hard to get your loved ones on board. Did he agree to the new rules, or did you just implement theM? If it's the latter, he might be feeling resentful, so he's being passive aggressive rather than just coming out and telling you what's up.

    I guess the other posters who think he's trying to keep you fat may be right... it seemed far fetched to me, but so many agree, I guess it's a possibility.

    If this (bringing you food) is a habit he had from before you changed your diet and lifestyle, it may be a way for him to show affection and it's probably hard to stop.

    Just my two cents... hopefully you find a good solution.
  • brandontarver
    brandontarver Posts: 1 Member
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    You can't change somebody else, only yourself. It makes little difference what he brings home; you are the master of what you eat.
  • vtempes
    vtempes Posts: 47
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    He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.

    Just a thought.

    I must say I agree with this. I can see where it may seem as if he is trying to sabbatoge your efforts, however perhaps its just that he doesn't feel he should have to change his habits completely because you are. A heart to heart is the best way to figure out where he's coming from.

    Best of luck! Believe in yourself and you can achieve anything!
  • s1lence
    s1lence Posts: 493
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    I have a similar problem. My husband is the only one that is able to buy groceries- one income family with one car. He will pick up what he thinks is what we should eat. Often times he will also pickup junk food for him. It's really hard to avoid the bad food, especially since I'm a stay at home mom. I check all the calories and fats of the foods that are in the house and I try to balance the meals out since I'm the one cooking. I have him pick up fresh fruits and veggies as well as steamed and I try to go to those before I dive into the junk. I also drink lots of water. Our sink is right next to all of the food so if I get to craving something I grab a glass down and drink till I feel full then move on. I've talked to him about the junk food and he often tells me that he doesn't want to be forced to go on a diet and that when I keep those foods from him that it's hard on him. This I can understand. Doesn't make it any easier when I don't have much choice in the matter of what's available to me.
  • gildinha
    gildinha Posts: 57 Member
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    Going thru the same situation ... it's soooo hard!!
  • shipleyd
    shipleyd Posts: 94 Member
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    Thank you all for your comments. I understand that it lies in my hands and that i need to avoid temptation. And yes, I am well aware that there will always be temptation. I just want to limit it in my own house.

    I am not saying he can't eat what he wants but he could at least hide it before I get home! He has always bought junk but it seems like he is buying more of it now that I am trying to lose weight. Buying my favorites at that. I already buy all my own foods so I do have other things to eat and I am able to avoid most of the temptations.

    He is not underweight nor is he overweight. He eats whatever he wants and stays the same. Unfortunately he claims to like nothing that is remotely healthy. No fruits, no veggies nor does he like any kind of seasoning. Defiantly a meat and potatoes kind of guy. During our ten years of marriage I have always cooked what I wanted and if he doesn't like it he just resorts to the junk. I can't live on red meat and potatoes everyday like he can. Plus I need some flavor in my meal!

    I guess I feel a little more disrespected than anything. If he were to ask me not to bring certain things home or hide things to help him out then I would do that. I have always stood by him (through a lot might I add) and I just don't feel he is there for me which is more of the problem.

    I did make him walk with me last night as "punishment" for the junk i found when i came home. He wasn't happy about it and complained the whole time but he walked the 1.5mile with me..lol

    We just need to talk it out. Thank you all for the support. I have received many friend request and I am truly grateful for the online support!
  • liroez29
    liroez29 Posts: 221
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    Sending you a request:flowerforyou:
  • skinnymeinaz
    skinnymeinaz Posts: 384 Member
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    My guy use to offer me foods like that also. He just didn't know how serious I was about changing and we had always ate the same stuff before....so it was an us thing that was now a him thing. It took a bit for him to understand but now he teases me and says he needs to feed me garlic to find me...LOL that still makes me giggle, but it makes me feel pretty :-)
  • fakeplastictree
    fakeplastictree Posts: 836 Member
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    Just stay focused. Only you can do that. Yes it's nice to have support, but in the end it is up to you.
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    This is why I'm so stoked to have a thin, healthy bf who is supportive of my weight loss and fitness goals.

    Funny thing is...he's a chef!

    Sounds tough, yo. But, ultimately, he should be allowed to eat how he wants so it's kind of up to you to just use your self-control.

    What do you think?
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
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    Have a sit down. Just tell him you're fine if he eats crap, but please do not bring home crap for you (you do not want it). Explain to him how hard you are working, and how badly you want this. Tell him you would like as little junk food in the house as possible, but will not disallow him to eat it. I do this with my boyfriend. I'm pretty good about controlling myself, but in the beginning it was really hard. You will get better at turning it down, and as he sees you keep working hard and getting smaller, he'll see how dedicated you are.
  • ashleab37
    ashleab37 Posts: 575 Member
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    I believe us, as the overweight people who need to lose weight, need to learn to have the motivation ourselves to not eat it. My house is FILLED with crap food because that's what my partner snacks on; I'm not going to stop him just because *I* have a problem with it myself. Have I wavered at time and eaten things I shouldn't? Sure, but we all have.

    I would never deprive somebody else of a normal lifestyle because of my own health issues. That's just selfish.
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,245 Member
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    i also feel the same way with my wife, but i decided to take over and take control of everything especially diet. along the way, i just realize that my wife is not really into healthy stuff. her knowledge about fitness is far from what i know.
  • ashleab37
    ashleab37 Posts: 575 Member
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    My suggestion, take the "crap" he is buying and THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE as soon as he brings it in the door!! He'll get the message. Go to the store by yourself and make healthy food choices. If he doesn't want to eat healthy that's fine, but don't bring it in the house. 'Nuf said.
    He could say the same thing... "If she doesn't want to eat junk that's fine, but don't bring that healthy crap in the house. 'Nuf said."

    Am I the only one who finds this point of view incredibly selfish? Jesus.
  • butterfliespink
    butterfliespink Posts: 121
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    The first time I lost weight, my husband did the same thing! But once I got within a semi-healthy range and he saw how much more energetic and positive I was about myself, he became super supportive. Now, he hides his junk food on the top shelf where I cant reach it. And my mom, who is disabled, lives with us and my husband won't let her eat junk food in front of me. I think my husband was fearful that I would be disappointed in myself if I didn't get the results I wanted. I tend to have a fragile self esteem. He was also afraid that I would make him eat healthy too, and he certainly doesn't need to lose weight. I'm not sure what your husband's motivations are, but ask him. And remember, you are going to be surrounded with these foods everywhere you go. As hard as it is, you have to remind yourself that you are in conrol of your own actions. Best of luck to you, and hang in there!!
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    My suggestion, take the "crap" he is buying and THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE as soon as he brings it in the door!! He'll get the message. Go to the store by yourself and make healthy food choices. If he doesn't want to eat healthy that's fine, but don't bring it in the house. 'Nuf said.
    He could say the same thing... "If she doesn't want to eat junk that's fine, but don't bring that healthy crap in the house. 'Nuf said."

    Am I the only one who finds this point of view incredibly selfish? Jesus.

    No. You're not. I agree with you.

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