Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

Sarah_Wins

To those that say whoever asks should pay which I agree with... how many of you on here have asked a guy out for a "first date"?

I did, and I paid too. Ordinarily, I'm very old fashioned when it comes to dating, but I wouldn't feel right expecting him to pay and I would expect no second date. There was a second date, by the way, and a third, and a fourth, and...

taunto

I prefer that the guy pays for the first date, especially if he invited me on a date - I am old-fashioned. I don't like the idea that who is paying for the first date should be dependent on income. That being said, I prefer to pay for my part when the date is not working out. Weird, huh?

I think you're doing it right. I never said there is anything wrong with hoping the guy to pay. Its the old school method and any gentleman would do it. And you're ofcourse doing the noble thing of going dutch if you don't plan to go on a second date.

But some of the arguments like "if he asked you out on a date..." or my personal favorite so far in this thread "The girl has to take time out of her day for him, so he should pay for it" basically means that you're selling out your gender role for a free meal.

BelleHeart

lol I think it would be very gentlemanly ( is that a word?) of him to pay for dinner.

samcee

I thought its usually whoever ask who out should pay. Maybe if he pays for dinner than you can pay for drinks after? Or you could ask him out for second date and it could be your turn to treat.

ScatteredThoughts

I never said anything about him paying for that. I go shopping with my girlfriends all the time and we pay for our own stuff. What I'm saying is if a man wants to act like one of my girlfriends then he can't possibly expect a date.

Maybe I am wrong, but it seems like you are just concerned about what a guy can get for you. I guess money really can buy you love.

taunto

How is it sexist if he asked her out on the date? Its not like you just go on a date to get a free lunch. He's expecting her to make time out of her day to spend it with him whom she doesn't even know that well. The least he can do is pick up the check. I'm sure if she was just hungry she can always go to the supermarket.

I guess some girls just don't get asked out often. It's kind of sad you think a date is just a meal.

And the guy knows her all that well? He is not taking time out of his day? Yes, a date is not just about a meal. It's hopefully about two people enjoying each other's company.

Of course he doesn't know her well, but if he just wanted to be her new buddy he should ask her out to the park or to go shopping maybe.

And you would want him to buy her all the stuff that she wants too. Once again, you're looking for a transaction and not a date (or are those 2 mutual nowadays?)

I never said anything about him paying for that. I go shopping with my girlfriends all the time and we pay for our own stuff. What I'm saying is if a man wants to act like one of my girlfriends then he can't possibly expect a date.

ok so if you go out with him to shopping, you don't expect him to pay even if he asked you out but if he asked you to a dinner, you expect him to pay?

Just say it. You want a free meal. Nobody will judge you (ok maybe some will but who cares...you got a free meal!!)

IndyInk

I'm old fashioned, too. First three dates, you pay for nothing... but don't be a big spender. Nobody has money these days, so order water and skip dessert, and don't be afraid to suggest a great neighborhood place that doesn't cost much, or just coffee.

After you've been together a while, you can relax... he definitely doesn't need to pay all of the time.

Also, the etiquette used to be that the man is paying, so he orders first... and his order lets you know the right price range for your order. I don't know if people still follow this, but I do.

Edit: if you do the asking, my guess is the expectations would be different.

ExplorinLauren

If he wants to then yes or if he invited you but if you ask him then you should offer to pay.

As a male feminist, I completely agree with this.

As a gay man, one of the guys always pays, lol.

:laugh:

meagalayne

If he pays, it's a great excuse to ask for a second date. That way I can return the gesture :bigsmile: I'm all about women's lib! And I make a decent penny, too, so why not?

vvanm

I thought the whole point of asking a girl out on a date was wanting to show her a nice time, so she can discover what a great guy you are, and look for a possible relationship. Making her feel obligated to split the check kind of defeats the mood. That first date shows that you are a guy willing to put effort into a possible future relationship and good relationships will be reciprocol and balanced. Of course, if you are not dating with any 2nd date mindset you can totally split the check. She would probably want to know in advance when you ask her out though.

ExplorinLauren

Guy paying for the 1st date is a MUST!

victoria4321

I prefer that the guy pays for the first date, especially if he invited me on a date - I am old-fashioned. I don't like the idea that who is paying for the first date should be dependent on income. That being said, I prefer to pay for my part when the date is not working out. Weird, huh?

I think you're doing it right. I never said there is anything wrong with hoping the guy to pay. Its the old school method and any gentleman would do it. And you're ofcourse doing the noble thing of going dutch if you don't plan to go on a second date.

But some of the arguments like "if he asked you out on a date..." or my personal favorite so far in this thread "The girl has to take time out of her day for him, so he should pay for it" basically means that you're selling out your gender role for a free meal.

But you're not selling out your gender role by admitting that its the gentlemanly thing to do and that you'd do it too? Of course I go with enough to pay for both our meals, thats not the point. My point is if a man is going to ask a women to spend time with him then he should be prepared to plan the date and pay for it as well. If he can't do this or doesn't want to, then he should not ask her out in the first place.

Cliffslosinit

a guy should pay on every date until he's married then its her turn

^ i agree, because then she'll have the checkbook anyway!!! lmao :flowerforyou:

j4nash

I'm old fashioned, too. First three dates, you pay for nothing... but don't be a big spender. Nobody has money these days, so order water and skip dessert, and don't be afraid to suggest a great neighborhood place that doesn't cost much, or just coffee.

After you've been together a while, you can relax... he definitely doesn't need to pay all of the time.

Also, the etiquette used to be that the man is paying, so he orders first... and his order lets you know the right price range for your order. I don't know if people still follow this, but I do.

Edit: if you do the asking, my guess is the expectations would be different.

I've never heard of that before but it makes sense.. I have only been on three dates where the woman went on a free for all when it came to ordering things and I didn't go on a second date with any of them. I don't mind paying but if you're going to purposely abuse a thoughtful gesture on my part then no way.

Shock_Wave

My friend is divorced but he goes on those dating sites and he will go out on several dates a month trying to find that special girl. If he had to pay for every one of them girls then he would be not be able to pay his bills so I understand why people do the 50/50 split. Old fashion people do not understand the dating world has changed since the old school days of taking your friends friend out. Dating sites are very popular and most all the dates are some what blind dates, BUT if you already have a girlfriend then sure you can pay 100% why not.

Trail_Addict

How is it sexist if he asked her out on the date? Its not like you just go on a date to get a free lunch. He's expecting her to make time out of her day to spend it with him whom she doesn't even know that well. The least he can do is pick up the check. I'm sure if she was just hungry she can always go to the supermarket.

I guess some girls just don't get asked out often. It's kind of sad you think a date is just a meal.

And the guy knows her all that well? He is not taking time out of his day? Yes, a date is not just about a meal. It's hopefully about two people enjoying each other's company.

Exactly... what is SHE bringing to the table? You can't be "old fashioned" when it comes to getting a free meal, but a modern women when it comes to everything else. This dates back to when women stayed home, and had babies. Nowadays, women have jobs, and demand equal treatment. So, it's time to stop being hypocritical and step up and truly be "equal"..

That being said, if you and he are in agreement about having "traditional" values, then have at it. But to expect every guy to pay on a first date just says you like a free meal.

No, it says don't ask me to do something with you that you can't afford.

Your argument makes you out to have a higher worth than the guy. And who says it has anything to do with what someone can afford? Is that the first thing that comes to your mind... that someone can't afford you simply because they are treating you as an equal?

victoria4321

How is it sexist if he asked her out on the date? Its not like you just go on a date to get a free lunch. He's expecting her to make time out of her day to spend it with him whom she doesn't even know that well. The least he can do is pick up the check. I'm sure if she was just hungry she can always go to the supermarket.

I guess some girls just don't get asked out often. It's kind of sad you think a date is just a meal.

And the guy knows her all that well? He is not taking time out of his day? Yes, a date is not just about a meal. It's hopefully about two people enjoying each other's company.

Of course he doesn't know her well, but if he just wanted to be her new buddy he should ask her out to the park or to go shopping maybe.

And you would want him to buy her all the stuff that she wants too. Once again, you're looking for a transaction and not a date (or are those 2 mutual nowadays?)

I never said anything about him paying for that. I go shopping with my girlfriends all the time and we pay for our own stuff. What I'm saying is if a man wants to act like one of my girlfriends then he can't possibly expect a date.

ok so if you go out with him to shopping, you don't expect him to pay even if he asked you out but if he asked you to a dinner, you expect him to pay?

Just say it. You want a free meal. Nobody will judge you (ok maybe some will but who cares...you got a free meal!!)

If he asked me out on a date which happened to be dinner then yes he should pay. I don't expect every man I cross to pay for me. If its just as friends and we're hanging out then I'd pay for myself.

Elizabeth_C34

I really have no problem with doing a 50/50 split if I know about it up front. Don't spring it on me at the table. Heck, I was a broke college kid for many years so I can understand a guy not having $40 or $50 to splurge on a dinner date.

j4nash

How is it sexist if he asked her out on the date? Its not like you just go on a date to get a free lunch. He's expecting her to make time out of her day to spend it with him whom she doesn't even know that well. The least he can do is pick up the check. I'm sure if she was just hungry she can always go to the supermarket.

I guess some girls just don't get asked out often. It's kind of sad you think a date is just a meal.

And the guy knows her all that well? He is not taking time out of his day? Yes, a date is not just about a meal. It's hopefully about two people enjoying each other's company.

Of course he doesn't know her well, but if he just wanted to be her new buddy he should ask her out to the park or to go shopping maybe.

And you would want him to buy her all the stuff that she wants too. Once again, you're looking for a transaction and not a date (or are those 2 mutual nowadays?)

I never said anything about him paying for that. I go shopping with my girlfriends all the time and we pay for our own stuff. What I'm saying is if a man wants to act like one of my girlfriends then he can't possibly expect a date.

ok so if you go out with him to shopping, you don't expect him to pay even if he asked you out but if he asked you to a dinner, you expect him to pay?

Just say it. You want a free meal. Nobody will judge you (ok maybe some will but who cares...you got a free meal!!)

If he asked me out on a date which happened to be dinner then yes he should pay. I don't expect every man I cross to pay for me. If its just as friends and we're hanging out then I'd pay for myself.

Do you expect him to pay for all subsequent dates as well?

taunto

I prefer that the guy pays for the first date, especially if he invited me on a date - I am old-fashioned. I don't like the idea that who is paying for the first date should be dependent on income. That being said, I prefer to pay for my part when the date is not working out. Weird, huh?

I think you're doing it right. I never said there is anything wrong with hoping the guy to pay. Its the old school method and any gentleman would do it. And you're ofcourse doing the noble thing of going dutch if you don't plan to go on a second date.

But some of the arguments like "if he asked you out on a date..." or my personal favorite so far in this thread "The girl has to take time out of her day for him, so he should pay for it" basically means that you're selling out your gender role for a free meal.

But you're not selling out your gender role by admitting that its the gentlemanly thing to do and that you'd do it too? Of course I go with enough to pay for both our meals, thats not the point. My point is if a man is going to ask a women to spend time with him then he should be prepared to plan the date and pay for it as well. If he can't do this or doesn't want to, then he should not ask her out in the first place.

Yes, I'm selling out my male gender by offering to pay for a womans meal on a date because its the tradition and the gentleman thing to do...I'm such a sellout. I need a sugar mama. A sugar mama that will spend my money ...

(You seem to have some troubles today so just in case...I was being sarcastic)