Who initiates in your house??

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Replies

  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
    If you're having sex 4 or 5 times a week being married after 16 years, he's got other problems. Drag them out or just leave him. He sounds like a douche. I've been with my boyfriend almost 3 years, and we have sex about twice a week... you got it good girl, so I don't know why he's complaining. Maybe just start sending him sexy texts while he's at work so he knows you're in the mood (and if you're not, trust me, they will GET you in the mood!)
  • BeetleChe13
    BeetleChe13 Posts: 498 Member
    I'm a newlywed, and I very rarely initiate. Once we get health insurance, I will discuss my low libido with a doctor, but until then, he initiates almost 100% of the time. Since sex isn't important to me, he just lets me know when he wants it, and I take care of him. :wink: It's an odd situation, but we're both satisfied, and that's all that matters.

    omg, you sound like me. my low libido the doc thinks comes from dealing with my mom (cancer patient) and not feeling good about myself. I don't feel sexy and some days don't know what he sees in me. Mine is coming back slowly since my parents moved out though.

    So sorry for your mother. :frown: Stress can do some terrible things to our bodies. I almost think my problem is psychological as well. But cheers to keeping our hubbies happy while we sort ourselves out. :drinker:
  • tinksmommy2006
    tinksmommy2006 Posts: 575
    My hand.

    Damn Johnny, could that pic get any lower?
    it could but his hand didn't want to be photographed :laugh:
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    I would go to counseling... That's a silly thing to threaten divorce over...
  • FrostyFour
    FrostyFour Posts: 262
    How many times a week is everyone doing it?

    Oh, hmm... was about 4 times a week before the new baby was born... now maybe once a week, twice if I'm lucky. Diablo III came out this week but I still managed to get a couple days out of him this week ;)
  • chrystee
    chrystee Posts: 295 Member
    How many times a week is everyone doing it?

    once. maybe.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    Plus, 4-5 times a week is not bad. I'd say that is better than average.

    This! There are many men who only get it from their wives or vice versa, 3 times a year. I think there is probably an issue since he is feeling like you don't desire him and he's always initialing. Are you acting like it's a chore or are you mutually desiring him?

    Though I'd say I probably initiate 80% of the time...Recently, Twice a day. :laugh: Actually, it's pretty mutual. I feel pretty lucky that anytime my BF and I touch, it usually ends up with an O. :love:
  • cutchro
    cutchro Posts: 396 Member
    We had mutual initiation of sex in our relationship but he still left me and cannot tell me why and we are just shy of our 27th Anniversary.
  • bestbassist
    bestbassist Posts: 177 Member
    Tell him it could be worse. I initiate it 99.99% of the time and I get turned down about 90% of the time. I would have probably left by now but I know I would lose half my stuff.

    You're not alone. By any means. http://www.avoiceformen.com

    So many men are trapped inside horrible marriages and stay miserable for this reason. No fault divorce has made the institution of marriage only advantageous to women. Entitlement princesses get the house, kids and half the man's money - it's highway robbery and a complete waste of male potential.
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
    I'm not married, but I initiate all the time through text message and then it's on after that.
  • Amcolecchi
    Amcolecchi Posts: 260 Member
    My husband and I work different shifts so it's like 1 or 2 a week and it sucks!! :(
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
    it sounds like one of his primary 'love languages' is physical touch, while yours isn't. one of my son's love language is gifts and i have a hard time with that one since i rarely think of it. when i do, he is thrilled. hopefully, you can make your husband equally happy since he is communicating with you what he needs.

    to understand what 'language' is important to a spouse, partner or friend and how to meet it, i recommend the book 'the 5 love languages' by gary chapman.
    http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/five-love-languages-gary-chapman/1100395389?ean=9780802473158
  • SirZee
    SirZee Posts: 381
    I don't initiate. I don't know. I just feel like the man is supposed to do that.

    Get naked.


    Really though, sometimes, I will just whisper in his ear the things I would like him to do to me or me to him, He will come home and I will be cooking dinner in an apron, panties and heels - nothing else, I will buy something really sexy to wear for him and tell him that I got something for him - then model it, when we are laying in bed I will just rub his chest and down his leg and just barely graze "down there" and once it responds, I just start taking care of things......... There are TONS of ways. It is way easier to get them in the mood than us.

    OMG.. I found you! you do exist!..... LOL, your husband is a lucky lucky man.
  • manderann
    manderann Posts: 189
    Well, I'm single so it's all me... I'm a Passion Parties consultant so I have access to an arsenal of fun things :wink:

    I suppose it was usually me who initiated when I was married though... Maybe I'm just a nympho. Whatevs.
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
    I usually initiate. He says it's because if he asks how I feel or how my day is, i usually say something to the effect that I'm tired. Well duh. We have two little kids, I rarely get a day off unless a gallstone attack or migraine literally makes me not able to move, and he's away three evenings or more a week for work stuff. I get my sleep interrupted and then have to get up way too early. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, and sometimes I initiate even when I'm not in the mood because I know he will want to, he's just not doing anything about it. But then there are other times...

    I'm going to be tired for another 5 years at least. Doesn't mean I wouldn't like my husband to actually initiate or show some sort of interest so I feel like I'm not utterly repulsive to him. The only time he will initiate is if I've given up trying for a week or more, and then it's usually not a kiss or a hey baby you look good, it's a boob grab in the middle of the kitchen while I'm making lunch. After I'm pissed that it's taken him a week to realize nothing's happened. Seriously?

    My point?
    If it's important to him, make it important to you. Put a reminder in your phone calendar or something if you can't remember to do it on your own.
  • hcoburn37
    hcoburn37 Posts: 442 Member
    well I'm single, so no one right now. Although I do have a FWB that I will text asking for a lolipop because I have a craving to suck something. That usually gets him over, so I guess with him I initiate
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    I used to get sensitive about this, ok I still am a little. now we usually just do it, sometimes she initiates sometimes I do but it's always starts with flirting. but it didn't used to be that way, and I hated being the one who had to initiate because half the time I felt like she was just putting out and wasn't really into it. and that is a blow to the self esteem.
  • marieautumn
    marieautumn Posts: 928 Member
    tell SIRI to remind you every other day to seduce your husband but dont let him know you're doing it. feeling wanted is important and i know if my boyfriend never initiated i would feel like he's just doing his duty and wasnt attracted to me.
  • kristalfrissy
    kristalfrissy Posts: 158 Member
    I really appreciate everybodies comments. Since he told me that the other night--I have already intiated several times and he obviously was pleased. :blushing: lol but I need to just make sure and keep it going. Part of me does think he's kinda being dramatic but I need to make sure that I'm doing everything I can do to keep him happy.
  • rhonnie66
    rhonnie66 Posts: 47 Member
    Been married 18 years.....we both do!! but often its him. We are an everyday couple, or at the most every other day! I think he would die if he didnt get it all the time!!
  • MaryDreamer
    MaryDreamer Posts: 439
    That would be my hubby who initiates 99% of the time lol. Like you I rarely turn him down I'd have to be sick or something. He doesn't mind if I don't initiate. He knows my hormones are whacked to hell. He's just content he still gets his needs fulfilled. He's simple thankfully! Been married 21 years and my hubby only gets his feelings hurt if I turn him down. Glad I don't have to initiate lol
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
    Oh and someone else said it, but I second this: Men are SO easy to get turned on. Just take off your clothes. Simple. Sometimes I will just mention my boobs and bam, he is ready to go (lol). Men are extremely simple creatures when it comes to sex, they really don't need a lot of work to want to do it. So, mentally get yourself in the mood and then release it on him. Easy. For most men, all you have to do is say you are turned on, and that is enough for them to take the lead.
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
    My man and I just end up doing it...there is no initiation. We just give each other a look and know. I hope that doesn't ever go away! :indifferent:
  • tambink
    tambink Posts: 349
    I am the one initiates it all the time. My sex drive is very high and hate to be turned down sometimes it happens but I dont like LOL
  • ZombieChaser
    ZombieChaser Posts: 1,555 Member
    Lack of physical intimacy will kill a relationship for many people. Just sayin. If one person has to always initiate then it is going to feel like the other doesn't really want to. Which then in turn leads to wondering why exactly that is.

    Truth, at least in my experience.

    As for the question at hand...i will initiate only once the batteries are charged :devil:
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
    I always did...and then I got tired of being the one always asking for it so I stopped. Even if you rarely turn him down, it can still leave the "aggressor" feeling unwanted/unattractive, etc.
  • SirZee
    SirZee Posts: 381
    Tell him it could be worse. I initiate it 99.99% of the time and I get turned down about 90% of the time. I would have probably left by now but I know I would lose half my stuff.

    You're not alone. By any means. http://www.avoiceformen.com

    So many men are trapped inside horrible marriages and stay miserable for this reason. No fault divorce has made the institution of marriage only advantageous to women. Entitlement princesses get the house, kids and half the man's money - it's highway robbery and a complete waste of male potential.

    Yep, its sad that the best advice I can give my son is to not get married. (I haven't yet, hes only 12)
  • MissC787
    MissC787 Posts: 175 Member
    There is probably nothing more to it than what she said he said. I have been thru it the other way around though. I was the that tried to start it everytime. Only to be turned down by my husband who was always to tired from doing construction out in the hot sun. Walking up and down hills, ladders, and carrying materials/tools all day. It made me feel like I was unwanted, ugly, and just plain sad!
    I decided that I wasn't going to reach out to him, beg, or even touch him unless he initiates it.
    So here we are today.... We have sex at the least once a week. Most of the time a couple times. I started focusing on me. My body, and my own well being. I started doing things for myself, and giving him his space.
    I personally feel better about myself, and I learned that I don't need him to touch me.
    He noticed the other night that I have changed. He told me that he is worried that I have something on my mind.
    I just told him that if he wasn't happy he needed to work on himself, and make himself happy. I don't rely on him to complete that part of me anymore. I figured out how to not need the affection anymore.
    I love my husband, and I don't plan on leaving him. I don't plan on finding sex anywhere else. I just decided to find my own happiness. I won't say I NEVER turn him down when he tries. There are those 7 awful days every 6 months that I just refuse!!
    Anyway..... My point is that someone has to change. It is up to you guys to figure it out. Good luck!

    Oh.. My husband and I have been together 18yrs, and married for 17yrs.
  • FrostyFour
    FrostyFour Posts: 262
    I really appreciate everybodies comments. Since he told me that the other night--I have already intiated several times and he obviously was pleased. :blushing: lol but I need to just make sure and keep it going. Part of me does think he's kinda being dramatic but I need to make sure that I'm doing everything I can do to keep him happy.

    That's great! It might feel kind of forced at first but maybe you just aren't on each others wavelengths right now. Hopefully after a while you'll tune in to each other.

    I like to send my husband pictures while he's at work... even if it's not me, if it's just a tasteful art shot of two people grinding each other against the wall. Then I wait for him in my silk bathrobe, and as soon as he comes home from work we hide from the kids and it's on LOL
  • MIchelleH2027
    MIchelleH2027 Posts: 1,239 Member
    IMO First of all i dont know how serious he was about leaving you butin the end. So what? You know his concern just do it occasionally. Maybe every 5th time or something just go tear his clothes off and abuse him for a while (call it a workout) and he will be happy. He just wants to feel wanted.




    What the hell else would you be doing for those 2 minutes?

    ^^that^^

    It's fun, or at least it should be. I can't imagine being with someone that I didn't want to have sex with or turned them down regularly or didn't have a desire to initiate more or as often as he does. Not that sex is everything, but the intimate part is a big part, and so it the feeling of knowing someone "wants" you and can't wait to tear off your clothes.....That feeling goes both ways, women like to feel that way and so do men.

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