Folks who are happily married...

MFPAddict

You just broke up with him last night and you are already in a counseling session this morning. Sorry, but this whole story is a bit odd to me.

thebigcb

OXY MORON surely?

songbyrdsweet

You just broke up with him last night and you are already in a counseling session this morning. Sorry, but this whole story is a bit odd to me.

It's not couples counseling. I told him I'd go with him to the first available appointment. Did not expect it to be at 9am this morning. I know he needs guidance on these issues and he wasn't going on his own, so I agreed to go with him this time.

MFPAddict

You just broke up with him last night and you are already in a counseling session this morning. Sorry, but this whole story is a bit odd to me.

It's not couples counseling. I told him I'd go with him to the first available appointment. Did not expect it to be at 9am this morning. I know he needs guidance on these issues and he wasn't going on his own, so I agreed to go with him this time.

So he had a counselor on speed dial?

songbyrdsweet

You just broke up with him last night and you are already in a counseling session this morning. Sorry, but this whole story is a bit odd to me.

It's not couples counseling. I told him I'd go with him to the first available appointment. Did not expect it to be at 9am this morning. I know he needs guidance on these issues and he wasn't going on his own, so I agreed to go with him this time.

So he had a counselor on speed dial?

Oh, no haha, we have two counseling centers on campus with like a billion counselors. It's not hard to get an appointment.

mfp_junkie

I met my wife on March 23, 1991 and we got married on August 9, 1991. We knew we wanted to get married after two weeks, and "waited" until May 5th to formally get engaged.

Happily, deliriously, crazy in love married for 21 years, and I cannot imagine a day without her.

We both knew 100% that this was the person we wanted to be with forever.

I think you should know it's the one without second guessing yourself. Good luck!

TinkrBelz

Been married for 22 years in May. He is my best friend and we have so much fun together. He makes me laugh and he is till super HOT!!!

We knew each other for a year before we started o date. But, after a couple of weeks (maybe sooner) I knew that he was the one. I do not know how I knew, I just did. So, he asked me a year later to get married. And then we married 10 months after that.

jcpmoore

I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:

...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?

Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.

Hehe 7.5 months is not always long enough to know. My husband and I have been married for over ten years. We are happily married now, but we've certainly been through some very hard times. We have been through times of really not getting along and almost wanting to break up-but we got through because we wanted to. You have to know before you say yes that this is a person that you will fight for. When they piss you off, the world knocks you over, and everyone in the world tells you to break up-You'll Stay With Them. If you aren't sure you can do that, then give it some more time.

I dated my current husband for five years before we married, which means four before he even proposed. Before that we were friends for about four or five years. So, no, it wasn't a fast thing. But when he asked me I was sure. Did he have some quirks I didn't like? Yes. Does he still have them? Yes. In fact they are more pronounced now than ever. lol I asked myself the question-is there anything about this person that bothers me enough that I couldn't live with it and be happy for the rest of my life? I knew the answer was I could do it, so I said yes.

If there are things you want to change about him, then you're not ready. Doesn't mean it won't happen, just that you need more time. I didn't love all his annoying quirks in the beginning, but I learned to love most of them and deal with the rest.

HTH

katejenkins1

I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

I think you have your answe right there hun ^^^

Agreed, Don't get married to get married. It's not easy and it's not fun all the time. The next thing could be him pushing you to make a descion about kids and even people who are 100% in it, struggle.
There are other people out there. I find it really strange that he is selling himself to you so strongly. If he is in love with you he'll wait. If he's not willing to wait, he needs to move on and so do you.

Sorry, you're having this struggle. I hope it gets better soon

snlperdue93

I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

I think you have your answer right there hun ^^^

I agree 100%. You have to go with how you feel and if you would rather be friends than his wife, then do what makes you happy.

My husband and I knew each other for a year (I was dating his best friend on and off) and he lived about 5 hours away. We finally decided to start seeing each other in February of 2002, he proposed on Mother's Day 2002 (I had 1, he had 2) and we were married in August 2002. We became best friends and then when we started dating we just knew that it was right. Now we are about to celebrate out 10 year anniversary in a couple of months and we still feel like we are on our honeymoon. He is still my best friend and I can't imagine my life without him.

I hope you can find what you are looking for.

rebecky27

Thank you EVERYONE! I received such kind, thoughtful advice. You all are so wonderful.

Last night I ended the relationship. He was really upset and tried tactics to get me to change my mind (begging, crying, asking me to hook him up with one of my friends, deleting all our FB pictures and de-friending me...lol). But his emotional immaturity just solidified my decision.

This morning I went to a counseling session with him, but I made it VERY clear that my decision has been made and these counseling sessions are to help him gain closure. They're actually nice for me too...I mean how many times do you get counseling through a breakup?

This weekend his parents are coming down to help him move. He also needs his mom to come down and support him...which is a little odd at 27 years old, IMO. When my parents divorced, they were only 24 and my mom took me from my dad, and he handled it on his own.

I know I made the right decision. I feel sad for hurting him, but I am hopeful he will learn and grow from this like I did from my painful breakups.

wow, he sounds like my first boyfriend...he has a lot of growing up to do, and he is so mentally weak that I foresee a lot of counseling in his future. I went through the same guilt, but knew I was so much better off without him in my life.
You made the right decision, go to this counseling session if you feel you must....but don't go to too many...he'll start playing the guilt card...you need to cut him off.

scapez

I met my wife on March 23, 1991 and we got married on August 9, 1991. We knew we wanted to get married after two weeks, and "waited" until May 5th to formally get engaged.

Happily, deliriously, crazy in love married for 21 years, and I cannot imagine a day without her.

We both knew 100% that this was the person we wanted to be with forever.

I think you should know it's the one without second guessing yourself. Good luck!

THIS. Is awesome.

bcattoes

My husband and I were together 1 year before he proposed. We had been talking about a future together for some time by then though. One year later we married. We were older (in our 40's) and I can tell you it was shocking to me how incredibly "right" it felt compared to past relationships. We knew within the first few months that we'd be together forever. It was passionate and all that a new relationship should be, but also very comfortable. The kind of comfort that usually doesn't come for a while.

ssforcey

And some background:

He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.

Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.

I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

I'm sorry but to me these all sound like warning signs. If those things bug you now, think about how bad it will be in 10 years. Even with all those things aside I don't hear that your "crazy about him".

terrellc1

You should never have to convince yourself to make a right decision. :flowerforyou:

TrailRunner61

If you're questioning your relationship, go for counseling or just don't get married. It takes a lot of work from both parties.

I met my husband when I was 15, he had just turned 18. We were engaged when I was 17, married at 18, 6 mths out of high school. We have been married now for 33 years, together 35. We had our first child when I was 21, last one at 29. We have had some really rough times but worked it out. We are our best friends. I'd rather be with him than anyone else and we will do anything together but still have outside interests. He hunts. I don't (ack!) I go out with my girlfriends and I walk the dog, a lot!
Think about it. Do you REALLY want to spend the rest of your life with this person? It worked for us and we still only want each other.

songbyrdsweet

Thank you EVERYONE! I received such kind, thoughtful advice. You all are so wonderful.

Last night I ended the relationship. He was really upset and tried tactics to get me to change my mind (begging, crying, asking me to hook him up with one of my friends, deleting all our FB pictures and de-friending me...lol). But his emotional immaturity just solidified my decision.

This morning I went to a counseling session with him, but I made it VERY clear that my decision has been made and these counseling sessions are to help him gain closure. They're actually nice for me too...I mean how many times do you get counseling through a breakup?

This weekend his parents are coming down to help him move. He also needs his mom to come down and support him...which is a little odd at 27 years old, IMO. When my parents divorced, they were only 24 and my mom took me from my dad, and he handled it on his own.

I know I made the right decision. I feel sad for hurting him, but I am hopeful he will learn and grow from this like I did from my painful breakups.

wow, he sounds like my first boyfriend...he has a lot of growing up to do, and he is so mentally week that I foresee a lot of counseling in his future. I went through the same guilt, but knew I was so much better off without him in my life.
You made the right decision, go to this counseling session if you feel you must....but don't go to too many...he'll start playing the guilt card...you need to cut him off.

He definitely does. I agreed to one more, but after that I don't want to go to any more. I am really good at sensing the guilt trips because I used to pull them too! He pulled the 'I can't even eat' and then went through his phone..'here's the first flowers I bought you...here we are on this one trip...'. I just sat quietly with him and let him do his thing. I sincerely do want him to heal.

songbyrdsweet

You should never have to convince yourself to make a right decision. :flowerforyou:

Wow, so right!

weathergirl320

Met the hubby when I was 14. When I was 15 we decided to get married one day. Got engaged at 17 and then at 18 the option was get married or he had to leave the country. We got married. 5 years later we are happy and just as in love as day 1. We took a crazy risk but it worked out for us. Any marriage is a risk. We have no kids but are working towards our goals together. We will be celebrating ten years together in November. Can't believe it. It feels like yesterday we met. Crazy.

dhencel

my husband and I dated 11 months, broke up for 8 months, got back together, got engaged for 2 years and have been married 35 years in July......