Home school vs public school?

sweetendeavor

My nephew was also socially awkward when my sister started home schooling him. She has various programs she uses as well as numerous outside activities where he can interact with other children I know that he would not have had the opportunity to partake in had he stayed in public school. I have to say, his vocabulary and form of expressing himself has improved immensely since he began home schooling. I think it all depends on the approach. A mix of academics and outside activites with ample opportunity to interact with other home schooling children should work well.

BAMFMeredith

I know a number of young people from my church that were home schooled and are now either in college or have graduated from college and have successful careers.

And I know a larger percentage of young people who attended public/private school who have gone on to become major successes as well.

in my opinion, at the end, whatever it is, it's the parent's responsibility to lead the child.

I could not agree more. Homeschooling can be great. Attending public school can be great too. But at the end of the day, it's up to the parents to make sure that child is excelling. The public school system today (at least in Texas) sucks, but I do not have the patience or the ability to teach my child things like math, science, history, etc. Being an involved and informed parent is crucial in any form of education.

For me, personally, home schooling would have been a terrible idea. I just wouldn't have been as successful as I was attending conventional school (with involved parents---my parents were incredible when it came to my education). But with the proper curriculum and social interaction, some children can really do well in home school. One of my good friends in middle school was home schooled, we met through horseback riding lessons; she went on to attend the science magnet program at a local high school. It really all comes down to the parents commitment to education and what is best for that individual child.

_VoV

My question is this: if children are being home schooled due to social anxiety or what not, how are they going to hold a job when they're old enough to work?

Read my posts through this thread. Homeschooled kids rarely just sit at home all day with no socialization. And not all jobs require a high degree of social interaction.

That may be true, but the OP stated that they were considering homeschooling due to social awkwardness and anxiety...not for any other reason. So in this situation, that does make a difference and it seems unlikely that this child would be willing to go out and do the social things that often occur with homeschooling.

In all likelihood, the child would be attending group home-schooling events with a parent. If anxiety becomes unbearable, the parent is there to help buffer that emotion. Also, these activities tend not to be all-day events, so they may be better tolerated than a whole day at school.

kaetmarie

My question is this: if children are being home schooled due to social anxiety or what not, how are they going to hold a job when they're old enough to work?

Read my posts through this thread. Homeschooled kids rarely just sit at home all day with no socialization. And not all jobs require a high degree of social interaction.

That may be true, but the OP stated that they were considering homeschooling due to social awkwardness and anxiety...not for any other reason. So in this situation, that does make a difference and it seems unlikely that this child would be willing to go out and do the social things that often occur with homeschooling.

Who says the child calls all the shots? They go out, they ease into social situations, they get outside their comfort zone without having to be put on high alert.

Similar to that, the kid can stay in school and ease into social situations. If you decide to homeschool your kid because he/she does not want to go to school due to anxiety, it's likely that the kid is actually the one calling the shots. What's going to change in a home-schooled situation, except that there are fewer social situations to learn to navigate?

hperowl

Has your mother considered a Montessori program? There are aspects of a child's day that is spent participating with others yet the curriculum portion of the day is the child learning on their own direction with teachers there to help & guide. It tends to be a little more relaxed in the environment and can be an alternative solution for children who have a difficult time in public schools. I wish your sister all the best!

kaetmarie

My question is this: if children are being home schooled due to social anxiety or what not, how are they going to hold a job when they're old enough to work?

Read my posts through this thread. Homeschooled kids rarely just sit at home all day with no socialization. And not all jobs require a high degree of social interaction.

That may be true, but the OP stated that they were considering homeschooling due to social awkwardness and anxiety...not for any other reason. So in this situation, that does make a difference and it seems unlikely that this child would be willing to go out and do the social things that often occur with homeschooling.

In all likelihood, the child would be attending group home-schooling events with a parent. If anxiety becomes unbearable, the parent is there to help buffer that emotion. Also, these activities tend not to be all-day events, so they may be better tolerated than a whole day at school.

Again, what happens at college or when the child gets a job?

ETA: I'm not against homeschooling, but I think that in this situation, allowing anxiety to dictate where a kid is educated is not the best idea. School is about so much more than academics, so unless parents are able to provide opportunities (and are qualified to do it well) to overcome anxiety and navigate social situations, it might be doing the child a disservice.

meg7399

As a certified, licensed school teacher, I am always concerned when parents pull their children out of regular school and say they will be "homeschooling" their child from that point forward. I will share my reasons below:

1. Qualifications/educational level of parents - Can a parent reach and teach their child the important things that child needs to know? Do they know what "developmentally appropriate" is for their child's age? Are the parents knowledgeable enough about the curriculum to present it in ways the child understands?

2. Is the curriculum relevant? Is the child learning what should be learned, versus what the parents want that child to learn? (some HS programs offer "revisionist" history, where important truths are conveniently left out - eg, slavery, holocaust, etc) There are certain skill sets/requirements all children MUST know in order to be well rounded adults. Slanted or inaccurate information can negatively affect a child's future.

3. Is the parent willing to sit by their child, invest the time, and hold their children accountable for their school work? Many parents nowadays have to work, and trusting their young child to stay home and do their school work all on line is a recipe for disaster. My daughter's friend is now being homeschooled (due to bullying) and guess what? This girl only gets 5 hours of weekly school work, which is less than one full day's worth of schooling. In a WEEK.

4. Schools provide the opportunity for children to learn HOW to get along with others, even if the children are being bullied. Instead of retreating into a "safe" world, it is better to learn how to handle the bullying and work on developing self esteem. Running away from it doesn't build self confidence, it only pushes the real issues aside.

I hope this provides you with some real information to make a very educated choice. I'm not anti-HS, I am against homeschool programs that end up causing more harm than good. Make sure your child is being monitored on a regular, weekly basis, by qualified school teachers, and is learning STATE curriculum standards. If those criteria are met, then a HS program should be okay overall.

I totally agree. As a special education teacher with a masters in Autism studies I often get worried about homeschooling. My 8 years in college and graduate school were not for nothing. I learned a great deal there so I could educate your children for you.

impyimpyaj

My question is this: if children are being home schooled due to social anxiety or what not, how are they going to hold a job when they're old enough to work?

Read my posts through this thread. Homeschooled kids rarely just sit at home all day with no socialization. And not all jobs require a high degree of social interaction.

That may be true, but the OP stated that they were considering homeschooling due to social awkwardness and anxiety...not for any other reason. So in this situation, that does make a difference and it seems unlikely that this child would be willing to go out and do the social things that often occur with homeschooling.

In all likelihood, the child would be attending group home-schooling events with a parent. If anxiety becomes unbearable, the parent is there to help buffer that emotion. Also, these activities tend not to be all-day events, so they may be better tolerated than a whole day at school.

Again, what happens at college or when the child gets a job?

By that point, the child is no longer a child, he or she is an adult. Adults are typically better equipped to handle anxiety than children are.

vim_n_vigor

I have to disagree. I am hoping you say this because you come from an area where all the public schools are nice and rosy and never want for anything. That's not the case where I live. My children absolutely will NOT be attending the public middle school in our area when they are older. Why? It's dangerous. I have no idea if the curriculum is suitable, but socially it's dangerous. I don't mean just bullying. I mean female students getting attacked on campus dangerous.

To say that kids or parents should just push through bullying and learn to deal with it is to show that you don't know the details of the situation. To say that that the STATE curriculum is the only one that's good enough is to show that you don't know how short many state curricula are on the truth. Many state curricula use revisionist history as well, dear. Many simply skip over the inconvenient truths they do not want to cover. My state is one of those. My children attend public school now and will probably attend private school later if I can afford it. But they *always* get additional schooling at home. Because I KNOW what my schools DON'T teach.

A good home school needs a parent that is dedicated to teaching their child what that child needs to know. And yes it IS that parent's decision what that curriculum needs to be. That parent will decide if the child needs to know organic chemistry or not. European history or not. It is important that the truth of each topic be taught-but the parent decides what that is. THAT is a huge part of why people home school. Because the school curriculum is inadequate.

I am with you here. I pulled my son out of public school (kindergarten) half way through the year. They were skipping a lot of the things that kindergartners are supposed to be getting - how to hold a pencil, basics of writing, holding scissors, social interactions (no recess, all work was done in groups of 2-3 kids), none of this was being taught. The ONLY thing they focused on was reading. Most of the kids in the class couldn't even identify letters or say their alphabet yet, but they were expected to read the entire day. Luckily, my son could read before he started kindergarten. When we switched to private school, they worked on socialization - how to work with the other kids to pick games at recess, etc. We worked on holding scissors the correct way and pencils. We worked on fine motor skills that were completely ignored at public school. I admit, I rely in part on the teacher to help me understand what are age appropriate skills to work on. Our public schools are now, sadly, only focusing on the tests.

CiarraCA

I was home schooled from 5th & up and IT WAS THE BEST THING my mom could have ever done for me. Give it a chance because as she grows she will develop more socially. I was the same way and now I am very social with a good group of friends.

kaetmarie

My question is this: if children are being home schooled due to social anxiety or what not, how are they going to hold a job when they're old enough to work?

Read my posts through this thread. Homeschooled kids rarely just sit at home all day with no socialization. And not all jobs require a high degree of social interaction.

That may be true, but the OP stated that they were considering homeschooling due to social awkwardness and anxiety...not for any other reason. So in this situation, that does make a difference and it seems unlikely that this child would be willing to go out and do the social things that often occur with homeschooling.

In all likelihood, the child would be attending group home-schooling events with a parent. If anxiety becomes unbearable, the parent is there to help buffer that emotion. Also, these activities tend not to be all-day events, so they may be better tolerated than a whole day at school.

Again, what happens at college or when the child gets a job?

By that point, the child is no longer a child, he or she is an adult. Adults are typically better equipped to handle anxiety than children are.

Unless they never learned. You wouldn't expect an adult to be able to read unless they were taught how. In my opinion, social and emotional regulation skills are the same. You don't just wake up when you're 18 and know how to deal with stress, manage your emotions, and interact well with others. You learn these things.

impyimpyaj

My question is this: if children are being home schooled due to social anxiety or what not, how are they going to hold a job when they're old enough to work?

Read my posts through this thread. Homeschooled kids rarely just sit at home all day with no socialization. And not all jobs require a high degree of social interaction.

That may be true, but the OP stated that they were considering homeschooling due to social awkwardness and anxiety...not for any other reason. So in this situation, that does make a difference and it seems unlikely that this child would be willing to go out and do the social things that often occur with homeschooling.

In all likelihood, the child would be attending group home-schooling events with a parent. If anxiety becomes unbearable, the parent is there to help buffer that emotion. Also, these activities tend not to be all-day events, so they may be better tolerated than a whole day at school.

Again, what happens at college or when the child gets a job?

By that point, the child is no longer a child, he or she is an adult. Adults are typically better equipped to handle anxiety than children are.

Unless they never learned. You wouldn't expect an adult to be able to read unless they were taught how. In my opinion, social and emotional regulation skills are the same. You don't just wake up when you're 18 and know how to deal with stress, manage your emotions, and interact well with others. You learn these things.

True. But people rarely learn well when under duress. Social anxiety is duress.

_HeyMommy_

I dont have the patience to home school... :0) My son went to a preschool that was attached to a church...
he loved it. When it was time for kindergarten, he started at our local public school and
within the first two weeks he learned what his middle finger could do and lots of lovely words. I wasnt too
thrilled with how the class was run, my son is super social and needs to be reigned in sometimes..lol. The school
doesnt seem to be willing to do much because they are understaffed. (I'm guessing) For those reasons, he
will be going to private school starting next year....(Our church has grades k-12) I would think that switching
to a private school would be better then homeschooling just because of akwardness.

doorki

My question is this: if children are being home schooled due to social anxiety or what not, how are they going to hold a job when they're old enough to work?

Read my posts through this thread. Homeschooled kids rarely just sit at home all day with no socialization. And not all jobs require a high degree of social interaction.

That may be true, but the OP stated that they were considering homeschooling due to social awkwardness and anxiety...not for any other reason. So in this situation, that does make a difference and it seems unlikely that this child would be willing to go out and do the social things that often occur with homeschooling.

In all likelihood, the child would be attending group home-schooling events with a parent. If anxiety becomes unbearable, the parent is there to help buffer that emotion. Also, these activities tend not to be all-day events, so they may be better tolerated than a whole day at school.

Again, what happens at college or when the child gets a job?

By that point, the child is no longer a child, he or she is an adult. Adults are typically better equipped to handle anxiety than children are.

But how did this better equipped adult learn to be so?

impyimpyaj

Unless they never learned. You wouldn't expect an adult to be able to read unless they were taught how. In my opinion, social and emotional regulation skills are the same. You don't just wake up when you're 18 and know how to deal with stress, manage your emotions, and interact well with others. You learn these things.

True. But people rarely learn well when under duress. Social anxiety is duress.

Look, you and I can argue about this all day. Clearly you haven't dealt with social anxiety. I have. Sure, homeschooled kids can grow up with no social skills. So can public school kids. I'm one of those public school kids who grew up with zero social skills, because I had extreme social anxiety. I've had to learn not to hate myself just because I'm different. Had I been homeschooled, maybe I wouldn't have learned from the age of 5 that I'm weird, and maybe I'd have an easier time of it now. Maybe not. Who knows? The fact of the matter is that MANY children are more successful and better adjusted thanks to homeschooling. Public school is great for a lot of kids, but not all.

k8blujay2

As a certified, licensed school teacher, I am always concerned when parents pull their children out of regular school and say they will be "homeschooling" their child from that point forward. I will share my reasons below:

1. Qualifications/educational level of parents - Can a parent reach and teach their child the important things that child needs to know? Do they know what "developmentally appropriate" is for their child's age? Are the parents knowledgeable enough about the curriculum to present it in ways the child understands?

2. Is the curriculum relevant? Is the child learning what should be learned, versus what the parents want that child to learn? (some HS programs offer "revisionist" history, where important truths are conveniently left out - eg, slavery, holocaust, etc) There are certain skill sets/requirements all children MUST know in order to be well rounded adults. Slanted or inaccurate information can negatively affect a child's future.

3. Is the parent willing to sit by their child, invest the time, and hold their children accountable for their school work? Many parents nowadays have to work, and trusting their young child to stay home and do their school work all on line is a recipe for disaster. My daughter's friend is now being homeschooled (due to bullying) and guess what? This girl only gets 5 hours of weekly school work, which is less than one full day's worth of schooling. In a WEEK.

4. Schools provide the opportunity for children to learn HOW to get along with others, even if the children are being bullied. Instead of retreating into a "safe" world, it is better to learn how to handle the bullying and work on developing self esteem. Running away from it doesn't build self confidence, it only pushes the real issues aside.

I hope this provides you with some real information to make a very educated choice. I'm not anti-HS, I am against homeschool programs that end up causing more harm than good. Make sure your child is being monitored on a regular, weekly basis, by qualified school teachers, and is learning STATE curriculum standards. If those criteria are met, then a HS program should be okay overall.

^^ this. There are also certain programs/activities that you can't get involved with if you're home-schooled. I don't think learning a foreign language at home is ideal (unless there is a skype like program).

I also have to disagree... at least where I grew up, kids homeschooled at home were allowed to participate in sports with the local public schools (after all homeschooling families still pay school and property taxes regardless of where the child(ren) go to get their education), also if you join a co-op or an association you can meet with kids that are learning the same language you are or even forensics (ie debate/speech)... but it's all about knowing what's out there and being prepared... but homeschooled kids can have all the same educational opportunities (if not more) than those in the traditional brick and mortar schools.

kaetmarie

My question is this: if children are being home schooled due to social anxiety or what not, how are they going to hold a job when they're old enough to work?

Read my posts through this thread. Homeschooled kids rarely just sit at home all day with no socialization. And not all jobs require a high degree of social interaction.

That may be true, but the OP stated that they were considering homeschooling due to social awkwardness and anxiety...not for any other reason. So in this situation, that does make a difference and it seems unlikely that this child would be willing to go out and do the social things that often occur with homeschooling.

In all likelihood, the child would be attending group home-schooling events with a parent. If anxiety becomes unbearable, the parent is there to help buffer that emotion. Also, these activities tend not to be all-day events, so they may be better tolerated than a whole day at school.

Again, what happens at college or when the child gets a job?

By that point, the child is no longer a child, he or she is an adult. Adults are typically better equipped to handle anxiety than children are.

Unless they never learned. You wouldn't expect an adult to be able to read unless they were taught how. In my opinion, social and emotional regulation skills are the same. You don't just wake up when you're 18 and know how to deal with stress, manage your emotions, and interact well with others. You learn these things.

True. But people rarely learn well when under duress. Social anxiety is duress.

I agree, trust me, I see it all the time. But they do learn. You can not learn how to cope if you're always protected from and able to avoid the anxiety-provoking situations.

Elzecat

My mom is thinking about homeschooling my eight year old sister. My sister is smart and nice, but she is socially awkward and has really bad anxiety (has meds for it) and this causes her to not want to go to school. My parents are considering homeschool, but I am unsure that it is a good idea. Does anybody have any opinions or experience with this? Thank you!

I have seen some people do a great job homeschooling their children; others not so much. I'm a former teacher so one of my concerns would be that your parents make sure they have all the resources and skills needed to teach her at home and keep her at grade level or above in her schoolwork. Homeschooling is a huge commitment on the part of the parents--most states have pretty strict requirements for homeschooling (your local school district can provide all of that information). However, a bigger concern-- I have to say that if she has very bad anxiety at age 8 and is already socially awkward, homeschooling will keep her at home in an environment in which she feels safe, but it may not teach her coping skills. It won't automatically improve the anxiety and awkwardness. Someday she will need to be out in the world working and interacting with others... I would highly recommend that your parents find age-appropriate counseling and/or social skills support groups to help her...otherwise she may avoid the anxiety of going to school, but shemay just grow into an anxious, socially awkward adult. I hope your family can provide her with some tools to work on that so that someday she feels comfortable out in the world. Good luck!

leomom72

bump..im thinking of doing this with my kids next year

plfeery

I home schooled my children thru their elementary grades until junior high. I always gave my kids the choice of what they wanted each year as the school started and if they chose to stay home they knew it would be for the entire school year no matter what. No stopping in the middle. We did outside activities which included science fairs, history days, sports, etc on a regular basis. They schooled year round not time off for summer as it was unneccessary. I put my children into school in 7th grade. They were socially skilled and did great. Unfortunately they became lazy in public school. I would look at papers they were turning in and say this is not your best work. Their answer "I don't need to do any better. I am already in the top of my class and this will get me an A" If I had it to do over I would definately keep them out longer and stay at home. At home they thrived on competing with themselves to do better each time and improve on their own scores, etc.
I once had a public school teacher comment to me not unlike some of the comments in these posts. The difference after I told him my reasons for homeschooling. He said "a child whose parents are involved in their education on a daily basis will succeed whether they are in public school or home schooled" I agree wholeheartedly with this. Children who are in public schools do not succeed if their parents are not involved in their education just as much as parents who homeschool and don't do a good job. Kids are lazy if they are allowed to be lazy whether at home or public school. Parents who are involved in their education will help their kids to succeed.
My story: 2 out of 3 of my kids rebelled in high school, turned to drinking, left home at 16. Guess what, they still graduated from high school on their own, with GPAs above 3.0 and honor students. This was without my influence for the past 2 years of their high school careers. I believe if they didn't have the teaching in their early years that shaped them they would not have succeeded in their later years. They are now thriving adults with excellent management jobs all done on their own. They learned the skills young that they needed to succeed in life and we always taught them they could succeed no matter what, they onlyhad to try and do their best.
My thoughts, again, children will succeed if they have parents who care and teach them not just academics but how to learn. Even public school teachers don't always get that right. As an individual I had to learn each of my 3 kids VERY different learning styles and try to teach them in ways they would grasp and learn. Even public school teachers can't always do this for each of their students. Kids are taught based on the whole group, not always individuals. There are many good reasons to homeschool and there are many good reasons to keep a kid in public school and each one is probably right for the child and the parent.