"I'm never getting married again."

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  • Begood03
    Begood03 Posts: 1,261 Member
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    Every type of license there is in the world expires, except a marriage license! Just sayin!
  • HotCuppaJo
    HotCuppaJo Posts: 477 Member
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    I write this on behalf of my girlfriend... I have a biased opinion, so why not throw it out to random strangers:)

    27 year old man (Johnny) married for 5 or 6 years. Divorced Oct 2010.

    Johnny has now been dating Jane nearly 1.5 years. He told Jane he doesn't want to get married ever again, initially. Then after getting more serious with her, said he would marry her, just not anytime soon.

    Last night, Johnny makes the public declaration amongst friends he will never ever get married again, and he will never pay off another woman's debt.... This, in front of Jane (who is going with the understanding he intends to marry her at some point).

    What would you do if you were Jane? She is truly in love with him and would be heartbroken to end it. They are a very strong couple with this being the only glaring issue. She believes she is worthy of a man making a commitment to her - in the terms of marriage.

    Let the opinions fly :)

    Having been married and divorced myself, I can sympathize with the "I'm not getting married ever again" statement. I have said it many times, myself! I don't think I, personally, NEED to get married to love someone unconditionally. Now that I have kids, as they continue to get older, I may just "live in sin" if/when I find someone that I deem worthy of being with for a long, long time. :) I think if I DIDN'T have children already from my first marriage, and still wanted to have some, my outlook would possibly be different, though....

    Anyway...IMO, as long as he loves her and treats her well, and she loves him and can accept NOT having a piece of paper to prove they are committed...I think she should let it go. But, really, only SHE can decide. In matters of the heart, only the two people involved REALLY can determine what they can and can't live with..... I wish her the best of luck!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    It's a piece of paper. You're going to dump him for a piece of paper. If you're happy with him and you love him, why is a piece of paper so important? It's not like it's the never-going-to-break-up-or-leave you piece of paper.... divorce removes that piece of paper everytime. Quit whining about a slice of dead tree and enjoy your man. Sheesh!
    because its obviously something she wants in life, and why should she deny herself that just because he isnt willing to give it to her? to most people its more than just a piece of paper. it actually means something.

    Which is why the divorce rate is at an all time low, right? Hahahaha...

    If it's more important than him, then she should leave. The choice is, a piece of paper that means something to her versus staying with a guy that doesn't want a piece of paper.

    For most men, loyalty doesn't even begin until they put a ring on a woman's finger. I can understand why she would want a piece of paper. My ex-husband decided that even though he fooled around before we were married that it couldn't be considered cheating because he didn't do it after we were married.

    Wow. I don't know ANY men who believe loyalty only begins with the ring. Even with the douches I know.

    That was his way of making my indiscretion seem way worse... hence why we are divorced now. LOL!

    But I haven't been married since so I don't really have anything else to compare it to.
  • SeasideOasis
    SeasideOasis Posts: 1,057 Member
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    I think out of all the things in the world, this is the lease of her problems...Are they happy? Well, good. With the divorce rate, one could have there are plenty of unhappy marriages.

    My boyfriend isnt really a 'marriage' type of guy, which I knew from the get go. If he asked me to marry him tomorrow, I wouldn't think twice about saying yes. If he doesn't ever ask me, that is ok too. Reason being, my love for him will not change at all if we are married or not. As long as I get to grow old with him, I am one happy camper.
  • laineyluma
    laineyluma Posts: 358 Member
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    To say that in front of everyone with her sitting there was extremely insensitive..

    That would be grounds for a breakup if he didn't apologize, for me at least.

    :ohwell:
  • Fat_2_Fit_Mommy
    Fat_2_Fit_Mommy Posts: 569 Member
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    Dump him, he's a waste of time.
  • eillamarie
    eillamarie Posts: 862 Member
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    He is the type of man that after him & his gf split he will marry the next girl he dates. My uncle never believed in marriage, he was adopted & his parents have lived common law for 30 years. He & his amazing girlfriend broke up because he just would never marry her & that was her ultimatum. He got married about a year & a half later to somebody else.........
  • saralynn594
    saralynn594 Posts: 321
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    Yeahhh Get out of that relationship now.I was in a marriage (divorce to be final next month) where we had different opinions of alot of the fundamental issues.We had hoped it would work out anyway,but when you both want completely different things in life,it never works out..
  • Boshnivay
    Boshnivay Posts: 74 Member
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    What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?

    It is not every girl's dream to have that special day. Nothing is absolute.
  • Pams_Shadow
    Pams_Shadow Posts: 233 Member
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    Also wanted to say we live in Texas where common law marriage is just like being married...
    i live in texas too and its not the same because common law isnt a man and woman devoting themselves to each other through the act of marriage. Common law is usually the baby mama/ live in girl friend cop out. IJS.

    ^^^Wow...judgmental much. Talk about narrowmindedly blanketing an entire group of people.
    just stating the obvious. they dont love you enough to marry you so they allow you to call yourself a common law spouse.

    just saying... she doesn't love him enough to accept he doesn't want to get married... two sides to everything :drinker:
  • SeasideOasis
    SeasideOasis Posts: 1,057 Member
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    What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?

    It is not every girl's dream to have that special day. Nothing is absolute.

    I agree with this - it definitely is not every girls dream to have that special day. Screw the big wedding....What a waste of money...
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    just saying... she doesn't love him enough to accept he doesn't want to get married... two sides to everything :drinker:

    This is true. Maybe he should be the one to leave, to find someone who views marriage as simply a piece of paper and not worth the fuss. Why is he staying with someone he is incompatible with?

    Of course, this whole thread reminds me of the fishing husband, so not entirely sure it's even a real situation, but those situations do exist, and maybe if the marriage inclined spouse is too foolish to break it off, the disinclined one should 'man up' or 'woman up' as the case may be, and break it off.
  • Sarahbara76
    Sarahbara76 Posts: 601 Member
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    What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?

    Absolutely not true. Not ever little girl dreams of a big fancy wedding and dress, I actually never dreamed about that stuff. Getting married to my bf would be nice, but I'm happy the way things are so it's not that big of a deal to me if we never get legally married. There is no difference in my lifestyle and what it would be like if we were married except the fact that we'd have the same last name. That's about it. Oh, and we'd inherit each other's debt lol

    ^^^ this exactly my boyfriend has always said no to marriage and I am good with that it's harder to fit in sometimes with other couples . we have been dating and living with each other for 9 years now so it's working for us
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    @ "Jane" - Honestly, it is a personal preference here. You have to decide which is more important to you... marriage or this dude. Personally, from the sounds of how he handled himself, I would say that either he has no respect for you or he is trying to get you to break up with him.

    People can talk all day long about how if you love him then you don't need a piece of paper. But for me, we would have to have a really good relationship where I am treated with respect for me to consider 'sacrificing' (and I do not use this term loosely) my dream of marriage to continue in a relationship that is NOT heading in that direction. You should not have to make any sacrifices that you don't want to. In my opinion, his announcing to his friends that he will NEVER get married after leading you on for a period of time that he eventually will only shows the type of future that you can expect with him.

    Ultimately, the choice is yours, however, but as a woman who has made MANY poor choices with love, and is still alone, don't sacrifice your dreams for a man who doesn't treat you with respect. It is just not worth the time wasted.
  • cri62
    cri62 Posts: 1
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    Move on.
  • agentscully514
    agentscully514 Posts: 616 Member
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    When a guy says that, assume he is telling the truth, and there's nothing wrong with that. But DO NOT expect him to change.
  • jenj1313
    jenj1313 Posts: 898 Member
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    If she loves him and wants to find a way to work things out, she can, but it may not involve being married. If John can be committed but not married it could work out, but if he wants to live as a single person and not make a commitment to her of ANY kind, then it doesn't sound like it'll work for her.

    I've been married 2x and divorced 2x and I always joke that I have to date someone for 10 years before I'll get married again. My boyfriend is fine with this but he's not looking to get married either.

    I think what's most hurtful in the given scenario (at least with the limited info we have) is that he made a public declaration that was contrary to what he'd told her.

    If I were your friend, I'd discuss that with him first and see where it leads.
  • skinnybearlyndsay
    skinnybearlyndsay Posts: 798 Member
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    The dude sounds bitter as hell. Who says that kind of thing in front of their girlfriend?

    Sounds like he's trying to compare apples to oranges. They need to talk it out, but I feel like Jane will be better off without him. Johnny will probably have it in his head that it'll never work out because his previous relationship didn't and will self-sabotage.

    Or she could start treating him the same way.
  • YennaBean
    YennaBean Posts: 77 Member
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    Sounds like he's not quite over the ex. Poor Jane, she should move on to someone else. There will be another guy not hung up on a previous relationship that will be happy to commit to her. She deserves to get married if that's one of her hopes and dreams. (:
  • melizerd
    melizerd Posts: 870 Member
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    If being married is important to Jane, then leave him, his idea of forever and hers aren't the same. If a long term committed relationship is enough for her then no big deal.

    For ME being married was important. It was/is for my husband too. We've been married 10 years now. But when we got serious, even before we were engaged I told him I wasn't sure I ever wanted kids and I understood if it was a deal breaker for him. He told me that while he hoped for kids he loved me more than any potential people and was okay if we never had kids.

    We did decide later to have a child, but we're one and done now (permanently).

    So each person has dealbreakers and if this is one of hers stop wasting her and his time and move on, they just don't want the same things in a relationship.

    FYI not everywhere has common law marriages (Wisconsin where I live does not).

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