Who initiates in your house??
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tell SIRI to remind you every other day to seduce your husband but dont let him know you're doing it. feeling wanted is important and i know if my boyfriend never initiated i would feel like he's just doing his duty and wasnt attracted to me.
Hahaha SIRI!!
Great advice.
In fact, I think I'm going to do that now just because it makes me laugh.0 -
Oh and someone else said it, but I second this: Men are SO easy to get turned on. Just take off your clothes. Simple. Sometimes I will just mention my boobs and bam, he is ready to go (lol). Men are extremely simple creatures when it comes to sex, they really don't need a lot of work to want to do it. So, mentally get yourself in the mood and then release it on him. Easy. For most men, all you have to do is say you are turned on, and that is enough for them to take the lead.
100% truth. It is really easy. If you got a guy who ever turns you down.. leave him. Lot more a LOT MOOORE fish in that sea. I could never imagine turning down a girl who asks for it... boggles the mind! 0 -
I don't initiate. I don't know. I just feel like the man is supposed to do that.
Get naked.
Really though, sometimes, I will just whisper in his ear the things I would like him to do to me or me to him, He will come home and I will be cooking dinner in an apron, panties and heels - nothing else, I will buy something really sexy to wear for him and tell him that I got something for him - then model it, when we are laying in bed I will just rub his chest and down his leg and just barely graze "down there" and once it responds, I just start taking care of things......... There are TONS of ways. It is way easier to get them in the mood than us.
I do the same
I absolutely love when he comes home (if he's working the late shift and my daughter is sleeping of course) walking around in heels panties and say a corset or something. It's a nice shocker for when he's had a long day at work.
And even if that fails he can never turn down....well something else involving a mouth. :blushing:0 -
Tell him it could be worse. I initiate it 99.99% of the time and I get turned down about 90% of the time. I would have probably left by now but I know I would lose half my stuff.
:laugh:
^^^^^^^^^^ what he said. so I just quit trying any more..0 -
50/50 for us!
We don't live together yet but during the day I will send him a text letting him know I need his help on something later. He usually knows what that means. On days we do sleep in the same bed I will be woken up in the middle of the night and in the morning. We both like lots of sex so it works for us.
I am sorry your going through this. Hopefully you and your husband can work this out. :flowerforyou:0 -
Initiating is easy
-Get naked, lay in bed and cover up like nothing and when he slips in bed he's be pleasantly surprised to see you without your pj's! I did this 2 nights ago, but with thigh-high stockings on and nothing else. :devil:
-Make a kiss last, and make it spread from his nouth to his neck to his chest.... and so on...
-Just tell him what you want him to do to you OR what you want to do to him.
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....Only to be turned down by my husband who was always to tired from doing construction out in the hot sun. Walking up and down hills, ladders, and carrying materials/tools all day....
No excuse. If my arms didnt work, I'd figure out a way to attach a rope to the ceiling fan and wrap it around my armpits to keep me in the right position.0 -
I'm a newlywed, and I very rarely initiate. Once we get health insurance, I will discuss my low libido with a doctor, but until then, he initiates almost 100% of the time. Since sex isn't important to me, he just lets me know when he wants it, and I take care of him. It's an odd situation, but we're both satisfied, and that's all that matters.
This is what both sides in a relationship should do. The problem is the one's who don't want it don't care that their SO is suffering.
It's not just about the physical aspect of it, it's knowing that your spouse cares enough about you to put forth the effort.
For some reason, many people look at sex differently than other activities when they shouldn't. It doesn't matter what the need is, the husband and wife should do what they can to accommodate.0 -
I really appreciate everybodies comments. Since he told me that the other night--I have already intiated several times and he obviously was pleased. :blushing: lol but I need to just make sure and keep it going. Part of me does think he's kinda being dramatic but I need to make sure that I'm doing everything I can do to keep him happy.
Speaking from personal experience I have been with serveral men who would not initiate and it was a MAJOR downer to me and my confidence. I can kinda understand where he's coming from.0 -
....Only to be turned down by my husband who was always to tired from doing construction out in the hot sun. Walking up and down hills, ladders, and carrying materials/tools all day....
No excuse. If my arms didnt work, I'd figure out a way to attach a rope to the ceiling fan and wrap it around my armpits to keep me in the right position.
HAHAHAHA!!! Now that is dedication!0 -
Not all men are easy...I'll walk around the house in a tshirt and panties, hoping for some play and...nothing. He says he's attracted to me and enjoys sex but...I dunno if he's just dense or what. And, as some people have mentioned...it's pretty much killed our marriage. There are other issues, but the lack of Oh-my-God-I-can't-keep-my-hands-off-you sex is a huge one.0
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Like sex is literally on my brain all of the time, but I wait for him to initiate, so I'm sure he wants it. We usually have sex once a day but recently not so much and he seemed pretty intermittently bored with it before the tapering off. Two to three times a day would be ideal for me. After three years I have figured out there is an ebb and flow to it though.0
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I really appreciate everybodies comments. Since he told me that the other night--I have already intiated several times and he obviously was pleased. :blushing: lol but I need to just make sure and keep it going. Part of me does think he's kinda being dramatic but I need to make sure that I'm doing everything I can do to keep him happy.
:drinker:
Awesome!! Hoping you two get things worked out.0 -
....Only to be turned down by my husband who was always to tired from doing construction out in the hot sun. Walking up and down hills, ladders, and carrying materials/tools all day....
No excuse. If my arms didnt work, I'd figure out a way to attach a rope to the ceiling fan and wrap it around my armpits to keep me in the right position.
LOLOLOLOL.. I was going to say.. nothing would stop my DH!0 -
OMG.. I found you! you do exist!..... LOL, your husband is a lucky lucky man.
haha! I am not married!!!! I was. He left me. Didn't like that I had lost weight. He likes them round. I dont know if I will ever marry again. I live with my boyfriend, and have for a couple years, but NO hubby!0 -
....Only to be turned down by my husband who was always to tired from doing construction out in the hot sun. Walking up and down hills, ladders, and carrying materials/tools all day....
No excuse. If my arms didnt work, I'd figure out a way to attach a rope to the ceiling fan and wrap it around my armpits to keep me in the right position.
That's dedication. I love it.
When my husband was still married to his ex wife, she was on top and she sat on him wrong and fractured his penis (look it up, it's a real thing)... and he kept going, finished her off, then drove himself to the ER.0 -
Initiating is easy
-Get naked, lay in bed and cover up like nothing and when he slips in bed he's be pleasantly surprised to see you without your pj's! I did this 2 nights ago, but with thigh-high stockings on and nothing else. :devil:
-Make a kiss last, and make it spread from his nouth to his neck to his chest.... and so on...
-Just tell him what you want him to do to you OR what you want to do to him.
exactly. And in the day of texting and cameras.... you can always be pretty passive and send him a boob pic. Even just a pic of the bed. Its pretty easy to get things moving
I havent read everything but I can tell you that theres obviously more to the OPs story than she is saying and maybe realizing. If hes threatening to walk out - you have to decide if you want him to and if you dont then you should put some effort forth in making sure he doesnt. Besides, the more you initiate, the more youll probably like the results and keep doing it. win win0 -
He has mentioned lingerie several times. I always feel so stupid and that I have no business wearing it cause I don't look like a VS model but maybe I should just go for it.0
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....Only to be turned down by my husband who was always to tired from doing construction out in the hot sun. Walking up and down hills, ladders, and carrying materials/tools all day....
No excuse. If my arms didnt work, I'd figure out a way to attach a rope to the ceiling fan and wrap it around my armpits to keep me in the right position.
:laugh:
That's...awesome.0 -
I do and get rejected most of time. :sad:
He does every so often, just wish it was 50/50.0 -
...this thread makes me sad.
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For those of you saying "he's seriously going to leave you?! That's petty!"
How is feeling undesirable petty? I've struggled with this in my marriage for awhile now. My wife's libido has gone way down the tubes over the last 2 or 3 years...half the time I get turned down or she acts like it's a chore and the other half I have to initiate. She never does. The sex we have is fantastic but getting started is a big hurdle and it has regularly made me feel unwanted, undesired, and self conscious. If that's petty then so be it but I can't blame the guy. Especially if you are aware of the issue.
I'll be realistic...I probably won't leave my wife over it. While it frustrates me like I said it's pretty amazing once we get going. But I can't discredit someone else feeling that way. If they feel bad enough about it to consider leaving then it's obviously important and needs to be addressed.0 -
He has mentioned lingerie several times. I always feel so stupid and that I have no business wearing it cause I don't look like a VS model but maybe I should just go for it.
Try something else maybe? A white shirt and a skirt? Put your hair in a bun, wear some tall socks and be a naughty librarian 0 -
He has mentioned lingerie several times. I always feel so stupid and that I have no business wearing it cause I don't look like a VS model but maybe I should just go for it.
Go for it!!! Make a day of it, go find a couple different stores and try stuff on. Find what you're comfortable in and ROCK it! Throw in some heels and maybe some stockings and he'll be a goner 0 -
How much sex is normal as in the amount of times you have intercourse is hard to quantify as each and every person is different which makes each and every couple different. Quantifying the number of times can make some people or couple inatiquate.I think it's something a couple has to agree on and compromise on, however, it is rarely done in a marriage. Sex in marriage is usually quit polar leading to many arguments between couples. Every couple goes through sex related issues one way or another. Something like 1 in 5 marriages go are considered a sexless marriage which is considered 10 times or less in a one year period. It's common public agreement that 1 to 2 times per week is about normal, again each marriage is different.
I personally would be absolutley extatic if I had a spouse that had sex with me 4 or 5 times a week. Hell, I think I might have a hard time keeping up with 4 or 5 times a week as I have a busy schedule myself.
I personally believe that if television has done anything to our society, it has changed our view on sex, how it's "suppose" to happen, and what roles men and women play when it comes to sex. It causes quit a bit of confusion.
So as far as your "aggresore" delima I think it can get quit complicated at times. You say you have been married for 16 years old, and according to you profile you are 35 years young. According to the beu you are with in one of your photos he is around your age, maybe a little older, so that might be a compliction of it's own. He is or is about to be creeping up on the average age of a mid-life crisis. This might be part of what he is going through. He is reaching to be wanted, loved, desired etc. Even if it's not a mid-life crisis, your description of your situation tells me that.
Him telling you that he will leave you, is most likely a way for him to get your full and undivided attention. We men have a tendancy of throwing a 3 year old tempertantrum when we want to get a womans attention. So instead of thinking rationaly, we just jump up and down and scream at our absolute loudest until you give us your attention and we get what we want.
So, obviously this is important to you and I commend you for it being importat to you as lots of marriages fail because at least one person in a relationship is too hard headed to realise there is an issue and blows it off until it is too late. Telling you how to fix it can be quit complicated. There are so many different ways to tackle this situation and a lot of that depends on you and his sexual preferences, how open minded you are, what your morals are, how well you two communicate and really so many more factors. Your marriage may be more traditional when it comes to sex or you two might be freaky deaky hanging off the wall when you have sex. So if you are traditional then telling you to rub yourself down with exotic oil, put on a latex suite, and beat him with a spiked bat until he begs for mercy would not be the ideal solution.... I would say this is going to take some real communication between you two and quit possibly your sex life might need some professional intervention... There is absolutely nothing wrong with professional counseling but it's one of those things you either give your all or nothing at all....
I hope your issues get resolved and you work things out with him as 16 years of marriage is a lot of commitment to throw down the tubes....
****DISCLAIMER**** I know I spelled words wrong and I did not spell check so please do not call the police......0 -
For those of you saying "he's seriously going to leave you?! That's petty!"
How is feeling undesirable petty? I've struggled with this in my marriage for awhile now. My wife's libido has gone way down the tubes over the last 2 or 3 years...half the time I get turned down or she acts like it's a chore and the other half I have to initiate. She never does. The sex we have is fantastic but getting started is a big hurdle and it has regularly made me feel unwanted, undesired, and self conscious. If that's petty then so be it but I can't blame the guy. Especially if you are aware of the issue.
I'll be realistic...I probably won't leave my wife over it. While it frustrates me like I said it's pretty amazing once we get going. But I can't discredit someone else feeling that way. If they feel bad enough about it to consider leaving then it's obviously important and needs to be addressed.
^^^^ This.0 -
He has mentioned lingerie several times. I always feel so stupid and that I have no business wearing it cause I don't look like a VS model but maybe I should just go for it.
That is difficult.. he should try to understand where you are coming from also..0 -
He has mentioned lingerie several times. I always feel so stupid and that I have no business wearing it cause I don't look like a VS model but maybe I should just go for it.
Women need to knock this sh** off. Seriously...I don't mean to come off insulting so don't take it that way...but my wife does this too and it drives me nuts.
Nobody is going to see you in the lingerie but him and you. If he WANTS to see it then why would you deny that? My wife is overweight...so what? She looks beautiful in lingerie and even better when I'm removing it with my teeth.
And for the record...I doubt he's ever f***ed a VS model...so he has no reason to complain.0 -
He has mentioned lingerie several times. I always feel so stupid and that I have no business wearing it cause I don't look like a VS model but maybe I should just go for it.
After having my daughter lingerie just doesn't really work for me. I'll do a corset but that's about it. But my husband is big into cars and has this racing jacket he loves to death. So one day I wore it.....only that. Worked.
Just get creative and have fun with it
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He has mentioned lingerie several times. I always feel so stupid and that I have no business wearing it cause I don't look like a VS model but maybe I should just go for it.
Women need to knock this sh** off. Seriously...I don't mean to come off insulting so don't take it that way...but my wife does this too and it drives me nuts.
Nobody is going to see you in the lingerie but him and you. If he WANTS to see it then why would you deny that? My wife is overweight...so what? She looks beautiful in lingerie and even better when I'm removing it with my teeth.
And for the record...I doubt he's ever f***ed a VS model...so he has no reason to complain.
this x 10000
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