I don't know what to do.... divorce?

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  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
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    i got married young my husband was 20 i was 22, we were together for 5 months (living a hour away) and got married (he is military) . Its something you need work at.... there is no right person for a marriage it takes work with anyone. Its who you are in love with. If you dont love him then thats another story. If you do then go to counseling. For me I could never get divorced with out having tried everything possible to save my marriage. Our life is not easy he is at sea a lot and right now we will be in a long distance marriage for a while not by choice of course but we make sure to work on this because its a commitment.
    Its hard work and if you take the step to marry you should take every step to sav it as well. Its a promise I think in todays society no one takes it serious back in the day you could not divorce so i think people worked harder!
    You really are the only one who can deiced have you talked to hime about it?



    edited to say i will be celebrating my 7th wedding anniversary this august
  • RobinShay
    RobinShay Posts: 53 Member
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    You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.
    THIS!
  • 7bel0
    7bel0 Posts: 192 Member
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    You should exhaust all options first. Marriage is sacred. It's a promise. I guess I just look at marriage the "old school way" as my friends put it. I don't give up easily. If I were you, I'd have a DISCUSSION with him because communication is super important. And then I'd give some counseling a shot. What do you have to lose?! Nothing. Try it.

    Oh & I'm single. Not married. Not even in a relationship of ANY kind and I feel this way.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
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    So, I have no personal experience being married myself, but my parents have been together for 42 years. When I asked them about what it was like, their answers really surprised me.

    There were times they could not stand each other and wanted a divorce. There were times when they "had nothing in common" anymore. There were times when they wanted nothing more than to be free again. But they worked through those times for the sake of their commitment to each other. Love doesn't mean the romantic comedy butterflies to them. It's much more serious and something you have to actively reach for.

    Marriage is hard work, from all accounts. I would go to counseling first and really come to a more mature understanding of what it is about. It's not always about fun. Sometimes it's about respect and hard work. From what I hear...

    Best of luck, either way.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.
    THIS!

    I agree...that woman wins hands down :).
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    So, I have no personal experience being married myself, but my parents have been together for 42 years. When I asked them about what it was like, their answers really surprised me.

    There were times they could not stand each other and wanted a divorce. There were times when they "had nothing in common" anymore. There were times when they wanted nothing more than to be free again. But they worked through those times for the sake of their commitment to each other. Love doesn't mean the romantic comedy butterflies to them. It's much more serious and something you have to actively reach for.

    Marriage is hard work, from all accounts. I would go to counseling first and really come to a more mature understanding of what it is about. It's not always about fun. Sometimes it's about respect and hard work. From what I hear...

    Best of luck, either way.

    AND this.
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.
    Every. Single. Word. of this post (except we've only been married 19 years. :) )
  • Nataliaho
    Nataliaho Posts: 878 Member
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    I take my marriage very seriously. My husband were together 10 years before we got married. We had alrady gone through ups and downs before we walked down the aisle. That being said, you are very young and should not be punished personally for the state of marriage as a whole. You have to do right by yourself.

    However it really depends what the reasons are for wanting to split. Some issues can be worked through, some can't. If the issues relate to his core values on something, like you found out he was a raging racist or something, then I support your wanting to split. If you're just realising he's messy or annoying then you need to at least make the effort to work through it.
  • Oliviamarie05
    Oliviamarie05 Posts: 528 Member
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    This is why people should live together before even becoming engaged, be together for at least two years before making a decision and never rush into a relationship. I'm not really surprised that after two months of dating and 11 months of marriage you want a divorce.

    It takes more than two months to know a person. After four years with my fiance, I'm still surprised by things he does, still happily in love with him and when we can't stand each other, we work through it.

    You need to talk with him, start involving him in activities that make you AND him happy, and you need to give it an honest effort before writing off a guy you say treats you like gold. Wanting to travel or something along those lines is not a good enough excuse to go back on vows.
  • CarbonCopy007
    CarbonCopy007 Posts: 7
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    That is what happens when you get married at 19. Good game.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
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    That is what happens when you get married at 19. Good game.

    I'm not sure that age is the issue. It's that as a society we artificially extend the time in which people are allowed to be immature without being called on it. Our grandparents married young, on average, and stayed together longer than we do now. My own parents married at 19 and 20 (see upthread.)

    It's the societal attitude that 19 year olds are supposed to be immature. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
  • 12by311
    12by311 Posts: 1,716 Member
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    This is why people should live together before even becoming engaged, be together for at least two years before making a decision

    Your opinion...obviously. But I disagree. I didn't live with my husband before we got married. No need to - we've been married for 5 years and have a great relationship.

    I don't really care what others do as far as cohabitation. But it's not a necessity for a successful marriage.

    OP: Read again
    You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.

    Sounds like something my mom would have said. Love it.
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
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    This is why people should live together before even becoming engaged, be together for at least two years before making a decision and never rush into a relationship. I'm not really surprised that after two months of dating and 11 months of marriage you want a divorce.

    It takes more than two months to know a person. After four years with my fiance, I'm still surprised by things he does, still happily in love with him and when we can't stand each other, we work through it.

    You need to talk with him, start involving him in activities that make you AND him happy, and you need to give it an honest effort before writing off a guy you say treats you like gold. Wanting to travel or something along those lines is not a good enough excuse to go back on vows.


    i understand where your coming from BUT in my opinion i dont agree.I did not live with my husband and i knew him a short time. (and being in military it happens like that often and a lot of people stay together) I was dating my husband for 5 months he was an hour away and i saw him only a few hours wheni did see him other then on weekends that he had off (which was only 1 a month). Then he asked me to marry him and 3 weeks later we got married. He is military so we had to move out of state and away from my family (14 hours away) i was 22 and had never lived away from home or lived with a guy and i am celebrating my 7 year anniversary this year. Its not always easy but I knew i loved him and wanted to be with him.
  • zellagrrl
    zellagrrl Posts: 439
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    That is what happens when you get married at 19. Good game.

    I got married at 22 to the guy I got engaged to at 17. I divorced him at 29 due to issues that had *nothing* to do with age, boredom or length of time knowing each other.
  • Lady_Bane
    Lady_Bane Posts: 720 Member
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    Thats why you dont get married after dating for so short a time....I did that and was divorced in a year...
    im remarried now and i was with him for a year and a half....its been 3 years now...and i am SO happy
  • mamamudbug
    mamamudbug Posts: 572 Member
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    This is why people should live together before even becoming engaged, be together for at least two years before making a decision and never rush into a relationship. I'm not really surprised that after two months of dating and 11 months of marriage you want a divorce.

    It takes more than two months to know a person. After four years with my fiance, I'm still surprised by things he does, still happily in love with him and when we can't stand each other, we work through it.

    You need to talk with him, start involving him in activities that make you AND him happy, and you need to give it an honest effort before writing off a guy you say treats you like gold. Wanting to travel or something along those lines is not a good enough excuse to go back on vows.


    i understand where your coming from BUT in my opinion i dont agree.I did not live with my husband and i knew him a short time. (and being in military it happens like that often and a lot of people stay together) I was dating my husband for 5 months he was an hour away and i saw him only a few hours wheni did see him other then on weekends that he had off (which was only 1 a month). Then he asked me to marry him and 3 weeks later we got married. He is military so we had to move out of state and away from my family (14 hours away) i was 22 and had never lived away from home or lived with a guy and i am celebrating my 7 year anniversary this year. Its not always easy but I knew i loved him and wanted to be with him.

    This. My parents met and 2 months later were married. My mother was 19. They've been married for 40 years now and she followed him with us kids from base to base until he retired.

    Sammy, you made a commitment and you need to try to see it through. He's not a puppy you can rehome because the new has worn off. Do the grown up thing and communicate with him. If there aren't any signs of the uglies (abuse, cheating, etc) you need to figure out what's best for both of you with his input.
  • Irish_Lanie
    Irish_Lanie Posts: 100
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    God designed marriage to make us holy, not happy. Being obedient to God, choosing to love our spouse-turns holy into happiness.
  • bm99
    bm99 Posts: 597 Member
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    Welcome to real life. Spouses get boring and lose their charm. Marriage is WORK, and hard work at that.

    I got knocked up when we were dating one month and by the time they were born we were married. This works because we MAKE IT WORK.

    This is a sad, sad generation that thinks marriage is something to throw away because you are bored or unhappy (and I don't mean abuse here, I mean general unhappiness that can typicallly be fixed with a little effort).

    Edit: The word "love" gets thrown around too much, as in "do you still love him?". What the hell does that matter? Marriage is committment, friendship, partnership and, if you're lucky, some sexual chemistry. It isn't butterflies and rainbows and feelings. It's damn hard work to keep a spark going after being with someone for years. I think we are trained to set our expectations too high and most of us divorce out of sheer disappointment.
  • 12by311
    12by311 Posts: 1,716 Member
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    Edit: The word "love" gets thrown around too much, as in "do you still love him?". What the hell does that matter? Marriage is committment, friendship, partnership and, if you're lucky, some sexual chemistry. It isn't butterflies and rainbows and feelings. It's damn hard work to keep a spark going after being with someone for years. I think we are trained to set our expectations too high and most of us divorce out of sheer disappointment.

    I've always said that success in marriage is not based on happiness....it's based on what you can TOLERATE from the other person. ha! (only half true ;)

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