Attitudes of people with different levels of fitness and wei

minnesota

Having being on MFP for a few years more recently I have started to look at the forums.

I have a genuine observation and wonder if people agree with me and what their opinion is. I am not meaning to be in any way offensive.

I notice that fitter / correct weight people seem to have a more no-nonsense approach - to get fit you exercise , lots , and eat less because you are overweight because you eat too much.

Overweight people seem to be constantly in denial and bringing up health and metabolism issues that are, whilst unfortunate in those they affect, rarely the true reason that is eating too much. The word 'fat' on here almost seems to be a massive insult

I saw a program on TV where someone had to have a leg cut off from health complications that were simply overweight - but there was no addressing of the weight problem just the acceptance of the situation -- if I had a leg cut off because of weight I would glue my mouth shut!!

So it always gets me wondering is the denial and political correctness that prevent appropriate honesty a major cause of the increasing trend of obesity??

Interestingly enough I'm English and find American posters on here (in a country with more obesity) very quickly flare up at the use of the fat word. As do the larger posters (I admit I am judging this from profile pictures) you wont see a toned person defending metabolism as a major cause of obesity - even if they once weighed 20 stone

Haha true! I have hypothyroidism and it didn't stop me from losing 71lbs

madamepsychosis

I think most people I've met on this site are very matter of fact and know their bad eating and exercise habits are what have caused them to become overweight. That said, I do see the 'you're skinny, you can't possibly know how hard this is' argument thrown around on here a lot, which really pisses me off. I've never had 100lbs to lose and have never professed to, but the assumption that someone who is thinner doesn't have to work hard annoys me. Not only because I'm sure there are a lot of people who were obese and are now reaching their goals, but also because I know how hard I work and don't want anyone telling me otherwise. We all have different goals, but we're all in this together and I think undermining someone's efforts because they're bigger is just as bad as undermining someone for being smaller.

That said, I have met a lot of people outside of MFP who are very quick to come out with excuses as to why they are the size they are. 'It's my metabolism.', 'It's my thyroid.', 'My whole family is big.', 'I don't have time to work out or cook healthy food.' etc etc. I don't have much weight to lose, but I've got to the point where people have started to notice I have. Most people are very supportive and complimentary, but there are one or two people who, when they ask how I've done it, seem to immediately switch off when I tell them I just ate better and got a gym membership. It's like they don't want to hear that it's a hard graft and want me to tell them about some magic pill or fad diet that makes you lose 10lbs in a week.

This last line is so spot on - I have friends who keep coming back to me asking for advice and act all interested but really they are waiting for that magic secret that I'm going to spill that will mean they can get fit in a week.

No, sorry, it is a long hard road - just like it was a long road that led you there it will be a long one back. But it's worth it...

Exactly! I remember someone asking me 'What diet are you on?'. My response was 'Erm, the one where I eat more vegetables and less takeaway and move around lots!'. This same was also bragging on Facebook about wrapping clingfilm over herself to shed pounds. When I pointed out that all that does is dehydrate you and is an extremely temporary fix, she got miffed with me. I'd much rather take ages to lose weight if it means I keep it off for a long time. Losing a ton of weight in a week and putting it back in the same amount of time is not the way I want to go, thanks.

chrishgt4

I was adopted at 5 months old. I always have been big boned and I have always loved to eat. My adoptive parents were not health nuts, but they did tell me when I had ate more than I needed by telling me "Thats enough jelly, or no you can't have seconds" etc.. I walked everywhere, but still in teenage years was about 30 pounds over weight. thank God I am tall (5'9). when I left home my eating habits changed and over the years I have gained up to 270 but never went below 188. I finally met my blood sisters and they, being raised on a farm are short and as round as they are tall.My whole family is big. It started making sense to me why I struggled so much.
The point being,we were raised in different households and we ALL had weight problems. So I tend to believe there IS a "fat gene" that is in our DNA . That being said, thats how God made me and I had to accept that I cannot eat like thinner people who do not have a weight problem. NO EXCUSES...of my family was big and just give up,but taking the bull by the horns.
I could not figure out for a long time why, once I lost the weight, I always gained it back. I kept thinking once you get it off it should automatically stay off, that I would no longer get fat again. Years of struggleing,trying different diets ,killling myself at the gym etc. I have finally found my answer through this MFP site.
I was never taught about nutrition and how much I need to eat etc. I useally just starved myself and over time its made its toll.
back at my almost highest weight, I have started using portions and being able to monitor it through this site, has helped me stay within my limits without denying myself.
I came to the realization, by seeing someone in a motor chair, in the store one day. She was younger than me. She had knee problems and could not walk..I looked at her..she was very obese. I knew, right then if I didn't do something about my weight i was going to be there . I already am experiencing knee, back and joint problems as I get older. I find if I can get through the pain on the elipitical ,my circulation has been better, I have some pain, but not as intense as I get stronger. I DO believe its a mind set..you have to get mad and DO IT!! Thanks to this site I am on my way. Thank you MFP!!!:flowerforyou:

I will accept that some people seem to be more pre-disposed to weight gain, but I would argue that if it is genetic in some way it is a mental issue rather than a physiological one.

I would also say, that I think a lot probably comes whilst you are still in the womb. If your parents are overeating then as an unborn baby you are getting far more than you need, therefore once born you will continue to expect that.

Regarding food - I was never told I had eaten too much, and with sweets and things I was never told I couldn't have any. Because of that, it was never a big deal to me. I knew I could have what I wanted, and since I had been given proper portions, all I wanted were proper portions. Same with sweets, soft drinks etc, I never craved them because it was never a taboo. So perhaps if you were being told when you had to stop, because you wanted to continue eating, that shows that eating was the issue, just in an appetite kind of way rather than being genetically disposed to putting on weight faster than someone eating the same amounts.

stephyy4632

interesting topic I have to get my kids up for school but may be back to comment

Dauntlessness

I don't know if by saying this, I am shooting myself in the foot. Here is goes anyways. I have felt this way for a long time, even about myself. I have made these same mistakes over and over again so I am no angel by any means. Only until recently have I become more serious and started to try to fix my problems. I am sure I will fall into them every now and again but I am trying to change and that's what counts.

To me, the reasons why someone doesn't lose weight:

*Your not calculating your food calories right, portion size, not counting oil, not counting alcohol and drinks, finding the lowest possible calories for the food your eating in the MFP database instead of taking the time to research what the food calories actually are.
*Your not calculating your exercise right (MFP and machines lie sometimes, I recommend an HRM or underestimating the calories burned by at least 1/3 because that seems to be the consensus on the boards here and from my own personal experience), Not exercising enough or your doing the same routine and your body gets used to it.
*Your eating bad food. Its not only about how many calories you eat, its what you eat
*Sodium is too high
*You have a medical condition that is preventing you from losing weight
I am sure there are a few things I am missing.

Of course, a medical condition is legitimate reason as to why someone is not losing weight. Saying that, they should go see their doctor to try to fix it. Why work your butt off to get little results? There may be something they can do to help you!
If you have the medical condition of a low metabolism, which I have been told by a doctor is very rare, see a doctor and find out... Eat a bunch of small meals and kick butt at the gym because it will help tremendously. Muscle will speed it up.

About 5 years ago I was spending time with my autistic cousin. As you know, people with autism sometimes have limited social skills and state facts without understanding the emotional repercussions of the content. I picked him up at the bus stop and on the way home he said "I told Mom and Joel you are fat". "They told me to not tell you that". I was shocked but I didn't get mad. I am adult enough to understand that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings, he was merely just stating a fact. It made me take accountability for myself and explain to him why. That fact was, I was Fat. I remember thinking "OMG...I am fat, that's how people are seeing me". It was the truth. No hiding, no family members enabling me by telling me how I looked fine, no telling myself that certain clothes helped me look skinny...nothing.

I guess what I am saying is you can make excuses, you can avoid doing the right things, you can deny you are overweight but its not going to change you. The truth will set you free.
I hope this wasn't too harsh. This is what I tell myself and that's why I feel comfortable telling anyone else this.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". -Albert Eisenstein

Kebby83

I think it is a matter of defenses. I saw a post that 50lbs ago I would have agreed with: They said that the doctor who told them they were fat and he couldn't take responsibility for this weight was a jerk - now I realize that you know what? If you are 400lbs and eating still then it would be like a diabetic eating cake every meal - a doctor CAN'T not tell you about it. Your attitude DOES change as you lose weight. I was 285lbs at my highest, Now I am 175lbs and have a whole different outlook. If someone at even 235 told me to exercise or eat less I would have informed them that my doctor said I am healthy (which he did) and it's none of their business. Now I would look at it differently.

It's noone's place except a doctors to tell you that you are fat. It really isn't anyone's business and it is hurtful to hear something that you know is obvious to the world around you told to your face. When I was 18 I got engaged (I never did marry that guy). At my engagement party my grandmother told the whole room she just wishes I would lose weight because I am getting so very fat. And no-one said a thing. It was one of the most embarrassing things of my life - and it didn't make me lose weight - I gained about 150lbs in the next few years and that night got drunk as a skunk and someone carried me to bed... so if anyone calls me fat my defenses come up. (BTW I was a size 12 when she said this - which means one size BELOW what I am now, oh God that's depressed me for the day!).

Also - when you are TRYING and someone calls you fat it is a slap in the face. I had lost 30lbs using MFP and a girl that didn't know me said (when I said that I was trying to lose weight) that it wasn't working very well so far! People are *kitten* and that's why people flare up.

chrishgt4

I think most people I've met on this site are very matter of fact and know their bad eating and exercise habits are what have caused them to become overweight. That said, I do see the 'you're skinny, you can't possibly know how hard this is' argument thrown around on here a lot, which really pisses me off. I've never had 100lbs to lose and have never professed to, but the assumption that someone who is thinner doesn't have to work hard annoys me. Not only because I'm sure there are a lot of people who were obese and are now reaching their goals, but also because I know how hard I work and don't want anyone telling me otherwise. We all have different goals, but we're all in this together and I think undermining someone's efforts because they're bigger is just as bad as undermining someone for being smaller.

That said, I have met a lot of people outside of MFP who are very quick to come out with excuses as to why they are the size they are. 'It's my metabolism.', 'It's my thyroid.', 'My whole family is big.', 'I don't have time to work out or cook healthy food.' etc etc. I don't have much weight to lose, but I've got to the point where people have started to notice I have. Most people are very supportive and complimentary, but there are one or two people who, when they ask how I've done it, seem to immediately switch off when I tell them I just ate better and got a gym membership. It's like they don't want to hear that it's a hard graft and want me to tell them about some magic pill or fad diet that makes you lose 10lbs in a week.

This last line is so spot on - I have friends who keep coming back to me asking for advice and act all interested but really they are waiting for that magic secret that I'm going to spill that will mean they can get fit in a week.

No, sorry, it is a long hard road - just like it was a long road that led you there it will be a long one back. But it's worth it...

Exactly! I remember someone asking me 'What diet are you on?'. My response was 'Erm, the one where I eat more vegetables and less takeaway and move around lots!'. This same was also bragging on Facebook about wrapping clingfilm over herself to shed pounds. When I pointed out that all that does is dehydrate you and is an extremely temporary fix, she got miffed with me. I'd much rather take ages to lose weight if it means I keep it off for a long time. Losing a ton of weight in a week and putting it back in the same amount of time is not the way I want to go, thanks.

Haha sounds similar to my experiences.

When I have a conversation with them as we are going to a restaurant and they seem all keen, then order a massive curry with starter and a naan bread on the side followed by a pudding... so clearly you don't actually care.

Then later on that week on facebook see how they are updating their status with what food they are eating. Normally as a treat for eating healthy that week....denial.......

mfpcopine

It's why we're probably not going to have any kind of decent health care system anytime soon.

madamepsychosis

I think most people I've met on this site are very matter of fact and know their bad eating and exercise habits are what have caused them to become overweight. That said, I do see the 'you're skinny, you can't possibly know how hard this is' argument thrown around on here a lot, which really pisses me off. I've never had 100lbs to lose and have never professed to, but the assumption that someone who is thinner doesn't have to work hard annoys me. Not only because I'm sure there are a lot of people who were obese and are now reaching their goals, but also because I know how hard I work and don't want anyone telling me otherwise. We all have different goals, but we're all in this together and I think undermining someone's efforts because they're bigger is just as bad as undermining someone for being smaller.

That said, I have met a lot of people outside of MFP who are very quick to come out with excuses as to why they are the size they are. 'It's my metabolism.', 'It's my thyroid.', 'My whole family is big.', 'I don't have time to work out or cook healthy food.' etc etc. I don't have much weight to lose, but I've got to the point where people have started to notice I have. Most people are very supportive and complimentary, but there are one or two people who, when they ask how I've done it, seem to immediately switch off when I tell them I just ate better and got a gym membership. It's like they don't want to hear that it's a hard graft and want me to tell them about some magic pill or fad diet that makes you lose 10lbs in a week.

This last line is so spot on - I have friends who keep coming back to me asking for advice and act all interested but really they are waiting for that magic secret that I'm going to spill that will mean they can get fit in a week.

No, sorry, it is a long hard road - just like it was a long road that led you there it will be a long one back. But it's worth it...

Exactly! I remember someone asking me 'What diet are you on?'. My response was 'Erm, the one where I eat more vegetables and less takeaway and move around lots!'. This same was also bragging on Facebook about wrapping clingfilm over herself to shed pounds. When I pointed out that all that does is dehydrate you and is an extremely temporary fix, she got miffed with me. I'd much rather take ages to lose weight if it means I keep it off for a long time. Losing a ton of weight in a week and putting it back in the same amount of time is not the way I want to go, thanks.

Haha sounds similar to my experiences.

When I have a conversation with them as we are going to a restaurant and they seem all keen, then order a massive curry with starter and a naan bread on the side followed by a pudding... so clearly you don't actually care.

Then later on that week on facebook see how they are updating their status with what food they are eating. Normally as a treat for eating healthy that week....denial.......

Ha, yes! I'm all for everything in moderation, but my boyfriend showed me a Facebook status from a work colleague who was 'dieting' (I hate the 'd' word), who said she'd just ate an entire bargain bucket with fries and could have eaten another. We both had a little giggle about it.

StarvingDiva

Regarding food - I was never told I had eaten too much, and with sweets and things I was never told I couldn't have any. Because of that, it was never a big deal to me. I knew I could have what I wanted, and since I had been given proper portions, all I wanted were proper portions. Same with sweets, soft drinks etc, I never craved them because it was never a taboo. So perhaps if you were being told when you had to stop, because you wanted to continue eating, that shows that eating was the issue, just in an appetite kind of way rather than being genetically disposed to putting on weight faster than someone eating the same amounts.

This is very true. As a child we never had sweets or chips in the house. My mother was on a diet all the time. As I grew up and when I could buy things on my own, I felt they were taboo so I hid them in my room. It took until age 28 to get out of that habit from childhood

purplep41n

Plus I am now at a point where I don't want my weight to be something I can't control. I don't want my body to be like this due to stuff beyond my reach. So making excuses for my size just makes me feel helpless.

Its bad enough that I still can't get my head around the fact that the times when I have been slimmest was when I was eating Macdonalds twice a day and cakes and chocolate all the time and takeaways at least twice a week. The only exercise I got at that time was clubbing whilst binge drinking.

But to believe that eating for health and regular exercise won't help me is just too miserable a thing to contemplate. I don't want this to be the norm for me anymore.

2April

While I think that everyone has the ability to lose weight, I think that it is much harder for some people. Many of the "fit" people on this site have never been substantially overweight. I gained a lot of weight when I was pregnant and I lost it without watching my diet or exercising. I have friends who really struggled getting the weight off after a pregnancy despite watching their calories and exercising. Some people act like being within the normal weight range in simple and easy because it is..for them.

If I had a lot of weight to lose I would listen to the advice of people who have succeeded losing a lot of weight. Hormones, genetics, age, sex, metabolism etc. all play a role. I also think that you can be fit and healthy and "overweight".
I think the attitudes of the people on this site who intend to lose a great deal of weight are inspiring. I hope that I can emulate that level of determination when I am struggling to overcome obstacles in my life.

chrishgt4

I think it is a matter of defenses. I saw a post that 50lbs ago I would have agreed with: They said that the doctor who told them they were fat and he couldn't take responsibility for this weight was a jerk - now I realize that you know what? If you are 400lbs and eating still then it would be like a diabetic eating cake every meal - a doctor CAN'T not tell you about it. Your attitude DOES change as you lose weight. I was 285lbs at my highest, Now I am 175lbs and have a whole different outlook. If someone at even 235 told me to exercise or eat less I would have informed them that my doctor said I am healthy (which he did) and it's none of their business. Now I would look at it differently.

It's noone's place except a doctors to tell you that you are fat. It really isn't anyone's business and it is hurtful to hear something that you know is obvious to the world around you told to your face. When I was 18 I got engaged (I never did marry that guy). At my engagement party my grandmother told the whole room she just wishes I would lose weight because I am getting so very fat. And no-one said a thing. It was one of the most embarrassing things of my life - and it didn't make me lose weight - I gained about 150lbs in the next few years and that night got drunk as a skunk and someone carried me to bed... so if anyone calls me fat my defenses come up. (BTW I was a size 12 when she said this - which means one size BELOW what I am now, oh God that's depressed me for the day!).

Also - when you are TRYING and someone calls you fat it is a slap in the face. I had lost 30lbs using MFP and a girl that didn't know me said (when I said that I was trying to lose weight) that it wasn't working very well so far! People are *kitten* and that's why people flare up.

You can't legislate for people being ****s

Sometimes people need telling, but it's not easy to say and it's not easy to hear. But definitely those don't sound like ways that would fall into the positive category.

adswillis27

I think a big difference (for me anyway) was when I was fat (yes, I was fat) I was uneducated when it came to nutrition and exercise. I also just overate because food was good, but when I learned that food was fuel for my body I was able to control some of the food issues I had.

Learned about calories in vs calories out was a huge leap forward for me. I always heard this and basically knew what it meant, but now I understand it much more. I have lost weight before, but it was because I did lower calorie diets (1300-1500 calories) with very light exercise. The exercise wasn't very effective for me and I didn't really enjoy it. I found a workout that I love and learned that if I push really hard and remain lightly active during the day that I can eat a balanced diet (lifestyle change for me). If I don't workout I can't eat as much because I don't burn as much.

It is pretty simple once you learn about it. But, it was about making up my mind that I wanted to change. I wanted to change the right way, the healthy way, even if it was a slow way.

MizSaz

I think a large part of it is that in America, being fat is looked at as such a horrible thing, people are quick to blame any other thing than their own self for it. Like getting fat is associated with some huge character flaw, and if you're fat you must be a bad person... unless you can blame something else. Thyroid problem, my *kitten*, you have a Twinkie problem. Genetics? Just because your whole family consumes 5000 calories a day and doesn't move off the sofa doesn't mean your fat is genetic, it means it's environmental.

Of course, there are people who genuinely have things working against them- like people with real thyroid problems, or people on certain medications. But for some reason in America, it's easier for people to say I'm a drug addict and it's my own fault than it is for them to say I'm fat and I have no one to blame but myself.

Personally, I am fat, and I have no one to blame but myself.

mfpcopine

I love buttery naan bread, samosas, lamb curry, rice, super-sweet Indian deserts. There was a time when I was ordering Indian food several times a month, sometimes eating a portion that would have fed two or three people. I realized I had to stop.

mfpcopine

...theassumption that someone who is thinner doesn't have to work hard annoys me. Not only because I'm sure there are a lot of people who were obese and are now reaching their goals, but also because I know how hard I work and don't want anyone telling me otherwise.

They don't seem to understand how much work it is NOT to get overweight in the first place, especially if age and your living conditions are working against you. Many people who have managed to stay thin don't talk about it because it's not the done thing. (It's also boring as hell. )

The only advantage I have over some people, including some members of my family, is that the moment of thinking, "I can't stand this, something has to be done" seems to be triggered earlier. (I live in a city with many thin people of all ages, and at times I wish I had <i>their</i> trigger or metabolism.)

Why some people react sooner than others might be worth a study.

BrettPGH

I think it can all be boiled down to one thing. Excuses. Losing weight and being in shape is damn hard. There's no way around that. To do it takes work and effort and dedication.

So you either do the work and get fit or make excuses as to why you can't. It's a defensive thing your brain does that allows you to take it easy on yourself, "Hey it's not your fault. Gyms are too expensive. You don't have the time. Bacon is delicious and even more so with mayonnaise."

If you really want to be in shape you have to work hard at it. There's no other way. People who are in shape or have worked to get there realize this and have the attitude to match.

Phrak

I think it can all be boiled down to one thing. Excuses. Losing weight and being in shape is damn hard. There's no way around that. To do it takes work and effort and dedication.

So you either do the work and get fit or make excuses as to why you can't. It's a defensive thing your brain does that allows you to take it easy on yourself, "Hey it's not your fault. Gyms are too expensive. You don't have the time. Bacon is delicious and even more so with mayonnaise."

If you really want to be in shape you have to work hard at it. There's no other way. People who are in shape or have worked to get there realize this and have the attitude to match.

And that most people have a terrible grasp of the amount of calories they intake, and the calories they expend. I mean ive seen countless diaries, here its like Home Made Lasagna - 1 Serving. But in reality its probably 2-3 servings. And they think that hour long class of zumba burns a 1000 calories..

madamepsychosis

...theassumption that someone who is thinner doesn't have to work hard annoys me. Not only because I'm sure there are a lot of people who were obese and are now reaching their goals, but also because I know how hard I work and don't want anyone telling me otherwise.

They don't seem to understand how much work it is NOT to get overweight in the first place, especially if age and your living conditions are working against you. Many people who have managed to stay thin don't talk about it because it's not the done thing. (It's also boring as hell. )

Exactly, I'm only 22, but I still notice a huge difference from when I was a teen and could eat whatever the heck I want and still be skinny as a rail. I can't do that anymore. Not to mention the last 10lbs to lose is hard as hell. The weight isn't falling off you like some 'Biggest Loser' contestant. It sticks around, outstaying its welcome haha.