Who initiates in your house??

_Schatzi_

Threatening to leave you is certainly an over-reaction, but at least you can give him credit for articulating his feelings. I think most women who take hormone-based birth control experience a decrease in sex-drive. (Maybe that's the real reason it's so effective!)

It couldn't hurt to pencil in some alone time. After all- it's great bonding time, it burns calories, and trips the 'satiety' button in the brain which can help you curb your cravings for unhealthy food! Why not give it a go?

tinalatina

In my house its the opposite! But i think it might also be because of the age difference! im always the one initiating with "old man" hahah!! You should suprise him and im sure he will appreciate it!

Speaking of "it" Have you seen 7 days of Sex on TV? a challenge i think most couples should try!!

kristalfrissy

There's gotta be more to the story.

Its just alot of the same story. I guess he has felt like this most of the 16 years. he gets alot of attention from girls and I guess feels like I don't appreciate what I have but I do but at the same time--we have a real life and 2 kids--one of whom has alot of medical conditions. He has been fighting drugs his whole life--one addiction after another and is finally clean for almost 2 years now and I think he was expecting same major differences in how I acted in that area once he was clean??? I kinda get it but I kinda don't.

SirZee

If you said no a lot I'd say he has a legit point, but I don't know why he'd threaten to leave over that.

I could see him talking to you about it, but not leaving. It's not like he's being deprived with that amount.

Some guys don't know how good they have it. I'd be ecstatic if my wife had your mindset.

To answer your question, my wife does initiate more, but it's only because I don't bother trying anymore. After getting rejected so many times, a guy kind of gets sick of it.

+1 word for word.

IronmanPanda

Sometimes Leftie initiates but I'm mostly right handed so...

Dayna154

when I was with the ex we were together for 11+ yrs we both did..
I have been in relationships where I was always the aggressor, and others where it was half and half. Rarely am I not the aggressor.. lol
I have been told I have the sex drive of a teenage boy..

BeetleChe13

I'm a newlywed, and I very rarely initiate. Once we get health insurance, I will discuss my low libido with a doctor, but until then, he initiates almost 100% of the time. Since sex isn't important to me, he just lets me know when he wants it, and I take care of him. It's an odd situation, but we're both satisfied, and that's all that matters.

chrystee

Tell him it could be worse. I initiate it 99.99% of the time and I get turned down about 90% of the time. I would have probably left by now but I know I would lose half my stuff.

You guys make me feel bad. I try to be good about it, but I had some issues during childhood.. mine doesn't really initiate any more either.. but I really try to make an effort.. my libido is so much less than his is.

I've got to make a better effort.

mslack01

I don't initiate. I don't know. I just feel like the man is supposed to do that.

traceyjayne64

My hubby makes the first move probably 99% of the time...he beats me to it !!! I hardly ever say no, why would i, hes damn sexy. We get it on most days but alot more at the weekends

auticus

Well typically I have to initiate. I look down at my hand and go "hey baby". It looks up at me and goes "dammit not again..." and then we go to the internet and get some pr0n and we go for it.

We're having some problems lately though, it always seems to have a headache or be too tired. Is this normal?

CanDew512

I almost alway initiate. He is always ready and rarin to go, so it's just up to me to say yes. I have an issue with doing it when our daughter isn't asleep yet, I'm afraid she will knock on the door in the middle of it. And once we start, I do NOT want any interruptions.

ultim8one

Ok--I have been married for 16 years and my husband threatened to leave me the other day because he is tired of always being the one to intiate sex. I rarely say no when he intiates--but I only am the aggressor maybe once ever couple of months.He said that he doesn't feel wanted.

I'm really trying to work on it but I can go quite awhile before I even think about it. I love my husband very much but we have alot of stress and it tends the be less on my priority list then his. But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship?

First of all I'd have to agree that there are some under lying issues other than who initiates sex more then the other. However, this is a common issue for couples that have been together for long periods of time. Every couples "norm" is going to be different depending on the time of year, time of month, current stress level, current sleep patterns, diet, etc. The question should be .. what is the "norm" in YOUR house ? If what you describe is the what is normal then your hubby is having other issues with your relationship. If your infrequent initiations are a new wrinkle in the equation then this is something you and he should sit and discuss. As a mature man he should understand that everyone changes over time and couples need to learn to change together .. or at least continue heading in the same direction. HTH

Kenzietea2

I tried to type this with as much tact as possible but I realized there was no 'nice' or 'sensitive' way of putting it.
Your husband sounds overly sensitive. I don't know many men who care who initiates sex, so long as sex happens. Don't get me wrong, it is always nice to not have to initiate, and I can see how he would get annoyed that it usually is him, but to threaten to LEAVE you? Sounds really dramatic. Either there is something else going on and he may not know how to express it, or your husband is a drama queen. It is not as if he is coming onto you and you are repulsed by him.. you gladly (I assume) give in. Unless you are leaving some tidbit of information out all I have to go on is what you typed, and it seems weird to me. If it really is just the fact he wants you to initiate more... maybe you should initiate more. Who knows, it could be fun

deftanker

Tell him it could be worse. I initiate it 99.99% of the time and I get turned down about 90% of the time. I would have probably left by now but I know I would lose half my stuff.

HAHA Yeah there is always that concern

bestbassist

I totally get where he is coming from. And I wouldn't want to tolerate it for long either. Not saying no doesn't really do much for a guy if that simply means you're lieing there like a dead fish until he finishes. I don't know if that is the case in your relationship, but regardless, if you love him, desire him and want him to stay then look into trying things that help boost your sex drive so you're not "acting" when you do initiate - because that can be even more worse. Certain herbs like yohimbe work for some folks, porn works for others...it just depends.

melbot24

I used to initiate most of the time but I got tired of being rejected.
Now I let him initiate.
I don't get it as much as I would like (even though he says he thinks we have way more sex than the average couple).
If it were up to me I'd want to do it every night! :P

The rejection does hurt, it feels horrible to get turned down.
So it's not the fact that I'm the one having to ask...it's the rejection.

For you two, however...
Maybe the problem is not so much him being the initiator but perhaps there's a lack of enthusiasm on your part?
Maybe he feels like you just don't enjoy it anymore?
I can see how that might be hurtful for him.

What if you tried initiating?
Try it and see how it makes you feel... I would be willing to bet that it will make you feel sexy and powerful.
Catch him by surprise and I think it will do wonders for both of you.

tinksmommy2006

I have been with my hubby for 10 1/2 years now...3 kids, a house full of animals..on only his income for the past 6, yeah I get the stress thing. This is what I say to you because when you say you can go a while with out even thinking of it ...I get that because i can literally go a couple months with out being bothered. With that said....I don't care who says what men NEED sex more then women. I am not saying that is they don't get it they should go cheat or leave to get some...what I am saying is that everyone has needs in life...if he is meeting yours well then you need to meet his, and if his is for you to initiate more then well hell girl get to it. My husband knows that not EVERY time we do it I am in the mood...sometimes I have to take on for the team, but his needs are met and he is happy and that keeps me happy in return. and just because you never say no means nothing...how would you feel if he stopped asking for sex? eventually you would ask yourself what you did wrong, or ask him if he lost love or attraction for you. That is probably how he is feeling...so like twice a month take one for the team and as soon as you can jump him...make him feel like the man that rocks your world...he will be happy and hopefully if your relationship is healthy other wise this will make him do something in return to make you happy

shamr0ck

We both do. After 18 years, we're still as hot for each other as we were when we met in college.

chrystee

Plus, 4-5 times a week is not bad. I'd say that is better than average.