He Called me Stupid..is it Emotional abuse?
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My bf loves to get into deep conversation about politics, religions,social events..etc...
Whenever he does this , I try no to talk to much for he loves to just go on and on and on...
Then he asked me some specific questions and I answered ,,he then of course disagreed..
I disagreed again ..he then got defensive and call me stupid and said " That is the Stupiest thing I have ever heard " Last night he gave me a whole sermon bc the kitchen sink is clogged up..he said " Never ever in this house has anyone clogged up the kitchen sink drain ..it had to be .. you!" Made me feel like crap of course and told him not to be so mean about it . He makes comments about my weight and jokes on how I always like to think about food.
Last night as I laid down to sleep he looked at my belly and made a face of disgust. He had deleted me from his facebook account ..he then added me but has restricted ..I can't see his info or photos..
He tends to smack me for no reason, he says he is playing . Whenever I say something that he doesn't like , he "playfully" grabs me and " Playfully" slaps me on the face...although it's not hard ..it does hurt at times and I'm getting tired of him doing that . It's just so immature. the silly slaps on my face and my *** randomly uuggg..so tired. He then comments on when he was my age he had accomplished so much ..a profession, a good job, houses,cars ...etc... and while me I haven't done much. ...again makes me feel bad. There are times he will ridicule me in from of his daughters for either having said something wrong ..or for breaking something around the house..even if they were not there to see it ..he will tell them about the accident .
AM I Being emotional abused ?
sure feels like it ! I will be travelling far far away and will end the relationship once I'm away ..but I put this on here just so you guys can confirm that in fact I'm not crazy and this is abuse.
I'm not use to being treated like this ..That's why I will leave him.
I was married to a man who treated me like this. (Though he never slapped me) He was not nearly as blatant about it when we were dating. But once we were married, the insults started. Nothing I did was right. Everything was wrong. He always knew better than me. He never explained things to be because "it's not worth it. You'd never understand". If you allow him to treat you this way, he's only going to continue. And it's going to get worse. You should NOT tolrate it.
And - just my 2c- if he is treating you like this now, when you'r dating, I'd run as fast as I could. You have a right to be respected, treated with dignity.0 -
Your boyfriend is an abusive *kitten*, pure and simple.
Leave ASAP and never look back.0 -
O_______O Are you kidding me? Calling you 'stupid' is considered emotional abuse???? Wow...I feel like I suffer from serious abuse now...........lol.....................
Did you even bother to read the post properly? Do you understand psychological/emotional abuse in any way, shape or form?
Yes I did, and if you even bothered to read my profile before opening your rude mouth you would *maybe* grasp that I have tangled with abuse in the past. And that is only what I have chosen to reveal to people on this site. God damn.
So? Suffering with abuse in the past doesn't make you an expert, darling. And I read your profile. I'd have thought you'd be more understanding towards OP and not leave such an ignorant comment, but I was wrong.
Oh right my bad, I know absolutely nothing about abuse since I never took an official class on it, absolutely nothing, just like I know nothing about, say, art because even though I draw a lot I've never read a book on it. Right. I'm not understanding because being called stupid isn't significant at all. Everyone gets called that, seriously. I am more sympathetic about the physical abuse, but I wasn't talking about that part. I just think it's funny as hell that being called 'stupid' could be so blown out of proportion.
I don;t want to get to the point where being called Stupid or calling someone Stupid is the norm.0 -
^^^ THISThe last guy that "playfully" tried to slap me, got decked in the face. Leave his ass in the dust!0 -
^^^ THISThe last guy that "playfully" tried to slap me, got decked in the face. Leave his ass in the dust!0 -
I feel very sorry for you if your concept of reality is that everyone gets called stupid.O_______O Are you kidding me? Calling you 'stupid' is considered emotional abuse???? Wow...I feel like I suffer from serious abuse now...........lol.....................
Did you even bother to read the post properly? Do you understand psychological/emotional abuse in any way, shape or form?
Yes I did, and if you even bothered to read my profile before opening your rude mouth you would *maybe* grasp that I have tangled with abuse in the past. And that is only what I have chosen to reveal to people on this site. God damn.
So? Suffering with abuse in the past doesn't make you an expert, darling. And I read your profile. I'd have thought you'd be more understanding towards OP and not leave such an ignorant comment, but I was wrong.
Oh right my bad, I know absolutely nothing about abuse since I never took an official class on it, absolutely nothing, just like I know nothing about, say, art because even though I draw a lot I've never read a book on it. Right. I'm not understanding because being called stupid isn't significant at all. Everyone gets called that, seriously. I am more sympathetic about the physical abuse, but I wasn't talking about that part. I just think it's funny as hell that being called 'stupid' could be so blown out of proportion.0 -
Thank you everyone for you concern
I have learned to much from all of you women who have gone through this , and from the Men that value and respect women thank you for your support. Even thank you to those that have no idea how this works and called me stupid for staying..obviously they didn't read my post all the way through.
Thank you for the links and contact information of places I could call for help.
I talked to him this morning and tried to make him be aware of his abusive behaviour.
Told him about the name calling , face slapping, overreacting when things break or drains get clogged up.
I explained how it mades me feel, How degraded I feel etc...
I also explained that I see his daughter fear to show their weak sides as he tend to use unkind words towards etc...
He was sitting by his computer and his body language pretty much said " This is not important to me"
but I kept on since I have already made up my mind, I have nothing to lose. Told him about the facebook secrecy hoe that psycologicaly affects me , how it could make me feel insecure and all. He just kept listening.
when it was his turn to talk first thing he said that that the sink incident was not an incedent but me being careless
That when I make scrambled eggs they stick to the frying pan and that is not how it's supposed to be done ..so I say what is the big deal about the eggs sticking the the pan? i got a bit upset and said " whether the eggs i cook stick to the pan o not..that does not make me any better or worse than you " He seemed surprised .
I advised him to be aware of the words he says to his daughters for it will affect theire future relationships with men.
I sat there with a cool head and exposed what has been going on. How we argue bc I know the way he treats me at times is not acceptable and maybe he wishes I would just put up with it and not complaint so much.
We had to end the conversation due to a visitor but now he knows exacly how I feel and that it;s not acceptable. I wlll ride it out till I leave for canada ...did I mention I will layover MEX and see a friend I have not seen in 7 years! I can taste freedom.
Thank you for your post I think it has not only helped me but many of us women.0 -
Punch that jerk in the face on your way out to Canada!!0
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You deserve MUCH better and I hope you find it!0
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You deserve MUCH better and I hope you find it!
Thank you:flowerforyou:0 -
You deserve the best and I am glad you told him how you are feeling to put it out there. He will regret losing you when it's too late.0
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Thank you everyone for you concern
I have learned to much from all of you women who have gone through this , and from the Men that value and respect women thank you for your support. Even thank you to those that have no idea how this works and called me stupid for staying..obviously they didn't read my post all the way through.
Thank you for the links and contact information of places I could call for help.
I talked to him this morning and tried to make him be aware of his abusive behaviour.
Told him about the name calling , face slapping, overreacting when things break or drains get clogged up.
I explained how it mades me feel, How degraded I feel etc...
I also explained that I see his daughter fear to show their weak sides as he tend to use unkind words towards etc...
He was sitting by his computer and his body language pretty much said " This is not important to me"
but I kept on since I have already made up my mind, I have nothing to lose. Told him about the facebook secrecy hoe that psycologicaly affects me , how it could make me feel insecure and all. He just kept listening.
when it was his turn to talk first thing he said that that the sink incident was not an incedent but me being careless
That when I make scrambled eggs they stick to the frying pan and that is not how it's supposed to be done ..so I say what is the big deal about the eggs sticking the the pan? i got a bit upset and said " whether the eggs i cook stick to the pan o not..that does not make me any better or worse than you " He seemed surprised .
I advised him to be aware of the words he says to his daughters for it will affect theire future relationships with men.
I sat there with a cool head and exposed what has been going on. How we argue bc I know the way he treats me at times is not acceptable and maybe he wishes I would just put up with it and not complaint so much.
We had to end the conversation due to a visitor but now he knows exacly how I feel and that it;s not acceptable. I wlll ride it out till I leave for canada ...did I mention I will layover MEX and see a friend I have not seen in 7 years! I can taste freedom.
Thank you for your post I think it has not only helped me but many of us women.
^^^^ Good for you!! Stay strong. If you can't 'officially' leave the residence until your trip to Canada.....I would still make myself very scarce. Stay with a friend or family if you have to.0 -
I just wanted to say that I'm so happy you'll be leaving him! There was a couple in my area whose relationship started out much like yours. He would talk down to her, and slap her around a little bit. She wasn't as observant or as smart as you. I guess she noticed that he wasn't good for her, but she didn't think it was abuse. He wore her down for 8 years. On Monday, he went on trial for her murder. So, since you've already made up your mind about leaving, then leave and never look back. And you'll be okay. Good luck, and stay safe.0
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DEFINATELY THIS^^^^^^The next time he playfully slaps you, playfully kick him in the balls.
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It sounds like you've made peace with yourself and the situation and did your damned best to make peace with him. (Not necessarily but I COMPLETELY understand this noble attitude.) YAY! You have been on my mind since I first read this post. I have been praying for you. I am SO happy to hear you talk of freedom. Hang on, girl. It's gonna get great! :O)0
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This is what I'm scared about. I get pushed around a lot by my boyfriend, small things that don't hurt like slaps and pinches. Once in a while he covers my mouth so I can't breathe. And it's all done in a joking way (most of the time). But I get worried about this-what if it gets worse later, once I'm much more committed? Thanks for sharing your experience.
PLEASE, be careful when things are like this. People play around all the time. And a sweet little pinch that does not hurt at all, is likely a love pinch, but there should be little to no pressure, and no power play behind it either, IMHO. But covering your mouth so you cannot breathe, that is a big, huge NO NO. That is unacceptable. That is a threat in my worldview. To me it seems like he's pointing out he has the power, and even over your life. I don't know what to tell you, but this part really does bother me a lot. I'll tell you, if I was going out with someone, and he did that, he'd never do that to me again. It'd be over, period. I sure wish you well.0 -
Run, run fast and do NOT look back. I can tell you from personal experience it will not get better..
He is being mentally and physically abusive!!!! Get out while you still can!!!0 -
Yes it is without a doubt abusive on many levels dear. I am glad your moving away put the distance between and do not give him your new address...0
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Ok 2 things...1. your bf sounds like a huge douche
and also....2. if you feel abused enough to ask if it is abuse...LEAVE IT IS ABUSE!0 -
I'd leave now, today. If you don't think that little conversation you just told us about won't have repercussions, you're mistaken.0
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I was in the same position once. Do NOT EVER allow anyone to speak to you like this. It is emotional abuse because it puts you in a bad place. I do not know you personally but everyone deserves to be treated good. No one should ever be belittled on a clogged kitchen sink!0
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ONE HIT IS ONE TOO MANY....LEAVE HIS STUPID *kitten*! ONE TIME HE'S A FOOL, TWO TIMES, YOU'RE THE FOOL.....0
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Do you have Lifetime channel?0
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If you are planning on leaving, I would slowly remove your belongings from the residence, and store them elsewhere. He may not let you get them back after you leave.0
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It's a relief to find out that I'm really not crazy and what he does and says is abuse.
After reading stories and watching a few videos on youtube about emotional abuse ..it's relly mind ratteling.
Seeing the symptoms and the profile of the abuser and the abused . I think back to times he said other things or did things.
I read my journal and find entries that confirm this behaviour has been happening , I just reject him . As I explained before I can physically leave right now but will mid may.
I'm now just a bit tired as the realization that the problem was not me ...but someone who supposed to loved me and I thought I was wrong the whole time.0 -
i hope you are able to live a very happy and fulfilled life without him and learn what is good and not good so that you don't attract the same kind of guy in the future and if for some reason you end up in a similar kind of relationship you will be able to recognize it sooner and get out.It's a relief to find out that I'm really not crazy and what he does and says is abuse.
After reading stories and watching a few videos on youtube about emotional abuse ..it's relly mind ratteling.
Seeing the symptoms and the profile of the abuser and the abused . I think back to times he said other things or did things.
I read my journal and find entries that confirm this behaviour has been happening , I just reject him . As I explained before I can physically leave right now but will mid may.
I'm now just a bit tired as the realization that the problem was not me ...but someone who supposed to loved me and I thought I was wrong the whole time.0 -
Yes it is. I am in a marriage with the same verbal abuse going on. Some days it's ok, but most not. Most of the time I hate him and sometimes not. The abuse doesn't go away. You might ask why I am still in this marriage, because I don't have enough self esteem to leave. I have been loosing weight for myself and it is making me feel better about me. My coworkers are encouraging at work and one particular friend is supportive. My husband doesn't even say anything to me or mention to me about my weight loss. I hope you will add me as a friend, so that I can encourage and support you.0
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Yes it is. I am in a marriage with the same verbal abuse going on. Some days it's ok, but most not. Most of the time I hate him and sometimes not. The abuse doesn't go away. You might ask why I am still in this marriage, because I don't have enough self esteem to leave. I have been loosing weight for myself and it is making me feel better about me. My coworkers are encouraging at work and one particular friend is supportive. My husband doesn't even say anything to me or mention to me about my weight loss. I hope you will add me as a friend, so that I can encourage and support you.
*Hugs*0 -
O_______O Are you kidding me? Calling you 'stupid' is considered emotional abuse???? Wow...I feel like I suffer from serious abuse now...........lol.....................
Did you even bother to read the post properly? Do you understand psychological/emotional abuse in any way, shape or form?
Yes I did, and if you even bothered to read my profile before opening your rude mouth you would *maybe* grasp that I have tangled with abuse in the past. And that is only what I have chosen to reveal to people on this site. God damn.
So? Suffering with abuse in the past doesn't make you an expert, darling. And I read your profile. I'd have thought you'd be more understanding towards OP and not leave such an ignorant comment, but I was wrong.
Oh right my bad, I know absolutely nothing about abuse since I never took an official class on it, absolutely nothing, just like I know nothing about, say, art because even though I draw a lot I've never read a book on it. Right. I'm not understanding because being called stupid isn't significant at all. Everyone gets called that, seriously. I am more sympathetic about the physical abuse, but I wasn't talking about that part. I just think it's funny as hell that being called 'stupid' could be so blown out of proportion.
Taking a class, experiencing it, reading a book about it does not make you an expert.
An expert on emotional abuse wouldn't read OP's situation and make such ignorant comments.
Simple.0 -
NEVER have I smacked her in the face or anything REMOTELY to that nature, though she has slapped me several times throughout the years. Overall, yes, you are physically being abused.
Not to be an *kitten* or anything, but why is a man slapping a woman abuse but not the other way around?0
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