I think my husband is trying to keep me fat.....

ElPumaMex

He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.

Just a thought.

^^^ Yes

I am on a diet, my family is not.
I don't ask my family not to but cookies or other stuff; they can buy and display them at home at liberty.

It is up to me to decide not to eat that cookie or cake.
There will be temptations everywhere.
Yes, sometimes it is hard not to eat things we love; what I do, is eat a very small piece to eliminate the cravings, and log it on my MFP food diary.

Don't depend on others.
But you can do it. !

Josie_lifting_cats

Unfortunately a lifestyle change such as this is not easy to do alone.

It's also not easy to do together.

When you're married, so much more comes into play. My husband cooks, and while he and I were both on here and working out, his goals were (and still are) very different from mine. His eating habits were also very different. So even though we started this "together" it only took a week before I realized that we weren't doing anything together.

Now, looking back on doing it alone, it was even harder, because if I was trying and he wasn't, the same thing would happen. Why should he give up the foods he likes? And temptation would drive me up the wall.

The lesson I learned is that the "issue" is caving to the temptation, not the fact that we weren't/aren't eating the same things. I've learned to plan for "bigger" dinners than other meals, I've learned that sometimes I can't have everything I want, and I've learned that sometimes he might say "Let's go out to eat" spontaneously and I have to say "No, I can't." Is it that there is nothing I can't eat? No.... it's that I know that I can't say no.

I highly doubt he's trying to keep you fat... I think he's just not ready to make a lifestyle change, and that's hard for everyone. So I think your biggest obstacle is the same as mine - saying no or learning to balance those horrible foods you love.

(For what it's worth, I love to sneak in junk food now that I've learned to manage my diary and calorie intake. But learning to stick to 1,200 was crazy hard. Once I did, though, life became so much easier, and then I was able to reset my goals and raise my calorie intake a bit, which has given me that wiggle room.)

Faye_Anderson

I did make him walk with me last night as "punishment" for the junk i found when i came home. He wasn't happy about it and complained the whole time but he walked the 1.5mile with me..lol

Have you read that back? That doesn't sound like you are talking about your husband who you love, that sounds like you're a bit of a control freak, the man can't even eats what he wants were he wants without being punished. You need to put a bit of perspective on things.

Far from a control freak . When I said it to him it was in a joking manner and he took it as such. I never said he couldn't eat what he wants. Nobody has that much control over what someone puts in their mouth. I simply want him to be a little more aware of what he is bringing into the house. Food is almost like a drug for me. I just wish he would understand that.

You said it yourself, nobody has control over what somebody puts in their mouth. You need to change your relationship with food, not with your husband

camillian48

could it be he might be a little insecure and be afraid u might not be as interested in him if u did lose weight??

annalicous

I don't think that he is trying to make you fat. As only you can do that. You are the only person that can control what goes in and out of your mouth. But it sounds like he is being a little bit inconsiderate at times. It's either that or he is expecting some kind of reaction out of you. The next time you ask him not to bring home junk food and he does, try not to say anything to him. Show him how strong you are and let him know that junk food is what you used to eat but you will not go near it now, no matter how much he buys. Just remember that you are in control, no one can make you do something that you don't want to do, especially when it comes to healthy eating.

BBoros

I am in the same boat. My husband and I are both diabetic and we also have two overweight daughters. Him and I have talked about learning to cook better and to eat healthier. My daughters and I decided to go on a lifestyle change and my husband wants nothing to do with it. He buys tons of snacks {cookies, chips, snack cakes, etc] and of course he sits and eats them in front of us, it is hard to sit and watch [I try not too]. He is always talking about us all going to an all you can eat place for dinner on the weekend. He just don't seem to get it. Add me, we can motivate and support one another. I am on everyday.

new2locs

I'm sure he probably is trying to keep you fat. I've had a couple of boyfriends who did this, with one being particularly bad about it. It's a self esteem and security issue on his end. He's afraid if you lose weight guys will start flirting with you more and will give him competition, or that you may leave him for someone else once you're thin. You're going to have to address what the real issue is with him; just be ready for him to deny everything. He likely won't want to admit that it's based on his own insecurity. Be strong and don't give in to the temptations. Put your foot down and tell him how it's going to be!

^^^^THIS^^^^ My ex-husband use to do that all the time! Many years ago I lost over 100 pounds (since put most of it back on) and he told me that I had about as much sex appeal as the telephone pole across the street. He did seem to only look at women who were significantly overweight. After we divorced his next two girlfriends, and his next wife were all far larger than me.

I really think that he had a very low self esteem issue and needed to feel that no one else would want to look at me. Do whatever you have to do to keep on track...you are doing this for you and your health...he will either get on board or not. Try dumping some of that crap he is bringing home in the garbage so that he gets the message.

And FYI, my boyfriend also said that if I get too thin he's going to leave me because he prefers me with "extra meat." *sigh* I told him I'd probably burn a lot of calories helping him move his stuff out.

LMAO at burning cal's to help him move!!!!!!

NorseMaiden

In my household we have MY foods and THEIR foods. I plan my menu, make my meals and make whatever they want to have...or they can make it themselves. I would never dream of imposing my weight loss journey onto my family. And yes it is hard sometimes when they are eating huge quantities of yummy not so good for you foods...but I'm the one who chose to lose weight. So I let them eat it and I eat my planned menu items. Right now as a matter of fact my husband is baking a blueberry pie...and it's 310 calories for 1/6 pie. I can have a piece if I chose to as long as it fits in my calorie count for the day. But who want to waste 310 calories on 5 bites worth of pie? I say either let him eat what he wants to eat or center your menu around what he brings home. It doesn't matter what you eat as long as it fits in your calorie count. And remember you can eat back your exercise calories so sometimes you can treat yourself.

IronmanPanda

busymom50

best advice yet!! I believe I will take that myself. Thanks

Clarecbear82

Maybe he's not insecure or trying to keep you fat maybe he's just doing what he's always done? I've been with my partner for 5yrs and when we met I was 210lbs and 5ft 4 and he was 320lb 6ft3" we both just ate whatever we wanted and food was a major part of our relationship!

So when I decided to get healthier I used to get really angry that he was still buying junk ect I even ranted on here about it. Then one day I realised he wasn't tryin to upset me he was just acting the way he always had. So I have just learnt to ignore the junk food (most of the time) as I knew he wasn't ready to make that change and I also knew how irritating I would have found it if things where the otherway round and he said I couldn't eat certain things.

So that's my story anyway and on a good note he's also started cutting down on the junk and already lost 14lb without really trying.

Just be strong and think about it from his point of view

rachellosesitall85

He may or may not be trying to keep you fat but I think both of you should sit down and talk about it. Is your husband overweight, or thin? The reason I ask is because he may just like what he likes and doesn't want to change. Also, old habits die very hard. You mentioned he works in a restaurant and that can be tough, especially if he gets free meals there and is surrounded by food all day. I mean, he loves junk, and is surrounded by junk, he's gonna have a harder time then you if he decides to pursue this because of his profession. Also, he may just forget to grab you healthy foods, if you both were eating this way for years, he may just have to get in the groove of things. I can't point a finger at your husband and say he's insecure because I don't know him. Someone else mentioned that him giving things like food could be his love language and I agree with that.

For example, I'm in a different situation. My husband is very fit, and even though I'm trying to lose weight, sometimes I'll bring home cook or order something unhealthy and I've realized physically what I've done to my husband. He's gained weight and it's crucial for him to stay in shape because of his military position. I realized how my choices effect him and that I wasn't helping myself get any healthier either.

Sit down and tell him that you'd like him to be more supportive. That you're trying to lose weight and get healthy and when he brings you home fatty food to eat it makes you feel like he doesn't respect your decisions. With this, you need to also respect his. Possibly, separate his junk in another cabinet (with a lock if need be so you're not tempted) and try and incorporate healthy meals. If he's willing to try, why not? Also, if he wants to cook or bring home desert, have a small slice (if you want) so he doesn't feel you don't want to enjoy the "old times" with him. It's really all about compromising.


My husband sometimes jokes about me leaving him after I lose a bunch of weight. I know he gets insecure sometimes, but he also helps me with eating healthy because he wants me around much longer. I know you can do this and I know how hard it can be. Before my husband and I got married I remember wanting to get healthy and look good for us both. He was finishing up training and we were just married but weren't able to live with each other yet. I was eating great and then I moved in with a roommate who was extremely obese and southern haha. I mean, friend and sugar coated everything. We shared everything and I noticed that I started to gain a lot of weight so I had to put my foot down. I started buying my own groceries and exercising. She never caught on, but I lost weight in the midst of living with someone who just didn't want to. One of the main issues was when she would cook daily, go to Sonic, Krispy Kreme (weekly/daily) offer me some. I'd say no, go to my room or work out and the smells would come waifing into my room. It sucks but eventually I stuck to my plan, and I got out of there. I wish you the best luck. Keep at it, he just may turn around and just needs some convincing. He may want to get in shape too.

DieVixen

I did make him walk with me last night as "punishment" for the junk i found when i came home. He wasn't happy about it and complained the whole time but he walked the 1.5mile with me..lol

Have you read that back? That doesn't sound like you are talking about your husband who you love, that sounds like you're a bit of a control freak, the man can't even eats what he wants were he wants without being punished. You need to put a bit of perspective on things.

Far from a control freak . When I said it to him it was in a joking manner and he took it as such. I never said he couldn't eat what he wants. Nobody has that much control over what someone puts in their mouth. I simply want him to be a little more aware of what he is bringing into the house. Food is almost like a drug for me. I just wish he would understand that.

if food is like a drug for you then you need to look to yourself to find the willpower to overcome it not expect the rest of the world to change for you. if the only reason you can stay away from it is because you cant see it then you havent beaten your addiction to it just hid yourself from it.

DieVixen

My suggestion, take the "crap" he is buying and THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE as soon as he brings it in the door!! He'll get the message. Go to the store by yourself and make healthy food choices. If he doesn't want to eat healthy that's fine, but don't bring it in the house. 'Nuf said.

I agree with this 100%. He won't bring stuff home anymore if he see's he's wasting money. Just let him know your grateful for him thinking of you, but you would appreciate it more if he would bring you home something healthy. I'm lucky my husband is so understand and to the point he's joined MFP with me. Its also feels good to have a great support system

FFS!!!!! this is the worst advice i have ever heard and can not belive anyone would agree with it,how would you feel is he started throwing out stuff you brought home for yourself?

happyhiram

You're a grown adult and you should take responsibility for what you put into your own mouth. I assume he's the one eating it--not you. He's not bringing you the food and cramming it down your throat, is he?

My parents bring all kinds of delicious and tempting snack foods that I have a hard time turning down. Cookies, chips, pizza, ice cream...we've got it all under my roof. Do I eat it? Occasionally. And I realize that it is MY choice to do so. I had an addiction to food my whole life. I want some cookies as I'm typing this. Am I going to get them? No. I'm going to enjoy a bowl of Special K or maybe an apple.

Ultimately, it is up to YOU OP.

I doubt your husband is insecure or jealous or anything like that. He probably just wants to eat what he wants to eat. Stop blaming your husband for your own weakness when it comes to food. We've all got the strength inside of us to beat the craving by making healthier decisions.

Also, don't listen to the people talking about throwing away food. That's a waste of money AND food. There are starving children in Africa that would love to have that. Don't be ridiculous.

Clarecbear82

My suggestion, take the "crap" he is buying and THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE as soon as he brings it in the door!! He'll get the message. Go to the store by yourself and make healthy food choices. If he doesn't want to eat healthy that's fine, but don't bring it in the house. 'Nuf said.

I agree with this 100%. He won't bring stuff home anymore if he see's he's wasting money. Just let him know your grateful for him thinking of you, but you would appreciate it more if he would bring you home something healthy. I'm lucky my husband is so understand and to the point he's joined MFP with me. Its also feels good to have a great support system

FFS!!!!! this is the worst advice i have ever heard and can not belive anyone would agree with it,how would you feel is he started throwing out stuff you brought home for yourself?

^^ what they said how would you like it?

Seesaa

My mother does this.
She however is a big different as she equates buying things as a treat and what not.
Her boyfriend has embraced eating healthier, but she does not think she needs to change her diet. So there are chips, candy, cookies, she buys herself pop but then also buys pop that only i would drink.

In the end...it's about your self control and if you don't eat it and they just keep buying it. it'll start to become wasteful, at that point you can say "we shouldn't buy any more of that, no one is eating or drinking it"

unless he is consuming all your leftovers...then that makes it a big harder for sure.

mandanicole92

My husband and I went through this. It took me over a year of talking to him before finally getting his support. I explained what the extra weight was doing to me... I have migraines and back pains and hip pains and while I know I'll always have those pains and problems they wouldn't be near as bad or near as frequent if I wasn't over 50lbs over weight!

He finally has realized how much I hurt and how much it will help me.

The reason my husband was like that is because he prefers older girls. He didn't want to do the diet thing. He likes heavier girls and that is what he wanted. Plus, he didn't know how to support me in the ways I needed. He felt it was easier to get me the snack/chips/whatever then it was to say 'nah, we shouldn't get that' or just to not ask at all!

It's a lot of communication and I hope he gets to the point where he can help you. Feel free to message me if you want to vent some more.

mandanicole92

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skywa

I hate it when people around you arent supportive of your new healthier habits.

My boyfriend is the same way. We've been together over a year and he continues to make attempts to sabotage my dieting efforts.

I understand HE isnt on a diet. That HE has an amazing metabolism and a naturally fit body and can eat what he wants. But its still hard.

We pretty much go to the grocery store, he gets what he want, i get what i want, and we work together to make a healthy but tasty meal we have have together when its dinner time.

He has made several attempts to stuff unhealthy food in my mouth though. Like chocolate chip cookies last. I STILL feel bad about having one. Which is why i'll be running my butt off tonight. >~<

ahealthy4u

I live in a house hold where they think that junk food is okay to eat especially sense they think they need to gain the weight. They are meat and potato eaters threw and threw. What they fail to realize is that the healthy food is better for them just because it says sugar free doesn’t mean you won’t gain weight you just have to do it the right why.
We go around and around with this I have just come to a conclusion that they are going to eat what they want no matter what. So I have dealt with it by controlling myself and only eating one cookie or making; them take it to work with them so it isn’t in the house.
If it is in the house I treat it like living with roommates it is there food and I can’t eat it. Is the best way to explain it! Is it hard YES! But I have been doing really well. Good Luck to you. It sucks.

donnantx

I have the same husband! He can bring whatever he likes into the house but I ALWAYS ask him how many calories it is first...he says he doesnt care so I read the label and tell him as he is eating it how many calories are in it...or he brings it in gives it to me and I promptly throw it in the trash with a smile on my face. He will eventually give up....I also have 80 pounds to lose

michellef216

dont let him sabotage you. Even if he brings it in your house, don't eat it. You can do it. There are times i eat pizza for dinner yes, but i try and make up for it by exercising more or eating better the rest of the day. You are stronger then he is giving you credit for. I always have junk food in my house and it was very hard but occasionally i do eat one serving of it. But you are a veyr strong person and ou are asking for help which makes you even stronger than you think. You got this!!!!

KathieSwenson

He is always talking about us all going to an all you can eat place for dinner on the weekend.

I'm confused why that would bother you. Just because it's an all you can eat does not mean you have the eat everything on the buffet. You eat what is right for you. They don't have a rule at the restaurant stating you can't leave till you had everything on the buffet. I guess that's confusing to me since all you can eat are generally cheaper and my husband would choose it solely because it's cheaper to eat a buffet than to order off the menu. I only get whet is right for me even if it's all you can eat.

CoryIda

<---- did not have a supportive spouse. Got fit anyway. You can do it, too. Just say no to the crap or indulge sensibly within your nutritional goals.

MrsInmon

If I leave him, it won't be because I look and feel good, it's because of his insecureness and his assholeness.

If you feel that he is an insecure *kitten*, then why not leave him now while you are still fat? Weight is one thing. Someone can lose weight. Being an *kitten* is ingrained in someone. You can change, but very unlikely. It's like telling someone who is sunny and pleasant all the time to become more pessimistic. It could happen, but probably not.

I only say he is insecure and he's an *kitten* because this all started with me trying to loose weight. He is a big guy, 6'3" and 350lbs. He has always been insecure about his weight but I will not have him loose any weight until he is ready. I love him the way he is, I think his problem is that I will leave him once I loose weight and realize that I can do better. It's not about whether or not I can do better, I'm with him because I love him and I won't divorce him either way.

Di3012

The problem is that fat girls do not know how to handle attention. This is especially true for long-term fat girls, a.k.a 10+ years of L.A syndrome. This category of girls do not know how to handle the attention guys will show them when they are no longer revolting to look at. A fat friend of mine was happily married to a fat guy. He was a good guy and treated her good. She was faithful, cheerful, and loving wife to her husband. The only thing she was unhappy with was her weight. One day, she decided to get skinny and achieved her goal. She went from 220lbs to 120lbs and looked smoking hot. Her husband did not lose weight and stayed a massive 270lbs on a 5'10'' frame. Within one year of reaching her goal, she had already had several affairs with guys that never would have shown her the time of day when she was fat. Now she is divorced, has to pay child support to her ex-husband, is on drugs, and is now the town "stress reliever". The reason? She could not handle the new-found attention she received as a skinny girl because she never dealt with it before.

For all the people talking down about your husband, you might want to look at it a different way. Maybe he is just trying to keep you from screwing up your life. He might not think you can handle the pressures of being a skinny girl in fat America.

Seriously, are you for real???

Maybe he is just insecure, hello??? Whatever the case, he needs to stop buying her junk that she has a weak spot for before he damn well DOES screw up her life!!!

shortymordy

I don't know if you need another response, but here's my two cents...

First, for the people rolling their eyes that your husband wants to "keep you fat," there's actually something to this. My husband (as do others, judging by the posts on here) has a slight fear that if I get "hot," I'll leave him for someone else. It's has nothing to do with me and is all about his own insecurities. Fortunately, we've worked through this, and he is completely supportive of my healthy living efforts.

What you need to determine (and the only way to do this is by talking to him), is why he is bringing home this food. If he happens to enjoy the same junk food as you, then it's really not your place to tell him he can't. There's nothing worse than living with a food nazi. However, if he's bringing home your sour cream chip AND his favorite BBQ lays, then you are absolutely within your right to tell him not to bring home the sour cream chips.

From the pizza/breadsticks story, I think you have larger issues. He can bring home pizza and breadsticks for himself, but the great thing about pizza is that he can get his meat eater special, and ask for the other half to be a veggie pizza for you. It's a simple change that doesn't change his eating habits at all. But he didn't ask you first. You need to ask why. Is it habit? Was he just not thinking? Did he think you deserved a "treat?" Is he actually rather guilty about his own eating habits and didn't feel as bad as long as you were eating with him? It probably is a little bit of all, but I think you need a serious "come to Jesus" meeting with him. Make sure he knows you're not forcing him on a diet, but you'd like a little consideration if he's going to bring dinner home without asking you. Don't accuse, you'll only put him on the defensive. Just ask him what he thinks about your new lifestyle, say that you've interpreted some of his actions that he's not being supportive, and talk it through. And for all the other junk food he brings home...WILLPOWER! Good luck!

Darrknys

wow... my husband is in full support even though he is happy with the way I am now. But since I've told him that I am not happy with my weight and how I look he is doing his best. He reminds me to work out, reminds me of foods that aren't that great for me and has let me fill the kitchen with pretty much only healthy types of food.

Just the other day he complained that there was no "bad" food for him to eat and went to the store to get himself something. Funny thing, he came home with healthy food. LOL When I asked him was that the so called "bad" food he wanted he replied with 'Noooo... but I saw the food and wanted it'. Bread, cheese and pepperoni.

We cook dinner together, which we both love to do. We just make an extra portion for him and his black hole of a stomach.

He gets soda and I get sparkling flavored water. He gets ice cream and I get frozen fruit bars, etc.

It's worked out pretty well so far. I say if he gets something just grab the healthy alternative for yourself. Maybe have separate cupboards for your food? That way you don't open yours to find unhealthy options.

joehempel

Wow this topic took a crazy turn....leave him for buying junk food??? WTF is wrong with you people.