Are most men like this to live with??
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Yeah... we're all like that.
(If you allow it)0 -
Who pays the bills, and is there something he does more of?
Like some people have it where the woman does like 80% of the cleaning and the guy pays like 80% of the expenses, takes care of cleaning the cars, and fixing things around the house.
If he isn't compensating...Then have a discussion on who should do what.
^^^ Exactly! There are always more factors included in the story that are often left out in these gender-bashing threads.0 -
Live in maid with "f. buddy" benefits.:noway:
Let him know how you feel or face a life of misery.
Not all men are like that.0 -
No, not all men are like this. Mine definately isn't. Why are you washing his greasy pan for him? If it stays dirty, it forces him to wash it before he cooks his breakfast again. You are encouraging and rewarding his behavior. My husband always washes his own nasty, greasy egg and bacon pan. Also, why are you cooking 2 separate meals? We take turns cooking, but when one of us cooks in my house, we both eat it. If one of us doesn't want it, we have to make our own. Don't support and enable bad behavior. It will just make you bitter and he will be confused when you finally do get mad at him. As far as he knows, everybody's happy with the arrangements.0
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My husband always does the dishes because he knows how much I am stressed out with other things (and even if I'm not that stressed out, he does them anyway). He has no concept of cooking, so yeah, I end up cooking for us. BUT I never have to make him separate meals, though I have offered to (I'm vegan). He is lazy about cooking because of the way he was raised, though, not because he is a man. So, no, not everyone is the same.
Also, women can be just as lazy as men (I'm sure someone has pointed this out already). There is definitely no gender bias there.0 -
Do you wash and iron clothes too? Because you sound like a keeper:flowerforyou:0
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No, not every man is like that.
My bf (who I live with) does all the washing up, unless I particularly need something right then, and cooks his own meals. I cook my own meals (we don't eat the same things) and do most of the other household chores. It's mostly because I can't stand the washing up, I loathe it and we agreed before we moved in that he'd be doing that.
That said, if something that I cook is hard to wash up later, I will give it a rinse or soak it so it's not really tough for him to wash up, as that's just nice. If I were you I'd sit down with him and arrange some rules about who does what. Maybe you want to take it in turns doing everything, or assign different chores to different people, whatever works for you
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I hope everyone here also realizes we are getting one side, I biased view, of the situation. He may be a loser, or he may have his own complaints and feel like he is getting the shaft.
In short, quit bashing this guy and concentrate on the OP.
If you are going to a fitness website for domestic problems... just saying.0 -
1. No, all men are not like that.
2. You need to have a talk with him about sharing in the household chores.
3. (And this originally referred to marriage, but i think it works for living together if you think this is going to be a long-term relationship.) Don't do anything the first year that you are not willing to do for the rest of your life.0 -
For the most part, it sounds like he is the same as all guys. But he does sound a bit picky on some stuff. Like telling you you're not allowed to eat on the couch. The whole get dinner ready for him is BS too. My husband knows that if he isn't home when I make dinner, expect to reheat it. Speak up now about the things you are unhappy about, it only gets worse. If you don't communicate with him about what you want, you can't expect him to know. It took me a while to learn that.0
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OK, I think he may have mistaken you for a maid or his mom. What did he do before you lived there??!?.... You need to nip this behavior in the bud right now before it gets too late. You are not his servant. You shouldn't be expected to take care of everything you should be appreciated if you choose to!!!0
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When my now husband and I first moved in together I was being what I thought was a very kind girlfriend by getting up early and cooking his breakfast before he left for work, and making his lunch every day for work. I would then go to work myself, then come home and cook dinner and clean it. Mind you, he did help somewhat with the housework.
Fast forward a number of years and I too am getting tired of doing all this and has asked that he help me out and he says, quote " You did this to me, when we first started living together, you did everything and I kind of liked it and don't want to to change"
Well it did change, my hours got longer and he got a job where he only worked 4 hours a day(paid for 8) so he started cooking all the dinner meals. Now that he is unemployed, sadly, he does most of the housework and the cooking. I do cook the meals on the weekend as that is only fair and I do help with the housework.
But long story short - if you do not say anything to him this will continue and it will always be a sore point for you. Talk to him now and let him know that things have to change. As I am sure when he was living by himself he had to cook and clean.
Good luck to you0 -
Guys need to be told straight out. If you don't like that you have to do his dishes and make dinner every night, tell him straight forward. A girls biggest problem is being passive-agressive with their guy. They do not pay attention to subtle actions. Women are more detail oriented than men, so we think we're getting out point across when we sigh or gumble, but guys really don't notice that stuff. (psst they also like rewards)
I just made a deal with my husband that if he stops getting dirt and crumbs in the bed, then I won't wear pants to bed. It's working out pretty darn well I must say! lol0 -
making his bed??? do you have separate beds??
stop babying him..hes a grown man...set the record straight NOW or he will expect you to do this FOREVER!!!!
We actually do have separate beds which I find quite weird! I never thought at the age of 26 that my bf and I would sleep in different beds. We have an arrangement happening where he has his comfy new double mattress and I have a single mattress on the floor. He expects me to make his bed which I resent a bit I must say when I have to make it and then make my own small single mattress...
The thing is we're not financially equal, I don't pay rent at the moment because I've moved here from overseas and I'm looking for full time work (which im looking forward to to get me out of the house and meeting people).0 -
If that were me, I'd have moving boxes ready the next morning and get out of there. His expectations sound a little too controlling or 1950's, take your pick. I'm a fan of the give a little, take a little, but that's taking advantage of to the Nth degree.0
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I don't think it's useful to essentialize but yes, I think your BF is taking advantage. Not because he is a man but because he is immature. Which is not an exclusively male trait.
Exactly^^^^
Talk to him and if he refuses get rid of him. And for the record there are men and women like this, it isnt just men!!
Agreed. No one needs a bad roommate, and that's what he is.0 -
heck if i lived with someone who cleaned up after me and cooked for me then i'd be OK with that, and i'm not a man.
he just sounds lazy. not all men are lazy and not all women are down with cleaning up after other grown folks. if it bothers you then or stop doing it for him. if it's something that neither of you particularly want to do then get a cleaning service to come in once or twice a week. the prices are reasonable0 -
I am guy and would never act like that. I cook, clean, do laundry, et cetera. There is no excuse for this type of lazy behavior. I had a friend that was married and acted the same way, until he left his wife and moved back in with his mommy so she could take care of him because his wife refused to baby him. Ask yourself this, if he is this way now what would it be like with kids? I would say you need to sit him down and explain to him you are not his mommy/maid and this is a partnership where chores are shared. If he is not willing to change you better ask yourself if this is really what you want. If it is fine, but if not you might consider moving on. I'm sure you will get a bunch of responses from women saying their ex acted like this, emphasis on the word ex.0
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He's smart. He's setting up the relationship the right way early on.
That's part of why you have a girlfriend. If they don't do that stuff, what's the point?0 -
This is where esoteric and incredibly uncommon skills like "communication" and "expressing your expectations" come in handy. I promise it works better than passive-aggressive whining! Heck, if you practice it enough, you may even end up in a happy, functional relationship!0
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LOL. Ok, while reading the for few sentences, I'm thinking to myself "why is she still there". I know I am older than you are, but honey are you planning on marrying him. Dont be the mother please. As for me, cause I know everyone can put up with different things from men, but I would not have let it got this far. I would have left a long while ago. Love yourself and dont let him use you like a garden tool.0
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No you don't.He also just expects I'm going to make his dinner every night which is a pain for me because I'm a vegetarian and he's not so I have to make separate meals.
No you don't.He often doesn't finish until late so I have to make sure his meal is ready and hot by the time he gets home.
Who put him in charge? Why are you doing all these things for him? Of course he's going to take advantage of you if you keep letting him.he'll say 'You can't eat breakfast on the couch, it has to be at the table...you're too messy' and then I'll look in the sink and there's a bazillion plates and cups there again :I0 -
He's smart. He's setting up the relationship the right way early on.
That's part of why you have a girlfriend. If they don't do that stuff, what's the point?
Also, OP - if you are the one making dinner, then you don't have to cook separate meals. If BF Doesn't like what you're making, kindly point him in the direction of the peanut butter & jelly.0 -
You have to start training him immediately! Reward him for good behavior, accept or discuss the bad.0
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Also, men know how to behave, it just what we let them get away with. Thank you.0
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Is this true? This sounds crazy to me. Why are your sleeping on the floor?!making his bed??? do you have separate beds??
stop babying him..hes a grown man...set the record straight NOW or he will expect you to do this FOREVER!!!!
We actually do have separate beds which I find quite weird! I never thought at the age of 26 that my bf and I would sleep in different beds. We have an arrangement happening where he has his comfy new double mattress and I have a single mattress on the floor. He expects me to make his bed which I resent a bit I must say when I have to make it and then make my own small single mattress...
The thing is we're not financially equal, I don't pay rent at the moment because I've moved here from overseas and I'm looking for full time work (which im looking forward to to get me out of the house and meeting people).0 -
NO! NOT every guy is like that! I have a great husband who cleans up after himself. If I make dinner, he takes care of dishes. he does his own laundry and helps out around the house. I dont take advantage of him. He knows that between us, we have 5 kids (2 from my previous marriage and 3 are his from previous marriage) so he knows there is always work to do.
I say talk it over with him and tell him what you expect from him so you can come to an agreement somewhere in the middle before you start resenting him. good luck!0 -
To answer your original question, No, not all guys are like this. If you haven't communicated these issues wiht him, you need to. If you have, and he chooses not to do what you're asking, then don;t expect to be able to change him.0
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This is a study in why I'll never shack up with anyone. He has the benefits of a wife without the bother of commitment.
But then, I'd never deal with that crap from a husband either. He wants dinner, he makes it. He makes a mess, he cleans it up. i'll do the same. Period, end of discussion.
Tell him to get with the program or take a hike.0 -
Sounds about right. Have you talked to him about it? You don't have to be naggy or *****y to him just nicely say you'd appreciate it if he would clean up after him self. Are you a stay at home girl friend or do you work. Personally I believe if your a stay at home it's your job to keep the house nice. If you both work then he can help you around the house. If you really don't like cleaning up after him then just don't do it. Let the mess pile up until he does something. You don't have to cook him dinner every night, i'm sure he is capable of cooking him self. I like to cook so I always do the cooking here.0
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