I don't know what to do.... divorce?
sammyjowedeking
Posts: 116
in Chit-Chat
I have only been married to my husband for 11 months... We had a quick engagement and had only dated for 2 months. I just do not feel the same for him anymore. He is a wonderful guy who does everything for me but I don't want to settle just because of that... I am 19 and I now feel like I got married to quickly, I still want to have fun and experience the world... Basically, I want a divorce but I don't think I could live with myself if he became suicidal or never married again... I just want to be happy... any suggestions?
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Replies
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Well, I don't think that being married and having fun experiences are mutually exclusive. Is the guy you married not interested in your kind of fun? Do you share any common goals for the future?
I don't think it's wrong to get divorced if the relationship isn't good for you, but it might be worth it to talk - perhaps with a counselor - and work out if you two are on the same path or not.0 -
Just be honest to him, most guys will remarry..I did and all is great and it can be for him also..Be glad you guys have no kids makes it very easy...If you are not happy with him he cannot possibly be happy as well..Do him a favor get a divorce..0
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Basically, I want a divorce but I don't think I could live with myself if he became suicidal or never married again...
It would not be your fault if he committed suicide or never married again. He is responsible for his actions.
I would suggest that you seek individual or couples counseling.0 -
Counseling.
Marriage used to be til death do us part, not boredom.
Consider talking to him, and going to counseling.
ps: yes, I'm married.0 -
I think marriage is a promise you should try counseling an try to make it work, talk about it with him and seek professional help. Personally I'd do everything to try an make it work Hun. If after you tried everything and you still feel you guys need to split up you can at least know you tried everything!0
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Counseling.
Marriage used to be til death do us part, not boredom.
Consider talking to him, and going to counseling.
No kidding. I wonder how parents anymore have skipped teaching this very important lesson to thier kids.
It's mind blowing.0 -
I think marriage is a promise you should try counseling an try to make it work, talk about it with him and seek professional help. Personally I'd do everything to try an make it work Hun. If after you tried everything and you still feel you guys need to split up you can at least know you tried everything!
I agree with this - there is clearly enough between you to make the decision to get married, don't throw that away just because you are learning that long term relationships take work.
Put in the work, but if it really isn't going to work out for you both, then you can separate knowing that you gave it a good try.0 -
It's a different world. That said, I'd hope folks would take that vow with the seriousness they entered into it with.Counseling.
Marriage used to be til death do us part, not boredom.
Consider talking to him, and going to counseling.
No kidding. I wonder how parents anymore have skipped teaching this very important lesson to thier kids.
It's mind blowing.
PS: I'm married.0 -
Damn, that's cold.0
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Wow, I have a lot to say but it's probably not going to help you in any constructive manner. But I will say, you're not responsible for what someone else does with their life unless they're a minor child and they truly are your responsibility. Talk to your husband for heaven's sake. You said he treats you well and does everything for you? Is there something wrong with him you're not saying? If not, then i'm gonna say I think you're being really selfish in even considering turning your back on him. I don't get why you're even thinking about it.0
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Too bad! Your hubby looks like a very cute and nice guy! You might regret that someday....0
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I dont mean to sounds rude or anything, but it does sound like you rushed it all, the relationship, the marrige etc.
Maybe take a step back, over see the WHOLE situation (his thoughts, your thoughts etc) and talk it out.
You have gotten yourself down this path, only you can make it better!
(Not married, - been with partner for 5 years - engagement for a year, getting married on 6year anniversary)0 -
I'm not religious, but I take the marriage vows I make very seriously, especially when it came to ending my first marriage, and now, about to marry my fiancé. I always want to be able to honor what I say.
If I were you, I would seek counseling both individually and as a couple to figure out what the two of you can work on and what you individually need in a relationship. When my ex informed me that he could not and would not grow with me and make some changes needed on his side, I knew it was over and told him the same in the counselor's office that day.
You need to approach this with him directly.0 -
You are very young. I am not trying to be rude or cold here, but I have to ask you -
Why did you marry him in the first place?
Did you love him? Do you still? Be honest - I think the answer about what you should do lies in your answer to these questions.
You are both very young. If you are asking these questions now, there is a reason. Figure out what that reason is and address it openly and honestly with him.
Don't settle, but don't stay in the marriage if you're miserable either. That will only kill both of you in the end.
Good luck, I hope you both find what you need/are looking for.... :flowerforyou:0 -
Might as well abolish marriage since 99% of the population doesn't take it seriously. :ohwell:0
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It's a different world. That said, I'd hope folks would take that vow with the seriousness they entered into it with.Counseling.
Marriage used to be til death do us part, not boredom.
Consider talking to him, and going to counseling.
No kidding. I wonder how parents anymore have skipped teaching this very important lesson to thier kids.
It's mind blowing.
PS: I'm married.
I have to say that I think that people think that marriage is something you can dispose of because so many of us have divorced parents. I got married at 21 and will be celebrating 11 years of marriage to a wonderful man. However my parents did not set a very good example for me with their marriage. They were divorced at 17 years. I honestly can not imagine living with someone for that long and then just decided you don't want to be married to them any longer. I take my vows seriously. But I will say that if I was unhappy in my marriage, I would leave. But before I left, I would make darn well sure that I did everything in my power to see what I could do to save my marriage.
Original poster: talk to your husband, open communication will work wonders for a relationship!0 -
:Might as well abolish marriage since 99% of the population doesn't take it seriously. :ohwell:
I must say - not digging at you personally (who created the thread) but its young girls like you who are ruining the sanctity of marriage.
I feel blessed to be able to take my partners last name after 6 years of being together. We have been through it all.
Its dis-heartening to read of all these divorces etc.
:mad:0 -
Marriage is a lifetime commitment, if you're not ready for it don't do it. I met my husband online in july 2006 and chatted on the computer and phone mostly when he asked me to marry him on the phone in April 2007 when I said yes. We met for the first time in person in July 2007 for a couple hours and I had to go back home to Arkansas which was 10 hours away from him. We decided we wanted to be together so we got married in Indiana in a court house and I almost ran but I am glad I didn't. We have been through everything together, even a deployment in 2009-2010. Our 5 year wedding anniversary is in November
Please go to marriage counseling before you give this marriage up. Your wedding vows should mean more than that.0 -
My husband and I were young and only knew each other for a few months when we got married. Our first year was rough, to say the least. But we were both determined that we were going to stick it out, no matter what, because marriage is sacred to us. If we wouldn't have made that decision, we would have gotten divorced, without a doubt. But because we committed to each other despite the hardship and fighting and trying to find ourselves, we are happily married 16 years later. It took a lot of work and a lot of learning, but it was so worth it.
My point is, I know how you feel - unsure of your love for him, feeling like you made a mistake, etc. But why not try to make it work despite how you feel? Sometimes our emotions are unreliable and lead us astray. Don't give up before you've even tried. You may regret that later, and some things can't be undone.0 -
Might as well abolish marriage since 99% of the population doesn't take it seriously. :ohwell:
Personally, I vote for civil unions for everyone and let the churches regulate marriage. But that's just me.0 -
i got married young my husband was 20 i was 22, we were together for 5 months (living a hour away) and got married (he is military) . Its something you need work at.... there is no right person for a marriage it takes work with anyone. Its who you are in love with. If you dont love him then thats another story. If you do then go to counseling. For me I could never get divorced with out having tried everything possible to save my marriage. Our life is not easy he is at sea a lot and right now we will be in a long distance marriage for a while not by choice of course but we make sure to work on this because its a commitment.
Its hard work and if you take the step to marry you should take every step to sav it as well. Its a promise I think in todays society no one takes it serious back in the day you could not divorce so i think people worked harder!
You really are the only one who can deiced have you talked to hime about it?
edited to say i will be celebrating my 7th wedding anniversary this august0 -
You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.0
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THIS!You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.0 -
You should exhaust all options first. Marriage is sacred. It's a promise. I guess I just look at marriage the "old school way" as my friends put it. I don't give up easily. If I were you, I'd have a DISCUSSION with him because communication is super important. And then I'd give some counseling a shot. What do you have to lose?! Nothing. Try it.
Oh & I'm single. Not married. Not even in a relationship of ANY kind and I feel this way.0 -
So, I have no personal experience being married myself, but my parents have been together for 42 years. When I asked them about what it was like, their answers really surprised me.
There were times they could not stand each other and wanted a divorce. There were times when they "had nothing in common" anymore. There were times when they wanted nothing more than to be free again. But they worked through those times for the sake of their commitment to each other. Love doesn't mean the romantic comedy butterflies to them. It's much more serious and something you have to actively reach for.
Marriage is hard work, from all accounts. I would go to counseling first and really come to a more mature understanding of what it is about. It's not always about fun. Sometimes it's about respect and hard work. From what I hear...
Best of luck, either way.0 -
THIS!You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.
I agree...that woman wins hands down
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So, I have no personal experience being married myself, but my parents have been together for 42 years. When I asked them about what it was like, their answers really surprised me.
There were times they could not stand each other and wanted a divorce. There were times when they "had nothing in common" anymore. There were times when they wanted nothing more than to be free again. But they worked through those times for the sake of their commitment to each other. Love doesn't mean the romantic comedy butterflies to them. It's much more serious and something you have to actively reach for.
Marriage is hard work, from all accounts. I would go to counseling first and really come to a more mature understanding of what it is about. It's not always about fun. Sometimes it's about respect and hard work. From what I hear...
Best of luck, either way.
AND this.0 -
Every. Single. Word. of this post (except we've only been married 19 years.You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19. ) 0 -
I take my marriage very seriously. My husband were together 10 years before we got married. We had alrady gone through ups and downs before we walked down the aisle. That being said, you are very young and should not be punished personally for the state of marriage as a whole. You have to do right by yourself.
However it really depends what the reasons are for wanting to split. Some issues can be worked through, some can't. If the issues relate to his core values on something, like you found out he was a raging racist or something, then I support your wanting to split. If you're just realising he's messy or annoying then you need to at least make the effort to work through it.0 -
This is why people should live together before even becoming engaged, be together for at least two years before making a decision and never rush into a relationship. I'm not really surprised that after two months of dating and 11 months of marriage you want a divorce.
It takes more than two months to know a person. After four years with my fiance, I'm still surprised by things he does, still happily in love with him and when we can't stand each other, we work through it.
You need to talk with him, start involving him in activities that make you AND him happy, and you need to give it an honest effort before writing off a guy you say treats you like gold. Wanting to travel or something along those lines is not a good enough excuse to go back on vows.0
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