If you are an only child please open-quick question

marathonmom72

I always wanted a sibling, as a child. Now that I am an adult, I envy the relationship my husband has with his siblings and wish that was something I could have experienced. The other thing I am realizing, as an adult, is that once my parents are gone, I will be the only one.

Drunkadelic

I wanted a sibling so bad, and still do. I hate that I will never know what it's like to have a sibling.

ljones673

I am the mother of an only child, and I can honestly say that I wish I had provided my daughter with a sibling. There are so many things that you come to realize as they grow older. She STILL asks for a brother/sister even though I know the age gap is tremendous, and the scariest part for me right now is if anything happens to me, she will be alone. No sibling to help her through the tough times. I pray that I am well until she marries and has kids of her own, but it's still an unknown and therefore scary. I recommend at least one more.

afres251

I'm not an only child (I'm the oldest of four), but I loved having siblings, even if they did drive me crazy half the time. I especially like it much more as an adult. I love being an aunt to my siblings kids, and I wouldn't have had that had I been an only child. Also, I've read a lot of responses on here about concern over large gap between kids, but in my case that wasn't a problem at all. My youngest brother is 9 years younger than me, and honestly, he's the one I'm closest with, both as children and now as adults. Of course, every person is different, but I wouldn't trade my siblings for the world, especially the youngest one.

PlanetVelma

My kids are 7 years apart and they have a great relationship. It was challenging when my daughter was an infant, because my son would want to go to arcades and places that infants don't really care for. Once she got older, my son got a kick out of helping her learn how to read, play games, paint, draw, etc....

It was a HUGE adjustment for him because he never had to share my attention, I just made sure to spend time with just HIM. Heck, I still do that - I'll take an afternoon and spend it with just my son or my daughter. They both enjoy that time with just mom.

He's taught her everything he knows about Pokemon, DragonBall Z, video games, soccer, etc...so he's turned her into a little Anime nerd. HA! Which is really neat.

They are VERY close considering the age gap. My son graduates from HS next year, so my daughter will be devastated when he moves out. I've reassured her that she can call her brother whenever she needs to talk to him once he moves out.

CynGoddess

I liked it. had no problem. I can see the reasoning behind both sides, but for me I liked being an only child.

forgtmenot

Quick Poll please!

My fiancee and I are undecided if we want to have another little one, our daughter is months away from turning 6 and keeps asking for a baby sister.

**Question: As an only child, did you prefer it just being you and your parent(s) or would you have liked to have a sibling?**

Disclosure: The results of your opinions are not a binding contract as to whether or not I get knocked up again

Thank you in advance for your help!

Technically I am not an only child as I have a half brother and half sister, but I didn't grow up with them so I feel like an only child lol.

Anyway, I would have liked to have had a sibling and I begged for one all the time when I was a kid. I plan on having atleast 2 maybe 3 kids because of that.

deejaycee114

i'm so glad you posted this topic and i'm glad others have replied to your question.

i have a 3-year-old who will be 4 in june. i have cousins with kids close to his age, but we hardly ever get together for play dates. when we do though, i see how happy and excited my son is to play with them. at the park as well, he's happy to be around other kids. he'll be starting school in august, so i can't wait for that. in the meantime, it's just me, him, and my mom at home. i would love to have another baby, but i feel i'm "too old" to have another one - i'll be 36 in october. then there's also the financial aspect of it - diapers, diapers, diapers!!

SabrinaJL

Having siblings doesn't guarantee someone will not have an outrageous sense of entitlement (the biggest, the-world-owes-me-stuff *kitten* I know is my husband's cousin who is 1 of 4 kids), that they will be friends (my bff despises her brother and doesn't speak to him) or that they'll have help with elderly parents (I've seen it all fall to one person because the siblings don't have the time/money/whatever to help). If you WANT more kids, have more kids, if you don't, don't.

reactor25

I am an only child and I knew I didn't want that for my own child. It does get lonely, it also makes you stronger in some ways. I didn't want the memories our family makes to belong to only one person. Mine are 2 1/2 years apart so I can't comment on any age gap issues - and I've heard both sides as I'm sure you have too - but the trips we take, the movies / events / concerts /, the little every day things - at least when they're older and my husband and I have passed on, there's 2 people who can say to each other "hey remember the time we did ..." or "remember how momma / daddy did . . . ". Regardless of the gap having two people to help you spark memories no one else in the world would know - and the love that comes from that is priceless. Just my opinion.

This^ I am not an only child, but I think it's the childhood memories you share that make a difference when you get older. You could possibly know your sibling longer than anyone else in your lifetime, no one else shares the journey with you that long

jschway

An age gap isn't always a big deal. I'm 12, 14, and 16 years older than my siblings hahaha. I liked being an only child but I've always loved being a big sister. My little sister is 6.5 and always asks for a little brother or sister, and my brothers actually asked our dad when I'll have a baby so they can be uncles (they're 8.5 and 11 lmao).

StrengthIDidntKnow

Having siblings doesn't guarantee someone will not have an outrageous sense of entitlement (the biggest, the-world-owes-me-stuff *kitten* I know is my husband's cousin who is 1 of 4 kids), that they will be friends (my bff despises her brother and doesn't speak to him) or that they'll have help with elderly parents (I've seen it all fall to one person because the siblings don't have the time/money/whatever to help).

This sums it up perfectly.

yustick

My only sister is 9 years younger than me. She is the best and I couldn't imagine life without her. We were always close and I loved being a big sister, but I will tell you I was quite jelous of her for a couple years...she surely stole my thunder. She was just so damn adorable with the blondest hair and bluest eyes you've ever seen.

Natihilator

I'm an only child, and I always wished I had a sibling for as long as I can remember. I had no cousins either, or aunts and uncles, and at times it was pretty lonely. I traveled a lot, was involved in a lot of activities growing up (dance and tennis lessons, piano, drama camps, etc), had my college paid for, got hand me down cars from other family members, and I got to experience a lot of things that my mom (being a single mom) would not have been able to afford if I had siblings. I don't deny that I grew up a tad spoiled.

But now the anxiety of knowing that I will be the only one to care for my mother when she is old is daunting, my mom is an only child and taking care of my grandma who has alzheimers, and it has taken a huge toll on my mother for the past 6 years.

I would say have another child if you can afford it, have only one if you can't, but that's the only valid reason in my opinion.

ElynnPittman

I loved being an only child. I was always able to talk to adults comfortably because there was no such thing as the "kids table," my parents were able to pay for college because there was only one tuition to deal with and I got so much love and affection from my parents. I think it also fosters a mentality of making friends your family. As an adult, I love my close friends as fiercely as anyone with a sibling would.

If you're feeling like having only one is the right choice for you, I think there are plenty of up-sides. Good luck!

autumnk921

I was an only child for 16 yrs so my brothers & I are not really as close as we could have been if we were closer in age....That being said I have always wished that I had a sister or brother a couple of years above or below my age b/c they will always be your best friend & know what your childhood was like & you can share that for a lifetime....Anytime you move you still have your friend with you b/c they move with you too....

Being an only child wasn't so bad though b/c I didn't have to share anything, including my mothers time, so there was no jealousy or arguing over petty things....That was nice....

They both have their good & bad points....I think it depends on how far they are in age....More than 3 -4 years to me would be too much but less would be ideal b/c they could share more interests, etc.

HTH!!

BrendaLee

Although I grew up with siblings, I am biologically an only child, and it makes me feel kind of alone in the world sometimes. It would be nice to know there's one person out there who shares the same parents. It would also help when your parents passed, because someone would be sharing your grief. I think it would be a very lonely feeling to go through losing a parent alone.

On a brighter note, there are definitely benefits to being an only child, as I see with my own daughter. I grew up in a household with a lot of kids, so I am all too familiar with the amount of fighting and arguing that goes on with siblings. It's often less stressful being an only child. If you manage to foster a great relationship between your kids, though, that would be even better. Everyone wants that brother or sister who is like a best friend.

shiseido_faerie

I grew up an only child (I now have step siblings and they're much younger than me)...I never thought anything of not having siblings at all, I played with my friends and had sleepovers, I became very imaginative to entertain myself. Even still I enjoy being by myself a lot, I really only like to be in large groups for short periods of time, and I also find I still hang out with my mom a lot (when maybe I should be hanging out with friends) for reference, i'm almost 32. Maybe it did impact me somehow socially, but no, I never gave much thought to having a sibling when I was growing up.

simplyeater

I was a perfectly happy only child and got to go everywhere and do everything that my parents did. I have two boys now and love watching them interact, especially since I never had that kind of relationship. They are really close. I do like having them one-on-one sometimes so that I can really focus on one at a time, when they are together it can be hard to do that. So that wasn't very helpful was it? Sorry.

amymt10

I am an only child. I am very grateful to be an only child. My parents were able to put extra effort (and money) into my education and upbringing that I feel would not have been there had they had another child. When I was young, I wanted a sibling to play with desperately.

However, now I have two daughters almost three years apart and they fight like crazy. There will be days where they do nothing but play together and others they can't get far enough away from each other. It is strange.

i have two boys that are 3 yrs apart and they are the same way. Best friends one minute then enemies the next. They are 3yrs & 6yrs old. I fought w/my brothers growing up but not like my sons do.

craziekc

Only children have this weird attention thing, maybe because they didn't share the spotlight as a kid, but I always find OC to crave attention from their peers...and usually very awkwardly. I've been through it, I've seen many OC go through it...some out grow it, some do not. Unfortunately with your youngest being 6 already I fear he/she may already have that trait. My niece is 5 years older than my nephew and she displays OC symptoms, although they seem to be getting less and less as my nephew grows older (she's 10, he's 5).

knowwhentoshutup

I'm not really an only child (have three other siblings) but I am answering this from the perspective of my youngest sister (who is 11 years younger than me).

She grew up, in essence, an only child, as we quickly grew up and left the house. And, she loved it. She had the best of both worlds. Older siblings to go and visit, and stay with, while also quality time with mom and dad. Now that she is 18, she is getting ready to leave the house and of course - she is an auntie to 5 (soon to be 6) little nephews and it has been amazing how they have bonded with her.

I think it worked out well.

Best of luck!

amilee2992

I was an only child until I was 6 and remember a lot from before my sister was born. I got to spend a good amount of time with my parents and mostly socialized with them (played barbies with my mom etc.) I always wanted a little sister. I had cousins around my age but I just wanted someone to play with all the time. My mom finally got pregnant when I was in kindergarten and I was definitely happy. We are 6 years apart but I loved being the big sister. Once she got a bit older (probably 3) I would pick out her clothes and fix her hair and we would play dress up. I am so happy to have her in my life. She is my best friend. And as far as the age gap goes my mom also had my baby brother when I was 10 and we are extremely close. I was old enough to help my mom with him when he was a baby and it taught me very valuable life skills and made us very close. He looks up to me and I watch out for him. I live on my own now and I'm engaged, but I talk to them both everyday and visit often. I kinda like being spaced out, we liked different toys so we never had to share and it wasn't until recently that my sister started borrowing my clothes. I'm glad I wasn't an only child forever, I love them both so much, wouldn't trade them for anything!!

zoeelizabeths

I never really wanted a sibling. Occasionally I wanted an older brother, but that was it. As an only child I was content being the only one. But we did always have a lot of pets.

knowwhentoshutup

I am an only child. I am very grateful to be an only child. My parents were able to put extra effort (and money) into my education and upbringing that I feel would not have been there had they had another child. When I was young, I wanted a sibling to play with desperately.

However, now I have two daughters almost three years apart and they fight like crazy. There will be days where they do nothing but play together and others they can't get far enough away from each other. It is strange.

i have two boys that are 3 yrs apart and they are the same way. Best friends one minute then enemies the next. They are 3yrs & 6yrs old. I fought w/my brothers growing up but not like my sons do.

I think so much depends on the individual child's personalities and interests (and the family dynamic!). I have two boys, which are two years, two months and two days apart (totally not planned!) and they get along great. Sure, they have their moments where they argue, but overall they enjoy the company of the other. But, you just never know what you are going to end up with...

shelbynicole32

It was nice not having to share anything... but I didn't have anyone my age to play with or tell secrets to!

Agreed. It was nice getting all of the attention and getting whatever I wanted, but it would have been nice to grow up with someone else and have that forever bond with them.

JaceyMarieS

Having siblings doesn't guarantee someone will not have an outrageous sense of entitlement (the biggest, the-world-owes-me-stuff *kitten* I know is my husband's cousin who is 1 of 4 kids), that they will be friends (my bff despises her brother and doesn't speak to him) or that they'll have help with elderly parents (I've seen it all fall to one person because the siblings don't have the time/money/whatever to help). If you WANT more kids, have more kids, if you don't, don't.

This! Absolutely this.

wingednotes

Liked not having to share. Had lots of room to play.

My parents were a little overbearing - so I felt smothered a lot.

Big downside was I never had anyone as a kid to say "hey is it me or is mom really extra crazy today?" Since I didn't have that I often internalized her mood swings as my fault.

Now that I'm older, I worry that I will have to bear the weight of the death of my parents by myself. I watched the support my husband gets from his siblings (both from the death of his mother and also other life events positive and negative) and I'm very jealous of that.

domsmoms

Technically I wasn't an only child since I have two older half-brothers, but I saw them for a total of perhaps 24 hours total the whole time I was growing up... essentially did not know them... so I consider myself an only child (which I am of my parents, anyway).

It could go both ways, I often did wish for a sister, but then again, I got all the attention. That could be good or bad depending on the situation. At this point in my life, having lost my parents and grandparents and not having many close relatives, I think it would be nice to have a brother and/or sister to share memories and stay in touch with. I envy my husband his relationship with his siblings.

My son is about to turn 5 and also asks for a baby brother regularly (this probably won't happen - he already has 3 older half-siblings and I'm running out of time anyway). But truthfully, I'm not sure how thrilled he would be if it happened. The age difference would be such that they wouldn't really play together, and knowing my son's personality, he might be mean to and resentful of a baby. He's not the most patient. I think a 2-3 year age difference would be better. Of course, not all kids are the same.

Hopefully my rambling has at least given you a little food for thought.

danger_kitteh

Having siblings doesn't guarantee someone will not have an outrageous sense of entitlement (the biggest, the-world-owes-me-stuff *kitten* I know is my husband's cousin who is 1 of 4 kids), that they will be friends (my bff despises her brother and doesn't speak to him) or that they'll have help with elderly parents (I've seen it all fall to one person because the siblings don't have the time/money/whatever to help). If you WANT more kids, have more kids, if you don't, don't.

^ This and then some


I'm an only child, yes I had a lot of things/opportunities growing up that was a direct result of my parents time/money not being spread out amongst siblings, but I also had to work damn hard (school, chores, music) to keep those things as I grew up. I was never lonely or bored, I made good solid friends, was very close to my cousins my age and learned to entertain myself/develop creativity and imagination. I still have to this day my very "first" friend. Our mothers were neighbours back in the day and we are only a few months apart in age. We are now 35/34 respectively, we speak every day with each other and when I'm in my homestate we visit. The friends I make today might as well be family we are so tightly knit.

We chose to only have one child because as a family of three we are able to do things we probably wouldn't manage if we had more than one (vacations, outings, nicer stuff, smaller car/smaller house, less bills). It also works better for my relationship with my husband. It's a lot easier to shuffle one kid off to the grandparents (who have a very busy independent life of their own) than it is 2+, which gives us opportunities to have more date nights, parents only mini-vacations. As an individual, I also have my own dreams and goals that do not revolve around my child. Having another baby in the past 4 years (my son is 5.5) would put those dreams and goals on hold for another 4-5 at least. I'm not willing to do that, I'm more than just a parent and I personally believe you shouldn't have to sacrifice yourself and the things you want to do because you have kids. My journey took a detour and now I'm back on the main road. I can't afford anymore detours.

What it boils down to really is, have another child if you absolutely want another child. Don't have one to give your current child a playmate, or someone to lean on in old age, or to have a friend growing up, or because society/family/friends are pressuring you to have more than one.Do what feels right for your family.