He Called me Stupid..is it Emotional abuse?

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Replies

  • ajohn252
    ajohn252 Posts: 158
    DITCH HIM
  • Polly758
    Polly758 Posts: 623 Member
    My bf loves to get into deep conversation about politics, religions,social events..etc...
    Whenever he does this , I try no to talk to much for he loves to just go on and on and on...
    Then he asked me some specific questions and I answered ,,he then of course disagreed..
    I disagreed again ..he then got defensive and call me stupid and said " That is the Stupiest thing I have ever heard " Last night he gave me a whole sermon bc the kitchen sink is clogged up..he said " Never ever in this house has anyone clogged up the kitchen sink drain ..it had to be .. you!" Made me feel like crap of course and told him not to be so mean about it . He makes comments about my weight and jokes on how I always like to think about food.

    Last night as I laid down to sleep he looked at my belly and made a face of disgust. He had deleted me from his facebook account ..he then added me but has restricted ..I can't see his info or photos..


    He tends to smack me for no reason, he says he is playing . Whenever I say something that he doesn't like , he "playfully" grabs me and " Playfully" slaps me on the face...although it's not hard ..it does hurt at times and I'm getting tired of him doing that . It's just so immature. the silly slaps on my face and my *** randomly uuggg..so tired. He then comments on when he was my age he had accomplished so much ..a profession, a good job, houses,cars ...etc... and while me I haven't done much. ...again makes me feel bad. There are times he will ridicule me in from of his daughters for either having said something wrong ..or for breaking something around the house..even if they were not there to see it ..he will tell them about the accident .
    AM I Being emotional abused ?
    sure feels like it ! I will be travelling far far away and will end the relationship once I'm away ..but I put this on here just so you guys can confirm that in fact I'm not crazy and this is abuse.
    I'm not use to being treated like this ..That's why I will leave him.

    I had an ex was like that, where a discussion wasn't over until I said I agreed or he was right. At first it was funny and I didn't give up my argument, but it got really old. Two grownups can disagree, even if they are in a relationship... it's allowed.

    Sermonizing/scolding is how children are treated, not grownups. If it was a one-time thing where he was getting on your case, then say "I heard you the first time, I'll be careful next time." But if he doesn't drop it, if he goes on about how dumb you are, that is different, and if he does this regularly, it is abusive.

    If he regularly treats you or your body with disgust, that is abusive.

    If you have asked him to stop touching you in certain ways, and he says he is only being playful, and if he doesn't stop, then that is abusive.

    A good man respects your boundaries. An abusive man does not think you are allowed to have boundaries, and he proves that he gets to do whatever he wants to do, every chance he gets. You cannot make him respect your boundaries, you can only set your boudaries. If he disrespects your boundaries that is HIS FAULT and that is not right. It is not your responsibility to change him and begging him to respect you is a losing battle by definition. Think about it... you have to beg him... to respect you...? Too late.

    A good man encourages you to improve yourself without making you feel bad about yourself.

    Ridiculing you in front of your friends and family, also a warning sign.

    So yes. Sounds like you're with an abuser. I recommend you read a book "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft, it changed my life, it shows what to look out for and how abusers get what they want. Your library will probably have it.

    Hope you can get out of there soon.
  • Murphy15
    Murphy15 Posts: 142
    Okay, the stupid comment...eh, people say dumb things when they're mad. But everything else is awful! He's a total *kitten* and you should stop putting up with his crap right now!
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
    I left. I had to protect myself and my baby. But I couldn't take my dog, so he killed my dog.
    Oh my God.
  • Ikrolak
    Ikrolak Posts: 1
    If you are trying to justify the way things are then there is a problem. Canada sounds like a good time to end it!
  • Jmstill300
    Jmstill300 Posts: 239 Member
    Sounds like abuse to me...dump his *kitten*!
  • mummma
    mummma Posts: 402 Member
    My bf loves to get into deep conversation about politics, religions,social events..etc...
    Whenever he does this , I try no to talk to much for he loves to just go on and on and on...
    Then he asked me some specific questions and I answered ,,he then of course disagreed..
    I disagreed again ..he then got defensive and call me stupid and said " That is the Stupiest thing I have ever heard " Last night he gave me a whole sermon bc the kitchen sink is clogged up..he said " Never ever in this house has anyone clogged up the kitchen sink drain ..it had to be .. you!" Made me feel like crap of course and told him not to be so mean about it . He makes comments about my weight and jokes on how I always like to think about food.

    Last night as I laid down to sleep he looked at my belly and made a face of disgust. He had deleted me from his facebook account ..he then added me but has restricted ..I can't see his info or photos..


    He tends to smack me for no reason, he says he is playing . Whenever I say something that he doesn't like , he "playfully" grabs me and " Playfully" slaps me on the face...although it's not hard ..it does hurt at times and I'm getting tired of him doing that . It's just so immature. the silly slaps on my face and my *** randomly uuggg..so tired. He then comments on when he was my age he had accomplished so much ..a profession, a good job, houses,cars ...etc... and while me I haven't done much. ...again makes me feel bad. There are times he will ridicule me in from of his daughters for either having said something wrong ..or for breaking something around the house..even if they were not there to see it ..he will tell them about the accident .
    AM I Being emotional abused ?
    sure feels like it ! I will be travelling far far away and will end the relationship once I'm away ..but I put this on here just so you guys can confirm that in fact I'm not crazy and this is abuse.
    I'm not use to being treated like this ..That's why I will leave him.

    its abuse... and even if you dont think it is now... give it a while and it will be.

    i had a relationship like this.... and 6 a half years later it got to the point where me and our children were put into a refuge for our own safety.
  • Margentine
    Margentine Posts: 113 Member

    I'm not use to being treated like this ..That's why I will leave him.

    sweet!!! I love when the first post solves the problem discussed in the topic!

    NEXT!

    Seems like only a few noticed I wrote that ! Good for you..If more people had read that I wouldn't get .. " Why are you with him? or are you stupid ? comments. Next!
  • yhateme1
    yhateme1 Posts: 29 Member
    It is surely Emotional and physical abuse... I wish a man would be fool enough to playfully or otherwise slap me in my face... I'd pull a Al green on that *kitten*. You probally should figure out what his deal is cause I dont think its love. if he treats you like this he cannot love you and if he cant love you for who you are RIGHT NOW... then his a@@ can kick a rock! You are way better than that and you DO NOT have to accept that fool butt crap!!
  • Saffyra
    Saffyra Posts: 607 Member
    When you leave to Canada, please make sure that you do not retain any form of contact with him.

    No phone calls, no emails, no facebook. Please, please, please cut this guy out forever and for good.

    Do not listen to his pleas or his excuses or how he will "change". He won't.

    Do not give yourself any avenue that leads back to him.

    You need to leave him COMPLETELY behind before you get sucked back into his vortex of abuse (which could soon become dangerously physical).

    For your own sanity, trust me on this. And don't ever feel sorry for him.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    i don't think 'abuse' is necessarily the word, at least in the deepest, darkest sense of what it can me

    it just sounds like he's a complete tool and doesn't appreciate you

    mentally torturing someone, being verbally abusive, bullying.........it's ALL a valid and very real form of abuse. Shame on you.

    let's not do this.

    Your comment was....I don't even have a word for it.

    Here's the definition of abuse:

    a·buse/əˈbyo͞oz/Verb: Use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.

    Noun: The improper use of something.

    Synonyms: verb. revile - misuse - insult - vituperate - scold
    noun. misuse - insult - vituperation - invective


    Here's yet another link and some information that you may find useful, OP.

    http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/am-i-being-abused-2/

    Does your partner:

    Embarrass you with put-downs?
    Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
    Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
    Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
    Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
    Make all of the decisions?
    Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
    Prevent you from working or attending school?
    Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
    Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
    Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
    Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
    Force you to try and drop charges?
    Threaten to commit suicide?
    Threaten to kill you?

    If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions,
    you may be in an abusive relationship.
    For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

    I WAS a victim of DV. Operative word is WAS.

    I'm no longer a victim, I'm a f*ckin' survivor.
  • Margentine
    Margentine Posts: 113 Member
    Umm...why are you going to continue living in hell until you go to Canada? Why not ditch him now and start living life now. Life is so short, don't spend it being miserable.

    I'm in a foreing country , a third world country not very safe to move from place to place. My aunt's place is not an option either. I just need to be pacient and let him think we are ok..thenk just ditch him when i leave for good.
  • amandacarolxxoo
    amandacarolxxoo Posts: 73
    My bf loves to get into deep conversation about politics, religions,social events..etc...
    Whenever he does this , I try no to talk to much for he loves to just go on and on and on...
    Then he asked me some specific questions and I answered ,,he then of course disagreed..
    I disagreed again ..he then got defensive and call me stupid and said " That is the Stupiest thing I have ever heard " Last night he gave me a whole sermon bc the kitchen sink is clogged up..he said " Never ever in this house has anyone clogged up the kitchen sink drain ..it had to be .. you!" Made me feel like crap of course and told him not to be so mean about it . He makes comments about my weight and jokes on how I always like to think about food.

    Last night as I laid down to sleep he looked at my belly and made a face of disgust. He had deleted me from his facebook account ..he then added me but has restricted ..I can't see his info or photos..


    He tends to smack me for no reason, he says he is playing . Whenever I say something that he doesn't like , he "playfully" grabs me and " Playfully" slaps me on the face...although it's not hard ..it does hurt at times and I'm getting tired of him doing that . It's just so immature. the silly slaps on my face and my *** randomly uuggg..so tired. He then comments on when he was my age he had accomplished so much ..a profession, a good job, houses,cars ...etc... and while me I haven't done much. ...again makes me feel bad. There are times he will ridicule me in from of his daughters for either having said something wrong ..or for breaking something around the house..even if they were not there to see it ..he will tell them about the accident .
    AM I Being emotional abused ?
    sure feels like it ! I will be travelling far far away and will end the relationship once I'm away ..but I put this on here just so you guys can confirm that in fact I'm not crazy and this is abuse.
    I'm not use to being treated like this ..That's why I will leave him.

    It is abuse. Leave him as quickly as yu can for your sake before the playful slaps aren't playful anymore... Love isn't supposed to hurt.
  • BiggTim
    BiggTim Posts: 53 Member
    You need to leave him......yesterday.
  • teacup8285
    teacup8285 Posts: 26
    Run fast and run far now!
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    i don't think 'abuse' is necessarily the word, at least in the deepest, darkest sense of what it can me

    it just sounds like he's a complete tool and doesn't appreciate you

    mentally torturing someone, being verbally abusive, bullying.........it's ALL a valid and very real form of abuse. Shame on you.

    let's not do this.
    Yes, let's not. Let's not question whether it's bad enough to be called abuse. If you aren't going to be helpful then keep out of it.

    making this about me is not helping, either. you need to keep your focus and energy on her, not on calling other people in here out. and go ahead and read what I wrote after my original comment.
  • Saruman_w
    Saruman_w Posts: 1,531 Member
    Yeaaah, you should probably get out of that as soon as possible.. before his "playful" slaps aren't so playful anymore.
  • sl1ngsh0t
    sl1ngsh0t Posts: 326 Member
    http://www.thehotline.org/

    He may not be beating you (yet)., but this crap sounds like emotional abuse to me. I would call The Hotline and get an educated opinion.

    Most abused women make excuses for the abuser. This, too is part of the pattern, OP.

    Nobody can help you until YOU ARE READY TO HELP YOURSELF. Making excuses for your abuser isn't going to get you the help you want or need. Seriously. Call The Hotline today.
  • taylmarie
    taylmarie Posts: 161
    If you think it's abuse and you feel abused then get out now! Is it abuse to the level he should be arrested, no. You relationship should feel happy, secure and trusting. Move on.
  • LemonBurns
    LemonBurns Posts: 538 Member
    It sounds like ur a glutton for punishment. WHy would u put up with this?

    ^^^ THIS^^^ - get out now! He doesn't deserve you.

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