Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?
Replies
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I like this selective sexism thing women have going on.
You agreed to go on the date, you knew money would be spent. Maybe next time, to avoid confusion why not just ask him who's paying before you go out? It may seem rude, it may seem like it should be unnecessary, but apparently it's something that needs to be worked out before someone leaves the date in a huff.
If you're wanting a relationship, and wanting it to be equal, then why not start out that way?0 -
the guy should pay. no question.0
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How is it sexist if he asked her out on the date? Its not like you just go on a date to get a free lunch. He's expecting her to make time out of her day to spend it with him whom she doesn't even know that well. The least he can do is pick up the check. I'm sure if she was just hungry she can always go to the supermarket.
I guess some girls just don't get asked out often. It's kind of sad you think a date is just a meal.
And the guy knows her all that well? He is not taking time out of his day? Yes, a date is not just about a meal. It's hopefully about two people enjoying each other's company.
Of course he doesn't know her well, but if he just wanted to be her new buddy he should ask her out to the park or to go shopping maybe.
And you would want him to buy her all the stuff that she wants too. Once again, you're looking for a transaction and not a date (or are those 2 mutual nowadays?)
I never said anything about him paying for that. I go shopping with my girlfriends all the time and we pay for our own stuff. What I'm saying is if a man wants to act like one of my girlfriends then he can't possibly expect a date.
ok so if you go out with him to shopping, you don't expect him to pay even if he asked you out but if he asked you to a dinner, you expect him to pay?
Just say it. You want a free meal. Nobody will judge you (ok maybe some will but who cares...you got a free meal!!)
If he asked me out on a date which happened to be dinner then yes he should pay. I don't expect every man I cross to pay for me. If its just as friends and we're hanging out then I'd pay for myself.
Do you expect him to pay for all subsequent dates as well?
No, it usually balances out to an even give or take kind of thing. When I ask, I pay for the whole thing and when he asks he'll pay. I like to cook too so I make dinner often as well.0 -
Yes, every time. I'm all for women's rights, but men get off so easy now. Them paying for dinner (or drinks, or even just coffee) is a must!
....for women's rights but men must pay all the time, explain that to me please?0 -
Um YES OF COURSE. Just because men and women should have equal rights doesn't mean chivalry has to jump out the window. A man should still want to impress his potential lady, treat her well and show her that he can provide.
Any guy who doesn't is a douche.0 -
It's sexist to expect the man to pay just because he's a man. If it's the first date or the 30th, it doesn't matter. He's no more obligated to pay the whole bill than you are.
This is just ingrained sexism, and I'm actually kind of surprised that women still expect this behavior. Considering it was born from a time where women weren't allowed to carry their own money, I see no reason to perpetuate it. And the claims that "gentlemen pay for the meal" is just shaming men into acting in a way that perpetuates and encourages sexism (against BOTH genders).
How about stop being so entitled, and just split the bill. We're equal.
This whole thread is just a terrible disappointment.
I like you
Let me guess, you believe men shouldn't give up their seat to a woman on a bus, right?
I don't expect a man to take out a line of credit or shower me with expensive gifts just to date me; but if he invited me out, he pursued me, and has a desire to take me out on a date- he should pay. If I was pursuing him, asked him out on a date, I would be prepared and happy to pay for our meals and anything else I had planned for the day.
If a man chooses a restaurant, picks a time, picks me up from my house, of course I expect him to pay. What if I can't afford the restaurant?He made the plans. He is taking ME out, giving me a gift, treating me. It goes both ways and should go for lesbian and gay couples as well. If you plan a date, why would you expect or ask them to chip in half? If my husband takes me out on a date that he planned, he still pays. If we are just going out to eat, sometimes I get the tab, sometimes we split it, etc. I also plan dates for us too, and always pay.
It is not sexism, it is common courtesy. You invited someone out, you offer to pay.0 -
Yes, every time. I'm all for women's rights, but men get off so easy now. Them paying for dinner (or drinks, or even just coffee) is a must!
....for women's rights but men must pay all the time, explain that to me please?
She wants to be treated equal to a man. Except when the issue of money coming out of her pocket comes or asking her male friends (friendzoned men) to help her move or something comes up. Thats when its the gentlemen thing to do for men to offer to help her out for nothing...0 -
If he asked me out on a date which happened to be dinner then yes he should pay. I don't expect every man I cross to pay for me. If its just as friends and we're hanging out then I'd pay for myself.
Do you expect him to pay for all subsequent dates as well?
No, it usually balances out to an even give or take kind of thing. When I ask, I pay for the whole thing and when he asks he'll pay. I like to cook too so I make dinner often as well.
This is all good in my book.. I get where you're coming from w/ the first date thing, probably just a better way of phrasing it
I'm extremely wary and will not date the woman that expects me to pay for everything all the time. Her bank account is not going to get bigger at my expense. It's a deal breaker.0 -
Let me guess, you are both men that would also not give up your seat to a woman on a bus, right?
FYI. Hraggle is female.0 -
The general rule is the person who asks someone out on a date male or female pays, but men are typically the ones to ask girls out on dates and that is why they usually get left with the bill.0
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If he asked me out on a date which happened to be dinner then yes he should pay. I don't expect every man I cross to pay for me. If its just as friends and we're hanging out then I'd pay for myself.
Do you expect him to pay for all subsequent dates as well?
No, it usually balances out to an even give or take kind of thing. When I ask, I pay for the whole thing and when he asks he'll pay. I like to cook too so I make dinner often as well.
This is all good in my book.. I get where you're coming from w/ the first date thing, probably just a better way of phrasing it
I'm extremely wary and will not date the woman that expects me to pay for everything all the time. Her bank account is not going to get bigger at my expense. It's a deal breaker.
Oh thats totally understandable. I'm not advocating that women be totally selfish at all lol.0 -
It's sexist to expect the man to pay just because he's a man. If it's the first date or the 30th, it doesn't matter. He's no more obligated to pay the whole bill than you are.
This is just ingrained sexism, and I'm actually kind of surprised that women still expect this behavior. Considering it was born from a time where women weren't allowed to carry their own money, I see no reason to perpetuate it. And the claims that "gentlemen pay for the meal" is just shaming men into acting in a way that perpetuates and encourages sexism (against BOTH genders).
How about stop being so entitled, and just split the bill. We're equal.
This whole thread is just a terrible disappointment.
I like you
Let me guess, you believe men shouldn't give up their seat to a woman on a bus, right?
I don't expect a man to take out a line of credit or shower me with expensive gifts just to date me; but if he invited me out, he pursued me, and has a desire to take me out on a date- he should pay. If I was pursuing him, asked him out on a date, I would be prepared and happy to pay for our meals and anything else I had planned for the day.
If a man chooses a restaurant, picks a time, picks me up from my house, of course I expect him to pay. What if I can't afford the restaurant?He made the plans. He is taking ME out, giving me a gift, treating me. It goes both ways and should go for lesbian and gay couples as well. If you plan a date, why would you expect or ask them to chip in half? If my husband takes me out on a date that he planned, he still pays. If we are just going out to eat, sometimes I get the tab, sometimes we split it, etc. I also plan dates for us too, and always pay.
It is not sexism, it is common courtesy. You invited someone out, you offer to pay.
Oh now it's directed towards me huh?
So a little background, I always pay for first dates, never once have I split one even if it didn't go well. I don't expect to pay for every date long-term though and believe in 50/50. No reason for a woman to pad her bank account at my expense just because of outdated gender roles.
And common courtesy such as giving up a seat on a bus is nowhere in the same realm as paying for a date. So yes, I'd give up my seat. I even hold open doors. ha0 -
Yes, every time. I'm all for women's rights, but men get off so easy now. Them paying for dinner (or drinks, or even just coffee) is a must!
....for women's rights but men must pay all the time, explain that to me please?
She wants to be treated equal to a man. Except when the issue of money coming out of her pocket comes or asking her male friends (friendzoned men) to help her move or something comes up. Thats when its the gentlemen thing to do for men to offer to help her out for nothing...
lol, that's what i thought she said, just not computing in my brain0 -
When I went on the first date with my bf, it happened to be close to my payday and he had no cash. I knew this because he was a friend before we started dating. I said, let's go out, I could tell he was uncomfortable so I said, hey.. Don't worry about it, I got it. After a really nice night, he thanked me and said he had never had a woman take him out. He is grateful to this day.
When we were first together, we pretty well split everything almost evenly at my advance. He took me out afew times, and i would take him out sometimes. I was just out of a horrible 12 year marriage where money control was only part of the abuse. He had nothing to but leeches for ex gfs who never carried their weight financially. It was a w lcome change for both of us. We now live together, and my finances aren't the strongest, but I still insist on splitting all joint bills and rent in half, but everything else is just, whoever has it at the time. I will still pay my own stuff sometimes cause I'm stubborn, but he knows that and let's me.
It works really well for us. Last month he came into some money and covered everything.
So I guess everyone is different. For us, we have reasons for wanting some amount of financial independence that has nothing to do with our relationship... So it would be hard for me to decide whether he was in orth a second date, just based on that. Maybe he's been scoured, but he's a great guy? Or maybe he thought you'd be insulted if he didn't take it? Or maybe he's just a cheap as
I think as a woman, always be prepared to offer, and in the case of the 50, I would have said... Oh, all I have is a 50,do you have $15(or whatever amount) dollars change?
If he refuses the money, bonus.. But there are less old fashioned men out there so I would always be prepared
Long winded.. Sorry0 -
I paid every time the entire time (7 years) I knew my ex-husband.
It would be nice if the next guy I date at least picks up the tab occasionally.0 -
I prefer splitting things 50/50. I tend to go for quieter guys and make the first move asking out, so I'm always prepared to pay for everything as well. If a guy offers to pay I will inquire about going dutch, if he offers again I will usually strike up a deal to pay for whatever else we have planned for that night. Ie. If we went to dinner and a movie I would want to pay for the movie ticket and snacks. I'd be tickled pink he offered however but I'd feel guilty.
I'm also notorious for ordering one of the cheapest things on the menu (without being obvious about it), going with water and no desert just incase he insists on paying. I don't want to suck up all his cash.
That being said: All my first dates haven't been dinner. I tend to end up leaning towards dates that are more casual and thus the whole money issue is elminiated. My current parter actually asked what I was up to one night (super last minute), I told him I was attempting to build a kitchen table so he came over and helped me build it and afterwards we watched old school Xmen. So no money issue at all. And after that we just started each coming up with a date idea and then paying for it in turns. Problem solved.0 -
I am so confused.
Most women want equal rights... but then I hear many women saying a man is not a "gentleman" if he doesn't pay on dates and is not worth seeing again? Am I getting this right?0 -
It's sexist to expect the man to pay just because he's a man. If it's the first date or the 30th, it doesn't matter. He's no more obligated to pay the whole bill than you are.
This is just ingrained sexism, and I'm actually kind of surprised that women still expect this behavior. Considering it was born from a time where women weren't allowed to carry their own money, I see no reason to perpetuate it. And the claims that "gentlemen pay for the meal" is just shaming men into acting in a way that perpetuates and encourages sexism (against BOTH genders).
How about stop being so entitled, and just split the bill. We're equal.
This whole thread is just a terrible disappointment.
I like you
Let me guess, you believe men shouldn't give up their seat to a woman on a bus, right?
I don't expect a man to take out a line of credit or shower me with expensive gifts just to date me; but if he invited me out, he pursued me, and has a desire to take me out on a date- he should pay. If I was pursuing him, asked him out on a date, I would be prepared and happy to pay for our meals and anything else I had planned for the day.
If a man chooses a restaurant, picks a time, picks me up from my house, of course I expect him to pay. What if I can't afford the restaurant?He made the plans. He is taking ME out, giving me a gift, treating me. It goes both ways and should go for lesbian and gay couples as well. If you plan a date, why would you expect or ask them to chip in half? If my husband takes me out on a date that he planned, he still pays. If we are just going out to eat, sometimes I get the tab, sometimes we split it, etc. I also plan dates for us too, and always pay.
It is not sexism, it is common courtesy. You invited someone out, you offer to pay.
Oh now it's directed towards me huh?
So a little background, I always pay for first dates, never once have I split one even if it didn't go well. I don't expect to pay for every date long-term though and believe in 50/50. No reason for a woman to pad her bank account at my expense just because of outdated gender roles.
And common courtesy such as giving up a seat on a bus is nowhere in the same realm as paying for a date. So yes, I'd give up my seat. I even hold open doors. ha
It was directed towards both of you, and clearly you didn't read what I wrote. If you did, you'd realize we are more on the same page. We apparently both believe in common courtesy. I agree, relationships should be as 50/50 as they possibly can; but this was about the first date.0 -
I am so confused.
Most women want equal rights... but then I hear many women saying a man is not a "gentleman" if he doesn't pay on dates and is not worth seeing again? Am I getting this right?
I was told "You're a backminded foreigner who doesn't think women are capable for doing anything on their own. Maybe in your country women will take that but not in America!". This was said to me after I offered to help this tiny petite girl I knew with lifting up this heavy TV. I woulda done the same for any male too.
Conclusion: I give up on understanding women0 -
Im old fashioned about that stuff, so yes0
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Take SHOULD out...
But if I ask a girl out...I expect to pay....but if a girl asks me out...my expectation is that she pays or we go dutch...0 -
Yes, a gentlemen always pays for dinner.0
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I have to wonder...if you expect the man to pay for everything...what do you do with your "equal" pay? Must be nice to just expect someone else to pay for everything just because he likes you. I guess as long as the money doesn't run out, you'll kinda sorta like him too?
Whoever asks pays? Well...how often do women ask men out? They rarely do, so the men ask, guess who ends up paying in that situation, anyway?
The man pays for the first date? Ok...how many first dates without second dates does it take though, before that gets old?
A first date should be split bills. No expectations from anyone.
Anyway, I think if you come away from a date thinking more about who paid how much, then obviously it didn't go well at all.0 -
yes, every date.0
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^^This!!A guy should ALWAYS pay on the first couple/few dates. It's nice and appreciated when a woman offers to help out, but the guy should simply pick up the tab himself. If it was just a casual lunch and she offers to get the tip, I think the guy should agree.0 -
At least the first dates he should at least offer to pay!! If you want to share it, that is fine. But if he took your $50 from a bill of $75, he suckkkkkkkkkkkksssssssssssssss
forget about it!!!0 -
Yes. Men should pay. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I like a guy to open doors etc. Too bad there aren't too many of these polite chivalrous guys anymore. I gave up online dating because most of the guys thought a first date consisted of sitting on my couch with a pizza. While I'm not against sitting on my couch with pizza, it's not exactly first date material, aren't you suppose to put your best foot forward at least at the beginning before you settle in to the home dates. Blech I hate dating.0
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My rule of thumb, I ALWAYS pay on a first date. And I tell him this upfront too. I say, "now I owe you nothing." And if I want to make out with him later, it isn't because I feel obligated because he paid for a dinner, but because I want to. ;-)
The tradition of men paying for women actually started as a means of trading dinner for sex, when women didn't have a financial means to pay for things, so.....
Maybe I'm just a third waver, but I'm okay with him not paying.0 -
The person who invites pays for dinner. That said, my husband and I almost didn't make it because the only thing we would fight about was who would "get" to pay the check...we finally relied on rock paper scissors, with the winner paying the bill. So maybe I'm not the best person to ask
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I am so confused.
Most women want equal rights... but then I hear many women saying a man is not a "gentleman" if he doesn't pay on dates and is not worth seeing again? Am I getting this right?
I was told "You're a backminded foreigner who doesn't think women are capable for doing anything on their own. Maybe in your country women will take that but not in America!". This was said to me after I offered to help this tiny petite girl I knew with lifting up this heavy TV. I woulda done the same for any male too.
Conclusion: I give up on understanding women
LOL that girls got issues. Trust me, all american women are not that crazy.0
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