Does this constitute cheating to you?

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  • connie_messina
    connie_messina Posts: 495 Member
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    At the moment - he's just watching porn. Just cos he's asking someone to do something doesn't mean anything else - however, if he's looking in your area sounds a bit dodgy to me.

    exactly!!!
  • cass89
    cass89 Posts: 198 Member
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    That's the other thing I probably should have mentioned... he really isn't that interested in having much sex with me and my sex drive is much higher than his!

    Not ideal........
    i have this exact same problem, however i am grateful my boyfriend only looks at porn ... not women in our area ... but yes, he's not intereseted in having sex with me but always looks at internet stuff. it's a horrible feeling but i have offered him we can do anything he wishes ect but still wont take the bate. but if he was looking for women in our area i'd be shattered.
  • emmlovesyewx3
    emmlovesyewx3 Posts: 38
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    uhhhh i wouldnt be okay with that.
  • ForeverIrish
    ForeverIrish Posts: 232 Member
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    Porn is one thing. Done together, it might actually make for an interesting evening.

    The webcam thing, paying for 'stuff' and searching local escorts makes me squirm.

    In principle I agree with Fieldsy regarding the nut chopping, but knowing that law enforcement would not appreciate hauling you away, the best thing I can tell you is...

    RUN. Don't walk away from this guy.

    And as for fiscal irresponsibility: You're engaged and probably trying like hell to pay for a nice wedding, and he's spending money on THIS? Egad.
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
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    Once upon a time I was 7 months pregnant and my husband watched porn on my computer. I threw a sippy cup full of liquid at the back of his head. I did not hold back.

    *It was the hormones, normally I don't care. I just wanted to tell someone the story.

    Its cheating. I would leave him. I have weird issues though from growing up with my parents. Leaving someone you love is inevitable at some points in your life. Its a pick and choose battle. Sometimes you just need to leave. This would be one of those situations for me. I have a policy "If you have to say sorry in the first place, you don't deserve forgiveness" Saying sorry just pisses me the f off, there is no meaning behind just simply saying "sorry" then feeling bad about it. Telling me that you didn't realize it would hurt me, that was not your intention, and you won't do it again, while being genuine is the ONLY thing I accept and will consider forgiveness. I'm pretty unforgiving though... My husband is a saint when it comes to dealing with me. ;P lol

    But yeah. Thats not acceptable.
  • vickthedick
    vickthedick Posts: 136 Member
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    Depends on your rules, that is where communication comes in. i kiss girls, the fiance watching a whole barrel of porn but it is ok because we've established ground rules. If you don't talk how is anyone to know where the lines are.
  • Amanda_Rae_Rae
    Amanda_Rae_Rae Posts: 109
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    I see it as cheating.... Reconsider marrying this guy. He has eyes for other women and you aren't even married yet.
  • Fieldsy
    Fieldsy Posts: 1,105 Member
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    Any guy who watches porn that has a girl with a high sex drive has red flags all over it.
  • RachFace1000
    RachFace1000 Posts: 154 Member
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    I see cheating as doing whatever you wouldnt want your partner to know about, or if your partner did this would you consider it cheating (when it comes to YOUR inner morals about cheating). I think that because he was so upset about you finding out (and he was obviously keeping it as a secret) that i would consider it cheating. but that's really up to you do decide. It all comes down to how comfortable you really are. I would also personally take this as a red flag that it could continue further from there. Best of luck sweetheart <3
  • Lolli1986
    Lolli1986 Posts: 500 Member
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    At the moment - he's just watching porn. Just cos he's asking someone to do something doesn't mean anything else - however, if he's looking in your area sounds a bit dodgy to me.

    yeah, totally agree. looking in your area is dodge.
    I have the same problem with my misses. I have a higher sex drive. Maybe he does just want to be more adventurous. Maybe he's too tired for the real thing so would rather use porn for quickness lol. Talk to him.

    These are good questions. Too tired is lame though... there are lots of ways around this.

    Also, wtf... you have the higher sex drive but he is the one seeking porn? Something's up for sure, and hopefully it is just a curiosity thing, but I've been on both sides of the 'higher' or 'lower' sex drive...if mine was higher I sought other means, if his was higher he sought other means. Not the other way around. o_O
  • KrisyKat
    KrisyKat Posts: 749 Member
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    Or yourself, making random judgements on people you know nothing about? There's very little difference between your sarcastic comment aimed at me, and my sarcastic comment aimed at members of this forum passing judgement on someone they don't know either. The cheating aspect that you're claiming now is my 'personal tie'....it isn't even relevant...that was well over a year ago, I won custody of my kids...and she's busy wallowing in the misery her lies created for her. The LAST thing I harbor is bitterness over THAT mess. The only negative aspect I do still hold onto is some frustration for my childrens sake, in that if people had forced her to look at her actions, instead of making judgements without ANY information...she might have ended up getting the mental help she needed, and my kids lives wouldn't have been ripped to shreds.

    Anyhow, it's the lack of personal responsibility inherent in handing out advice on someone elses relationship that I find pathetic.

    And again, to everyone else...I don't condone what she said he's done...regardless of whether the act itself is cheating, IF he did what it is she says he did behind her back it's wrong. I simply refuse to judge it other than to tell her only she can choose, and all the 'help' she gets from all these people online...isn't going to help her a bit.

    1. I don't get butt-hurt by things I read on forums. On the contrary, your silly rant makes me believe that YOU DO.

    2. My judgement was not "random"...it was based on the facts presented by the OP. Although "facts" can be construed in many ways, I based my response on the information given.

    3. I'm pretty damn sure the OP doesn't expect that the comments she receives here will be completely unbiased. After all, she requested the opinions of MFPs not psychologists.

    4. Your "personal tie" to the topic of cheating IS relevant because it brings YOUR biases to light.

    5. Since you are so upset about people's "lack of personal responsibility inherent in handing out advice on someone elses relationship"...why did you even read this post in the first place? The title is an obvious indication that the OP is soliciting relationship advice.

    6. If you have a problem with the way I respond to posts, message me personally. I will be more than happy to argue with you in private...
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    Hia behavior is NOT okay and it IS cheating. Paying for porn sites isn't right at all cause it's basically like paying for a prostitute virtually. I hope you reconsider marrying him cause he's not gonna change. I am sorry you have to deal with this :(
  • SoozeE512
    SoozeE512 Posts: 439 Member
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    I went through something similar, unfortunately, things didn't work out for my relationship. I wish you better for yours. If he really loves you, he will make an effort to change his ways and not hide things from you anymore. My guy made no attempt to change and only became more distant from me and created more lies instead of trying to work things out. You'll know as time goes on whether or not your guy is really ready to make things work. I know your situation is not at all easy, but the people who are meant to be with each other do pull through, it just takes some time, a lot of work, and healing. *hugs*
  • vickthedick
    vickthedick Posts: 136 Member
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    Any guy who watches porn that has a girl with a high sex drive has red flags all over it.


    Perhaps, but i watch all of these people who aren't honest with themselves end up divorced/broken up/etc. If you are sneaking around that is where the problem comes in. 6 years later, it works for us. ^_^
  • iHEARTcardiacnurses
    iHEARTcardiacnurses Posts: 437 Member
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    Maybe he's looking for something more in the bedroom. Start with open communication about how you feel. Tell him you're hurt but if you want to move on from here:

    You can try watching porn that he likes together. Pick up some tips and try them out :smile:

    Why don't you host your own webcam show just for him. Separate laptops in different rooms. He might like the anonymity of the whole process. Get dressed up in something entirely out of the ordinary for you and have fun with it.

    Men are naturally curious creatures and sometimes you have to cut them a little break. And even I get pop ups from porn sites advertising "local women" in my area (barking up the wrong tree!). It's usually fake.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    4. Your "personal tie" to the topic of cheating IS relevant because it brings YOUR biases to light.

    6. If you have a problem with the way I respond to posts, message me personally. I will be more than happy to argue with you in private...

    The rest isn't really very relevant anymore...but as to these two points...first, if my 'personal tie' was cheating, I'd be ranting against him like everyone else, not recommending a more neutral course...and while your final point might have been reasonable...you could very easily have followed your own advice lol.

    :flowerforyou:
  • Tybalt71
    Tybalt71 Posts: 1,081 Member
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    Maybe presently hes discussing the most personal aspects of his relationship with the web girls/strippers now to get their point of view and opinion of what he should do about your relationship? just saying?

    I'd hate to think that you would REALLY believe ur own line of crap.... I'm just sayin....
    It's called sarcasm
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Eh - maybe in his mind it was similar to strip clubs... it's not too far off from a lapdance in my eyes. This is a really good time to talk about your expectations of each other and your own relationship intimacy and see if things can be worked through.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
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    Eh - maybe in his mind it was similar to strip clubs... it's not too far off from a lapdance in my eyes. This is a really good time to talk about your expectations of each other and your own relationship intimacy and see if things can be worked through.

    If you give me a lap dance MK I totally would not consider it cheating.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Eh - maybe in his mind it was similar to strip clubs... it's not too far off from a lapdance in my eyes. This is a really good time to talk about your expectations of each other and your own relationship intimacy and see if things can be worked through.

    If you give me a lap dance MK I totally would not consider it cheating.


    It's only cheating if you skip out on the payment.

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