Fit Men / Un-fit Women

DFWTT

Ok, so this is something I've been thinking about for a very long time now. And since this is primarily a female site, I feel like it's appropriate to ask here. The question is simple yet the answer escapes me.

Why is it that women, overweight women in general, set their preference in men to be strong and fit?

I've seen comments to the effect of, "No six pack, no date" and my man has to have {insert muscle type here}. I bring this up because over the years, I've noticed women, really the entire population, have become bigger and lazier in keeping fit and taking care of themselves. I see a lot of it here but also when out with friends. Most of my friends are female but I would never ask them this.

If men are doing all that they can do to stay healthy by strength training, cardio, diet and active hobbies, why is it that overweight women without an active lifestyle would think that a man like this would be interested in them?

For the most part, I am one of these men. Having to forgive myself for the recent uptick in weight, I am blessed to have found MFP to bring myself back into the big picture and have had great success. Overweight women have been attracted to me all my life but I find no attraction to them so this affects me regularly. Without going into what I find attractive, hopefully I can finally figure out what's going on here.

Please don't be offended by any of these statements or questions; they are intended for educational purposes only and should not be taken personally.

clairegogogo

Well...no matter what size people are themselves, everyone would like a fit partner, I think? Of course personality trumps everything, but who doesn't want eye-candy?

However -- I'm not overweight, but I still don't think you should judge people by saying basically "overweight women don't deserve fit men", especially when they are here to get healthy and by that, they are great people.

DFWTT

Well...no matter what size people are themselves, everyone would like a fit partner, I think? Of course personality trumps everything, but who doesn't want eye-candy?

However -- I'm not overweight, but I still don't think you should judge people by saying basically "overweight women don't deserve fit men", especially when they are here to get healthy and by that, they are great people.

Not trying to judge anyone; maybe I should highlight the "without an active lifestyle" part.

mmstgr

I think it may just be human nature... or animal nature rather.
Most species, the males must compete to become the strongest, to win the female.
And usually the female will chose the male who seems suitable for her needs.
Maybe we all still have a bit of that animal nature in us.

dvisser1

bump

ElizaRoche

I couldnt care less.... Im not really into a bunch of muscles!, if he doesnt have the perfect arms, or the perfect abs, its ok!

tabulator32

Nobody ever says "I'm looking for a couch potato...ya know, a real slummer!"

alphagirl82

I don't necessarily need a six pack in my man, but they need to be super fit. I want someone who can climb mountains with me, run marathons, ride century bike rides. I know I don't have a perfect body but I think I deserve a man who can keep up with me!

cramernh

I dont find this to be a valid statement to be honest. Even a man can be overweight with healthy vitals.

Ive seen plenty of men who were husky, or on the overweight side who were just as handsome and attractive - in fact, I prefer them over the six-pack/six-pack mentality.

I dont want perfection - to expect it would make me qualify for the douchebaggery award.

My husband (together for 13 years) is a 6'6" 300lb trucker/grease monkey who has big muscular arms and a belly that I just love on him to be honest! LOL!!!! Do I want him to be healthier, of course - I would like to have him for many decades, but he just like everyone else, makes choices on their own.

We all want to be healthy, fit and whatnot, but the challenges involved vary greatly with each person whether it be a behavioral issue with food, a valid medical problem causing the weight gain, or just plain old 'Im on the "Seafood" diet - I 'sea' food and I eat it"....sorta thing.

Personally for me, there are alot of pigheaded men, so shallow and judgemental about what the ideal woman is suppose to look like, I just want to lash out irrationally and give them a verbal and physical beating sometimes... so its really on both sides and not just one gender.

Articeluvsmemphis

Overweight women have been attracted to me all my life but I find no attraction to them so this affects me regularly.

Don't break your hand patting yourself on the back kid KIDDING

But seriously this statement makes the wrong assumption that overweight women don't have an active lifestyle. you see me at 230pounds, but not knowing I came from 300pounds you would just assume I am lazy an inactive. not the case, I can probably out run whoever thinks that.

and women like who they like and so do men, my tastes are spread across the board(color wise, size wise, height wise, etc). I don't think people can fault anyone for who they like, it's just a case of natural attraction.

MikeM53082

I think it all comes down to women (and men) having realistic expectations. It's very rare for an extremely out of shape woman to pull a guy like Ryan Gosling, just like it's nearly impossible for me to swoon a girl like Jennifer Love Hewitt.

In short, a lot of girls like to talk a big game, saying they only like men w/ a six pack, etc. But at the end of the day, they're usually more realistic and will go for a partner who's an equal match for them.

Erindipitous

My SO is extremely muscular.. He just started getting serious about working out when I first met him almost 6 years ago, but I feel he keeps me motivated and makes me want to catch up with him.

VeganPanda

I didn't know this was primarily a women's site...

onyx1972

Well for me, and that is all I will speak for I am attracted to fit men as I am trying to improve myself and I know if they are fit or into a healthy lifestyle, they will support me and what I am trying to do for myself. Not saying I do not find other body types attractive as I do. But the last thing I need right now is someone who does not believe in me or does not support what I am doing. I have had enough of the " your just fat, deal with it, lets watch TV or lets just go out as cooking will not help you" .... Plus a person who is already been successful may be able to tell me what I need to do or what I am doing incorrectly or what I can do to improve on the improvements I have already made as they have obviously found success. I would not necessarily be too judgemental about it, it really is a compliment. :flowerforyou:

DominiqueSmall

I think there is a logical reason for this phenomenom (sp). Women are often busy with having and taking care of kids, working themselves, running the household and what not. Finding time to workout isn't so easy especially is their mate is working like crazy to support them. Also, many people can't afford great quality food. I say all that to say why women are heavy or overweight comes with a lot of reasons.

In addition, someone like me who was injured with a diffused brain injury and is overweight for the first time, is often seen as lazy and what not. Yet that could not be further from the truth. It has taken me years to get out of bed, out of a wheel chair, out of my home and get my health back on track and I'm still fighting.

So perhaps a better question is "How can we all help each other to be the best we can be despite our circumstances ... no matter what they are"

albinogorilla

I've always been partial to the bigger gals myself, then them to me..........so it works out.

Nothing to do with lifestyle, i just like my ladies soft...........not hard.

ZugTheMegasaurus

I'm not sure why you see this as a man vs. woman issue. In my experience, the people who are the most shallow and critical of the opposite sex are often the people who don't take particularly good care of themselves. I've never really had female friends, but I've noticed that my male friends who are very obese, don't take care of themselves, don't bother having a job, etc. are the ones who make the most disgusting, sexist comments about women they happen to see around them. Conversely, the guys I've known who are self-confident and try to look good (even if they're not even close to perfect in anyone's view) tend to be very kind and accepting of those same women. I have to wonder if it's a self-esteem-ego-protection thing. As in, they don't want to be rejected, so they say, "Well, I wouldn't touch that person with a 10-foot pole ANYWAY." I'm guessing the same could be true of women. *shrug*

DFWTT

Overweight women have been attracted to me all my life but I find no attraction to them so this affects me regularly.

Don't break your hand patting yourself on the back kid KIDDING

But seriously this statement makes the wrong assumption that overweight women don't have an active lifestyle. you see me at 230pounds, but not knowing I came from 300pounds you would just assume I am lazy an inactive. not the case, I can probably out run whoever thinks that.

and women like who they like and so do men, my tastes are spread across the board(color wise, size wise, height wise, etc). I don't think people can fault anyone for who they like, it's just a case of natural attraction.

LOL. Most of the time I am well aware of what their lifestyle is so their are really no assumptions being made here.

DFWTT

Well for me, and that is all I will speak for I am attracted to fit men as I am trying to improve myself and I know if they are fit or into a healthy lifestyle, they will support me and what I am trying to do for myself. Not saying I do not find other body types attractive as I do. But the last thing I need right now is someone who does not believe in me or does not support what I am doing. I have had enough of the " your just fat, deal with it, lets watch TV or lets just go out as cooking will not help you" .... Plus a person who is already been successful may be able to tell me what I need to do or what I am doing incorrectly or what I can do to improve on the improvements I have already made as they have obviously found success. I would not necessarily be too judgemental about it, it really is a compliment. :flowerforyou:

I can see this but subtlety and honesty would be a more effective approach, Yes?

meshashesha2012

:laugh: @ educational purposes only.

i dunno why people do any of the strange things they do, but it's probably related to the same reason why old fat and balding men hold out for hot young women :laugh:

but i have a few theories :
1) Some people have an overidealized view of themselves and think they are fitter and thinner than they actually are or younger looking than they actually are, so they really think it's possible for them to pull those type people.

2) it's an excellent excuse to not date anyone since you're setting your standards SO high that you know subconsciously there's no way you can ever achieve it. then you can just say "i never met the right person" to explain while you're single and miserable rather than having to internally examine why they are single.

3) some people know exactly what they look like but that still like what they like and the assumption is that odds are there are going to be some dudes with six packs who are going to date you. stranger things have happened. although muscular guys arent my preference, at my heaviest (100 # over goal weight) the only guys who were approaching me were either the "i lift things up and put them down" crowd in the weight room or the rail thin ectomorphs i met in road races, definitely not the 2 types most people would think would be after a fat girl

Silverkittycat

Double Shot Liquor and Guns? It might just be the women you're hanging out with.
Why do you not want to ask them?

DFWTT

Double Shot Liquor and Guns? It might just be the women you're hanging out with.
Why do you not want to ask them?

Yea, It's also a drive through...right next to a bank. A little twisted I know, but I saw the irony. I would prefer not to bring my people into this. They are of all shapes and sizes, and I respect each of them.

kaliedoscope65

I think your statements could go both ways Fit Women/ Un-fit Men as well. I agree with MMSTGR to a certain degree -- there is an animal nature in women to want to mate with the leader of the pack persee. But don't mix up this fleeting desire with a relationship.

Then you have society which capitalizes on the "model" image -- I mean why do men and women say they are a smaller size when they know they clearly are not. Men will loose their minds over the bikini clad hottie, so why is it so different that women would loose their minds over the ripped young man.

If your question delves more into long term relationship and less into the physical attraction -- there are too many factors to consider. Such as maybe the un-fit person (male or female) believes this is a person that would complete them and maybe just maybe there would be a transformation of both individuals both physically and mentally.

Sharonks

I don't think that is just a female thing. I know a lot of guys who are overweight who only want the little thin girls.

Quite frankly I like a man who is funny, intelligent, sweet, hard working and about 6 feet tall. The 6 feet thing seems to be the only physical part. It is terrible, I went on a date with a 5' 6" guy once and just felt uncomfortable (and I'm 4' 10.5" so it's not like I'm ever taller than anyone).

My hubs is 6' tall and has a fairly good sized gut on him. But he is sweet and funny and intelligent. He works very hard and loves me to death. I wish he would lose some weight because his back hurts him from an old injury and I know less weight would make him feel better. He does have amazing arms and he is very strong. I want him healthy since I would like to keep him around for a long time.

MikeM53082

there is an animal nature in women to want to mate with the leader of the pack persee. But don't mix up this fleeting desire with a relationship.

This.

Silverkittycat

Double Shot Liquor and Guns? It might just be the women you're hanging out with.
Why do you not want to ask them?

Yea, It's also a drive through...right next to a bank. A little twisted I know, but I saw the irony. I would prefer not to bring my people into this. They are of all shapes and sizes, and I respect each of them.

I get that.
Right next to a bank? hahaha Nice.

warmachinejt

i say get in shape and you choose which girl you want

brentrhodes

I've always been partial to the bigger gals myself, then them to me..........so it works out.

Nothing to do with lifestyle, i just like my ladies soft...........not hard.

x2

sweetpotatofry

Hmm I think this is a case of the Texas sharpshooter fallacy. It's not that un-fit women are more likely to be attracted to fit men, but that you personally might have noticed this more because you were not attracted to them/found it odd that they were attracted to you... does that make sense?

I agree with what everyone is saying, that it is natural to be attracted to people who are in shape, etc., and I don't think this is at all unique to or more likely with overweight women. If anything, women are usually held up to a much higher standard of attractiveness than men. You're more likely to see a lot of guys with girls "out of their league" than the other way around, because even today, in the eyes of a lot of people, a guy's worth depends on a much wider range of things than how he looks, whereas women have to spend more time dressing up/putting on makeup/etc on an everyday basis. I mean, I know we've come a long way, but in general there is much greater emphasis placed on how women look than there is for guys.

...Sorry for getting kind of offtopic :laugh: but I don't think the whole "fit men/un-fit women" thing is actually a trend so much as just something you've noticed because you're a fit guy? I'm sure a lot of fit women have had the same experience with un-fit guys.

rjlkat

Whereas I do understand what you're saying and don't find particular offense - after all, those who demand a high degree of perfection in others but aren't willing to be there (or try to be there) themselves do tend to chafe that sense of fairness in us - I'm not sure I've seen a lot of what you're describing.

First, as others have pointed out, it's a given that most people - men and women - are going to find fitness in another appealing, regardless of what they themselves sport in terms of health. Now, as far as these women 'demanding' a certain degree of high-level buffness... Personally, I've not seen it, but maybe because I'm a woman who appreciates a man doing what he can to get and stay fit. I don't require muscle-bound, flat abs, et cetera. I want a man who will make an effort to be *healthy,* not a piece of eye candy to flaunt. That said, yes, I do appreciate the occasional spotting of 'the Pretty,' as friends and I call such men. But it never beats out the chemistry.

There are definitely women (and men) out there who are obsessively focused on finding a degree of physical perfection in a potential mate. You've seen it in women's demands, I've seen it men's. But overall I think it's the exception, not the rule. Just sometimes we get bombarded with those few.

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