Modest Women?

EmCarroll1990

I don't take modesty to the extreme that you do. I generally go by the rule of thumb: "If I wouldn't want my SO's head to turn at some other woman because she was wearing something like this, I probably shouldn't be wearing it in public either." My reasons for modesty do have more to do with biblical convictions rather than insecurity, or mere prudishness, or any other reason. Men are easily turned on by what they see, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for causing someone to lust after me instead of their wife because, according to God's Word, for a man to even have a lustful thought about any woman other than his wife is considered adultery. Look at the story of David and Bathsheba. Their affair started with a single lustful thought in David's mind. That's just my belief/opinion on the matter. You asked, so I answered. I don't expect anyone else to agree with me or even understand my point of view. This isn't meant to stir the pot in any way.

As a Christian woman, I have this same mindset. Most women, being wired differently, often don't understand the way the male mind thinks. I have heard and read many pleas from Christian men to their Christian sisters concerning dress. They would rather not look at or think about other women's curves other than their wives, but their eyes are naturally drawn to feminine curves. It's bad enough having to battle against temptation in our sex-saturated society, but they shouldn't have to battle against temptation from their sisters as well! We should be on their side helping them! I respect these guys greatly, and I don't want to do anything to cause them to stumble!
For all the other guys out there who want to ogle and get whatever peek they can, I'd rather not give them that satisfaction. As I've said before on a thread, the only guy who deserves the pleasure of looking at my unclothed body is the guy who fathered my children, rubs my back at night, and gets up early to fix breakfast so I can sleep in. I dress more revealing when it's just him and me. But before we go out in public, I ask him to check my dress.

I'll bet those of us who label ourselves as modest probably have a wide variation of guidelines we go by. I like stylish, flattering clothes, but I try to dress slightly more conservatively than the women around me. But a big part of it is mindset. If I want to call attention to myself in a sexual way, I can do that no matter what I am wearing. If I don't want that kind of attention, that will show as well.

I'm sorry but that is so darn pathetic. Not you, but what you said. Because women are dressing a certain way, it's going to make men stray? And they just can't help it? If me showing off some cleavage here and there is going to make a man "stumble" then I say, "Tell these 'men' to grow a pair of balls and learn self control."

First of all, I would appreciate a little manners, please. "I totally disagree with what you said" is respectful. "That's so darn pathetic" is rude and disrespectful. Does sharing a differing opinion from yours really warrant rudeness and disrespect?

With that said, no where in my post did I state that the way I dress is "going to make men stray and they can't help it." Nor did I mean to imply it.
The men that I am speaking of realize that they are responsible for their own thoughts and behaviors. I've heard one say that being confronted with an image of a woman's sexuality (whether in person or in the media) is like being on the computer and having to click the 'X' on the popup window before they have a chance to see it or think about it, if that makes any sense. Even when you install a pop-up blocker, some get through. What I meant to imply is, knowing how hard this battle can be for some of them, I don't want to intentionally place something out there that they are going to have to try to avoid or try not to think about. I have many guy friends, and I like visiting with them. I want them to feel comfortable around me, especially the guys I train with. I don't want to be one of those pesky "popups" that they have to quickly close down.

Sure you can say "Tell these 'men' to grow a pair of balls and learn self control."
But I could just as easily say "Many of them are already trying. What's wrong with us meeting them halfway and trying a little ourselves?"

Also, if you intend to call attention to your body parts that you know arouse men's imaginations, you need to be aware that you are advertising yourself as an object to be used for pleasure (at least mentally) by whomever sees you. The checker at the grocery store, the creepy maintenance guy, your friend's grandfather...
Try to not be surprised or offended when you are treated that way.

That's MY opinion. I am not bothered by others sharing their opinions. I have plenty of good friends who have widely different opinions from mine...so I know it can be done respectfully.

No matter how anyone dresses they should be able to walk around without having to worry that some married man is going to get a boner because he has no self control. I can wear whatever I want and I have the right to do so without being harassed on the way in which I dress.

And another thing, "Many of them are already trying." Trying to do what? Not bang every chick that walks by because they lack self control? THAT is what I was referring to as being pathetic. The fact that you're implying that people dress a certain way because men can't control themselves and they are helping the man, is just sad.

Also, don't get me wrong, everyone can dress how ever they chose to, but if you're dressing a certain way because you want to make sure men don't go straying from their wives because you're showing some cleavage, as opposed to dressing the way you WANT because that makes YOU happy, then we are being set way back in the woman's movement.

christa_dee

I'm the same way...no pants, tight clothes, no cleavage, and skirt go mid-below the knee!(preferably below, it's just hard to find when you're tall lol) I love it!:) I dress this way because I believe God made us for our future spouse and that's it, no one else should be seeing all that I have! Also, I don't want to cause other guys(in church especially) to struggle with anything that might distract them....not saying I have a "distracting" body lol you just never know!

mommared53

So, to the people who say they dress modestly for religious reasons, would you consider Eve a wh*re? In all seriousness, because I'm actually quite curious. I mean, in all depictions of her she is wearing leaves and her breasts are usually covered by nothing but her hair. What was the point of your "higher power" giving us such amazing bodies if they weren't meant to be shown?

Oh please. Do you really think those pictures are what Eve actually looked like? And Genesis mentions that God made coats of skins to clothe Adam and Eve after they sinned. So yes, God did make us to originally be nude but he also made clothes to wear.

wee_wolfie

As long as two thirds of your flesh isn't naked and you @ss isn't hanging out, then I think people can wear what they want. I am mostly about jeans and band shirts personally, but I do have a couple of above the knee skirts that I wear with tights or leggings. I also wear jodhpurs most days by necessity, and they are sadly clingy!

Evelyn_22

I'm 22 and semi modest, i don't wear skirts, shorts, tank tops, bathing suits, halter tops, short dresses, tube tops or belly shirts in public. I pretty much live in jeans and tee shirts. If i'm feeling risky i'll wear a low cut top.

I don't dress up for 2 reasons. 1. I'm married so I don't want the attention. 2.I always have and always will hate my body.

godblessourhome

i want to be attractive/well-kept, but modest. when i was bigger, it was tempting to show my cleavage all the time because that was one of the few body parts i liked (hated my stomach and arms) and i felt like it 'hid' my flaws. "here look at my chest and maybe you won't notice i'm fat." now that i am smaller, i see how silly i was.

one area i still struggle with modesty is gym attire. i know i am going to be hot, but i like to feel feminine so i wear running skirts and tank tops instead of sweats and t-shirts. i usually double the tank top, but i still see many guys' eye stray towards me when i am running on the treadmill. it makes me feel uncomfortable.

being attractive, in a modest way, is a hard line for me to walk. i don't want to attract the attention of other men, but i do want to look good to (and for) my husband.

birdieintx

I'm not modest but I am appropriate.

KareninCanada

Me....

Considering how cold it gets in northern Alberta, I absolutely do wear pants. I don't really have a personal conviction to go dresses-only, but I have several friends who do and I think it's great that they're happy embracing it. I read a blog once where the writer observed that in our culture the distinctions have become so blurred that it's literally hard to tell a person's gender sometimes, and she wanted to know that if someone saw her from a distance they would *know* she was a woman.

Although at the moment I'm in yoga pants and t-shirt, in general I try to dress in a way that covers up the secrets but still looks nice on me, honors my husband and my God, sets a good example for my daughters, and shows at least some consideration for other people (helllooooo, moms who wear teeny bikinis to parent-tot swim). As far as swimwear... that's definitely a challenge for me, because I want to make sure I don't wear anything that I will have to argue with my girls about down the road. (If I wouldn't let them wear it, I won't wear it either.) I can guarantee that even if I get to a "perfect" body there will still be nothing worn in public that requires strings to hold it together. LOL

By the time it warms up I'm hoping that I'll have lost enough weight that my dresses will all fit again - but in winter I'll definitely be back into jeans!!



The pot-shot at the Duggars was rather uncalled-for, btw.... in case you're interested, Jana is aiming for a career in music or as a doula/midwife and Jill is planning to become a nurse.

penrbrown

The pot-shot at the Duggars was rather uncalled-for, btw.... in case you're interested, Jana is aiming for a career in music or as a doula/midwife and Jill is planning to become a nurse.

I love the Duggars.

I'm really just posting because Canada !

becoming_a_new_me

I think everyone should just run around naked all the time.. alot of problems would be solved that way...

I 100% approve this comment. And shall start doing this once I get home tonight.

If society allowed it, I'd be nekked too!!

bushidowoman

No matter how anyone dresses they should be able to walk around without having to worry that some married man is going to get a boner because he has no self control. I can wear whatever I want and I have the right to do so without being harassed on the way in which I dress.

And another thing, "Many of them are already trying." Trying to do what? Not bang every chick that walks by because they lack self control? THAT is what I was referring to as being pathetic. The fact that you're implying that people dress a certain way because men can't control themselves and they are helping the man, is just sad.

Also, don't get me wrong, everyone can dress how ever they chose to, but if you're dressing a certain way because you want to make sure men don't go straying from their wives because you're showing some cleavage, as opposed to dressing the way you WANT because that makes YOU happy, then we are being set way back in the woman's movement.

I got the feeling that you either did not read or did not understand a thing I was saying. I guessed from your writing that you were around 20? I clicked your profile and saw that I was very close.

I grew out of the notion that life is all about ME and what *I* want to do and MY rights. Of course everyone of us here has the right to do or say or wear pretty much whatever we want. No arguments there. If it makes you happy to show your cleavage? Well, I'm not telling *you* not to. I'm just telling you that I personally don't because I'm considerate of the opinions and feelings of others that I care about. And you want to take that and run with it saying that I'm worried I'll give my married friends boners and they won't be able to control themselves and possibly even bang me along with every other chick that walks by? :laugh: No, sweetie. What I meant to say is that they are trying to not look at cleavage. Because they really don't want to see it. But sometimes they can't help it because it's RIGHT THERE.

Maybe it's just that I get all the male attention and backrubs and sexy texts and good sex I want. I have no need to go looking for validation anywhere else.

Peace be with you, dear. I think I've contributed about all I can to this discussion. :flowerforyou:

christine24t

Also, don't get me wrong, everyone can dress how ever they chose to, but if you're dressing a certain way because you want to make sure men don't go straying from their wives because you're showing some cleavage, as opposed to dressing the way you WANT because that makes YOU happy, then we are being set way back in the woman's movement.

That's really true.
If you want to dress modestly for you, great. But if you're dressing modestly because you are trying to help men, that is a problem. Dress how you want to! If you want to wear low-cut shirts and short skirts, go for it. Men might stare at you, but that's their problem if they can't resist looking at you. There is always somewhere else you can look, if you're uncomfortable looking at something. People have to be strong enough to resist temptation and remain faithful.
And no woman in a relationship can honestly say she's never looked at another man. It goes both ways.
With all this Rush Limbaugh stuff going on, about how women are sluts if they want/use birth control, women really need to band together and stop insulting each other.

ETA - I think I dress relatively modestly. I prefer pants and I usually don't show cleavage. However, there are sometimes where I wear lower cut shirts out, mostly to the bars and stuff. I wear dresses a lot in the summer, but I like modest swimsuits!

Kootiequeen

I dress modestly. I don't wear a lot of skirts. I do wear trousers but they are baggy. It drives me crazy when I see someone with tight trousers, they have got to be uncomfortable with all that fabric sticking to them. Cleavage wise I use those cami secrets. I love them!

godblessourhome

With all this Rush Limbaugh stuff going on, about how women are sluts if they want/use birth control

just an fyi, that is not what he said. he said that women who want other people to pay for their birth control are likened to women who want to be paid for sex, i.e. it is a form of prostitution or pimping.

i don't agree with him, but don't twist his words or intentions.

DaughterOfTheMostHighKing

I am modest when reasonable. I don't wear things that are revealing when attending church or formal affairs. I don't show my boobs, not that I have much to show anyway, but I will let my legs show more for my comfort than to show off... I like being able to run when I need to or am exercising so I will wear shorts. I don't own a bikini. tankini yes, one piece, yes...

DaughterOfTheMostHighKing

With all this Rush Limbaugh stuff going on, about how women are sluts if they want/use birth control

just an fyi, that is not what he said. he said that women who want other people to pay for their birth control are likened to women who want to be paid for sex, i.e. it is a form of prostitution or pimping.

i don't agree with him, but don't twist his words or intentions.

I agree with him.

TexasTroy

okay....im gonna be the only guy apparently that decided to post-although, im sure many guy's read it.

HOW IS A SKIRT MORE MODEST THAN PANTS...NO MATTER THE LENGTH?? If I see a skirt, my eyes go straight to the bottom of the skirt...if that skirt is mid-thigh, thats where I look...if its knee-high, thats where I look...if your skirt travels all the way down to your itty bitty ankle...thats where I look, lol. My point its, men look and no matter how long that skirt is, we wanna look up it, lol...so in my mind, pants are more modest-yes, pants these days to tent to be "tight to the form" but would you rather have a guy trying to look up your skirt, or rather just taking a lil peak at your booty? oohhh, im prolly gonna catch hell from you ladies now, but yeah...least im honest:)

tmoyer1209

I don't take modesty to the extreme that you do. I generally go by the rule of thumb: "If I wouldn't want my SO's head to turn at some other woman because she was wearing something like this, I probably shouldn't be wearing it in public either." My reasons for modesty do have more to do with biblical convictions rather than insecurity, or mere prudishness, or any other reason. Men are easily turned on by what they see, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for causing someone to lust after me instead of their wife because, according to God's Word, for a man to even have a lustful thought about any woman other than his wife is considered adultery. Look at the story of David and Bathsheba. Their affair started with a single lustful thought in David's mind. That's just my belief/opinion on the matter. You asked, so I answered. I don't expect anyone else to agree with me or even understand my point of view. This isn't meant to stir the pot in any way.

As a Christian woman, I have this same mindset. Most women, being wired differently, often don't understand the way the male mind thinks. I have heard and read many pleas from Christian men to their Christian sisters concerning dress. They would rather not look at or think about other women's curves other than their wives, but their eyes are naturally drawn to feminine curves. It's bad enough having to battle against temptation in our sex-saturated society, but they shouldn't have to battle against temptation from their sisters as well! We should be on their side helping them! I respect these guys greatly, and I don't want to do anything to cause them to stumble!
For all the other guys out there who want to ogle and get whatever peek they can, I'd rather not give them that satisfaction. As I've said before on a thread, the only guy who deserves the pleasure of looking at my unclothed body is the guy who fathered my children, rubs my back at night, and gets up early to fix breakfast so I can sleep in. I dress more revealing when it's just him and me. But before we go out in public, I ask him to check my dress.

I'll bet those of us who label ourselves as modest probably have a wide variation of guidelines we go by. I like stylish, flattering clothes, but I try to dress slightly more conservatively than the women around me. But a big part of it is mindset. If I want to call attention to myself in a sexual way, I can do that no matter what I am wearing. If I don't want that kind of attention, that will show as well.

I would not consider myself to be overly modest, however for religious reasons, and to be fair to brethren, I too cover up when men other than family are around, even when they are my step-son and his friends. I do not believe it is fair to throw in their faces what they are to be abstaining from thinking about. I do wear spaghetti strap tops, but only in my own home and when company is not present. I agree that my husband should be the only one thinking about what is under my clothes, and if I don't want others to think about it, I shouldn't put it in their faces. I have no problem with others dressing in mini-skirts and tube tops, they are very flattering on some, and it is entirely fine if that's their preference. I was not put on this earth to judge their actions or choices and therefore choose not to. I will wear form fitting jeans, but not so tight you can tell the cut of my undies lol. And I don't like wearing shorts because of personal preference, unless they are long shorts. Super tight clothes are not comfy to me, but that is because of my size.

borekcisara

When I leave my home or when my husband has friends over, I will dress modestly by wearing a hijab (headscarf worn by Muslims) and a long robe over my normal clothes, but when I'm at home with just family or female friends, then I'll wear whatever I want which is usually jeans and a tshirt, or yoga pants and tank tops.

penrbrown

When I leave my home or when my husband has friends over, I will dress modestly by wearing a hijab (headscarf worn by Muslims) and a long robe over my normal clothes, but when I'm at home with just family or female friends, then I'll wear whatever I want which is usually jeans and a tshirt, or yoga pants and tank tops.

I think the hijab is beautiful.

Are you Muslim? Do you wear it for prayer or for modesty? I'm just curious. In my faith women may (if they choose) cover their heads when they pray. Some women cover all the time because they like to pray all the time. Others don't cover at all. People may see the covering as a sign of humility or of modesty, depending. Some see it as both or neither. Some even see it as an attempt to get attention (I have been accused of this when covering in church).

In the end, coverings can be very beautiful, depending on why they are used.