Modest Women?
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No matter how anyone dresses they should be able to walk around without having to worry that some married man is going to get a boner because he has no self control. I can wear whatever I want and I have the right to do so without being harassed on the way in which I dress.
And another thing, "Many of them are already trying." Trying to do what? Not bang every chick that walks by because they lack self control? THAT is what I was referring to as being pathetic. The fact that you're implying that people dress a certain way because men can't control themselves and they are helping the man, is just sad.
Also, don't get me wrong, everyone can dress how ever they chose to, but if you're dressing a certain way because you want to make sure men don't go straying from their wives because you're showing some cleavage, as opposed to dressing the way you WANT because that makes YOU happy, then we are being set way back in the woman's movement.
I got the feeling that you either did not read or did not understand a thing I was saying. I guessed from your writing that you were around 20? I clicked your profile and saw that I was very close.
I grew out of the notion that life is all about ME and what *I* want to do and MY rights. Of course everyone of us here has the right to do or say or wear pretty much whatever we want. No arguments there. If it makes you happy to show your cleavage? Well, I'm not telling *you* not to. I'm just telling you that I personally don't because I'm considerate of the opinions and feelings of others that I care about. And you want to take that and run with it saying that I'm worried I'll give my married friends boners and they won't be able to control themselves and possibly even bang me along with every other chick that walks by? :laugh: No, sweetie. What I meant to say is that they are trying to not look at cleavage. Because they really don't want to see it. But sometimes they can't help it because it's RIGHT THERE.
Maybe it's just that I get all the male attention and backrubs and sexy texts and good sex I want. I have no need to go looking for validation anywhere else.
Peace be with you, dear. I think I've contributed about all I can to this discussion. :flowerforyou:0 -
Also, don't get me wrong, everyone can dress how ever they chose to, but if you're dressing a certain way because you want to make sure men don't go straying from their wives because you're showing some cleavage, as opposed to dressing the way you WANT because that makes YOU happy, then we are being set way back in the woman's movement.
That's really true.
If you want to dress modestly for you, great. But if you're dressing modestly because you are trying to help men, that is a problem. Dress how you want to! If you want to wear low-cut shirts and short skirts, go for it. Men might stare at you, but that's their problem if they can't resist looking at you. There is always somewhere else you can look, if you're uncomfortable looking at something. People have to be strong enough to resist temptation and remain faithful.
And no woman in a relationship can honestly say she's never looked at another man. It goes both ways.
With all this Rush Limbaugh stuff going on, about how women are sluts if they want/use birth control, women really need to band together and stop insulting each other.
ETA - I think I dress relatively modestly. I prefer pants and I usually don't show cleavage. However, there are sometimes where I wear lower cut shirts out, mostly to the bars and stuff. I wear dresses a lot in the summer, but I like modest swimsuits!0 -
I dress modestly. I don't wear a lot of skirts. I do wear trousers but they are baggy. It drives me crazy when I see someone with tight trousers, they have got to be uncomfortable with all that fabric sticking to them. Cleavage wise I use those cami secrets. I love them! 0
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With all this Rush Limbaugh stuff going on, about how women are sluts if they want/use birth control
just an fyi, that is not what he said. he said that women who want other people to pay for their birth control are likened to women who want to be paid for sex, i.e. it is a form of prostitution or pimping.
i don't agree with him, but don't twist his words or intentions.0 -
I am modest when reasonable. I don't wear things that are revealing when attending church or formal affairs. I don't show my boobs, not that I have much to show anyway, but I will let my legs show more for my comfort than to show off... I like being able to run when I need to or am exercising so I will wear shorts. I don't own a bikini. tankini yes, one piece, yes...0
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With all this Rush Limbaugh stuff going on, about how women are sluts if they want/use birth control
just an fyi, that is not what he said. he said that women who want other people to pay for their birth control are likened to women who want to be paid for sex, i.e. it is a form of prostitution or pimping.
i don't agree with him, but don't twist his words or intentions.
I agree with him.0 -
okay....im gonna be the only guy apparently that decided to post-although, im sure many guy's read it.
HOW IS A SKIRT MORE MODEST THAN PANTS...NO MATTER THE LENGTH?? If I see a skirt, my eyes go straight to the bottom of the skirt...if that skirt is mid-thigh, thats where I look...if its knee-high, thats where I look...if your skirt travels all the way down to your itty bitty ankle...thats where I look, lol. My point its, men look and no matter how long that skirt is, we wanna look up it, lol...so in my mind, pants are more modest-yes, pants these days to tent to be "tight to the form" but would you rather have a guy trying to look up your skirt, or rather just taking a lil peak at your booty? oohhh, im prolly gonna catch hell from you ladies now, but yeah...least im honest:)0 -
I don't take modesty to the extreme that you do. I generally go by the rule of thumb: "If I wouldn't want my SO's head to turn at some other woman because she was wearing something like this, I probably shouldn't be wearing it in public either." My reasons for modesty do have more to do with biblical convictions rather than insecurity, or mere prudishness, or any other reason. Men are easily turned on by what they see, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for causing someone to lust after me instead of their wife because, according to God's Word, for a man to even have a lustful thought about any woman other than his wife is considered adultery. Look at the story of David and Bathsheba. Their affair started with a single lustful thought in David's mind. That's just my belief/opinion on the matter. You asked, so I answered. I don't expect anyone else to agree with me or even understand my point of view. This isn't meant to stir the pot in any way.
As a Christian woman, I have this same mindset. Most women, being wired differently, often don't understand the way the male mind thinks. I have heard and read many pleas from Christian men to their Christian sisters concerning dress. They would rather not look at or think about other women's curves other than their wives, but their eyes are naturally drawn to feminine curves. It's bad enough having to battle against temptation in our sex-saturated society, but they shouldn't have to battle against temptation from their sisters as well! We should be on their side helping them! I respect these guys greatly, and I don't want to do anything to cause them to stumble!
For all the other guys out there who want to ogle and get whatever peek they can, I'd rather not give them that satisfaction. As I've said before on a thread, the only guy who deserves the pleasure of looking at my unclothed body is the guy who fathered my children, rubs my back at night, and gets up early to fix breakfast so I can sleep in. I dress more revealing when it's just him and me. But before we go out in public, I ask him to check my dress.
I'll bet those of us who label ourselves as modest probably have a wide variation of guidelines we go by. I like stylish, flattering clothes, but I try to dress slightly more conservatively than the women around me. But a big part of it is mindset. If I want to call attention to myself in a sexual way, I can do that no matter what I am wearing. If I don't want that kind of attention, that will show as well.
I would not consider myself to be overly modest, however for religious reasons, and to be fair to brethren, I too cover up when men other than family are around, even when they are my step-son and his friends. I do not believe it is fair to throw in their faces what they are to be abstaining from thinking about. I do wear spaghetti strap tops, but only in my own home and when company is not present. I agree that my husband should be the only one thinking about what is under my clothes, and if I don't want others to think about it, I shouldn't put it in their faces. I have no problem with others dressing in mini-skirts and tube tops, they are very flattering on some, and it is entirely fine if that's their preference. I was not put on this earth to judge their actions or choices and therefore choose not to. I will wear form fitting jeans, but not so tight you can tell the cut of my undies lol. And I don't like wearing shorts because of personal preference, unless they are long shorts. Super tight clothes are not comfy to me, but that is because of my size.0 -
When I leave my home or when my husband has friends over, I will dress modestly by wearing a hijab (headscarf worn by Muslims) and a long robe over my normal clothes, but when I'm at home with just family or female friends, then I'll wear whatever I want which is usually jeans and a tshirt, or yoga pants and tank tops.0
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When I leave my home or when my husband has friends over, I will dress modestly by wearing a hijab (headscarf worn by Muslims) and a long robe over my normal clothes, but when I'm at home with just family or female friends, then I'll wear whatever I want which is usually jeans and a tshirt, or yoga pants and tank tops.
I think the hijab is beautiful.
Are you Muslim? Do you wear it for prayer or for modesty? I'm just curious. In my faith women may (if they choose) cover their heads when they pray. Some women cover all the time because they like to pray all the time. Others don't cover at all. People may see the covering as a sign of humility or of modesty, depending. Some see it as both or neither. Some even see it as an attempt to get attention (I have been accused of this when covering in church).
In the end, coverings can be very beautiful, depending on why they are used.0 -
I dress modestly for religious reasons. I don't even show my shoulders. It is SO hard to find dresses, especially for formal events...
It kind of pisses me off in church when they say, "Dress modestly in order to keep the men's thoughts pure! Blah, blah, blah..." So we have to jump through hoops to find modest clothing and get chastized if we are "immodest", but the guys can wear whatever the hell they want and go shirtless. It's times like this when women get the short end of the stick...0 -
I dress modestly for religious reasons. I don't even show my shoulders. It is SO hard to find dresses, especially for formal events...
It kind of pisses me off in church when they say, "Dress modestly in order to keep the men's thoughts pure! Blah, blah, blah..." So we have to jump through hoops to find modest clothing and get chastized if we are "immodest", but the guys can wear whatever the hell they want and go shirtless. It's times like this when women get the short end of the stick...
This site has some REALLY cute modest dresses: http://www.beautifullymodest.com/0 -
I dress modestly for religious reasons. I don't even show my shoulders. It is SO hard to find dresses, especially for formal events...
It kind of pisses me off in church when they say, "Dress modestly in order to keep the men's thoughts pure! Blah, blah, blah..." So we have to jump through hoops to find modest clothing and get chastized if we are "immodest", but the guys can wear whatever the hell they want and go shirtless. It's times like this when women get the short end of the stick...
This site has some REALLY cute modest dresses: http://www.beautifullymodest.com/
Yes, I've been on that site a lot! My sister actually got her prom dress through them. I also love shabbyapple.com and downeastbasics.com!0 -
I dress modestly for religious reasons. I don't even show my shoulders. It is SO hard to find dresses, especially for formal events...
It kind of pisses me off in church when they say, "Dress modestly in order to keep the men's thoughts pure! Blah, blah, blah..." So we have to jump through hoops to find modest clothing and get chastized if we are "immodest", but the guys can wear whatever the hell they want and go shirtless. It's times like this when women get the short end of the stick...
This site has some REALLY cute modest dresses: http://www.beautifullymodest.com/
Yes, I've been on that site a lot! My sister actually got her prom dress through them. I also love shabbyapple.com and downeastbasics.com!
Yay for some new sites to shop at. Thank you. 0 -
Also, if you intend to call attention to your body parts that you know arouse men's imaginations, you need to be aware that you are advertising yourself as an object to be used for pleasure (at least mentally) by whomever sees you. The checker at the grocery store, the creepy maintenance guy, your friend's grandfather...
Try to not be surprised or offended when you are treated that way.
That's MY opinion. I am not bothered by others sharing their opinions. I have plenty of good friends who have widely different opinions from mine...so I know it can be done respectfully.
I agree that you should be allowed to dress modestly for your own reasons without ridicule.
I can't control other peoples' thoughts. But I can expect them to treat me respectfully. So yes, I can be offended if a man treats me as an object who is only to be used for pleasure, because he does not have the right to do that. If I wear a pair of skinny jeans and he likes legs, he absolutely does not have the right to talk down to me or treat me as any kind of object. And as has been pointed out, men are very visual. Where do I get to draw the line before he loses his right to treat me as an object to be used for pleasure? When he likes my face or my hair? When he likes the look of my figure through my modest clothing?
Maybe instead of me taking responsibility for him, he can see it as an opportunity to renew his faith to his wife and look the other way. Maybe he can say a silent repentance for his lustful thought, both to his wife and toward a woman for seeing her as nothing but an object of pleasure because she has breasts and legs, and ask God for a little more spiritual guidance to strengthen him from the weakness of HIS flesh, not mine.0 -
I really hope that I am not offending you or your religion. I truly believe in live and let live when it comes to religion, as long as it doesn't infringe on anyone else. But if a man's religion means he can treat me as an object of pleasure because of the way I am dressed, I would consider that infringing on me. (If he merely thinks about me that way, well hey. Thoughts are thoughts and behaviors are behaviors. People are still people, men are still men. I know they have sexual thoughts, and that doesn't offend me.)0
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Modesty has never been for me.
I prefer fitted, tight and/or short clothing. 0 -
I really hope that I am not offending you or your religion. I truly believe in live and let live when it comes to religion, as long as it doesn't infringe on anyone else. But if a man's religion means he can treat me as an object of pleasure because of the way I am dressed, I would consider that infringing on me. (If he merely thinks about me that way, well hey. Thoughts are thoughts and behaviors are behaviors. People are still people, men are still men. I know they have sexual thoughts, and that doesn't offend me.)
I'm not offended. I would never tell a woman (or man) that I thought what s/he is wearing is inappropriate unless s/he asked me specifically what I thought. Because I don't want to make others feel uncomfortable. Maybe what they are wearing makes ME feel uncomfortable, but I'm a big girl and can deal with it. Some people are very sensitive!
But here's where I'm coming from.
There are people out there, men and women, who would rather not see another's sexual organs flaunted in front of them. It makes them uncomfortable.They find it disrespectful. They feel it infringes on them.
I agree that you are free to wear what you want. But I also strongly believe that if I'm free to express myself and speak my mind, then others are free to express themselves and speak their minds, too.
You may feel that their comments infringe on you, because you don't want to hear that. They may feel that you flaunting your breasts infringes on them because they don't want to see that.
The guys who want to see your breasts are more likely to comment than the guys who don't.
FWIW, most "religious" men who take their faith seriously and who believe in being respectful will try to look the other way. I agree with this wholeheartedly, and so does my husband:Maybe instead of me taking responsibility for him, he can see it as an opportunity to renew his faith to his wife and look the other way. Maybe he can say a silent repentance for his lustful thought, both to his wife and toward a woman for seeing her as nothing but an object of pleasure because she has breasts and legs, and ask God for a little more spiritual guidance to strengthen him from the weakness of HIS flesh, not mine.
But I want to point out here...I believe that the desire to draw attention to your body and be admired IS a weakness of the flesh. It's just a different weakness. Guys want to look and we know this and we want to be looked at. But we want the attention to be on OUR terms. We expect the guys to rein in their own weaknesses, but we don't feel like we should have to rein in ours? We can do whatever we want, but they must behave? We can flaunt ourselves in front of them, but they still must be respectful gentlemen?
See, I just don't believe in that kind of double standard. If I want to be shown courtesy and respect, I'll do my best to show it to others. Including keeping my desire for attention in check and in its proper setting. (No, I'm not perfect in this area. I'm trying.)
I can't say it often enough...respect is a two-way street.0 -
Modesty and Martine don't come from the same planet!
There was one period, last year around this time, when I didn't feel comfortable in fitted or revealing clothing because that was at my highest weight ever, I was ashamed of myself and didn't feel like ever going out of the house again, let alone in tight clothing, but now I'm almost back to my comfortable weight, it shows in my fashion sense. I'd never intentionally wear something that hides what I've achieved.
However, I do believe that every single person is entitled to live as they choose for the reasons that matter to them and that nobody should ever be mocked for any reason, so if you're most comfortable dressing modestly, well power to you!0 -
It all boils down to respecting others and respecting yourself. I don't need to see yours and you don't need to see mine.
I believe that's why society has become so trashy in the past 60+ years... what was once covered, protected, and saved for your spouse, is now hanging out for all to see... whether we want to or not!
There was a time when people respected themselves, their families, their spouses, their country. Now, it's all about who gets the most attention, no matter what the cost.
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I dress the way that I do because of my religious beliefs.
Dresses at least below calves.
Sleeves no shorter then 3/4 inch.
Shell under most shirts. Slip under thinner skirts.
I am complimented often on my appearance.
I love my way of life and am very active. I have friends that I go to the beach with and they wear bikinis. I body surf, jog, play vollyball etc. in my dress. It's not about what I'm wearing, rather, who I am. The people who hire me to paint a sign for them could care less about what I am wearing. I get the job because I can do it.
Some have mentioned that possibly these woman didn't have confidence. Low self esteem.
Picture yourself on a crowded beach in a dress and long sleeves. Bodysurfing. Actually, it takes a lot of backbone at times to stick to what you feel is right for you.0 -
I'm not offended. I would never tell a woman (or man) that I thought what s/he is wearing is inappropriate unless s/he asked me specifically what I thought. Because I don't want to make others feel uncomfortable. Maybe what they are wearing makes ME feel uncomfortable, but I'm a big girl and can deal with it. Some people are very sensitive!
But here's where I'm coming from.
There are people out there, men and women, who would rather not see another's sexual organs flaunted in front of them. It makes them uncomfortable.They find it disrespectful. They feel it infringes on them.
I agree that you are free to wear what you want. But I also strongly believe that if I'm free to express myself and speak my mind, then others are free to express themselves and speak their minds, too.
You may feel that their comments infringe on you, because you don't want to hear that. They may feel that you flaunting your breasts infringes on them because they don't want to see that.
The guys who want to see your breasts are more likely to comment than the guys who don't.
FWIW, most "religious" men who take their faith seriously and who believe in being respectful will try to look the other way. I agree with this wholeheartedly, and so does my husband But I want to point out here...I believe that the desire to draw attention to your body and be admired IS a weakness of the flesh. It's just a different weakness. Guys want to look and we know this and we want to be looked at. But we want the attention to be on OUR terms. We expect the guys to rein in their own weaknesses, but we don't feel like we should have to rein in ours? We can do whatever we want, but they must behave? We can flaunt ourselves in front of them, but they still must be respectful gentlemen? See, I just don't believe in that kind of double standard. If I want to be shown courtesy and respect, I'll do my best to show it to others. Including keeping my desire for attention in check and in its proper setting. (No, I'm not perfect in this area. I'm trying.)
I can't say it often enough...respect is a two-way street.
Of course respect is a two way street. And for the record, I don't wear figure flaunting clothing, but I still wholeheartedly argue that women who do in no way invite a man to treat them as a mere object to be used. No one has that right. And many of us do not consider our breasts to be mere sexual organs, and my first priority in how I dress myself is not going to be how a man perceives them. A man has the choice to look away if he doesn't want to see them, unless the woman is thrusting them in his face. If a man (or a woman) wanted to talk to me about my outfit, I suppose they have that right, though that would be more of an infringement than my mere existence.
Put it this way--I could argue that a woman is turned on by men who seem like they can provide. It would be ridiculous for women to expect men not to dress well so as not to make them think desirous thoughts toward a man who isn't her mate. And it would be ridiculous for said woman to say, "If you choose to wear a Rolex, don't be offended when I treat you like a bank."
And yes, I expect a man to behave. There's a big difference between someone liking attention and a man treating her as if she is nothing more than an object to be used. Truly, which one is the bigger sin? It's a short step away from saying a woman asks to be raped. A woman could walk in front of me naked and I wouldn't debase her--because I don't think of anyone as mere objects to be used for my pleasure. That's not something we can induce in another person--that's a deep flaw in the person who can do that.
It's not my responsibility to worry about a man's sins of the flesh, and it's not his responsibility to worry about mine. If he considers me to be sinning by having breasts that aren't encased in a loose fitting turtleneck, that's between me and whatever God he believes in. If he has a lustful thought, that's between him and whatever God he believes in. If he treats me as an object, he's just made it my problem and has sinned upon me. Again, my breasts are not a sin, and they are not an infringement on anyone. A man who does not wish to be exposed to breasts in any way should be the one to find a way to remove himself or limit himself from a society that does not require them to be covered, not expect women to accommodate that. They are a part of the female body, not something to be ashamed of or have to keep secret.
If I knew a man has an issue with it, it would be disrespectful and rights-infringing to deliberately flaunt myself at him. But to walk around in polite society with more skin than he's comfortable seeing, doing my own thing, and not harassing him? Not an infringement.0 -
I'd like to learn to dress in a more modest fashion but still look fashionable. I've always been large on top and anything too high up on the neckline makes me feel like I'm suffocating!0
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Do what is comfortable for you. As long as you feel beautiful and are happy when you look into the mirror that more power to you.
Tight and revealing clothes doesn't make someone sexy....that is all you on the inside!
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I like women to dress modestly and only be overly flirty with me (If I am dating them). Could be why I like cowgirls so much. They tend to be the kind of women who only have eyes for their man. Nothign wrong with dressing sexy but why give it all away instead of saving it for your man.0
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This is my life in clothes:
Day 1: Uniform for work.
Day 2: Get off work at 7am, shower, put on pajamas.
Day 3: Shower again, put on new pajamas.
Day 4-5-6: Repeat.
If I have to leave the house, I throw on whatever is clean and still fits, which is barely anything anymore.0 -
I'm a modest dresser. I don't like showing my shoulders, and I rarely wear shorts, though I hate skirts. I'm just most comfortable when I'm a little more covered.0
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I think there is a time and a place. When I am at home, I wear WAY less than I would wear in public. I like my body (even with the few extra lbs I am trying to get rid of). I am a nurse now and understand I could run into a co-worker or potential employer anywhere. I dont want to lose out on an amazing oppurtunity because of a silly outfit. I dont wear shorts because they always ride up. I dont wear anything that causes a muffin top (achievable at any weight). I dont have clevage to show. The beach is fair game for whatever. I like dressing nice but I also need to dress like I may meet a potential employer.0
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This probably is somewhat like me.I'm not sure, honestly!
I had no problem flaunting myself when I was younger and in hot shape.
However, as a mum of 3, I no longer desire men staring at my body. The idea of wearing pants so tight that the contours between my thighs are visible just plain old weirds me out. Same thing with cleavage. ( Mind you, I'm barely a b cup, so it's really not hard to avoid showing cleavage ).
I'd love to wear ATTRACTIVE clothes, but not ATTRACTING clothes, if that makes sense.
I am sensitive to the idea of attractive vs. attracting.
Partly because I respect the wives of other men!
And I like the sexual expression to be inside of a committed married forever relationship.
My husband is VERY attracted to me and I get LOTS of attention, and I believe I can attribute that to a healthy sexual focus....on eachother! I dress for success in this area, AT HOME
When I see women out in public, dressed "immodestly" I really don't think too much about it.....unless she has an immodest way about her...then it's different somehow. It's more the person than the outfit.
But I know for men, they can't hardly help but have a reaction to what they see. So I value being concientious about this.0 -
I'm curious - why are pants not modest?? Last I checked, they cover everything... unless I'm doing it wrong... which is entirely possible.
Skinny leg jeans don't really leave much to the imagination.
Depends on how much imagination you have. :flowerforyou:
But honestly, I think everyone should wear what they feel comfortable in, enjoy wearing and is at lest semi-appropriate to their surroundings. (IE, don't wear a baseball cap to a black tie wedding, and don't wear a formal gown to a ball game... that's not why they're called BALL gowns. ) 0
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