Would you date someone whose religion is different than your

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  • maglodee
    maglodee Posts: 46 Member
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    How important do you think it is to date someone who has the same religious beliefs as you? I want your opinions, please!

    I've read several pages of responses, and see most people are very adamant about their beliefs, but I don't feel the question has actually been answered in many cases. As I read the OP's question, I have 2 answers. First, no, they don't have to believe in my particular religion, but, yes, they do need to believe in a higher power. This is not about agnostics/athiests versus religious. It's about completely different mindsets which would be difficult to negotiate in a marriage.
  • Christina1007
    Christina1007 Posts: 179 Member
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    I am from a baptist family and been dating an Orthodox guy for 5 years now.

    You have to find a middle somewhere!

    Obviously he will not oppose me taking my kids to my church, but have one problem. In my religion, we do not get baptised until later in life when you are considered more mature to make the decision yourself, rather than when you are a baby. Cause a baby has no choice, so why baptise him in the same religion if he can't choose for himself?
    The problem lays in the fact that he wants his children baptised from when they are born, which my family will not agree on or will be dissapointed. It is a big big decision that you have to make as a Christian when you are dating someone who's not the same faith as you. Moreso, if they don't have any faith at all.

    We discuss this quite often and I think we can find a middle somewhere, but I don't want you to be dissapointed if, after you have children, you find out that, in fact he was never going to allow your children to go to church or be raised in your faith. Especially as he opposed this idea so much that you broke up first time.

    Good luck with whatever decision you're taking!
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,864 Member
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    i'm wiccan and married to a hindu. and when we have kids they'll be taught about all religions and all festivities, and given a choice.

    ^^^^
    Ding, ding, ding!

    Winner!
  • Jettatastic
    Jettatastic Posts: 22
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    Let me first say that I am appalled to see this thread turn in to a bashing each other match. Seriously. A simple question was asked and in no way does that mean you need to be rude and down right cruel.

    When my husband and I first began dating we both didn't know what we believed. But as our relationship grew, we discovered Christ. Now as a Christian, I cannot see myself being with someone of a different religion. Religion filters down in to many aspects of your life. Would I want to be with someone who rolls their eyes when I pray? Or leave the room when our son reads his Bible? No. God has made our marriage stronger and we have grown together. I don't think I could be as spiritually close to my husband if he believed differently.
  • adammartin1
    adammartin1 Posts: 8
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    I recently ended a year long relationship because I couldn't get over the cultural differences that existed between my girlfriend and I. She was a puritan who wanted to build a PG environment for the two year old who, in spite of 15 years of abstinence only home schooling (que the irony!), she had illegitimately at 17. Her only political position was, and I quote, "Abortion is murder. Any woman who gets an abortion should be shot!". Let that one marinate for a second...

    I on the other hand am a debaucherous libertarian atheist who smokes, drinks, likes wild and frequent sex and prefers the same attitude in the music, film, culture, media, and most importantly the people I surround myself with. She realized she couldn't change me one day and everything wore thin.

    The point being, spirituality (or the lack thereof) is a very important factor in determining compatibility. You're fooling yourself if you think anything good can come from dating someone who has a world view diametrically opposed to what you believe in. It's also foolish to date people in the hopes that they'll come around. They never do and that's a good thing. Just my two cents anyhow.
  • madyncaden
    madyncaden Posts: 312 Member
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    No Way!!
  • umachanxo
    umachanxo Posts: 926 Member
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    It depends on the couple, really.
    Generally, a strong relationship built on the foundation of love, mutual respect, and trust can work fine despite having two beliefs. On the other hand, it may be stronger if built on the foundation of religion. But as I said, I can't generalize everyone and it depends on the couple.

    For me, my fiance and I share the same beliefs, and I can't imagine it any other way. I'm happy that we have the same views, and I think that it may have made the relationship a little easier.
  • ampa916
    ampa916 Posts: 189 Member
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    It matters a lot to me. I do think children should have the right to choose to believe what they want, but they aren't old enough to make that decision for years. I just don't see how bringing them to church is in any way a bad thing.

    My husband and I are Christians and it's great to be on the same page in that area. We want our son to be raised going to church believing in God etc. But if and when he is old enough if he decides that just isn't for him I would understand and never force it on him.

    Sometimes it is a big deal especially if you want your children to believe one thing and your S/O wants them to not believe or believe something else, it surely can be a deal breaker no matter how great a person is. Nothing to feel guilty about, people break up for many reasons and breaking up is hard anyways.
  • p_barron
    p_barron Posts: 63
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    I'm an Athiest and would prefer to date Athiests and Agnostics. Blind faith is just not something I can be intimate with as a woman of science.

    I wouldn't want my kids to go to church unless I'd educated them about all the different ideas about the origin of the universe and they personally decided to explore that religion.

    ^^^This took the words right out of my mouth
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
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    I'm very atheist, anti-religion. I couldn't be in a serious relationship with someone religious.
    My husband is more agnostic and even that borders on being a problem. He has no issues with the kids going to church if they want (but he's not taking them, i.e. go with a friend) wheras I'm totally against them going at all.

    i wuld not wish hell on anyone but th path that you ar en you well see it. I will be praying for you. there is a God and he is a loving God and he knows this facts abouyouand still loves you. Please open your eyes to the wonderful light of God
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    Well..now my ex has changed his tune a little, and says he'd allow his children to go to church.
    And you believe him, that's cute.

    Yeah, I wouldn't expect him to stick with this new song. He's lonely. Next!
  • tyoung75
    tyoung75 Posts: 51 Member
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    As a child I was taken to church every Sunday and my family was "Christian". My husband's father doesn't believe in God. His sister didn't either until her current husband made her go to church. She caved for his sake and now is all high and mighty. So my husband was agnostic when I met him. Wasn't quite sure what was there but believed something. He's since decided he believes in God on his own and I'm ok with that. His ex let's him take his daughter to church if he wants to. Because he asked first. And that's what matters... just talk and get on the same page.

    I think as a parent, if you are Christian, by the beliefs they hold it is your responsibility to teach them about God. You. Not the Church. So you could easily teach your children what you believe with out forcing them to go to church. Church has become so financially driven these days, you'd do a better job than them anyway. And in fairness, your spouse should be allowed to talk to the children about their beliefs as well.

    As parent's you are a team. And if you can't see eye to eye, then you need to compromise and be able to work together to relay your feelings to your kids. Even if they aren't the same. If you feel you will not ever agree then it's not someone you should consider raising children with.

    And on another note... when someone comes to the forums asking for advice, it isn't necessary to treat them as if they are stupid. This site is supposed to be supportive... not condescending and judgmental. So for the lady that just kept going and being rude... maybe you should focus on why YOU are here and not so much why others are. Seems you need to start there with how poor your attitude toward others is.
  • randa_behnam
    randa_behnam Posts: 488 Member
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    im catholic and dated a muslim guy for 3 years and we purposly avoided having the "talk" because we bother knew that niether would want to bring up the children in the others religion... in the end he cheated on me so i booted him out but now im with someone who was not brought up with any religion and not christened and thats ok with me because hes open minded.

    he likes that i have faith in something, i dont force my religion on him and i dont expect him to come to church with me but he does it to show support. when we get married he agrees that it should be in a church for my sake because it means more to me and our children will be christend (this was a huge row at first) but when they grow up they can make up their own minds about what to and not to believe in.

    to just say NO to everything isnt fair. its not compromising. i dont preach the word of the lord to people, in fact im as religious as far as wearing a st christopher round my neck but its a tradition to me which i would like to pass onto my children. i think having beliefs and faith is a good thing. maybe your ex boyfriend can learn a lot from you and not be such a closed book when it comes to religion.
  • neddoh
    neddoh Posts: 116 Member
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    I am Catholic and my boyfriend is Atheist. I have no plans on letting him go because his belief isn't who he is or how he defines himself, and the same with me. I believe in raising children to make their own educated choices about religion rather than forcing one on them when they are too young to make a choice!
  • msharif71
    msharif71 Posts: 34 Member
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    I married a man who is a completely different faith then me, we agree to disagree and he knows if we had children they would be brought up my faith and he was Ok with that, I think you need to make yourself very clear on what you want. Sometimes it would be easier if we were the same faith, but we love each other and respect each other and we accept our differences.
  • bhalter
    bhalter Posts: 582 Member
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    In my religion, we do not get baptised until later in life when you are considered more mature to make the decision yourself, rather than when you are a baby. Cause a baby has no choice, so why baptise him in the same religion if he can't choose for himself?
    The problem lays in the fact that he wants his children baptised from when they are born, which my family will not agree on or will be dissapointed. It is a big big decision that you have to make as a Christian when you are dating someone who's not the same faith as you. Moreso, if they don't have any faith at all.

    Have you thought of just having some kind of blessing ceremony for your children? Have them blessed/christened when they are born and then give them the choice to be baptized when they are older? The Greek word "baptizo" means "to immerse, submerge," so I'm sure some sprinkling of water on the baby's head would not count as a baptism in your religion (it wouldn't to me, anyway). It would satisfy your beliefs and his. Just a suggestion! =)
  • kag1526
    kag1526 Posts: 210 Member
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    I think it depends on how strong both beliefs are. See I'm sort of religious in that I still believe alot of the catholic stuff I was taught however I find most catholic church's around here want to stifle any free thinking (Yes I know they aren't all like that but I stopped wanting to attend church when no matter what the sermon was they spent the whole time telling me that all my Gay friends were a huge problem and we shouldn't stand for this atrocity to marriage - I live in MA in a small town)

    I found some of my beliefs differed from the church, but I still believe in God. I have no problem with religon until its taken to extremes (as in we should limit the rights of all those that don't believe and act like we do) so if I was dated someone that still followed their church more closely but agreed with me on the part about not limiting the rights of others or telling our kids they are bad for their choices then I would be fine with that. I wouldn't be ok with forcing my children to go to church if they don't believe but wouldn't stop them from going either.

    In my case my husband is less atheist but also sees no problem in religion so we mesh well. If your kids (or anyone else) asks I have no problem telling them what I believe. To be honest I have discussions like that with many people, and find sometimes that I know more about their religion then a lot of strong catholics I know.
  • Christina1007
    Christina1007 Posts: 179 Member
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    As a Christian I have dated men who are not...all of those relationships failed. I dated and married a man who is/was Christian, it didn't work out but it had nothing to do with beliefs. I have a few friends that are in relationships that have lasted even though their beliefs are different. It can work, but both of you must compromise. My friend grew up in a home where her father was Buddist and her mother was Catholic, she attended church with both parents. Two weeks with mom two week with dad, she no longer believes in either faith, she is agnostic. It's your choice to be with this man...but think of the future. If you were to have children with him and he wouldn't allow them to attend church, it could destroy your marriage. Be careful.

    It is very dangerous to confuse a child. Hence, why the child doesn't believe in anything now. Isn't it sad? Parents have to agree on a certain religion, especially as the parents religion is so different. Many parents who made the same mistake, ended up with non-believer children.
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
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    In my religion, we do not get baptised until later in life when you are considered more mature to make the decision yourself, rather than when you are a baby. Cause a baby has no choice, so why baptise him in the same religion if he can't choose for himself?
    The problem lays in the fact that he wants his children baptised from when they are born, which my family will not agree on or will be dissapointed. It is a big big decision that you have to make as a Christian when you are dating someone who's not the same faith as you. Moreso, if they don't have any faith at all.

    Have you thought of just having some kind of blessing ceremony for your children? Have them blessed/christened when they are born and then give them the choice to be baptized when they are older? The Greek word "baptizo" means "to immerse, submerge," so I'm sure some sprinkling of water on the baby's head would not count as a baptism in your religion (it wouldn't to me, anyway). It would satisfy your beliefs and his. Just a suggestion! =)

    you can do a dedication ceremony where the parents stand up and basically say that you wil raise your child to be a christian etc.. untl they are old enough to do their own baptism.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    It is not "sad" that someone may not believe in what you do.

    I will be praying to the Flying Spaghetti Monster for you, that he may illuminate you with his noodly appendages and tomatoey goodness.

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