Are most men like this to live with??

BeetleChe13

I moved in with my boyfriend after dating for only two months, and now we're married. I'm glad I moved in first because otherwise this first year of marriage would be soooo difficult. My husband is a great man but hard to live with (at first). What I learned is you have to talk to him about this. Moving in with anyone can be troublesome, much less a significant other. It sounds to me that he asked you to move in -expecting- you to cook dinner for him, while this was not communicated to you at all. He also expects you to clean up after him, which was either expected of you, or he simply did not clean up after himself to begin with. You should ask him how he lived before you moved in to give you an idea of his own "normal". Then, you should tell him about how you lived before so he knows what you consider "normal". Then, discuss any expectations you two have, and create a compromise. It may not be 50/50, but find something that works for you both.

amosjo

Of COURSE he expects all that from you! You're DOING it, aren't you?

If a man ever told me to have a hot, separate dinner ready for him late after work, I'd laugh in his face. In my house, I cook what I want. If he wants something else that I'm not cooking, he makes it himself.

The problem with most men is their mothers. They learn to expect women to just do everything for them (like wash a pan they used) because their mothers failed to train them properly. In a relationship, you've got to know what your limits are and then stick to them. If you're happy washing his dirty dishes, go right ahead. But if you resent it, you'd better speak up and figure out a way to live together that works for both of you.

losermomof3

You have to train him!!!!

sizzle92

No. My husband is AWESOME to live with. Why are you referring to the things in your home as "his"? They're now "yours" IMO.

Jess81620

I cook dinner every night because I want to but my boyfriend always reminds me that I don't have to. For me it's easier to cook for two then one because I am making the same meal. I normally do the dishes and clean the kitchen but my boyfriends normally makes our bed, cleans our room, my car, vaccums, cleans the bathroom (well all the other cleaning).

I think you just need to communicate with your boyfriend that your not his maid.

amysuespears

Your choices:

1. Hope that he changes (he probably won't).
2. Accept things the way they are.
3. Move out and don't resign to being his maid for the rest of your life.

^This! You can't change him (you can try talking to him to see if he's just plain lazy, but if that doesn't work then it's inbred probably).... so, you either accept that he wants someone to do everything for him and just do it, or you can dump his butt and move on to someone who doesn't need a second mom. My ex was exactly like that... that's one of the many reasons why he's my ex. My hubby now does his share of everything... when I first met him, I told him that I'm nobody's maid and I don't put up with a lazy man. Granted, we do compromise and help each other out, but he would never take advantage of me, and I would never do that to him.

MelissaL582

Can't live with them and can't live without them!...LOL. Welcome to love and compromise honey! :bigsmile:

My thoughts exactly. I guess in a way, I've spoiled my husband. Since you two are only dating, I would talk to him and see if that helps. Some people say that things will get better after you say "I do", but it doesn't. Lol!

upnorthtim

We both work full time. My wife does the laundry, vacuuming and bathroom. I do the yard, shovel the snow, cook, and clean the kitchen. We pitch in on other things I do more of the grocery shopping. I shlep the kid to school in the morning, she gets him in the afternoon. If he is not contributing either go on strike or run away1

future_marathoner

I can't speak for what most men are like but my husband and I have an understanding about all of that. I like to cook because I cook healthier than he does, and he does the dishes and puts up the left overs. As far as you not being able to eat on the couch- is this yalls home or his? Because it seems he thinks its his place and you are just a guest and that's not right for you. Sure- try to get the crumbs up, but seriously- you are an adult not his child.
Sometimes, when he doesnt do the dishes, I will leave them there until he is done. Sure I don't like to have day old dishes in my sink, but at the same time I'm not his maid, so you have to stand your ground.

It sounds like maybe he has some expectation that you are a woman and that means you need to cook and clean, and if thats not okay with you, then stand your ground and stop the cycle.

librislady

It sounds like you are acting as his mother than his girlfriend. If it bothers you, then say something about it.

Definitely, communication is key. And there's no reason to cook two meals - I cook mostly vegetarian and my boyfriend is a carnivore, but he never has a problem eating my cooking. If he wants to eat with you, he should understand it'll be vegetarian and he can eat elsewhere if he wants something different, or he can make it himself.

Hope you get it sorted out soon!

taunto

Let him go. Find someone who respects you and has the same ideas of cleanliness and self worth that you do. He's a waste of your time.. relationships are about mutual understandings in day to day decisions. Find someone who you communicate well with, and treats you like a best friend. LIfe is too short for anything less. I'm sorry and good luck

aww you give your hubby a time out for leaving the toilet seat up don't you? Is he allowed to go out to the bar with his guy friends or is it always couples night in on weekends?

meshashesha2012

wait i totally missed the part about the separate beds and the OP essentially sleeping on hay in the corner.

girl, leave this fool before it's too late

mischa_12

He used to live with his mother for quite a while prior to us moving in together, I figure now she must have done most, if not all of the cleaning and other chores.
I really don't see this as a way I want to live my life long term and I don't even think I want to get married now. I know that if I have the talk with him about dividing things up equally that he will get really angry and defensive so I would rather just let the issue go. It's a shame though because we got along so well together before we started living together and I would have my own place if it wasn't for the fact that I'm broke right now.

jazzalea

you are out of your freaking mind if you tolerate that behavior.... do you think it's going to get better over the next 60 years??? and if you're thinking shorter term..... leave his freaking dishes in the sink and let him wash them himself.... what do you care what he thinks... he's a rental??????


I'm just saying :flowerforyou:

abcmom03

As my husband told me when we got married "I can't read your mind, you have to tell me!". If you don't talk to him about it, then he won't know it's bothering you. Men are just men :-)

Colbyandsage

No. Not all men are like that. My husband was a bit like that when we moved in together but not that bad.

The key is to talk to him, tell him what you need/ want but not in a nagging way. My husband can trip over a basket of dirty laundry somedays. I just ask him if he will rotate, etc if it needs done.

If you keep doing everything for him, he is going to expect it. I am a busy mom. I work full-time and so does he. We both pull our own share of things to do around the house/kids/family. I travel for work sometimes, so does he. We help each other. I think you have to TALK to him.

BlueInkDot

:noway:

What a jerk. I'd slap him in the face and tell him he can cook is own damn meals right before I march my *kitten* out the door.

vade43113

I hate messes, but I also live with my dad.... who gets upset, if I wash his fry pan... Normally you can tell which side of the house I mostly keep clean and the "man cave" (the place he lives in)

If you can talk to him, but if he doesn't want to communicate leave. The bases of any good relationship is communication.

minnesota_deere

I've recently moved in with my boyfriend and I'm just wondering if I'm being taken advantage of or if all guys are like this?

My boyfriend NEVER washes up his dishes which really annoys me because he has friend eggs and bacon every morning for breakfast. I just think he could at least clean his pans and plates and cups once as a sign of respect rather than leaving than for me. I also have cereal every morning which he knows that I don't use a pan...I just have one bowl.

He also just expects I'm going to make his dinner every night which is a pain for me because I'm a vegetarian and he's not so I have to make separate meals. He often doesn't finish until late so I have to make sure his meal is ready and hot by the time he gets home. I hate to sound like I'm ranting and being selfish but it's getting to the point where I don't want to do it anymore and I resent him for it sometimes. It's things too like making his bed which he just expects I'll do every morning and then it's funny because sometimes I'll leave a couple of crumbs on his couch and he'll say 'You can't eat breakfast on the couch, it has to be at the table...you're too messy' and then I'll look in the sink and there's a bazillion plates and cups there again :I

I'm just wondering if it's me being picky or if there really is a problem here?

this guy is clearly out for himself, i cook just about every meal in my house and clean up the mess. full meals to (not cold cereal) pancakes eggs bacon, burgers, steaks, fish, vegees, pastas, rice, there is no way my wife would cook something special just for me to eat. either we both eat it together or we make our own meals. if one doesn't like whats made, make what you want. sounds like a selfish jerk,, oh and we do our own laundry. adn she takes one kids stuff i take the other kids stuff.

keem88

first off, you don't have to make separate meals. or any meals.
same with me and my fiance. i am a veg, and if he wants dinner, he can eat the veg version. if not, then there is a frozen pizza in the freezer, make it yourself.
put your foot down and don't let him walk all over you. it may not even be intentional, he may jut think that is how it supposed to be, b/c of how society is.
my fiance was really bad at first with the dishes, and i just laid it out to him one day and told him that i'm not cleaning up his ****, and if it's a problem he can find a new roommate.
most men are like that, they are oblivious to many things, and he may not even realize if. if you talk to him numerous times about it and he keeps being an *kitten*, then he can suck it.