Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

chantalb20

It's sexist to expect the man to pay just because he's a man. If it's the first date or the 30th, it doesn't matter. He's no more obligated to pay the whole bill than you are.

This is just ingrained sexism, and I'm actually kind of surprised that women still expect this behavior. Considering it was born from a time where women weren't allowed to carry their own money, I see no reason to perpetuate it. And the claims that "gentlemen pay for the meal" is just shaming men into acting in a way that perpetuates and encourages sexism (against BOTH genders).

How about stop being so entitled, and just split the bill. We're equal.

This whole thread is just a terrible disappointment.

I like you

Let me guess, you believe men shouldn't give up their seat to a woman on a bus, right?

I don't expect a man to take out a line of credit or shower me with expensive gifts just to date me; but if he invited me out, he pursued me, and has a desire to take me out on a date- he should pay. If I was pursuing him, asked him out on a date, I would be prepared and happy to pay for our meals and anything else I had planned for the day.
If a man chooses a restaurant, picks a time, picks me up from my house, of course I expect him to pay. What if I can't afford the restaurant?He made the plans. He is taking ME out, giving me a gift, treating me. It goes both ways and should go for lesbian and gay couples as well. If you plan a date, why would you expect or ask them to chip in half? If my husband takes me out on a date that he planned, he still pays. If we are just going out to eat, sometimes I get the tab, sometimes we split it, etc. I also plan dates for us too, and always pay.
It is not sexism, it is common courtesy. You invited someone out, you offer to pay.

Oh now it's directed towards me huh?

So a little background, I always pay for first dates, never once have I split one even if it didn't go well. I don't expect to pay for every date long-term though and believe in 50/50. No reason for a woman to pad her bank account at my expense just because of outdated gender roles.

And common courtesy such as giving up a seat on a bus is nowhere in the same realm as paying for a date. So yes, I'd give up my seat. I even hold open doors. ha

Ah, a man who holds doors open

IndyInk

I have to wonder...if you expect the man to pay for everything...what do you do with your "equal" pay?

This is a bit off-topic, but that reminds me... if you live in a place where women get paid as much as men for doing the exact same job, please let me know the city. I need to move there! In publishing we get paid about 30% less than males, at least we do in my corner of the world.

Otherwise, carry on with your topic.

TheresaC928

I guess I lucked out with my husband when we were dating. He always paid. He still pays on our date nights.

ajohn252

100% they should pay on the first date!
My fiancée and I have been together for a while and things
have got more equal over time which I'm totally fine with I just think
on the first date the man should step up.

katy84o

And common courtesy such as giving up a seat on a bus is nowhere in the same realm as paying for a date. So yes, I'd give up my seat. I even hold open doors. ha

How dare you be a kind person and hold a door open.. I have arms to ya know.

To chime in on this thread, I also agree with who ever asks pays. I don't think theres anything wrong with the 50/50 split but if I were in the situation of (hopefully) having a great date and then the bill comes, it would be uncomfortable to be like ok I owe this you owe this. That's why I do think that who ever asks for the date, should pick up the tab.

StarvingDiva

Your mistake was offering the $50. If you believe the guy should pay, make him pay. If you offer $50 and expect him to give it back, you are playing games. Most people don't like "playing games" when dating. Or at least that's what they claim.

THIS^^^

I used to offer and then get turned off when they would take it. So now I will say "Do you want me to get the tip?"

hbrittingham

I have to wonder...if you expect the man to pay for everything...what do you do with your "equal" pay?

What equal pay? If that were the case, then I would totally agree. But women want equal pay, yet they don't get it.

However, I believe whoever asks for the date should pay. Pretty simple to me.

StarvingDiva

It's sexist to expect the man to pay just because he's a man. If it's the first date or the 30th, it doesn't matter. He's no more obligated to pay the whole bill than you are.

This is just ingrained sexism, and I'm actually kind of surprised that women still expect this behavior. Considering it was born from a time where women weren't allowed to carry their own money, I see no reason to perpetuate it. And the claims that "gentlemen pay for the meal" is just shaming men into acting in a way that perpetuates and encourages sexism (against BOTH genders).

How about stop being so entitled, and just split the bill. We're equal.

This whole thread is just a terrible disappointment.

You can happily call me a sexist.

CatseyeHardcast

Pay without asking...YES
Offer to pay once she offers to split the bill...yes
Insist on paying and make a scene...HELL NO

Be traditional, hold open doors, pull out chairs, give flowers but don't be insulting and over the top.

ChaseAlder

I think requiring a man to pay for the date in order to score a second date is incredibly rude. I never expected a man to pay for me and I always offered to pay for myself, if not the entire bill. And if they insisted on paying, I accepted graciously and said the next one was on me.

IndyInk

I was told "You're a backminded foreigner who doesn't think women are capable for doing anything on their own. Maybe in your country women will take that but not in America!". This was said to me after I offered to help this tiny petite girl I knew with lifting up this heavy TV. I woulda done the same for any male too.

Conclusion: I give up on understanding women

Whoever said this to you was very rude and completely overreacted. You didn't do anything wrong by offering to carry the TV. I'm sorry that happened to you.

TK266

Yes

Katie3784

Guys should definitely pay on the first date. I would be so turned off if he didn't. I am pretty old fashioned, so I think it's good if the guy pays(or at least offers to pay) for the first 5 or 6 dates. One time I had a first date with a guy who had a really good job, and I was between jobs. He paid for dinner, let me leave the tip. He also took my leftovers home. The reason I offered to pay the tip was because I was afraid he would leave a bad one.

StarvingDiva

Despite wanting men to pay on a first date. Sometimes I think men are damned if they do, damned if they don't. I've seen men hold doors open for women at restaurants only to be chastised that she isn't some helpless female, she is more than capable of opening her own door etc and so forth. I cringe...thinking yikes..he was just being polite now the next chick he meets he may not do that for fear of being reprimanded. I have a friend who insists on going dutch, even if the guy wants to pay and she never hears from them again. So I don't know I think women tend to shoot themselves in the foot, some guys who have grown up taking the initiative to pay, open doors, car doors etc. come across the chick that can do everything herself and finds it insulting.

Lets face it, if a guy meets me and I own my own home, my own car etc. He knows I'm quite capable of taking care of myself, I don't need to tell him I am capable of opening my own door. Sorry I like sometimes to fall into gender roles.

StarvingDiva

Pay without asking...YES
Offer to pay once she offers to split the bill...yes
Insist on paying and make a scene...HELL NO

Be traditional, hold open doors, pull out chairs, give flowers but don't be insulting and over the top.

You are a rare one.

albinogorilla

Guy should pay, but the girl should always make the reach.............but there is no way he should take any money from her. Unless he is not into her, and wants to cut his losses...............

SouthernSweetie74

I am not a women's libber!!!

I love being a woman and do not want to be equaled to a man. (of course I am from the South... and while some of you may call it backwards, we just call it good raisin')

Think it would be great for him to pay for the first date, but I'm always prepared just in case.

My problem is not with the going out... it's the staying in.. I like to cook and will do so for my fella. But I've also experienced where I'm buying all the groceries and he's doing a whole lot of eating. Shouldn't he help out with that every once in a while?

meagalayne

I am so confused.

Most women want equal rights... but then I hear many women saying a man is not a "gentleman" if he doesn't pay on dates and is not worth seeing again? Am I getting this right?

No need for confusion. It's called hypocrisy.

meagalayne

I think requiring a man to pay for the date in order to score a second date is incredibly rude. I never expected a man to pay for me and I always offered to pay for myself, if not the entire bill. And if they insisted on paying, I accepted graciously and said the next one was on me.

EXACTLY! Thank you! :bigsmile:

mikey1976

i would always pay for the date but with that said if we were going to go get ice cream later and and she insisted it be her treat. i would. i don't inspect anything either at the end of the night.

lour441

It doesn't matter. The guy ends up paying in the end.

upnorthtim

I've been paying for 20 years....lol

Saruman_w

Never been on a date before... but if the situation ever came up for me I would immediately offer first. If my date refuses for whatever reason then there's nothing I can do but respect their wishes.

Athijade

I think requiring a man to pay for the date in order to score a second date is incredibly rude. I never expected a man to pay for me and I always offered to pay for myself, if not the entire bill. And if they insisted on paying, I accepted graciously and said the next one was on me.

Kind of makes it sound like the man is paying for the girls company... which to me sounds like a specific ancient profession. At least, the idea of "scoring a second date".

I still stand by the idea that the person who asks is the person who pays. Just like I would never ask a friend out to eat unless I knew I could cover their meal, I would never ask a guy out if I was unwilling to pay.

Then again, I just got out of a cruddy 10 year relationship where I think the only meals I didn't pay for were anniversaries and birthdays... don't ask why I stayed that long. I still ask myself that every day.

Now on the other hand I am dating a guy who has paid for everything (except for parking at the zoo, but that was because I had cash and he forgot to hit up an ATM). I have offered to pay or split, but he won't hear of it. It's a very different experience! He also opens my car door for me!

CandaceyD

If he asked you out, then he should pay. On the first date anyway. Afterwards it's up to the two of you.

mseraf713

I always assumed this was the new modern rule- a lady should offer, but a gentleman should always decline.

Beyond that point, I'm assuming by the fact that your posting on a public forum there will be no 2nd date?

McKayMachina

Why would he? That's sexist as ****.

meshashesha2012

guy pays but then again guys shouldnt be setting up expensive first dates with women they arent sure about and not sure if she's into him.

edited to add : there is no contradiction in believing in women's rights and believing that men and women have different hormones which means what creates and sustains attraction and chemistry between the two are completely different. if i'm going dutch on a first date then i'm immediately placing the guy in the FZ area because it just reminds me of what i do with my friends. once a guy is in my friend zone, there's no coming out..

a guys who pays for and most importantly PLANS the first date makes a different impression.

and i've asked guys out on first dates in my youth. but these were guys i had no interest in for anything more than a FWB relationship.

spynoodle

If he wants to then yes or if he invited you but if you ask him then you should offer to pay.

As a male feminist, I completely agree with this.

As a gay man, one of the guys always pays, lol.

:laugh:

shellebelle87

This thread makes me want to bang my head against a wall. Yeah it is nice to have a meal bought for you, but if you have no intention of ever seeing the guy again, dont be rude. Go 50/50 with him. If the date goes well, and you want to see the person again, then either go 50/50, or one of you pays for food, other for drink, or one for move tickets, other for snacks. The man should not always have to pay! Thats ridiculous! We are not in the 1950's anymore so ladies, welcome to 2012, where a woman can in fact pay for her own meal, even though it does mean taking time out of your day.

Whoever that poster was, your comments really bugged me. You seem like a special snowflake who's daddy always bought her everything. I could be wrong, thats the impression I got.