ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???

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  • valenief
    valenief Posts: 134 Member
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    He is a meanie :( I'd tell him to kiss mt @$$.
  • gardengals
    gardengals Posts: 46 Member
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    Jerk , he is obviously not interested in anything other than still trying to impress his ex.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    To those suggesting how it should have been said - seems like you are taking it offensively on purpose.

    If you are saying that you understand his intentions but he phrased it poorly, and therefore would have been offended. Doesn't that make you deliberately obstructive.

    It's not some black and white that he thinks you're terrible normally so need to make an effort. He is asking you to make a particular effort in these circumstances for a perfectly legitimate reason.

    Seriously, get over it.

    Hmmm. Why don't you go say to your SO what the OP says and then when she gets angry, tell her what you just said here. Then let us know how it goes.
  • strunkm4
    strunkm4 Posts: 266
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    I'd probably take offense to it, but then I'd make sure I looked like a 10, go to the event, and get over it. Who's the one you're going home with at the end of the night anyway?
  • Cold_Steel
    Cold_Steel Posts: 897 Member
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    It is hilarious how many woman on here are calling this guy a jerk when in my experience I have known more woman to be the one that would have appreciated the heads up more than not getting the heads up.

    Just going about it the wrong way.

    The simple thing to do is to simply tell your current gf that your ex will be at the event. That is just required by boyfriend girlfriend law. If your girlfriend wants to show off then that will be on her, if she doesn't then be happy that you are not with a woman that would do that sort of thing.

    I personally enjoy that sort of thing, especially if the ex was a psycho or a nut case or abusive etc.

    Revenge is a dish best served with sexy.
  • SPBROOKS68
    SPBROOKS68 Posts: 561 Member
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    That is a JERK - If he loved/cared about you that would show and he would not worry about the EX girlfriend.:mad:
  • DominiqueSmall
    DominiqueSmall Posts: 495 Member
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    I think it depends on the man We all have our moments where we are insecure and an ex could most definitely be one of those. I don't know but I think I would take the high road here and look amazing that night just so he can 'peacock' in front of her. And I would enjoy every minute of it becuase he felt good.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    Let me just say that when I go out with my husband I get dressed up for a few reasons:

    1. For me
    2. For him
    3. Because I'm f*cking hot and sexy and I want people to look at me and think "Dayum! He's one lucky SOB"
    4. Because I'm f*cking hot and sexy and I want my husband to look at me while we're out and think "Dayum! All these guys are checking her out and I'm one lucky SOB"

    For all you women who say that you get dressed up for you and no one else that's bullocks. You get dressed up for you AND for everyone else who is going to be out there because you know that when you look good and feel good you're confidence will be up and you will get more attention from other people.
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    umm, depends. maybe he doesn't want you to feel bad if you did meet her, and think to yourself, whoa I don't measure up to that, or why is he with me and not her kind of a thing. but overall maybe a hint of rudeness, lol
  • SPBROOKS68
    SPBROOKS68 Posts: 561 Member
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    Nothing good ever comes of interacting with exes unless there are children involved. Get rid of them and be happy they are gone.


    This is the RULE that should be lived by.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    To those suggesting how it should have been said - seems like you are taking it offensively on purpose.

    If you are saying that you understand his intentions but he phrased it poorly, and therefore would have been offended. Doesn't that make you deliberately obstructive.

    It's not some black and white that he thinks you're terrible normally so need to make an effort. He is asking you to make a particular effort in these circumstances for a perfectly legitimate reason.

    Seriously, get over it.

    Hmmm. Why don't you go say to your SO what the OP says and then when she gets angry, tell her what you just said here. Then let us know how it goes.

    I would tell her exactly that. I don't pander to someone being irrational.

    I think if she was getting moody about it I would say "you know what I mean" and if she genuinely didn't I would try to re-explain. If she still felt aggrieved...well, I'd probably not be seeing someone in the first place who would be like that to be honest...
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    To those suggesting how it should have been said - seems like you are taking it offensively on purpose.

    If you are saying that you understand his intentions but he phrased it poorly, and therefore would have been offended. Doesn't that make you deliberately obstructive.

    It's not some black and white that he thinks you're terrible normally so need to make an effort. He is asking you to make a particular effort in these circumstances for a perfectly legitimate reason.

    Seriously, get over it.

    Hmmm. Why don't you go say to your SO what the OP says and then when she gets angry, tell her what you just said here. Then let us know how it goes.

    I would tell her exactly that. I don't pander to someone being irrational.

    I think if she was getting moody about it I would say "you know what I mean" and if she genuinely didn't I would try to re-explain. If she still felt aggrieved...well, I'd probably not be seeing someone in the first place who would be like that to be honest...

    Well, good. I hope your girlfriend would then find a man who actually cares about her feelings. Good luck to her.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    Nothing good ever comes of interacting with exes unless there are children involved. Get rid of them and be happy they are gone.


    This is the RULE that should be lived by.

    I'm friends with most of my exes, still go for drinks and food and no one I've gone out with has had an issue with it.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    Giving her a heads up that the X will be there is OK. Telling her that is it a dressy event is OK. But telling her that she should 'look her best' is being a condescending jerk. You are assuming she is a complete simpleton and somehow disappoint you with her appearance. You couldn't possibly get more 'ungentlemanly'.

    Perhaps the intention was innocent.....but it was presented and phrased so wrongly.:devil:
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    To those suggesting how it should have been said - seems like you are taking it offensively on purpose.

    If you are saying that you understand his intentions but he phrased it poorly, and therefore would have been offended. Doesn't that make you deliberately obstructive.

    It's not some black and white that he thinks you're terrible normally so need to make an effort. He is asking you to make a particular effort in these circumstances for a perfectly legitimate reason.

    Seriously, get over it.

    Hmmm. Why don't you go say to your SO what the OP says and then when she gets angry, tell her what you just said here. Then let us know how it goes.

    I would tell her exactly that. I don't pander to someone being irrational.

    I think if she was getting moody about it I would say "you know what I mean" and if she genuinely didn't I would try to re-explain. If she still felt aggrieved...well, I'd probably not be seeing someone in the first place who would be like that to be honest...

    Well, good. I hope your girlfriend would then find a man who actually cares about her feelings. Good luck to her.

    Lol I do care about her feelings, but if she is trying to make me feel bad then clearly she doesn't care about mine now does she...

    You know what, I'm a very good boyfriend, just I don't take **** from anyone, and that includes girlfriends.
  • schmittee
    schmittee Posts: 2
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    Jerk. Kick his *kitten* to the curb!
  • lindseym1983
    lindseym1983 Posts: 209
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    If you didn't already suspect this was a jerk thing to do you would feel the need to ask.
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
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    Let me just say that when I go out with my husband I get dressed up for a few reasons:

    1. For me
    2. For him
    3. Because I'm f*cking hot and sexy and I want people to look at me and think "Dayum! He's one lucky SOB"
    4. Because I'm f*cking hot and sexy and I want my husband to look at me while we're out and think "Dayum! All these guys are checking her out and I'm one lucky SOB"

    For all you women who say that you get dressed up for you and no one else that's bullocks. You get dressed up for you AND for everyone else who is going to be out there because you know that when you look good and feel good you're confidence will be up and you will get more attention from other people.




    FINALLY!! Someone actually said what people think not what is the political correct thing that doesn't make them superficial thing to say . It's just like everyone on here professing to only wanting to get fit and in shape for themselves. Yea right
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    I'll admit, I may think that way at times. Not because I am a jerk but because I want my ex to see how great my current BF is. I am proud of him and I want him to look and feel his best.

    How this guy worded it sounds terrible though. I would think after a year, he wouldn't mean to say something like this!
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    Let me just say that when I go out with my husband I get dressed up for a few reasons:

    1. For me
    2. For him
    3. Because I'm f*cking hot and sexy and I want people to look at me and think "Dayum! He's one lucky SOB"
    4. Because I'm f*cking hot and sexy and I want my husband to look at me while we're out and think "Dayum! All these guys are checking her out and I'm one lucky SOB"

    For all you women who say that you get dressed up for you and no one else that's bullocks. You get dressed up for you AND for everyone else who is going to be out there because you know that when you look good and feel good you're confidence will be up and you will get more attention from other people.

    Exactly - people try to put a downer on appreciation of the superficial.

    Fact is I can love someone inside AND outside...

    Just cos I think they are hot doesn't mean that is all I care about.

    If you really didn't care about what others think you would wear jogging pants and a hoody all day...

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