Black Team - Part 19ish

Nonibug

Jeannie my friend, what can I say? You are one hot mama!!:flowerforyou: Beautiful, just beautiful...inside and out

Nonibug

My Reflection:
I had the hardest time looking back on where I started 7 months ago. I think my mind really wants to shut that out. But I did...I took out pics, I read over journal entries (Ive always been really big on journaling), I watched home movies, and I really focused on how I used to feel about myself. It wasnt pretty. I was sad, I was unhappy, and I was certainly unhealthy. I was ashamed of myself. I remember with great clarity how I avoided going anywhere that I absolutely didnt have to go. I just knew there would be a chair there that I wouldnt fit in, or steps that I couldnt climb without embarrasing difficulties, or most of all, I would be there feeling very ashamed of what Id become.
One thing that I always made myself do was attend all of both of my sons athletic events and functions. As proud as I always was of them, let me tell you what sticks out the clearest in my mind, let me tell you what I remember most. I remember being at my oldest sons Senior Night in football a little over a year ago. This is the night where the Senior players that were playing their last game on the home field were recognized. No problem, I beam with adoration of him. Then I find out that it is customary for the parents of the senior to escort them out onto the field as they are introduced to the ENTIRE football stadium of parents, fans, and other students. I just wanted to be invisible. I felt so bad about myself and I felt bad for my son...for surely all his friends would see how fat this star players mom is and he would be ridiculed. What should have been one of my proudest moments turned into a huge panic attack for me. If it werent for videos and pictures, I wouldnt remember anything about that night. I blocked it out, just like so many other times in my life when I felt so bad about myself.
Today, I can walk any flight of stairs. I fit in chairs. I feel good and I feel healthy. I play basketball, tennis, frisbee, just about anything that I want to play. I am living again. I have a LIFE. I dont hide indoors anymore or shun away friends. And you know what? Im only half way to my goal weight...but I am all the way HEALTHY! I feel free to be proud of my kids accomplishments and be there in public for their accomplishments and I am proud of myself. My youngest son will be graduating the 8th grade on the 28th of this month and you know what? Im not dreading the night...Im looking forward to being there and being SEEN and even walking the endless stairs that lead to the seats in the balcony


Ok as you can see I am having alot of trouble trying to get some pics added to this post lol. Im following advice from the tech support thread that Marla started long ago on how to do it but so far nothing:grumble:

janiebeth

Hi all,

After much contemplation, and a fair amount of procrastination - here it is, my letter to me (sorry it is so long - I hadn't spoken to me in a long while):

Dearest Janie,

I know how long you have struggled with yourself in the attempt to become healthy, in body, mind, and spirit. There are a few things I think you have overlooked.

Body: Although it seems that progress has been agonizingly slow (stupid scale :devil: ), I just wanted to remind you of how far you have come. Gone forever are the heaping bowls of ice cream (soy or not), the large bags of candy, the donuts, bagels, cakes, cookies, and pies that once made up the bulk of your diet. Yes, the occasional treat is still acceptable, but now there is this wonderful thing called "portion control" and "accountability". You now understand how many laps in the pool it will cost you for that tender morsel. Sometimes it is worth it, sometimes not - but now, for the first time, you are in control. Remember those horrible tight jeans in your closet that left marks on your belly and restricted your breathing? Now you need a belt to hold them up. Soon you will be buying a new size. Don't sell yourself short.

Mind: Just a few years ago, you were getting physically ill because of the (morons) at work who got on your last nerve. You realized that the situation would only get worse and took steps to improve your situation. A few HR soft courses later, and after career consultation and much introspection, you are now in a job where you excel, with skills that are transferrable to a variety of positions and situations. No matter what they throw at you, you can cope, and you have a very marketable set of skills in case the situation at your current job becomes just too unmanageable. This has improved your life at work and also at home, as you are now a much happier person - the family is thrilled.

Spirit: I know how difficult it has been to establish a healthy self image. You are your own worst critic - bar none. I still wonder why your first instinct is "I can't" or "I'll fail". This has been the hardest struggle of all for you, but even here there are remarkable triumphs. Just a few months ago, it would be impossible to consider swimming all the way down the lane and back without stopping. Now you can swim 50 yards easily, 100 yards comfortably, and 200 yards breathlessly (but you can do it). You can actually stay in the pool and do a decent workout for a full hour (up to 2000 yards) - remarkable. You recently started riding a new horse - an off the track thoroughbred with a bit more spunk and nerves than you have seen since your youth. Initially, this horse intimidated you, and I remember more than a few tearful evenings trying to figure out why you just couldn't get over (or figure out) this horse. Now, you are comforting this nervous horse and making him calm. He is soon to come home to your barn to be your next partner. You still have a those (more than a few) moments of adrenoline, when his instincts overcome the sensible calm, but you have learned to handle these and he is not so scary anymore.

I just wanted to remind you of how far you have come - just keep at it and imagine where you will be next year. For 2010, you will be riding Will (new hose) in the Autumn Daze horse trials (yes, dressage, cross country, and stadium - much work to be done), you will be secure (if not always entirely blissful) in your job (whatever job that ends up being), and you will no longer be a size 14 (10 would be great, but 12 is more realistic - see,, you did it again:explode: )

Love,

Me

ps, thanks for listening

edited to add goals for 2010 (because I re-read the instructions) - thanks Sara :smooched:

Tri_Dad

My Reflection:
I had the hardest time looking back on where I started 7 months ago. I think my mind really wants to shut that out. But I did...I took out pics, I read over journal entries (Ive always been really big on journaling), I watched home movies, and I really focused on how I used to feel about myself. It wasnt pretty. I was sad, I was unhappy, and I was certainly unhealthy. I was ashamed of myself. I remember with great clarity how I avoided going anywhere that I absolutely didnt have to go. I just knew there would be a chair there that I wouldnt fit in, or steps that I couldnt climb without embarrasing difficulties, or most of all, I would be there feeling very ashamed of what Id become.
One thing that I always made myself do was attend all of both of my sons athletic events and functions. As proud as I always was of them, let me tell you what sticks out the clearest in my mind, let me tell you what I remember most. I remember being at my oldest sons Senior Night in football a little over a year ago. This is the night where the Senior players that were playing their last game on the home field were recognized. No problem, I beam with adoration of him. Then I find out that it is customary for the parents of the senior to escort them out onto the field as they are introduced to the ENTIRE football stadium of parents, fans, and other students. I just wanted to be invisible. I felt so bad about myself and I felt bad for my son...for surely all his friends would see how fat this star players mom is and he would be ridiculed. What should have been one of my proudest moments turned into a huge panic attack for me. If it werent for videos and pictures, I wouldnt remember anything about that night. I blocked it out, just like so many other times in my life when I felt so bad about myself.
Today, I can walk any flight of stairs. I fit in chairs. I feel good and I feel healthy. I play basketball, tennis, frisbee, just about anything that I want to play. I am living again. I have a LIFE. I dont hide indoors anymore or shun away friends. And you know what? Im only half way to my goal weight...but I am all the way HEALTHY! I feel free to be proud of my kids accomplishments and be there in public for their accomplishments and I am proud of myself. My youngest son will be graduating the 8th grade on the 28th of this month and you know what? Im not dreading the night...Im looking forward to being there and being SEEN and even walking the endless stairs that lead to the seats in the balcony


Ok as you can see I am having alot of trouble trying to get some pics added to this post lol. Im following advice from the tech support thread that Marla started long ago on how to do it but so far nothing:grumble:

Funny that you said I am your hero cause you are mine. Amazing work Roni, You truley inspire me.

And btw I feel you pain, my scale is being CRAZY this week. Down three pounds one day then up 5 the next....then up two then down 2 then up five. I am seriously considering giving up the scale for a while lol. There no way it's being accurate it's way to sporadic lol

:laugh:

jimswmn

Drum roll please.....I have officially finished C5K. Just got back from doing week 9 day 3. I feel amazing and so proud of myself.


Drinks are on me...water, of course.:laugh:

:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:

What an awesome feeling that must be Bobbi!! Congratulations, I am so proud of you:drinker: You look great by the way:happy:

Noni, Thank you. It is truly an awesome feeling. Congrats on that ticker moving along for you.

jimswmn

Ok the challenge....

I've been reflecting and it's probably best that I just let the thoughts flow out of me lol. We often refer to this process as a journey and there is a reason for that. A journey from one point to another requires effort. So does this. A journey takes you places you may never thought you would find. This has been no different. A journey is filled with wrong turns and right turns. ups and downs and most good journeys have a cast of characters that can make you laugh, cry or fill you with joy. This has been no different. It's no wonder so many refer to this as a journey. Mine is around six months in the making and I already feel light years from where I started. I spent 28 years of my life taking better care of my car than I did my own body. What machine could ever be more important than our bodies, yet for so long I did nothing but neglect the most important gift that god gave me. I spent so much time walking through halls of hopelessness. I had given up. I was meant to be overweight. I was born to have health problems and I had accepted the fact that I would die younger than I wanted too. I had every excuse in the book. Then my dad started getting sick. And it really sunk in...That was going to be me. My dad's not perfect but he is my dad and I love him. I started to think about losing him and how he is way to young to be as unhealthy as he is. Then I thought of my boys. They really love their pupa...and then I realized it. They love me more.....My wife loves me....Being selfish wasnt an option for me. It couldnt be hopeless and no excuse could explain away how much I love them. So I finally took this seriously. Looking back I realize that it took very little time for me to realize that when I thought I had to do it for them I wasnt seeing that I had to do it for me. Looking back I see myself on my first day doing a tai bo video and really feeling like I was going to die. I see myself a month later thinking that I needed something more challenging. The elliptical my first day at the gym was a beast and I hated it. 30 mins with no resistance made me feel like joining the gym was a mistake. Today I went 45 mins at 20 resistance and that was considered a day "off" I didnt run because when I tried to I couldnt keep my pants up because they are just too damn big. When I started I could barely squeeze into a size 48" waist. Today I got a pair of 36" buttoned. King of the muffin top in those...but I have confidence that wont last long. The cycle is broken here. I will live a healthy life and teach my children what I know. Every minuete of every day is better. I feel like a different person today than I did in november. And I am happy...honestly happy. I look forward to the effort and taking every step on the journey that will last a lifetime. Better faster and stronger. No place to go but up and I will see the rest of you at the top.

Me last may:

this past summer


Me this may: month 7 of my journey:

Andrew, I enjoyed reading about your journey. And your photos...wow! What an amazing transformation!!:drinker: You truly rock, and you are my hero and my inspiration:flowerforyou: And did anyone else notice how much younger Andrew looks in that last pic of him flexing his guns? And ohhh so happy....cheers to you my friend and I plan to see you at the top!:happy:

Wow...Andrew impressive. You are an inspiration to us all. And you are right, you can have all the best intentions in the world for doing it but you have to do it for yourself. Everyone else gets to share in the gift you gave yourself.

jimswmn

hey-- 9 days post-op and I got my first run in-- wowwww-- felt so good. Ran 1.5 miles then walked one-- legs are tired, but it felt wonderful.

Woohoo Marla. Look out world , she's got her runner's high back.:flowerforyou:

jimswmn

Jeannie my friend, what can I say? You are one hot mama!!:flowerforyou: Beautiful, just beautiful...inside and out

Jeannie, You Rock!! You look amazing.

lynniejones

You guys are making me cry today for some reason.


My reflections:

Dear Lynnie,

Today you ran a mile and a quarter without stopping for the first time ever in your entire life.

Don't you EVER forget that feeling when you rounded the bend of the lake and realized you were at the end of the course. You put your hands up in the air and felt like Rocky Balboa. It was silly. But it was your amazing moment. When you were younger you had always been told you were too little to be athletic. Your sister was always the athlete in the family and you sat on the sidelines keeping stats. Don't listen to that bullcrap in your head anymore. You can get out and get active with the best of them.

You have a long way to go, but you've already come so far.
I'm proud of you, Lynnie and most importantly, I love you.

Love, Me.

Tri_Dad

:flowerforyou: Good morning my black team :flowerforyou:

So sara- This reflection thing was a great idea. And I have made a major decision as far as my continued weight loss is concerned. The scale has been haywire these last few days...and I gotta tell ya the fact that my scale is not working correctly has gotten me STRESSED. I used to use my wii fit and loved using that for weight ins until I realized that it weighed me 3 pounds heavier than my bathroom scale so guess what...I stopped using it. Even though it gave me a better look at my progress and was more fun to use I stopped using it because of the number it showed. FAR too much importance put on that number. So I have taken some time to reflect as to why that is and this is what I came up with.

#1: I'm competetive-This comes as no suprise to you guys I am sure....but seriously, it can be fun and motivating to compete but In realizing that I am doing this for me I realize that I have nothing to prove.

#2: Instant Gratification- I weight myself twice daily. once before bed and first thing in the morning. I rely on the number on that scale to determine how chipper I am going to be for the rest of the day. Too often my mood relies on the scale.

Giving it some thought I have realized what is important and what a scale should be used for.

Important things-How I feel.
My energy level
How happy my family is
The daily decisions I make
None of these are effected by what my scale says. A scale should only really provide me with a general snapshot of my progress. I need to make that the role the scale has in my life. So here is the plan and "challenge" to myself.

#1:I am going back to using my Wii fit. I love that damn thing and I am not gonna let the number get in the way of that.

#2: I am going to keep running and lifting and tracking calories and watching my clothes get looser and all the other things that I have been doing.

#3: Here's the big one- I am going to get on that scale ONCE A MONTH. that is it. If I keep relying on that damn thing for gratification I am going to be dissapointed when I reach my goal. as crazy as that sounds I will feel like there is no more progress to make and that isnt true. It's time to focus on getting healthier and stronger. Not lighter. Kinda means I am gonna miss some weigh ins, but I am sure you guys wont mind.

:drinker:

Tri_Dad

You have a long way to go, but you've already come so far.
I'm proud of you, Lynnie and most importantly, I love you.

Love, Me.

I'm proud of you too.

:drinker:

jimswmn

You guys are making me cry today for some reason.


My reflections:

Dear Lynnie,

Today you ran a mile and a quarter without stopping for the first time ever in your entire life.

Don't you EVER forget that feeling when you rounded the bend of the lake and realized you were at the end of the course. You put your hands up in the air and felt like Rocky Balboa. It was silly. But it was your amazing moment. When you were younger you had always been told you were too little to be athletic. Your sister was always the athlete in the family and you sat on the sidelines keeping stats. Don't listen to that bullcrap in your head anymore. You can get out and get active with the best of them.

You have a long way to go, but you've already come so far.
I'm proud of you, Lynnie and most importantly, I love you.

Love, Me.

Lynnie, I'm proud of you too!:flowerforyou:

Marla64

Lynnie-- I'm with you-- you people make me cry. Our life songs may have different words, but the tune to all of them is so familiar-- you all make me so emotional.

Lynnie-- a mile and a quarter is so incredible. Rocky Balboa's got nothin' on you, sister-- way to go.
Noni-- your story is beautiful-- I'm proud to know you.
Janie-- beautiful, beautiful-- such a long way you've come, so strong--
Andrew-- *right there* you always get me right there-- love your way with words. Stay off the flippin' scale if it's driving you nuts. Me? Since I got out of the hospital I've been on it twice a day-- LOL.
Jeannie-- beautiful changes, beautiful pictures-- so proud.
Sam-- so glad you're free from your employment hell-- tyrannoboss won't be bothering you NO more.
Nicky-- you have such a sweet soul-- God bless you this day, my friend.
Bobbi-- here's to runner's highs--
Sara-- don't forget-- Kenny Chesney wrapped with a nice little bow for yours truly. Waiting on your reflections, young woman-- you have much to be proud of this year.
Shuntae-- awesome, awesome, awesome-- 99 pounds-- oh em gee. Beautiful.
Laura-- I love your face-- you look so happy, so young-- keep it up, lady.
Amanda? Yo! Where you be, lady? Come out, come out--
Tresa-- sending love, lady!

Must type-- love to all!!!!!!!!!

Be strong this day, my friends-- we are stronger than our environment-- stronger than our circumstances-- stronger than any temptation.

Girlmom282109

#2: Instant Gratification- I weight myself twice daily. once before bed and first thing in the morning. I rely on the number on that scale to determine how chipper I am going to be for the rest of the day. Too often my mood relies on the scale.
:drinker:

Oh how those employees at work must hate it when the scale is not so nice to you! :bigsmile: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Girlmom282109

#1:I am going back to using my Wii fit. I love that damn thing and I am not gonna let the number get in the way of that.

#2: I am going to keep running and lifting and tracking calories and watching my clothes get looser and all the other things that I have been doing.

#3: Here's the big one- I am going to get on that scale ONCE A MONTH. that is it. If I keep relying on that damn thing for gratification I am going to be dissapointed when I reach my goal. as crazy as that sounds I will feel like there is no more progress to make and that isnt true. It's time to focus on getting healthier and stronger. Not lighter. Kinda means I am gonna miss some weigh ins, but I am sure you guys wont mind.

:drinker:

I think I might join you on your challenges! these are all things that I need work on aswell!

musicmom04

ok sara, here goes...

this is me last year at storyland at about 200 lbs




this was today at around 163

Marla64

Beth-- you look just wonderful-- !!!!!!!!

You two are just simply edible-- I love how you're doing this for you, and each other and the boys-- and-- sighhhh-- gosh, it just makes me gush.

Have a great weekend-- keep up the good work. You look super!

jimswmn

Beth, Batman doesn't have anything on you. Keep up the good work, you look amazing.

SatelliteCrush80

Beth, you look amazing...keep up the good work!

~~~~~~~

On to part 2 of my reflection, the letter to myself. Here goes...

Dear Shuntae,

I don't tell you this nearly as much as I should, but I am so proud of you for taking charge of your health and your life at such an early age. You have come so far...did you ever in your wildest dreams imagine that you would be training for a 5K race?! I'm so glad you didn't spend your youth hating yourself for being heavy when it was so easy to with the well meaning comments, etc. Not being conventionally "hot" made you develop well-rounded personality and intellect. Even better, it clicked that part of loving yourself is caring about you enough to look out for your health by eating nutritious foods and staying active. The fact that you have the tools, knowledge and most importantly CONFIDENCE to beat this monster called obesity should inspire you to pursue any goal you have in life. You have such an amazing future to look forward to...a wonderful life with BF, your future children and grandchildren, and many memories with them. It will be great to be able to be active and show your family what a healthy lifestyle looks like. (Not to mention being able to fit into an amazing wedding dress one day without having to lose weight to do it! :bigsmile: )

By this time next year, I expect you to maintain your current weight, but be even stronger. You need to continue pushing yourself in any way you can and step out of your comfort zones. It's okay not to be good at everything, because you only fail when you refuse to try.

Keep up the good work, and keep inspiring yourself. This is the only life you get, so make it as happy and healthy as you can.

I'm super proud of you, and most importantly, I love you.

Love,
Me.

Tri_Dad

#1:I am going back to using my Wii fit. I love that damn thing and I am not gonna let the number get in the way of that.

#2: I am going to keep running and lifting and tracking calories and watching my clothes get looser and all the other things that I have been doing.

#3: Here's the big one- I am going to get on that scale ONCE A MONTH. that is it. If I keep relying on that damn thing for gratification I am going to be dissapointed when I reach my goal. as crazy as that sounds I will feel like there is no more progress to make and that isnt true. It's time to focus on getting healthier and stronger. Not lighter. Kinda means I am gonna miss some weigh ins, but I am sure you guys wont mind.

:drinker:

I think I might join you on your challenges! these are all things that I need work on aswell!

YEAH! LETS DO IT SAM!!!! I know we can get over the scale. lol