Would you date someone whose religion is different than your

prose58

I could not date someone who had a different religion as me as the Bible tells us not to be unequally yoked.

I was just that for 15 years and it ended up going the wrong way rather than the right way and I knew that I could not stay in the marriage for his "new" lifestyle was very wrong in God's eyes.

My1985Freckles

I think the sad trend in this thread is that the devout religious seem to have a problem respecting another person's religion or lack of religion and have no faith in another person to be truly respectful of theirs.
Respect makes the world go 'round, folks!

I think you are misunderstanding. Just because we would not marry someone with different religious/spiritual beliefs, that does not mean that we don't have respect for their beliefs. If that is what Jim choses to believe, that is fine by me, BUT I'm not going to marry Jim. My relationship with Christ is just so important to me that I need to be able to share it with my spouse.

KareninCanada

How important do you think it is to date someone who has the same religious beliefs as you? I want your opinions, please!

Utterly essential.

BigDaddyBRC

its just too much of a fundamental issue with me. trying to make a point here without offending ... but it'd be a dealbreaker for me. I dont think i could get past the fact someone believes in what ~i~ think is an imaginary friend.

What's wrong with Imaginary friends? I love the voices in my head. They tell me Im sexy and to work out.

catshark209

I wouldn't do it.
I was a fervent Catholic all my life, I married an Agnostic...and it was way too many conflicts. The arguments we had to have my son baptized, the whole Lent thing, etc etc.
I had a sort of waking up in my early 30's and I consider myself Humanist now. I'm raising my son to be good, for goodness sake. To do the right thing, because its the right thing to do.
Of course, my ex husband likes to tell me " I told you so"....
My partner now is also Agnostic, and while we aren't having children together, I think it would be very difficult to stay together if we were of differing religious views.

Carrot1971

According to the Bible, you should "kill" non-believers, so why don't you do that?

I believe you're misreading the Ten Commandments.

Also ignoring the New Testament.

The first sign of someone who is ignorant of the Bible and Christianity is when they start quoting Mosaic Law written more than a thousand years before Christ existed and asking why Christians don't follow those laws.

No fair, when so often Christians will start spouting "Old Testament" judgment as political dogma, i.e., "an eye for an eye" or whatever anti-gay or even anti-Onanism bit they've committed to memory. Often, Christians themselves spout "Mosaic Law" and defend it as an integral part of their faith. It's not surprising folks can't keep it straight when the believers themselves are often of two minds on the matter.

Religion is a very sensitive subject for many. Myself included. I always try to be respect of others beliefs (or lack of beliefs) as long as they treat me with respect as well.

That being said, I think the Christians who spout the "an eye for an eye" are full of it. Jesus said for FORGIVE! He preached on tolerance and love. Not bigotry, hatred and jealousy. We may not agree with our brothers and sisters but we are told we HAVE to love them anyway. Even though we are right (HAHAH>..THAT WAS A JOKE!!! Seriously, a JOKE!!! lol)

beskimoosh

No fair, when so often Christians will start spouting "Old Testament" judgment as political dogma, i.e., "an eye for an eye" or whatever anti-gay or even anti-Onanism bit they've committed to memory. Often, Christians themselves spout "Mosaic Law" and defend it as an integral part of their faith. It's not surprising folks can't keep it straight when the believers themselves are often of two minds on the matter.

Well, I can't believe no one has commented on the use of the phrase no fair!
No really, that's all I had to add.

Except that not all Christians are the same... because they're people. Just like not all athiests are the same.

My1985Freckles

Well I don't believe in religion, but a relationship with Christ I do. I couldn't spend the rest of my life with someone who didn't believe..

Amen

dlwyatt82

That's something only you and your partner can answer. I have dated women (and married one) whose beliefs aren't identical to mine, and it's never an issue unless the woman tries to pressure me into changing. As for children, I'm okay with whatever beliefs they adopt (or are taught), so long as they don't become the type of person who tries to force those beliefs on other people, which I find despicable.

Other people may have stronger views (like the OP's boyfriend who originally stated he'd never allow his children to attend church). If that's your position, then you should certainly be looking for someone who shares your views, or you're setting yourself up for a giant pile of misery.

mdundon09

My husband and I are the same religion and, even then, we still have religious and philosophical debates. I think that if religion is an important part of your life, it stands to reason that being a different religion will at some point cause conflict between you and your bf/spouse. Religion is one of those topics that, like politics, can lead to VERY strong feelings.

stablesong

When my boyfriend and I got together, I was under the impression that he wasn't really religious. He's always interested in eastern philosophies and Buddhism, etc, but one day he decided that he wanted to go to church. He asked me to go and I told him no. It's just not something I'm comfortable with. He mentions religion sometimes, usually in analogies when we're arguing/debating something. As much as I tell him I don't relate to it at all, he doesn't really get that. I guess he doesn't care, and I don't care if he's religious as long as he isn't forcing me to go to church or preaching at me.

I don't know how I feel about my kids going to church. I would never bring them myself or raise them Christian because I'm not Christian, but if they wanted to go with their friends or once they got older, I would let them. I won't stop them from following a belief system and making decisions, but I don't agree with Christianity so I wouldn't introduce them to it immediately.

ShandiH

My last relationship ended because he is Agnostic and I am a Christian. We finally had the "religion talk" and he said he wouldn't allow his children to go to church. That was a big deal to me, considering I grew up going to church 2x/week. I told him I couldn't raise children without bringing them to church, so we broke up.

Now that we have been apart for several months, I have been actually excited to meet someone with the same beliefs as me, because I have never made religion a priority in my dating life before.

Well..now my ex has changed his tune a little, and says he'd allow his children to go to church. He misses me, still loves me, etc, etc, and wants to get back together. Great! But is he going to ignore everything relating to God except the going to church part? For example, if I am having a conversation about God to my kids, is he just going to leave the room? I really don't see how I can keep God in my life AND my ex at the same time.

How important do you think it is to date someone who has the same religious beliefs as you? I want your opinions, please!

Regardless of my personal beliefs, religion - or the lack thereof - is one of those big irreconcilable differences; you MUST be on the same page! Marriage and raising kids are difficult in and of themselves, no reason to make that even more difficult. I know situations can change but I'd much rather start on the same page than somewhere completely different.

OLFATUG

What's wrong with Imaginary friends? I love the voices in my head. They tell me Im sexy and to work out.

I think your imaginary friends might be drinking buddies with my imaginary friends!

DietingMommy08

I was raised christian.... more so forced to go to church 3x a week growing up.
There are also a lot of pagen/wiccans in my family.

I have a lot of different beliefs but most of them stem out to be pagan/wiccan.

My boyfriend of 7 years on the other hand grew up very religious, definetly believes in god, goes to chuch on sundays, dont believe in gay marriage or relationships (Btw I am pansexual and have been in a relationship with a female) and the whole 9 years.

We have a 3 year old son.
We have decided to let our son pick his own religion.

We do talk about god, we do talk about spirits, we dont keep anything "closed" discussion, even thought he dont understand at the moment completely but he will know that there are more then one "belief" out there.

Religion is a PERSONAL belief.
You cant force it on somebody and have you have be open minded about others beliefs as well.

"Judge not, and you will not be judged....."

JNick77

Religion is a very sensitive subject for many. Myself included. I always try to be respect of others beliefs (or lack of beliefs) as long as they treat me with respect as well.

That being said, I think the Christians who spout the "an eye for an eye" are full of it. Jesus said for FORGIVE! He preached on tolerance and love. Not bigotry, hatred and jealousy. We may not agree with our brothers and sisters but we are told we HAVE to love them anyway. Even though we are right (HAHAH>..THAT WAS A JOKE!!! Seriously, a JOKE!!! lol)

Thank you and well put. That one of the reasons why I have such a big problem with religion. Many of the biggest *kitten* and biggots that I know are self-proclaimed "good" Christians. I always love when somebody introduces theirself as a "good" Christian person. One's religion doesn't make them good, one's ACTIONS make them good. Religion is just a philosophical approach to life.

StarGeezer

I'm very religious. In the past, I've tried to be "accommodating" to differing beliefs for the sake of the relationship.This usually ends badly, as the person making the concessions winds up being the doormat for the more dominant personality. Keep in mind this goes beyond holding to a particular credo. Your beliefs also color your core values, and if there's a conflict that arises because of this (and mark me, it will, eventually) then one party or the other feels they are compromising their values.

I'm also somewhat perplexed...if I read your OP correctly, you indicated you had moved on and already gotten into another relationship. So why are you contemplating looking elsewhere? Your ex had his "at bat"...he swung, he missed. Consider the impact such a move would have on your current partner. And I agree with the woman on the first page... he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear in order to have you back. Chances are likely he would renege on this arrangement once he got his way.

how did you get that I was in another relationship? Cuz I'm not...

In your original post, you said:

Now that we have been apart for several months, I have been actually excited to meet someone with the same beliefs as me, because I have never made religion a priority in my dating life before.

Now, in re-reading it, you don't say that you are in a relationship. But a cursory read-through made it sound like you might have found someone else who shared your faith.

Doesn't change the basic gist of what I said. It's not unheard of for someone to do a 180 on their position. But I'd approach it with caution and apply all due diligence before you consider jumping back into the relationship. You may want to start with just what caused such a sudden change-of-heart and whether it's genuine or was simply said to pacify the original conflict.

My1985Freckles

Wow. I was going to say it didn't matter to me, but I guess it would.

I'm athiest so I don't think I could date a believer. But then again, I wouldn't think a believer could date me either. If we were just different religions, I could say the potato potato thing, but i don't think someone could date me when i say there is no such thing as either. (and vice versa)

I think that it comes down to the individual and their beliefs. more than just believing or not. More an more people have a "spiritual" acknowledgement, but dont go to "church" because of the fire and brimstone attitudes.

Love is of the heart and soul. When you truly love someone, you love EVERYTHING that makes them who they are. Not just pieces to their puzzle. You dont have to like pieces, but you do love the person. Why allow something such as a belief be a deterrence for what could be the greatest experience in your life....sharing your journey with another in love?

its just too much of a fundamental issue with me. trying to make a point here without offending ... but it'd be a dealbreaker for me. I dont think i could get past the fact someone believes in what ~i~ think is an imaginary friend.

I'm a born-again believer and I understand exactly what you mean. I couldn't date/marry an Atheist either. It doesn't make either of us "bad" or "intolerant."

thewade

I would not, but I would also not date/marry an Auburn fan, a Vol fan, or a Steelers fan so I'm probably not the best person to listen to. lol

KLo924

I don't know that I could do it - but it's all in how you work it out between the two of you. My husband is atheist and I'm agnostic (we were both raised Catholic. Now, if anything, I lean Hindu). I'm fascinated by religion and, understanding it's everywhere, would want my children to be exposed to the teachings of lots of different religions for education's sake. But, I would never let my child be forced into believing one or the other is "true" or "real" or "fact." That's for them to decide, if they want to.

So, you and I probably wouldn't work out lol, but maybe you and your ex can come to some agreement. I've known Christian/Jewish couples to work this out fine (both getting the opportunity to teach their beliefs).

bhalter

Yes, it is a generalization... and one that I'm comfortable asserting. I've never seen anything like religion to obstruct logical thought. I don't think IQ has anything to do with it... so let me clarify: Religion causes people to disrupt reason & logic.

So do politics and everything else. You can pick any social/political/religious issue and have tons of people with dozens of different ideas and explanations built upon their own opinions and not reason or logic. To make a sweeping generalization about how a "stupid streak" runs among the religious isn't a correct one. We shouldn't make generalizations at all. If we did, we can make a lot of sweeping generalizations about the type of people that need to be on this website, but I doubt you would like to be included in that.

Then why do so many Christians get up in arms when people want to remove the Ten Commandments from courthouses?

I don't know, I'm not one of them. Yes, this country was founded by religious men and founded on Christian principles, but if the government wants to remove those parts of history from their buildings, let them. It won't affect me or my beliefs.

JennieAL

(1) OP... your level of comfort (or discomfort) with sharing your life with someone of a different worldview is ENTIRELY the point here, because in the end it's not what HE believes, it's how YOU handle it

(2) Why are you people discussing Christian doctrine in this thread? It's so not the point here.

aquarius2571

I would and have been dating someone in a different religion. I am Catholic and he is Muslim. We agree to disagree on certain subjects. The biggest thing for me is having any religion, I believe, builds a certain character with certain values, regardless of the religion. The biggest issue to work on is compromise and lots of communication as the religion interferes with all decision making. I love my fiancee, but i realize, there are so many things we are going to disagree on. One of the things we did talk about was how would we raise our children. Many of the things you may not think about need discussion before you decide to get back together. I would also consider the person you are with now.

mdundon09

Also, the idea that one cannot having a logical/scientific mind and be religious is utter rubbish.

marieautumn

depends on the religion. i dated a protestant and i'm christian, i had to break things off because i could not see myself living that lifestyle. Although his family was very nice to me, i knew it would become an issue if things were to progress, especially since we both had children.

SchollinJ

I actually was in a very similar situation, although we never actually dated(we both wanted to but the religion thing was our deal breaker) because the guy was antagonistic, and I am a christian (he termed it uber-religous)and he said he'd never let his kids believe in that stuff. I started dating a different guy who I had a crush on and off for a long time and we were married shortly after we started dating- 5 months after dating (on his Rand R from Iraq), and my antagonistic friend was irritate because my husband is not a Christian. However, my husband does attend church functions and will read my children their bible to them when they ask and my kids are raised in the covenant religion and their dad will not argue that fact with them or with me and will even explain things to them as the covenant religion and bible, says, he respects mine and my children's religion but does not believe it himself. I do pray for him to accept Jesus, but do not force him to believe what I believe, and he does raise my children in the religion I believe in because we had the agreement of that before marriage, my husband and I will be celebrating our seventh year of marriage this September and I honestly am the happiest I have ever been, and I honestly know I could never have been with the other guy, because even if he allowed his kids to be christian from time to time my religion would have been ridiculed and my God is more important than any man. This is the definition of antagonistic ;Showing or feeling active opposition or hostility toward someone or something. I'm not saying antagonistic people are bad, I don't care what religion/beliefs some one is, I will still be friends with them but as I said before my God is important that any man, and personally for me it was a deal-breaker as for you it depends on whats important to you. You can make a relationship work, without being the same religion, I've been with my husband for 7 1/2 years and we chose to marry at 18 and 20, and we made are religion difference work. I just recommend the boundaries be set clear and once set neither of you expect more than what was all ready laid out.

bigdawg025

I think it's an interesting debate... I am not very religious, but I've always held a belief in God. However, I am also not ashamed nor afraid to question said God's existence. Why should I follow blindly something I was brainwashed to believe in as a kid when I have an adult mind (and a highly analytical, math and science based one at that). Look... just LOOK at how many people KILL in the name of religion!!! It sure as hell makes me want to head the other direction...

I think everyone has the right to believe what they believe...

Yes... I absolutely would date someone with different beliefs... I see no reason to hold one's beliefs against them. It does make things a LOT more difficult once you bring children into the mix, though. That's a tough decision you made... but ultimately you and only you know what is a deal breaker for you. I wish you the best!

jaymek92

i'm atheist and dating an agnostic/spiritualist. we've been going for over a year and any issues we have are not because of our beliefs. however, i couldn't date anybody who makes a big deal about their religion or tried to get me to go to church. as long as you're not trying to force your beliefs on me, i don't care.

jaymek92

I actually was in a very similar situation, although we never actually dated(we both wanted to but the religion thing was our deal breaker) because the guy was antagonistic, and I am a christian (he termed it uber-religous)and he said he'd never let his kids believe in that stuff. I started dating a different guy who I had a crush on and off for a long time and we were married shortly after we started dating- 5 months after dating (on his Rand R from Iraq), and my antagonistic friend was irritate because my husband is not a Christian. However, my husband does attend church functions and will read my children their bible to them when they ask and my kids are raised in the covenant religion and their dad will not argue that fact with them or with me and will even explain things to them as the covenant religion and bible, says, he respects mine and my children's religion but does not believe it himself. I do pray for him to accept Jesus, but do not force him to believe what I believe, and he does raise my children in the religion I believe in because we had the agreement of that before marriage, my husband and I will be celebrating our seventh year of marriage this September and I honestly am the happiest I have ever been, and I honestly know I could never have been with the other guy, because even if he allowed his kids to be christian from time to time my religion would have been ridiculed and my God is more important than any man. This is the definition of antagonistic ;Showing or feeling active opposition or hostility toward someone or something. I'm not saying antagonistic people are bad, I don't care what religion/beliefs some one is, I will still be friends with them but as I said before my God is important that any man, and personally for me it was a deal-breaker as for you it depends on whats important to you. You can make a relationship work, without being the same religion, I've been with my husband for 7 1/2 years and we chose to marry at 18 and 20, and we made are religion difference work. I just recommend the boundaries be set clear and once set neither of you expect more than what was all ready laid out.

antagonism is not a religion...

penrbrown

Also, the idea that one cannot having a logical/scientific mind and be religious is utter rubbish.

Not to mention offensive.

rml_16

antagonism is not a religion...

I'm pretty sure it is to some people, based on behavior. :laugh: