I find myself becoming very judgemental

taramaureen

I am not sure my attitude is judgmental. I think to myself - I wish these people would realize how much better they would feel if they exercised and ate better.

But the thing is you don't know if they're not exercising and eating better. All you see is a snibit. If you had saw me at the pizza parlor today you wouldn't have known that I ran a half marathon a few days ago and that I had skipped breakfast on accident this morning. All you would have seen is me stuffing pizza down my throat.

atxdee

I think it's easy to fall into a trap like that & forget where you came from. (Not "you" as in you personally, just using the term) Even if you weren't overweight, just eating unhealthy things wasn't good for your body. Sometimes we generalize other people & think "If I can do it then why can't they? I had the energy & want to so why don't they?" But not everyone is the same. A lot of people are going through a divorce, or a death or a job loss & they deal with things through emotional eating. Some people desperately want to be healthier but truly do not know where to start. Or they already feel defeated by life so why would they want to change? There are so many reasons people don't pursue weight loss or a healthier lifestyle. I spent most of my 20's overweight because I was in an unhappy marriage. We just never know what people are truly dealing with on the inside. Hopefully this helps stir your compassion for others. I have caught myself thinking the same thing before & then I realize I need a slap in the face because just not too long ago it was me that was unhealthy & had no plan to be healthy because I didn't see a way out. Just by your post I can tell you don't really mean to do it & you want to change your way of thinking. You will. We never know what people are going through or why they are the way they are. We all have our baggage. Best of luck to you in your fitness journey.

Couldnt have said it better myself... Everyone is different.
First before judging we ought to learn to have compassion for others.

kristelpoole

I get frustrated by excuses. Particularly when someone complains about their weight, and then makes a million excuses for why they "can't" do anything about it. And if they say something like "Well, if I were lucky like you and had [____], I'd be able to do it to," then I want to smack them. I'm not lucky, I work hard for my health and my body.

Judgemental? Not in my opinion. I just don't like complainers who don't do anything about their situations.

Also, I was judgemental because my health insurance premium went up this year. A cited cause? Increase in obesity of employees. Ugh.

Of course it's not judgmental "in your opinion." But you really don't have any idea how easy or hard anything is for anyone but you. I quit smoking in 2005, and even though I'd smoked for 25 years, it was EASY PEASY! When I finished the pack I was on, I just...quit. I chewed two pieces of Nicorette, because I expected it to be hard, but Nicorette tastes AWFUL and quitting was so easy I just gave away the rest of the Nicorette. Never wanted another cigarette, never missed them. It would be easy for me to decide that people who try to quit and fail just didn't try as hard as I did. But you know what? I'M LUCKY in that regard. I didn't 'work hard for my health..." I was LUCKY! I'm not BETTER than anyone, just LUCKY! I don't care how hard you think you work for your health and your body, you DO NOT know you work harder than anyone else.

In my opinion, I'm not being judgmental of you, I just hate people who think they're better than other people. See how that opinion thing can be inaccurate sometimes?

Also, I don't believe "increased obesity of employees" was the stated reason for your insurance premium increase. And what were the other "cited causes?" Does even one of them apply to you in any way?

I'm not really sure what the first part of your response has anything to do with what I posted. I said I don't like people who complain about their situation, make excuses, and do nothing. As though someone is supposed to make them fit without them having to do the work. Which is totally different than what you are referencing, but hey, good for you and congrats on your success quitting smoking! That's awesome!

I don't really care if you believe it was a stated reason or not. I'm pretty sure you weren't staring at the slide presentation with me? Anyway...

I'm not really sure what part of my post upset you so much, so good luck and many successes to you!

You claimed you weren't "lucky" as claimed by others but you only got your weight & health by hard work, and that's why you could judge them. I'm saying I could easily say I'm better than all those people who say they can't quit smoking because I just stopped one day. And I know, in my heart, if it was as easy for them as it was for me, they would have too. And you don't know that the reason the people who you say complain about their situation don't work HARD. You don't know what they're doing, or how hard the work they're doing is for them. I lost around 100 pounds before coming to MFP, and I really, truly believe that if the overweight people I see around me could lose their weight they would. For some reason, they weren't blessed with whatever it is in me that allowed me to do that. No one has the right to judge, because no one knows how difficult it is for someone else.

I said I could judge them because I work hard? Where? I didn't. In fact, I never stated that I could or should judge anyone. I said, " I just don't like complainers who don't do anything about their situations."

You're putting words in my mouth. If you re-read my post, I never said any of the things you are claiming and I made sure to explain that my frustration was geared towards a very specific type of situation.

The whole premise of your disdain is unfounded. Go hammer on someone else.

ladybg81

My husband and I have both noticed that we are the same way since losing the weight. It is what it is.

CookieCrumble

Do some of your wear 'judgemental' like a badge of pride? It's not a good thing, you know and you can help it if you want to. You obviously don't want to. The thing is, your social circle is probably the same... and they're judging YOU and finding fault with you. What a sad and pointless way to live.

mollielinkhart

Unfortunetly, this way of living is a product of our culture, on both sides. People who participate in that kind of living are responding to messages that are constantly being put out saying that it is, not only ok, but you want to enjoy this food or indulge in that beverage. Then there are messages saying that you have to look a certain way and you are immoral and lazy if you don't. If we want things to change we have to decide that as a community, and until then keep inmind what we have are contributed to forming the culture we live in and that everyone struggles.

vettle

I was like this even when I was overweight. Now that I am done, I still see it BUT now I see it differently. After I judge I stop and think... maybe they are losing weight and this is their cheat day. Or maybe they've just lose 30 pounds and are having a reward day. Or maybe they haven't had this type of meal in so long and they are just having that meal to remember why they don't want it anymore.

Those ones that are out with their overweight children though... you know they are just clueless but I mostly judge them because of their poor parenting skills not because they are overweight.

asia_hanebach

Don't forget that it is harder for some people to lose weight than others. Some people have medical problems (thyroid issues or something of the sort), and some are on meds that make them gain weight. Also, while metabolism generally gets better with a healthy eating schedule and exercise, some people really do just have a bad metabolism.

I do agree that it's terrible when you see those people that are severely overweight and have a cart full of crap at the grocery store, but I guess what they want to do to their bodies is their choice.

thebonesyouremadeof

i work in a grocery store and i get so annoyed when i see families come through and spend maybe £100+ (i live in the UK) on a food shop and the only fresh thing they've bought it milk! especially when you can see that the parents and the children are overweight/obese. it really grinds on me though when those same people will buy food because it has the 'weightwatchers' label on it but they are seemingly incapable of buying ANY fruit and veg at all. and when you see the same customers come in week after week after week (some of the customers i've seen for the past 4 years i've worked this job) and there has been no change, it just baffles me. if a parent wants to eat nothing but junk then that is fine, but when they are feeding the children the same food and encouraging those habits in them, i get very judgemental. and yes, i do talk to the customers so i know for a fact that they aren't simply buying fruit or veg anywhere. i mean, i am all for eating everything in moderation but i can't stop myself getting judgemental in cases like that.

auticus

It must be exhausting for some of you worrying about other peoples' lives, trying to get them to live how you think they should live, trying to get them to look how you feel they should look, trying to get them to think how you think, etc...

Dimplybutt

It must be exhausting for some of you worrying about other peoples' lives, trying to get them to live how you think they should live, trying to get them to look how you feel they should look, trying to get them to think how you think, etc...

^ ^ This ^ ^

ItsMeRebekah

Okay, I'm sorry, some of the replies here are really pissing me off. I have been extremely heavy, and I'm still moderately heavy, and I have had to deal with a ton of crap from people in public.

It is impossible to tell from looking at someone what their lifestyle is. Even when I was at my heaviest (300+ lbs) I still worked out and tried to eat healthy--I was a vegan! I have a medical condition and am on medication that makes weight loss almost impossible (which is why my doctor recommended a gastric bypass, which helped but didn't magically fix). When moving hurt, I still made time to exercise in a healthy way, and I was able to keep my blood pressure and sugar levels in a good range (a better indicator of health than pant size). Weight is incredibly complex...experts and studies confirm that it is so, so much more than "eat less/exercise more." Genetics, medication, health conditions, and past lifestyle choices all play a huge part. And heavy people have often been on many, many diets...most of which, studies show, fail, and then cause excessive weight gain and slow metabolism later in life. The assumption that someone who is overweight doesn't take care of themselves, or if they just worked at it they could lose weight, is FALSE and fed by our weight-obsessed society.

Class and money play a huge role. Have you ever tried eating a healthy diet on food stamps? It's almost impossible. My mother tried to feed a family of six on a food budget of a couple hundred dollars...she would have loved to have fresh fruits and veggies in the house, but when a package of Top Ramen is cheaper than an apple, and will actually satisfy the hunger of her children (an apple is a great snack, but doesn't cut it for dinner), she'll chose the item that doesn't make her kids go to bed starving. Processed food is terrible for you and causes weight gain, but that's what poor people buy, because a) it's cheaper, b) it lasts, and c) it's quick to make, and when you're working 2-3 jobs (as my mom was), you don't have time to cook healthy dinners. So please don't judge the mom whose shopping cart is filled with items you personally disapprove of; you have no idea what they're going through.

And you really don't know what someone's lifestyle is like based on a quick glance in the grocery store. A couple years ago, my mom sent me the store to pick up candy and other desserts for a church party that eveneing. While standing in line, the person in front turned around and sneered, "You'll never lose weight if you keep eating like that." Well, considering the food all had milk in it, I wasn't planning on eating ANY of it. And she seriously thought I was gonna take 15 bags of candy home to eat? Is that really what people think fat folks do, sit around all day eating bags of candy?

When I was the low girl on the work totem pole, my boss sent me out to get food from Costco for everyone. So I was getting several hotdogs and snacky things. When I was walking back, a woman said, "No wonder you're fat." Yeah, like I was gonna eat four hotdogs on my own, and anyway, it's none of her business! I was a lot less confident then, so I was in tears by the time I got back to work, and told my boss I couldn't do the food runs anymore (she was pissed on my behalf and totally agreed...they never made me go again). I was so hurt. It takes courage to go out and try to be happy when you're very heavy, and it just takes a little comment, someone reminding you that to the rest of the world you're hideous, to make you want to go home and slit your wrists or never go outside again.

I have on several occassions been used by mothers to fat-shame their children. It's horrible on two levels...1) because they're talking about me like I'm disgusting and the worst thing someone could be, which is SO dehumanizing and hurtful, and 2) because they are using me to scare and shame their daughters, passing on the torch of body hatred, and teaching their kids that it's okay to make rude comments about someone's weight, because FAT IS THE WORST THING EVER. Quick example: when I was a cashier, a girl was bugging her mom for M%M's. The mom said to her daughter, "Do you want to end up fat like HER?" (pointing at me). I quickly finished ringing her up, then had to take a break because I started crying. (I'm a lot tougher now, but I used to be more sensetive about my weight.) This is just one example of many over the years.

It's the reason I always made my little sister get her own popcorn at the theatre...she (skinny girl that she is) likes a lot of extra butter. I told her that I just can't deal with the looks (if not the comments) that I get as a fat girl ordering extra butter. It hurts; I'm not going to put myself in that position. Or if I was celebrating a special occassion or was at a restruant I really liked and wanted a dessert...sometimes I just didn't order (or made my mom or friend order) because I couldn't stand the looks I would get. People didn't know it was something I rarely did. They just assummed that, hey, fat girl orders cake=she must eat cake all day long and that's why she's big. Even if I ordered the same thing my skinny friends ordered.

I have struggled with starving myself (worst thing you can do to lose weight; it just made me unhealthy and more fat), with self-injury (taking out my body hatred on my stomach with a knife), with depression, with social anxiety. Some of it can be traced to the terrible things people have said to me during my life. I'm stronger now, I understand that the people who say and do those things are really just ignorant and scared (they don't understand the complexity of weight loss; they are scared of gaining weight themselves). But it took a lot of therapy and education for me to get to this place, and I still struggle with disordered eating and self-injury.

In conclusion: you don't know what someone's lifestyle is by just looking at them, and you don't know what medical conditions might be the cause of their weight. And you don't know how hurtful even your non-verbal actions can be. Get educated, and have some compassion. Pant size is a terrible indicator of someone's value as a human being.

this gave me tears =(

kgpmcdaniel70

I eat healthy but my husband has been complaining because I never buy any junk. As he says, I only buy snack food for me i.e. fruit. I got sick of hearing this and went to the grocery and bought him a pile of junk! I put it on the top pantry shelf and told him it was his shelf with his junk.

auticus

this gave me tears =(

But so true and spot on. We turn humans into bags of meat that we judge based on it's value in terms of "attraction, how it thinks like us, how it talks like us, how it looks like us" that it *is* dehumanizing, it *is* disgusting, and it *is* rehensible.

Treating people like objects *is* rehensible. Treating people like property *is* rehensible. Judging someone's worth based on their clothing size *is* rehensible.

In my opinion, it makes you more like a diseased animal knocking its head into a tree over and over.

If you want to judge people off of things that you stereotype and have no real actual understanding on other than "ew that person is fat and ugly and I am terrified of becoming that/going back to that", let's go ahead and lay the one judging out on the plinth of shame as well. I guaran-effing-tee you that we can find a good dozen things to judge you back on.

There is not a person alive that can walk around judging others and not have their own issues that could be ripped out in the open and shamed with. It just so happens that being fat is an outward visible thing.

Being pretty on the outside is short term and fleeting. Time, disease, genetics all take their toll on a human body. And when you can't fall back on your looks anymore and only have that toxic diseased core which is 100x uglier than an obese person in the grocery store carting the ice cream around, you'll find out the true meaning of what being unhealthy is.

Health is a combination of not just physical appearance, but your intellectual and inner core as well. You may be hot as hell on the outside and ugly and toxic as hell on the inside... except eating makeup isn't going to make you prettier there.

hotmama1174

Don't feel bad AT ALL!!! What I have recognized is exactly what you said....it is easy to lose weight if you put your mind and effort to it...as my girlfriend says' you gotta mean it!!!'. You mean it and are dong what you need to do to be healthier and when you see people making decisions that are not what you are doing , you have the right to feel the way you do. I could go on and on about this but I will stop there!

Keep up the good work everyone!!!

Wickedmeowmer

I concur with thebonesyouremadeof; I couldn't care less if I see an overweight adult chowing down on something less than healthy, its their choice, but I DO get really sad and a little 'judgy' when I see an entire chubber's family with vastly overweight children macking down on trash. Its like the little's don't even have a chance...

I mean kids can have 'treats' a couple times a week, but if your kid is twice the size his age is supposed to be I'm going to need you to cut off box meals, burgers and candy, mmmkay?

I understand some parents just don't have resources/knowledge, yada yada yada, but I know plenty of low income families who know how to make a pot of lentil chili or low fat banana bread. ::sigh::

kateroot

I'm sure some of this has been said already, I haven't read the whole thread... OP, nothing is wrong with you. You've worked hard to get where you are, and you notice when people around you are of poor health. As long as you're not outwardly expressing your thoughts to these people, it's okay to have them. We all make judgments about the people around us, it's human nature.

Rather than "judging" really overweight people, I find myself sad for them. I know how awesome it feels to be fit and healthy, and I want everyone to be able to feel that way.

That said, try to keep in mind that a lot of people struggle with losing weight due to physical disabilities or illness. Sure, the vast majority of people could just eat healthier and exercise and their weight problems would be solved, but for some it's truly not that simple. I try to remind myself of that when I make a snap judgment about someone's appearance.

dlwyatt82

I mean kids can have 'treats' a couple times a week, but if your kid is twice the size his age is supposed to be I'm going to need you to cut off box meals, burgers and candy, mmmkay?

That's where you'd be crossing the line. You're not wrong about the people's situation, or what's happening to the kids, but you have no business trying to impose your own will onto another family, which is what it sounds like you're referring to with that "I'm going to need you to <whatever>" comment. If some random person actually said that to me, I might wind up punching them right there in the grocery store.

That's why I can't stand politics... bunch of self-righteous jerks telling other people how they should live their lives (on the right or the left, doesn't matter).

CookieCrumble

i work in a grocery store and i get so annoyed when i see families come through and spend maybe £100+ (i live in the UK) on a food shop and the only fresh thing they've bought it milk! especially when you can see that the parents and the children are overweight/obese. it really grinds on me though when those same people will buy food because it has the 'weightwatchers' label on it but they are seemingly incapable of buying ANY fruit and veg at all. and when you see the same customers come in week after week after week (some of the customers i've seen for the past 4 years i've worked this job) and there has been no change, it just baffles me. if a parent wants to eat nothing but junk then that is fine, but when they are feeding the children the same food and encouraging those habits in them, i get very judgemental. and yes, i do talk to the customers so i know for a fact that they aren't simply buying fruit or veg anywhere. i mean, i am all for eating everything in moderation but i can't stop myself getting judgemental in cases like that.

Yes, you can stop it. If you spoke to me about what was in my trolley or somebody elses, I'd report you. Mind your own business. Who the heck do you think you are?

tequila09

I've always been this way but I'm not rude or anything and I'm sure people judge me for whatever reason. What really makes me sad is seeing overweight parents with very overweight children