If you are an only child please open-quick question

pregmeg119

Thank you all so much for your replies, I hadn't expected such a response!

Some of your responses made me laugh and some made me very emotional. I still am very torn but I am confident we are raising our daughter not to be entitied. She is the oldest of six grandchildren and is usually very good about sharing and knowing when to let the younger ones just have the toy. She is also pretty mature and always wanting to learn more! I am confident she will end up a well rounded individual even as an only child.

I have considered adoption (to the person who suggested) but not seriously as in meeting with families etc.

She has cousins, is in activities, goes to pre school - soon kindergarten, and we have playdates but we also have alone time. She loves to cuddle up with mommy and daddy and watch a movie together.

It has been brought to my attention through several of your posts the fear and worrying of caring for your elder parents or making final life decisions. That made me very emotional to think that when we pass, she will be alone.

Thank you again for your responses!

JenAiMarres

no i never wanted siblings per say, but my parents were divorced (when I was three)and it was just me and my mom...quite fun and cozy!

But when I decided to have children I wanted 4 ...ended up with three..

Alex_is_Hawks

I am not an only child. I am the oldest of 5. Yes....5.....but my daughter IS an only child.

To be honest when she was 5-6 she was bugging me about having another baby, (which is never going to happen sorry sweetheart) but now she's VERY happy getting her mom all to herself.

She also likes the luxuries afforded to her by being an only child. She's watched her cousins grow up and noticed that they often do without things that she gets to have because there is less to go around.

To my little girl, being an only child now means, shopping sprees, trips, big vacations, as many dance/extracurricular activities she wants, possibly private school in the next year or two if she still wants it.

The other consideration however is that, my daughter has a peer group that has quite a few only children, so there is that bonding commonality that allows them to have the same lifestyle....

something that wouldn't be true if she wasn't an only child.

it's demographics really that play a huge part in her loving her only child status.

Lauren

KnottyJen

I'm an only child. I see the pros and cons of both sides.

Pros - I was (and probably still am) spoiled rotten. I never had to vie for anyone's attention because I already had it. I am incredibly close with my dad and was with my mom, who passed away in January.

Cons - Now, at the age of 30, I feel like I missed out on something. I look at friends that have siblings and I envy the relationship that they have with one another. That bond is something that I never experienced. I know that having a sibling doesn't guarantee that you'll have a buddy when you're a kid or someone that you know you can count on when you're an adult, but at least the potential is there.

All of this being said - I, myself, want to have more than one. I liked certain aspects of being the only child, but it has given me an appreciation for having a bigger family.

jenbunboo

You've already gotten a lot of responses, but I'll toss in my two cents.

I've got a weird sibling structure. My mom had my oldest sister when she was 18, my next sister when she was 22, and my brother when she was 27. I was born when she was 42. My oldest sister had her first child before I was born (I have a niece who is a year older than I am, and two more nieces and 3 nephews, all told they range in age from 32 to 13, and I have 3 great nephews and a great niece, and I'm 31 now). My siblings are actually my half siblings (I have a different father), but I didn't know that until I was about 10 and figured out that my oldest sister and my father were only about 4 years apart in age.

Ok. Got all that?

I feel like I'm pretty uniquely able to answer your question, as I was raised largely as an only child (my closest sibling was 15 when I was born) and I've gotten to see their interactions with each other, with me, and with different sizes of age gaps.

I was happy growing up. I wanted people to play with when I was young, so my parents would drive me all over the place to see my nieces or my cousins of the same age range. I wanted a little brother or sister, but with my mom getting up there in years it wasn't much of an option (At least in her eyes, she was done!). Such is life. I grew up spending a lot more time around adults than people my own age, and have never been well equipped to deal with people that express a high level of immaturity, if they aren't children. I am not damaged from being an only child, I work, I pay taxes, I volunteer during the summer, I do not feel a sense of entitlement to a perfect life. My fiance and I (also an only child) have now bought two cars together and never asked any of our parents to help, have not asked for help with a downpayment on a house, and have not asked for debt help.

That said, I've gotten to know my older siblings very well in the last year, since my brother suffered a heart attack (fit as a fiddle on the outside, high cholesterol on the inside, get yourselves checked, please!). I felt the pain of almost losing him just like my sisters did, but I was the outsider. They were able to talk about so many experiences, places they had lived, people they had known, the swimming club they had been in, while I could just smile and nod. I tell stories beautifully, but I don't have people that I can have that sort of shared experience with when it comes to my youth. I miss that poignantly now. My brother and sisters love me, and I love them, but they're the REAL brother and sisters, I'm the baby.

So. Is 6 years too much? No. Not in my opinion. One of the closest brother-sister duos I know are 7 years apart and close as could be. Sure, when she was 16 and he was 9, they annoyed the crap out of each other. But now, she is the proudest aunt on the planet, and they think each other are the coolest. My siblings share a 9 year age difference all told, and sure they still quibble. We all pick on the late sister, my brother is special because he is the only boy, we tease the oldest for being the golden child (if only she didn't spend money ever!)

Should you have another child? 100% up to you. Your daughter will be happy either way, and each choice will give her different life experiences and abilities to cope with life. If YOU want to have a baby again, go for it!

sisterlilbunny

Quick Poll please!

My fiancee and I are undecided if we want to have another little one, our daughter is months away from turning 6 and keeps asking for a baby sister.

**Question: As an only child, did you prefer it just being you and your parent(s) or would you have liked to have a sibling?**

Disclosure: The results of your opinions are not a binding contract as to whether or not I get knocked up again

Thank you in advance for your help!

To be honest, I was okay with it. LOL The worst part was not being able to blame the things I did on a brother or sister. Now that I'm older and have lost a parent, it does "kindof" bite because dealing with that on your own blows. (Which I now see in your other post, sorry to rehash!!) Though, I have great friends that I consider sisters so that does help. And they really are great support.

My big problem is that I'm fiercely independent. I forget that it's okay to ask for help when you need it. I'm so used to figuring out things on my own that my poor husband has reminded me more than a few times that we're in this together.

Either way, enjoy your current little love and blessings if you have another!!

Tashry

I am an only child. My (ex) husband is an only child. We were both hell bent on having more than one child. We ended up with 2 boys and couldn't have been happier.

I have always wanted to have that sibling bond and I will never have it. My boys though, wow...it's amazing. They have each other for life.

NICOLED73

I was not an only child growing up. I had an older sister.
Sadly, we lost her when I was 20 in a car crash. So I am an only child now.
Since I am now 39 and my sis would have been 45, as I get older and I'm the only one there for my mom it would be great as an adult to have her to help me as parents age. What will I do when I lose my mom??? I'll be all alone in this world!!
I also miss her every second of every day and would do anything to have her back. We were super close.

gagagul

Growing up I had a half sister on my mom's side and although then I would of preferred being alone, I regret now not being closer to my sister and I am currently working on building a better relationship with her so now that I am older I think having a sister and/or brother is something great!!! Hope that helps!

Barbellerella

I am an only child. I have 2 kids now. Although it was great growing up cause I didn't know any different, I can see now that I didn't relate to other kids as well growing up because I never learned how to communicate with a sibling. I think it's better to have more than one. My best friend in High school had 7 brothers and sister and she loved it so much! Now her kids have so many cousins and great family get togethers!

*** One other downside, is that I will NEVER know what its like to have a real niece or nephew of my own, which makes me a bit sad!

scotslass

Bump for later. My son is our only one and he will be 4 in November, I've had people saying to me oh you can't just have one, he will be lonely, he won't have anyone etc etc, it's not a nice pressure to have on you. Myself and partner are happy with one and want to be able to give him everything, and I also like being able to give him my undivided attention. I was always maternal from very young age, and always said I wanted 2 or 3, but at the minute im happy with one and can really only afford one just now. I never say never though who knows what the future holds :-) xx

1546mel

i was an only, hated it. have another. I have 2 kids and do not regret it at all!!!!

goodasgoldilox165

My daughter was an only child for 2 and a half years... then greeted her new brother with delight ( and relief?) . He was always hers rather than mine.

Over the years they have been very good company for each other -whether fighting or getting along- and have learnt a lot about other people. I wonder if it is useful to have such frequent proof that the most passionate quarrel doesn't have to end a relationship. With siblings, you just have to get on and find a way through. (You never get the last word till someone is dead! )

Now both my teenage c hildren say that they are delighted not to have to suffer 100% parental attention.

I find it comforting that they will have each other if the time comes when they have to shoulder responsibility for their aged parents.

EMagineBeingEMazing

I was fine growing up by myself - because I didn't know any different, but I would never have objected to having a sibling. But the thing I remember sucking was VACATIONS, being the only kid. I see parents now-a-days sometimes invite a friend along, and that prolly works if you can do it.
As an adult, there are things you "don't get to do" not having siblings - being an aunt (which I am to my bestie's kids, tho honestly it's not exactly the same) is something special. I would like to have a second child, but our daughter, who just turned 8, is against it. She's not a brat by any means, but she's become used to being the only child and not having to share things, even though she did want a sibling when she was younger (as long as it was another girl LOL). I think it comes with what your kids experience w/ other families. My bestie has 4 girls, which is hectic most of the time and they fight for attention, and I think that may be what my daughter has in mind when she thinks of having a sibling. My hubby is against it because now he's over 40 and "too old", he says.
From a mother's perspective, it should be about what you and your fiance want (not to offend or sound cruel), but your daughter will adjust to whatever the situation is. Since you're asking the question, that says that you put your child's needs first, which means you're a great parent, and she (or both of them) will turn out just fine whatever you decide. If you THINK you want another, go for it ASAP. Otherwise you may find yourself at some point in the future thinking "now it's too late."

Good luck and congrats on your upcoming wedding!

mary_kate23

I was sort of an "only child". My brother is 10 years older than me, so even now we don't really talk. I worry the age gap is already too big (this is just my opinion though) but they would end up being nearly 7 years apart. So if they are anything like me and my brother, they wont really feel like "siblings". I love the guy, but he moved out by the time we were able to actually have conversations and now we just see each other on holiday. So, if you are going to have another child, just remember that. The age gap may be too big. This doesn't go for everyone though!

I'm sure everyone is different, but just throwing out there, my sister and I are 10 years apart, and are as close as ever. I try to be a positive influence in her life, seeing that she's at the age now where she has to make big decisions about things that could possibly impact her negatively. she's 16, i'm 26.

scotslass

*** One other downside, is that I will NEVER know what its like to have a real niece or nephew of my own, which makes me a bit sad!

ohhh noo i didn't think of that!!

BruteSquad

Not an only child... comment because my two best friends in the world are my brother and my sister. They always had and will always have my back, and I theirs. We have a deep bond that many, even other siblings, never share. That is because my parents fostered it, and showed us how to be more than just blood relations. That in turn has developed how I see my friends. My friends are non-blood family. We are a clan and we take on the world together. I wouldn't have all that if I had been an only child.

mmsilvia

Thank you for posting this. As my hubby & I are having also thinking about the options - keeping our son an only child or having another?? Such a big choice to make...

I enjoyed reading everyones comments.

llamalland

My kids are 7 years apart. The pediatrician told me that was like having 2 "only children" because of the span between their interests/experiences/needs./etc.

krsnjas1022

I was an only child.. but I am the mother of three! I loved being an only child.. My mom and I are best friends and I wouldn't have it any other way. My three kids are 17 (b), 15 (b) and 10 (g).. and drive me crazy with the fussing and arguing. But I wouldn't change a thing when I hear my daughter's big brothers taking up for her, or seeing her hug them goodnight and telling them she loves them!~