Who initiates in your house??

Beastette

He does. He's younger. We plan for me to take over after I turn 40, and start chasing him around the desk.

Unless you count flouncing around in a tank top and boy shorts as "initates", because he sure does.

abberbabber

In a relationship I am the one to initiate most of the time which can get very annoying, cuz there's nothing sexier than being grabbed, stripped down and shoved against a wall... you know. All you gotta do is walk up and grab his junk. It isn't all that difficult to get a man going.

Mmmm.....

Dammit, I need a man :laugh:

Bluescat1

well I'm single, so no one right now. Although I do have a FWB that I will text asking for a lolipop because I have a craving to suck something. That usually gets him over, so I guess with him I initiate

I'm thinking that may move to Rochester, NH :bigsmile:

chrystee

...this thread makes me sad.

especially when you see there are women who have a libido

Is that the womans fault if they don't tho? How do you fix that?

Have you talked to a Dr? Could be a hormonal issue.

But if it's more emotional, talk to your husband and/or a therapist.

Yes, it is a hormonal issue, and all the Doctor told me to do is to force myself, and I'll get in the mood. LOL

fakeplastictree

Geez! Your husband should be happy!! 4X a week is a lot IMO. Mine is ALWAYS the initiator and pretty much always gets shot down. I wouldn't be surprised if he left me cause of that. Tell your husband to get over it.

angryguy77

...this thread makes me sad.

especially when you see there are women who have a libido

Is that the womans fault if they don't tho? How do you fix that?

You fix it by making an effort to get in the mood and try. Me and my wife went to counseling and that is what she told my wife. Of course for it to work, the person has to make an effort. As you can see, from my posts, my wife has not.

bassman92

I think between this post and "what do you wear to bed" I need a cold shower.

grinch031

Haven't read the whole thread, but from the OP I'd say its sad and unfortunate but nobody's fault. It really sucks for the person whose spouse doesn't seem to be interested in intimacy, because so much of that is biological and not within their control. Sure they can pretend and go along with it, but its not the same and the partner knows that. It can really crush a man's ego when he doesn't feel loved because of inadequate intimate attention from his partner. I know it goes both ways, but I can only address from the man's point of view.

This is one of those complaints I have against the church, that none of this should be explored prior to marriage. They say its a special part of the relationship, but obviously not special enough to make sure you are compatible BEFORE getting married.

Sometimes you can correct the issue through counseling, meds, trying new things, but sometimes you can't. Its unfortunate.

abberbabber

...this thread makes me sad.

especially when you see there are women who have a libido

Is that the womans fault if they don't tho? How do you fix that?

Have you talked to a Dr? Could be a hormonal issue.

But if it's more emotional, talk to your husband and/or a therapist.

Yes, it is a hormonal issue, and all the Doctor told me to do is to force myself, and I'll get in the mood. LOL

I...think you maybe need a second opinion....

Or, well, what turns you on? You don't have to tell me :laugh: but really take some time to think about what turns you on. Candlelight dinners? If so, make an effort to do that for you and hubby. Tell him what you need to get your engine revving. Everyone has triggers

george29223

loll craziest thing i ever read either yall women are lying orr i dunno what lollllll but i havent met a husband yet thats been married more than 5 years that has sex when ever he feels like it lol every relationship ive ever been in after the new wears off i beg like heck and 8 outta 10 times hear a excuse ,thennnn if you keep asking they get all pissy saying whatttt iam i just a piece of meat too ya ? then it gets to the point you get tired of asking all the time

12strikes

It is pretty even in our house. One of us will jump the other nearly every day.

Oh, to be young again! LOL.

Sunshine_and_Puppies

In a relationship I am the one to initiate most of the time which can get very annoying, cuz there's nothing sexier than being grabbed, stripped down and shoved against a wall... you know. All you gotta do is walk up and grab his junk. It isn't all that difficult to get a man going.

Mmmm.....

Dammit, I need a man :laugh:

You and me both. I haven't gotten laid since January 1st. I'm flippin dying here.

sjebert

How many times a week is everyone doing it?

Daily, or a bit more. Hard to get more in, with three kids.

once in the last almost 10 years, don't know why I stay

Angie_1MR

Ok--I have been married for 16 years and my husband threatened to leave me the other day because he is tired of always being the one to intiate sex. I rarely say no when he intiates--but I only am the aggressor maybe once ever couple of months.He said that he doesn't feel wanted.

I'm really trying to work on it but I can go quite awhile before I even think about it. I love my husband very much but we have alot of stress and it tends the be less on my priority list then his. But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship?

After 16 years he is going to leave you over something as petty as that?
Obviously there are other problems.
Especially if you rarely turn him down.
But, to answer your question, my wife is usually the one who initiates.

Its not petty, to want to feel desired.

totally agree!!!

angryguy77

I'll tell you my side of it.. I feel like I do EVERYTHING at home. My husband eats peanuts, and leaves the peanut dust and shells all over the counter.. I come home and the island counter is a huge mess.. the dogs get into a mess, and I have to clean it.. I get my son ready for bed, bath, story, bed.. I mostly make dinner..

He has a hard time sleeping, so he comes home, sits at his computer and goes to bed early.. so by the time I have "ME" time, its 9pm, and I'm trying to eat my dinner and get to bed by 10ish.. that precious hour is all the time I have to myself.. so a lot of the time, I feel like having my hour. LOL. The rest of the day is stress; work, working out, cleaning up, making dinner, etc..

If he did more of the house stuff, I'd feel like doing it more often, but it feels like another point on my checklist that I have to get done each day.. but I try to make an effort..

So you guys need to look at that.. Is your wife busting her *kitten* with the house, bills, work??

and do the girls who wear panties and heels when their hubby comes home have children?? I couldn't do that, I have a young son..

The one thing I will say for my husband, who I love very much, is that he picks up our son, and enables me to make sure I get my work out every day.. he didn't used to do that.. and he's seen that if I can work out, I am more in the mood.. especially since losing some weight. I have more stamina, and I feel better about myself.

Well, it sounds like you have all your excuses wrapped up with a nice little bow, doesn't it? Complaining is not likely to get help around the house. Take some of your "you" time and make it "us" time. Or, god forbid, go to bed a little later every now and then.

And yes, I have a 6 year old daughter. I just make sure that I am prepared for the nights where she goes to sleepovers, or will not be home due to gymnastics until later. Plus, the heels and panties thing was not the ONLY thing mentioned, and I bet your kid has a bedtime, right? After he goes down, YOU go down.

Perhaps he would be a bit more social toward you and helpful around the house if he felt like there was a reason to give a half a s#it! You would be AMAZED at how much more cooperative a man who doesn't feel cast aside so that you can live YOUR life.

Put a bowl on the counter for the peanuts and ask him to use that. Get rid of the dogs if they negatively affect your relationship with your husband. Yes, I love my dogs, but if it was that much of a drain for me to take care of them that I pick them over intimacy, someone else will love them too.

If a person wants something bad enough, they will find a way. The only thing standing between anyone and their goal is the bulls#it story they keep telling themselves as to why they can't achieve it.

There is a lot of truth to what she said. Why should he do those things if you are not giving anything in return?

abberbabber

In a relationship I am the one to initiate most of the time which can get very annoying, cuz there's nothing sexier than being grabbed, stripped down and shoved against a wall... you know. All you gotta do is walk up and grab his junk. It isn't all that difficult to get a man going.

Mmmm.....

Dammit, I need a man :laugh:

You and me both. I haven't gotten laid since January 1st. I'm flippin dying here.

Oh yea...I feel your pain. Ugh.

bestbassist

...this thread makes me sad.

especially when you see there are women who have a libido

Is that the womans fault if they don't tho? How do you fix that?

Stay single.

gail2207

. But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship?

Oh my god! Three or four times a WEEK? I've only been with my fiance three years and we 're lucky if it's once a week! I have basically no libido and don't think about sex at all, and he stopped wanting to initiate it all the time, so now we just don't do it much. Is that strange?

losermomof3

I would be worried too if thats all he is worried about! Maybe taking turns would help?

I initate a little more them him. In fact, just a little big ago I called him at work to see if he would ever be willing to tie me up..and he said "ya know...I own a grey tie"!!!!

Oh, and we have been married almost 13 years and 3 kids later its still going strong!!!

MayMaydoesntrun

I've read this entire thread, and I'm 100% sure my husband is getting lucky today.

galegetsthin

It is pretty even in our house. One of us will jump the other nearly every day.

Oh, to be young again! LOL.

He is 42, sir.

grinch031

I've read this entire thread, and I'm 100% sure my husband is getting lucky today.

Not if he turns you down.

chrystee

I'll tell you my side of it.. I feel like I do EVERYTHING at home. My husband eats peanuts, and leaves the peanut dust and shells all over the counter.. I come home and the island counter is a huge mess.. the dogs get into a mess, and I have to clean it.. I get my son ready for bed, bath, story, bed.. I mostly make dinner..

He has a hard time sleeping, so he comes home, sits at his computer and goes to bed early.. so by the time I have "ME" time, its 9pm, and I'm trying to eat my dinner and get to bed by 10ish.. that precious hour is all the time I have to myself.. so a lot of the time, I feel like having my hour. LOL. The rest of the day is stress; work, working out, cleaning up, making dinner, etc..

If he did more of the house stuff, I'd feel like doing it more often, but it feels like another point on my checklist that I have to get done each day.. but I try to make an effort..

So you guys need to look at that.. Is your wife busting her *kitten* with the house, bills, work??

and do the girls who wear panties and heels when their hubby comes home have children?? I couldn't do that, I have a young son..

The one thing I will say for my husband, who I love very much, is that he picks up our son, and enables me to make sure I get my work out every day.. he didn't used to do that.. and he's seen that if I can work out, I am more in the mood.. especially since losing some weight. I have more stamina, and I feel better about myself.

Well, it sounds like you have all your excuses wrapped up with a nice little bow, doesn't it? Complaining is not likely to get help around the house. Take some of your "you" time and make it "us" time. Or, god forbid, go to bed a little later every now and then.

And yes, I have a 6 year old daughter. I just make sure that I am prepared for the nights where she goes to sleepovers, or will not be home due to gymnastics until later. Plus, the heels and panties thing was not the ONLY thing mentioned, and I bet your kid has a bedtime, right? After he goes down, YOU go down.

Perhaps he would be a bit more social toward you and helpful around the house if he felt like there was a reason to give a half a s#it! You would be AMAZED at how much more cooperative a man who doesn't feel cast aside so that you can live YOUR life.

Put a bowl on the counter for the peanuts and ask him to use that. Get rid of the dogs if they negatively affect your relationship with your husband. Yes, I love my dogs, but if it was that much of a drain for me to take care of them that I pick them over intimacy, someone else will love them too.

If a person wants something bad enough, they will find a way. The only thing standing between anyone and their goal is the bulls#it story they keep telling themselves as to why they can't achieve it.

There is a lot of truth to what she said. Why should he do those things if you are not giving anything in return?

I know.. but when you do try harder, and nothing changes.. then?
But I will put forth more effort! It is definitely difficult for me.. I know why, and I try to move past it.
So much more mental for women.

TheRoadDog

When I met my wife, she was a dovorced mother of two little girls. In order to supplement her income, she hosted lingerie parties. She always made sure her display inventory was in her size.

When she initiates, she will usually get up from the couch and start up the stairs. About halfway up, she will stop, look over her shoulder at me and ask, "What color would you like tonight, Michael?' I tell her and she heads up the stairs. That's my prompt to go behind the bar and pour her a glass of wine.

I enjoy seeing her come back down the stairs and revealing her selection from the high heels and moving upwards.

Charliesuccess

no one

MayMaydoesntrun

I've read this entire thread, and I'm 100% sure my husband is getting lucky today.

Not if he turns you down.

He won't. :bigsmile:

.......I hope not, anyway...

HappyathomeMN

...this thread makes me sad.

especially when you see there are women who have a libido

No kidding. What really sucks is the woman I was with just before I met my wife wanted it all the time. And when my wife and I met, we did it almost every day of the week and sometimes 2 and 3 times in a day. And I always take the time to make sure she gets everything she wants unless she tells me she just wants it fast and furious. But once we got married she tells me sex is not important. WTF? And I am the one who gets the girls every day, makes them dinner, and we split house work 50/50. I used to think there was no excuse to cheat on your wife. Used to think. I haven't done it, don't think I would. But I no longer think guys are scum for cheating.

That stinks - you got the bad end of the deal! Especially since you clean! Sex is important - as a connection for couples, gets your blood going, increases your happiness, makes you feel good. Basic human connections are not to be overlooked.

grinch031

I'll tell you my side of it.. I feel like I do EVERYTHING at home. My husband eats peanuts, and leaves the peanut dust and shells all over the counter.. I come home and the island counter is a huge mess.. the dogs get into a mess, and I have to clean it.. I get my son ready for bed, bath, story, bed.. I mostly make dinner..

He has a hard time sleeping, so he comes home, sits at his computer and goes to bed early.. so by the time I have "ME" time, its 9pm, and I'm trying to eat my dinner and get to bed by 10ish.. that precious hour is all the time I have to myself.. so a lot of the time, I feel like having my hour. LOL. The rest of the day is stress; work, working out, cleaning up, making dinner, etc..

If he did more of the house stuff, I'd feel like doing it more often, but it feels like another point on my checklist that I have to get done each day.. but I try to make an effort..

So you guys need to look at that.. Is your wife busting her *kitten* with the house, bills, work??

and do the girls who wear panties and heels when their hubby comes home have children?? I couldn't do that, I have a young son..

The one thing I will say for my husband, who I love very much, is that he picks up our son, and enables me to make sure I get my work out every day.. he didn't used to do that.. and he's seen that if I can work out, I am more in the mood.. especially since losing some weight. I have more stamina, and I feel better about myself.

Well, it sounds like you have all your excuses wrapped up with a nice little bow, doesn't it? Complaining is not likely to get help around the house. Take some of your "you" time and make it "us" time. Or, god forbid, go to bed a little later every now and then.

And yes, I have a 6 year old daughter. I just make sure that I am prepared for the nights where she goes to sleepovers, or will not be home due to gymnastics until later. Plus, the heels and panties thing was not the ONLY thing mentioned, and I bet your kid has a bedtime, right? After he goes down, YOU go down.

Perhaps he would be a bit more social toward you and helpful around the house if he felt like there was a reason to give a half a s#it! You would be AMAZED at how much more cooperative a man who doesn't feel cast aside so that you can live YOUR life.

Put a bowl on the counter for the peanuts and ask him to use that. Get rid of the dogs if they negatively affect your relationship with your husband. Yes, I love my dogs, but if it was that much of a drain for me to take care of them that I pick them over intimacy, someone else will love them too.

If a person wants something bad enough, they will find a way. The only thing standing between anyone and their goal is the bulls#it story they keep telling themselves as to why they can't achieve it.

There is a lot of truth to what she said. Why should he do those things if you are not giving anything in return?

Well each case is different, but I think more often than not its just an excuse for not satisfying your partner's needs. I think the biology is the driving force, but then they have to rationalize why they don't want to get intimate with their partner so they come up with reasons such as being too busy, too tired, then blaming their spouse for not doing their share of duties.

I know that I'm a busy guy, yet I always make time for intimacy because its important to me. My wife has a low libido but understands how I feel about the whole thing and doesn't make excuses.

bergsangel

He has mentioned lingerie several times. I always feel so stupid and that I have no business wearing it cause I don't look like a VS model but maybe I should just go for it.

Bronzer, heels, and low lighting! They sell a great spray bronzer at VS!

lostsanity137

I've read this entire thread, and I'm 100% sure my husband is getting lucky today.

My boyfriend is too! I'm thinking of putting on the school girl skirt for him!