He Called me Stupid..is it Emotional abuse?
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I'm am ex-military. Send me a message if you want some of my friends to 'visit" your STUPID bf. Don't take that. I don't know you but I know you're worth more than that.0
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I dunno how long you all have been together, but I will tell you...I was with someone like that too and I always felt like I was blowing things out of proportion as well. Truth is abusers don't typically just jump right in a start abusing hardcore right off the back. It takes time to build up to that. The real question is do you want to wait for THAT to happen?
It took 11 years for my ex to get to THAT point, BUT...there were signs and clues all along that I blew off. Hindsights 20/20 they say. What they say is true. I could've should've known, and maybe somewhere deep down I did. It sounds like you do know...so get out while you're strong...because if he's starting to call you stupid...that's just the beginning of him breaking you down. Don't let him do that to you. You're better than that. You're worth so much more than that! You deserve BETTER! Show his *kitten* just how "stupid" you're NOT, and kick him to the curb! FTR - you gotta be careful with this whole playfully hitting you thing BECAUSE you don't want him to feel comfortable "hitting" you even playfully because it's easy to cross over into hitting you when he's pissed. I've seen it happen time and time again.
I know it's easier said than done. Oftentimes, we go back several times before we're officially fed up and leave for good. Just know that we are here for you if you let us. Friend me if you like.
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Tell some family about it so they can help you and support you. Guys like that can get crazy and they are VERY manipulative. He will try to say he didn't mean it and that he loves you so much. You will go through a few weeks of happieness again and they it will start over but worse. You are worth way more than that and I don't even know you! God Bless you!0
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If you're in a situation where you're not happy with your other half, then there's a problem. Do something about it. Don't let it take over your life. Fix it or get out while you can.0
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Oh, please get out now. When you leave just leave, just leave. Don't look back. Don't call. If you can change your number or block his. Don't go back don't "talk" to him again. He'll try to trick you into forgiving him and taking him back. DON'T. This will only get worse and make you feel worse. Rip off that bad band aid! It will only hurt for a second. Find someone who deserves you !0
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Yes you are! You deserve much better than this! :flowerforyou:0
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Let me tell you a story about a woman who wasn't sure if she was being abused or not. She was my next door neighbor when we lived in AZ. Her and her DH had 2 kids together - ages 3 and 2. He also had a 7yo who would stay with them during the summer. More than a few times I'd have to close the window next to my desk (faced their house) because they would be swearing at each other. She excused and justified it because she yelled and called him names too. He'd grab her arm and she excused it saying he was trying to stop her from leaving so they could talk. He'd "playfully" slap her which all too often got out of hand and she ended up with bruises. She excused it because he apologized and said he was only playing.
One summer night they went to a party in the court across the street. She was talking with the husband of one of the neighbors. Her husband didn't like that, got jealous, and they started arguing. They went home to avoid fighting at the party. It was already late and the party broke up soon afterwards. At some point their argument turned violent. He hit her, punched her, kicked her, and when she was laying on the floor he stomped on her head while wearing steel toed boots. She was a bloody, barely alive, incoherent, semi-conscious mess.
He got the 3 kids into the car then got her into the car and drove several hundred miles into CA. He told the kids not to talk to her. She'd occasionally babble but it wasn't really words. At one point he had to stop so the 7yo could use the restroom and he could get gas. The son went into the gas station and told the clerk that his mom was hurt really bad. The clerk took one look out the window into the car and called 911. The police arrived before he could leave and arrested him. She was air lifted to a hospital in CA. She died 2 weeks later.
Do not ever excuse name calling and belittling. Playing around is fun for both people and never causes real pain. Otherwise it's sadistic.
My husband and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary next month. We've been together for 22 years. We've had arguments but neither of us has ever put down the other, belittled them, insulted them, or tried to verbally hurt them. Neither of us have ever laid a hand on the other in anger. Neither of us has ever belittled the other to the kids. If any of those had ever happened I wouldn't stick around and make excuses for him. I'm worth more than that. So are you. So is everyone.
I'm really scared for OP after reading this story. No! Don't let this happen to ANYONE!!! D':
This!
I have driven this kind of stuff into my girls heads. They have also NEVER heard hubby and I yell or call each other names. My hubby jumps on anyone (including the kids) for being disrespectful to me. I feel we have set the bar very high in how a man should treat a woman so they will never accept less. It also helps that he is 6'4" and goes about 240lbs of muscle... That keeps the boyfriends in line. If one of our daughters were treated the way you are being treated, they would never find the guys body.
The simple question is "does he treat you this way infront of your family and friends?". I'm sure the answer is "no". Which means it is not a joke and he knows what he is doing is wrong. Has he started to criticize your friends & family, does he prefer you don't see them often? Abusers isolate their victims. If this is the road you are on, you need to get out now. The first time it becomes "obvious" abuse, you may not survive. Canada is a great place. Don't give him your contact info or give him fake info when you leave. Stay safe.0 -
You are so NOT crazy. What hes doing is awful and you should leave asap! You deserve so much better for yourself and your family than a bully. Stay safe.0
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You are being abused, and it will not stop, it will only escalate. I speak from experience.
He will push you until you leave then he will romance you back during the honeymoon phase, then he will hit you...
might break a bone or two..... might try to kill you....
Not trying to scare you, be realistic.. he is not kidding or playing around.. he does not like it when he is not in control or when you disagree with him..... TRUST ME!!! RUN FAR AND FAST and do not look back!!
There is no fix for this...0 -
Sounds to me like you are being emotionally and physically abused.
ditto
It is abuse. It doesn't get better--no matter what you do.
GET OUT NOW. DO NOT DELAY or OVERTHINK. GET OUT NOW.
there are agencies everywhere that will help you--w/counseling, clothes, finding work and/or housing.
TODAY--leave that apartment (when he is not there), dump the key, and don't turn back.
too many women die at the hands of their abusers--don't be one of them
g-d bless and g-dspeed0 -
Trust me it is emotional abuse. I believe when a man loves a woman that he should treat you like he treats his own mother. I too went through a phase where my boyfriend would call me stupid and he criticized everything I cleaned. He's a former Marine so of course the work has to be perfect. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and told him off and threated to leave. Best believe he straightened up cuz I was about to end the relationship as well. He straighted up but only because he had to get used to being a regular civilian again. You deserve better girlie, and there are men out there that will never put you down like that. Putting you down infront of family is a big no no. That's prolly why he's not with the children's mother anymore. Best of luck to you.0
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My opinion - it is mental abuse and could lead to worse.
Leave him and find someone better0 -
All you described is abuse and the playful slapping is a warm up for when he is going to truly cold konk you. GET OUT!!!! Had an ex bf who started out the same way. I was to immature to see the signs. The playful went to full abuse. Luckily my parents stepped in and got me out. Please leave, change your number and your zip code and block him off your face book.0
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If you are on here asking it seems you already know and want it confirmed. I think MFP is partly about taking control of your life and perhaps this is another part you need to change. I think you are worth more than that and deserve someone that respects your opinion whether agree's or dissagree's and never talk down to you infront of anyone that said and done I know it is easier for us to say as I have been in a relationship similar when I was younger and only you can make the decision but I would at least confront him and tell him how you feel and that you dont like being slapped offer him the chance to change his attitude if you feel you want to be with him but I think you are better without him.0
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This is definitely abuse. If you stay, it will most guaranteed get worse. He has similiar traits to my ex husband. The best thing imo is to leave, he doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve that trreatment ever.0
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YES!!! You are being abused. My first real boyfriend was very possessive and called me stupid, fat and ugly during the last year of our relationship. I only stayed until I was finished with that year of college....then I moved back home and dumped him. What a loser! Anyone that loves you, loves you for who you are....not what you look like and even if you clog up the sink....because I'm sure you did that on purpose. Get rid of him before he hurts you more. There are decent men out there.0
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YES it IS emotional abuse!! Sounds to me like your STUPID BF is insecure about HIMSELF and is putting you down to make himself feel better about the jerk he is!! I don't care who you are, you DESERVE to be treated MUCH BETTER!! I tell all my girlfriends this and I MEAN it, settle for NOTHING LESS than a man who WORSHIPS YOU. NO, it is NOT asking too much!! My hubs and I have our problems, but even at my fattest, I was his QUEEN. As it should be!! And he is my KING. Those are the ONLY names you should be calling each other. I mean it! Even fighting! Hubs wasn't used to "fighting fair" when I met him, but I insist on it, so he has changed. Fight all night about the issue at hand, but NO NAME CALLING and NO COMPARING TO SOMEONE ELSE (You're just like you're mother/father/ex partner/friend ETC., Ditch the puke....and LOVE YOURSELF enough to insist on more. Good luck sweet cheeks...there, remember that today instead. That someone called you sweet cheeks.
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Sounds like the guy is a class A jerk, and the sooner you get away from him the better...How dare anyone ridicule you for having a different opinion..How dare anyone playfully 'slap' you...
I know what I would do and it wouldn't be PLAYFUL!!!!
sue0 -
I think 16 pages of mostly "get rid of the jerk" should be pretty pursuasive.0
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I'm not going to judge you for staying as long as you have, or for putting up with for any amount of time..God knows i have put up with things that i shouldn't have. It doesn't take long at all for them to get you down to the point to where you start to believe the BS that's spewing outta their mouths.
If you are ever in a relationship to where someone is "play slapping" you in the face...calling you stupid..blaming you everytime something goes wrong..making fun of you..if at anytime you have to question your self worth, It's abuse... leave. When someone truly cares about you they do everything in their power to make your life better..not the opposite.0 -
When are you leaving?
Leave now.0 -
leave that disrespectful piece of crap!!!!!0
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sweetie - even if he's "Playing" if you don't like it he shouldn't be doing it. If you've told him you don't like it and he continues then why waste your time in a situation where you're not happy? It's abusive / belittling behavior if it isn't specifically violent.
You're the one who is with him - you're the one who knows if he's an @**hole more than a nice guy. If you can't see this relationship as a situation you want to be in long term I would just get out. If you just wait for something better to come along you may let yourself be controlled and belittled into think ing a) there is no better or b) you don't deserve better. There is something to be said for cutting your losses and moving on. Just my 2cents.
Take care and good luck0 -
he's ur bf? really? be ur own bf and end the relationship.0
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yes we all agree its abuse... and it totally is. but until she is ready to leave all our advice is useless. I have been there. everyone told me what i should do, but until i was emotionally ready i had to do it on my own! But because my friends were so tired of giving me advice i lost a few from it. and had to try to repair those friendships when it was over....
you will know when enough is enough.0 -
Get out now!! If you stay, he will continue to act this way, knowing you will endure it, and it will escalate! I know this as I have been caught up in it before....please love yourself enough to know that you deserve better! :flowerforyou:0
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Leave and don't look back!!!!! Where abouts in Canada are you going to? I'm in Toronto Ontario... if you need some support just friend me. It's a tough situation, but am sure you are a strong lady and will succeed!!!
Good luck and stay strong!0 -
its abuse0
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Ditch the *kitten*. No one deserves to be treated in the way he is treating you. The Facebook **** is petty, I mean...high school ended HOW LONG AGO?0
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Nah, I just don't give a damn about reading about something I'm experiencing.
Maybe you need to think about getting out too. You, like the OP, deserve better. I would never treat my children the way that you describe being treated or the way this woman describes being treated. I would never want anyone else to treat them that way either. You deserve respect and love. What both of you describe is disrespectful and abusive.0
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