Find a Joke.....Add a Joke

czewwhat

*no comment on the grounds that I'll be beaten* :glasses:

Smart man! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

czewwhat

I just stole this from another thread!

shutterbug4674

Are those the Mighty Mites? :laugh:

dkell

Okay here is my contribution, gotta love #11

Why we love children
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. 'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found, ' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

These are great stories!! Love em!!! Actually copied and pasted and sent them to my minister!!

shutterbug4674

We get some great ones! :laugh:

Blossom01

hahahahahahaha these are so :laugh: :laugh: funny :laugh:

cfwright6

This thread is so funny! We need more jokes!
Here is one:

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man? Never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

"Got drunk and had sex with a peacock once. I was just wondering if you were my son"

dkell

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Saken

A sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks, “How’d you end up with a peg leg?”

“I was swept overboard during a fierce storm,” says the pirate, “and a shark bit off me whole leg!”

“Wow!” said the sailor. “What about the hook, how’d you get that?”

“Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship and I got into a sword fight. The guy cut off me arm!”

“Absolutely incredible!” gasped the sailor. “And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?”

“A seagull dropping fell into me eye,” replied the pirate.

“Uh, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” asked the sailor, admonished.

Embarrassed, the pirate answered, “It was me first day with the hook.”

classy

shutterbug4674

:laugh:

shutterbug4674

Mary goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Mary walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”
“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.
“Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?” :laugh:

moreno20

:laugh:

magglett

Oh my goodness ... this made me giggle ...

shutterbug4674

Oh my goodness ... this made me giggle ...

L:laugh: L!

LMA:laugh: