He Called me Stupid..is it Emotional abuse?
Replies
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Clearly neither of you understand how abuse works.
OP, I would recommend getting out of this relationship as soon as possible, and please try to stay safe until then. You deserve so much better. Good luck!0 -
The way I see it you have two paths in front of you:
#1- Get away from him
#2- Tie him down with the bed sheet when he falls asleep and take a frying pan to him, then get away from him!
You can do so much better than a guy like that.0 -
Get out girlfriend. This isn't love.0
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You have to ask? If you're living with him, move out and get on with your life. Don't prove him right about this! God bless you with strength and wisdom.0
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Time to send him packing.
Don't spend time arguing with him or explaining to him because it sound slike he likes hearing his own voice. Don't throw insults at him.
Just say "goodbye."0 -
Get out as fast as you possibly can. From what you've put here, he comes off as not respecting you at all. Any type of relationship that you have with your significant other should always be a positive and supportive one...especially if you're engaged to the person. Your opinions and goals should matter, not something to just poke fun at. This isn't even getting into the playful slapping. It's demeaning and hurtful. Go to Canada, ditch the guy and find someone who makes you happy and actually cares about you girl!0
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I only read the first page but I agree with what everyone else said, it is abuse and the sooner you can get away and stay away from him the better. Good luck to you. (((hugs)))0
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Calling you stupid isn't abuse. It might be obnoxious, but not abuse.
Screwing with you in front of his kids is setting a really bad example for his daughters but not abuse.
The hitting depends on how hard.
But you needn't be abused to come to a decision that you are with a *kitten*.
Leave him. This doesn't seem like the sort of **** that will improve as you continue on together.0 -
Let me tell you a story about a woman who wasn't sure if she was being abused or not. She was my next door neighbor when we lived in AZ. Her and her DH had 2 kids together - ages 3 and 2. He also had a 7yo who would stay with them during the summer. More than a few times I'd have to close the window next to my desk (faced their house) because they would be swearing at each other. She excused and justified it because she yelled and called him names too. He'd grab her arm and she excused it saying he was trying to stop her from leaving so they could talk. He'd "playfully" slap her which all too often got out of hand and she ended up with bruises. She excused it because he apologized and said he was only playing.
One summer night they went to a party in the court across the street. She was talking with the husband of one of the neighbors. Her husband didn't like that, got jealous, and they started arguing. They went home to avoid fighting at the party. It was already late and the party broke up soon afterwards. At some point their argument turned violent. He hit her, punched her, kicked her, and when she was laying on the floor he stomped on her head while wearing steel toed boots. She was a bloody, barely alive, incoherent, semi-conscious mess.
He got the 3 kids into the car then got her into the car and drove several hundred miles into CA. He told the kids not to talk to her. She'd occasionally babble but it wasn't really words. At one point he had to stop so the 7yo could use the restroom and he could get gas. The son went into the gas station and told the clerk that his mom was hurt really bad. The clerk took one look out the window into the car and called 911. The police arrived before he could leave and arrested him. She was air lifted to a hospital in CA. She died 2 weeks later.
Do not ever excuse name calling and belittling. Playing around is fun for both people and never causes real pain. Otherwise it's sadistic.
My husband and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary next month. We've been together for 22 years. We've had arguments but neither of us has ever put down the other, belittled them, insulted them, or tried to verbally hurt them. Neither of us have ever laid a hand on the other in anger. Neither of us has ever belittled the other to the kids. If any of those had ever happened I wouldn't stick around and make excuses for him. I'm worth more than that. So are you. So is everyone.0 -
I got down to the part where you said he "playfully slaps you in the face" and I stopped reading.
Go find a better place for yourself in life.
My two cents.0 -
Well, it appears you already know the answer. Knowing the answer is only half the issue. It is time to move on, which you know as well. If you are serious about this and you need to ride out the next two weeks, do so and don't rock the boat. Don't go off on him and how you are out of here the minute you are out of there. Don't give this douche a reason to get really violent when you break his little man-child feelings about dumping him.
I don't know all there is to know out there. I read many where you must leave now and only you can decide on that. If that is an option, go. If you can't, ride out the time you have to stay and survive. Do you work? Can you work later under the explanation that "you are finishing things up before your trip"? Take some time to finish up the projects you want to finish up before you go that will keep you busy?
You already know *it is not going to be easy*. This may not be what you want to hear but you know this is the truth of the matter and now you need to find a way to deal with the next two weeks.
Two weeks. Two weeks and you are free of this guy. You know you are a better person than this guy will ever be. Well, maybe not if you were to spend the next two weeks urinating in a milk gallon jug then pouring it into the heater vents of his car... but come on, would this genius-in-own-mind ever think of doing that on his own? I don't think so.
This is why you are better than him! Let him pontificate how great a debater he is while sitting in a hot, where-did-that-piss-smell-come-from car! 0 -
Yes, leave him. He is a degrading loser and acts like a child.
There is so much better out there for you.0 -
Let me tell you a story about a woman who wasn't sure if she was being abused or not. She was my next door neighbor when we lived in AZ. Her and her DH had 2 kids together - ages 3 and 2. He also had a 7yo who would stay with them during the summer. More than a few times I'd have to close the window next to my desk (faced their house) because they would be swearing at each other. She excused and justified it because she yelled and called him names too. He'd grab her arm and she excused it saying he was trying to stop her from leaving so they could talk. He'd "playfully" slap her which all too often got out of hand and she ended up with bruises. She excused it because he apologized and said he was only playing.
One summer night they went to a party in the court across the street. She was talking with the husband of one of the neighbors. Her husband didn't like that, got jealous, and they started arguing. They went home to avoid fighting at the party. It was already late and the party broke up soon afterwards. At some point their argument turned violent. He hit her, punched her, kicked her, and when she was laying on the floor he stomped on her head while wearing steel toed boots. She was a bloody, barely alive, incoherent, semi-conscious mess.
He got the 3 kids into the car then got her into the car and drove several hundred miles into CA. He told the kids not to talk to her. She'd occasionally babble but it wasn't really words. At one point he had to stop so the 7yo could use the restroom and he could get gas. The son went into the gas station and told the clerk that his mom was hurt really bad. The clerk took one look out the window into the car and called 911. The police arrived before he could leave and arrested him. She was air lifted to a hospital in CA. She died 2 weeks later.
Do not ever excuse name calling and belittling. Playing around is fun for both people and never causes real pain. Otherwise it's sadistic.
My husband and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary next month. We've been together for 22 years. We've had arguments but neither of us has ever put down the other, belittled them, insulted them, or tried to verbally hurt them. Neither of us have ever laid a hand on the other in anger. Neither of us has ever belittled the other to the kids. If any of those had ever happened I wouldn't stick around and make excuses for him. I'm worth more than that. So are you. So is everyone.
I'm really scared for OP after reading this story. No! Don't let this happen to ANYONE!!! D':0 -
Let me tell you a story about a woman who wasn't sure if she was being abused or not. She was my next door neighbor when we lived in AZ. Her and her DH had 2 kids together - ages 3 and 2. He also had a 7yo who would stay with them during the summer. More than a few times I'd have to close the window next to my desk (faced their house) because they would be swearing at each other. She excused and justified it because she yelled and called him names too. He'd grab her arm and she excused it saying he was trying to stop her from leaving so they could talk. He'd "playfully" slap her which all too often got out of hand and she ended up with bruises. She excused it because he apologized and said he was only playing.
One summer night they went to a party in the court across the street. She was talking with the husband of one of the neighbors. Her husband didn't like that, got jealous, and they started arguing. They went home to avoid fighting at the party. It was already late and the party broke up soon afterwards. At some point their argument turned violent. He hit her, punched her, kicked her, and when she was laying on the floor he stomped on her head while wearing steel toed boots. She was a bloody, barely alive, incoherent, semi-conscious mess.
He got the 3 kids into the car then got her into the car and drove several hundred miles into CA. He told the kids not to talk to her. She'd occasionally babble but it wasn't really words. At one point he had to stop so the 7yo could use the restroom and he could get gas. The son went into the gas station and told the clerk that his mom was hurt really bad. The clerk took one look out the window into the car and called 911. The police arrived before he could leave and arrested him. She was air lifted to a hospital in CA. She died 2 weeks later.
Do not ever excuse name calling and belittling. Playing around is fun for both people and never causes real pain. Otherwise it's sadistic.
My husband and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary next month. We've been together for 22 years. We've had arguments but neither of us has ever put down the other, belittled them, insulted them, or tried to verbally hurt them. Neither of us have ever laid a hand on the other in anger. Neither of us has ever belittled the other to the kids. If any of those had ever happened I wouldn't stick around and make excuses for him. I'm worth more than that. So are you. So is everyone.
Thank you for sharing. Extremely traumatic.0 -
This guy is terrible and you need to get away. I wouldn't even give someone like that the courtesy of even knowing I was leaving. I would just let him come home and see all my stuff gone. He sounds dangerous. It doesn't sound like he has any respect for you at all and you certainly deserve better than that.
BB0 -
The point is, there were big red flags before we were married, but I didn't heed them. Things escalated after we were married to the point of violence and fear. Whatever you are suffering now will likely be much bigger if you marry him. He might just be a jerk, but keep in mind that I went through what you are going through, and he turned out to be so much more than a mere jerk.
Please be careful around this guy. Take care.
This is what I'm scared about. I get pushed around a lot by my boyfriend, small things that don't hurt like slaps and pinches. Once in a while he covers my mouth so I can't breathe. And it's all done in a joking way (most of the time). But I get worried about this-what if it gets worse later, once I'm much more committed? Thanks for sharing your experience.
That I fear too, We were engaged and due to all this stress and me feeling awkward I told him no more wedding ..that we needed to get to know eachother more. Thanks to the ladies that have shared their stories with me privately ..I know see just how ugly it could get .
Good for you, ending the engagement was a step in the right direction. Another thing I'm scared of is letting him talk me out of leaving. I've told him how he makes me feel and he downplays it SO much that it seems like it really isn't a big deal. And I see here that it is. Have you talked to him about this stuff at all?0 -
that is definitely emotional and physical abuse. you should get out of there.0
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Sweetie it is out right mental, emotional and physical abuse...you need to leave before it escalates and gets worse.0
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I only got two words for this dear: LEAVE HIM0
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I don't want to sound insensitive, but my husband wants you to come visit us for a week for "bootcamp" so he can train you and toughen you up.
He's called me worse than "stupid", and I've called him worse than that, too. (such as "a--hole")
The thing about us is that we never "fight" - we argue, we bicker - but so far, so good, nothing huge...it's usually about small trivial BS that isn't even worth it. According to my mother in law , my bro in law and his wife have huge fights and she likes us better because we don't do stuff like that.
ANYWAY, back to you. Yeah it's not nice, and it makes you feel bad...but humans get annoyed in the heat of the moment. None of us are perfect. If it was an isolated incident, or something that doesn't happen all the time and you are happy in your relationship overall, then keep things in perspective.
If there's something more to it than that or it's something that has happens a lot, if you see that there are more bad times than good....then I think you know what you have to do.
The good has to outweigh the bad, otherwise it's not really beneficial (or worth it in the long run).
My husband and I have been together for 4 years, like I said - it will never be perfect, because we are both stubborn as hell, but we love each other, so even if we do clash, we have thankfully always been able to get passed it.
Edit: I would consider the second part, overall intelligence regarding professions, breaking stuff, etc. to be emotional abuse, yes. He also sounds immature. He should not be trying to influence his children's opinion of you in a negative way. That is a huge HUGE mistake, right there.0 -
Please read your original post again, back to yourself..... Now what advise would you give your best friend? Now take the advise you gave your friend. Would you want your best friend to be treated like that? I didn't think so..... Reach down deep, and get your supergirl powers, and change the situation, by removing yourself. You can do it. By doing so, you will make room for the one who treats you nicely, and helps to make you feel good about yourself. You took the first step to do so already by posting this... Trust your instincts.0
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If you have to ask, you know it is.
^^ this
But if you're doubting it .. I'm here to tell ya it's how it starts.. Things get worse from this point never better ... Get out before he consumes your spirit !0 -
I was in a similar relationship with my ex husband ....we used to yell and scream at each other all the time. Then he hit me ONCE....that was enough...I kicked him out and divorced his stupid *kitten*. My current boyfriend is so loving and the complete opposite of my ex. Do yourself a favor....have respect for yourself and leave him. Now. Walk away and don't ever look back. You are too good to put up with that crap. Message me if you need to talk. *HUGS*0
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Think you may have got the message by now. Putting it simply, violence is not acceptable in any sort of relationship. No form of abuse is ever justified or warranted.0
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Calling you stupid isn't abuse. It might be obnoxious, but not abuse.
Screwing with you in front of his kids is setting a really bad example for his daughters but not abuse.
That is too much of a blanket statement. Sure, being called "stupid" when you're in the middle of an argument every so often may not be abuse, but that isn't what the OP is describing here. She is describing being called "stupid" and being both verbally and physically degraded on a regular basis, which is abuse.The hitting depends on how hard.
Huh? I can't believe I just read this. Sorry, but this is exactly how some women end up dead. "He hit me, but not THAT hard." They keep using that and other excuses for the guy until they're dead or have been seriously harmed. Are people supposed to sit and evaluate how hard they've been hit on a scale of 1 to 10 before they determine whether or not being hit was acceptable? No. He had no business putting his hands on her in the first place. It's abuse plain and simple. It may not be the worst case of abuse you've ever heard of, but that does not mean that it isn't abuse. Additionally, situations like this escalate more often than not.0 -
I totally agree it is abuse! Get out of that situation before it gets worse! I have been there!Calling you stupid isn't abuse. It might be obnoxious, but not abuse.
Screwing with you in front of his kids is setting a really bad example for his daughters but not abuse.
That is too much of a blanket statement. Sure, being called "stupid" when you're in the middle of an argument every so often may not be abuse, but that isn't what the OP is describing here. She is describing being called "stupid" and being both verbally and physically degraded on a regular basis, which is abuse.The hitting depends on how hard.
Huh? I can't believe I just read this. Sorry, but this is exactly how some women end up dead. "He hit me, but not THAT hard." They keep using that and other excuses for the guy until they're dead or have been seriously harmed. Are people supposed to sit and evaluate how hard they've been hit on a scale of 1 to 10 before they determine whether or not being hit was acceptable? No. He had no business putting his hands on her in the first place. It's abuse plain and simple. It may not be the worst case of abuse you've ever heard of, but that does not mean that it isn't abuse. Additionally, situations like this escalate more often than not.0 -
Yes it's abuse. He "playfully hits" you because he's testing your reaction. Do you fight back, do you leave? No, you take it so now he knows that it's okay to hit harder and harder until one day you're walking around in dark glasses claiming you ran into a door handle.
He's degrading you and your life choices. He's making you feel bad about yourself. All else aside, that's enough for me to break up with a guy.0 -
I haven't read all of the replies in this thread, but yes, it's emotional abuse and you should leave him and don't consider going back.
I have some experience of emotional abusive behaviour (rather than out and out abuse) and sometimes I think you can work through it, but this guy is deliberately making you feel bad, psychologically and now starting with the physical abuse. Please get out of this relationship and look at this thread if you ever consider going back.
I hope I'm just adding to an overwhelming response telling you this.0 -
O_______O Are you kidding me? Calling you 'stupid' is considered emotional abuse???? Wow...I feel like I suffer from serious abuse now...........lol.....................
Did you even bother to read the post properly? Do you understand psychological/emotional abuse in any way, shape or form?
Yes I did, and if you even bothered to read my profile before opening your rude mouth you would *maybe* grasp that I have tangled with abuse in the past. And that is only what I have chosen to reveal to people on this site. God damn.0 -
He needs to go. Now.0
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