I don't know what to do.... divorce?

BriskisGrl

I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.

And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).

But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.

I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!

Good Luck!!!! Hope everything works out!

Rhea30

This is why people should live together before even becoming engaged, be together for at least two years before making a decision and never rush into a relationship. I'm not really surprised that after two months of dating and 11 months of marriage you want a divorce.

It takes more than two months to know a person. After four years with my fiance, I'm still surprised by things he does, still happily in love with him and when we can't stand each other, we work through it.

You need to talk with him, start involving him in activities that make you AND him happy, and you need to give it an honest effort before writing off a guy you say treats you like gold. Wanting to travel or something along those lines is not a good enough excuse to go back on vows.

There is a higher divorce rate with people who live together first. Its mainly because they do it because they are testing each other, sadly this carries over when they do get married and then divorce comes.

Improvised

You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.

THIS!

Yup. I married at 20, and am working on my 7th year of marriage. Tough? Sure. Boring? Sometimes. Worth it? You bet. I loooove my husband, through the good, and the bad.

XxYeaIrocxX

I married my husband when I was 18 and he was 19. (But we dated for 2 years)

We've made things work because we are constantly honest with each other and have the same goals. The 1st year was rougher than the rest, then again we got pregnant a month after getting married so 1st year of marriage on top of having a hard pregnancy made things just that much more.....fun?
Honestly I learned more about my husband that first year than I could have ever imagined and in return I love him in a whole new way.
I'd speak to your husband first, wouldn't go about considering divorce without giving him a chance to have some sort of say so in it all and then get smacked with this out of no where. Work at it, take a little vacation and spend some quality time together or get some counseling and if theres still no feeling there, then move things forward. I really hope you all can work things out. Best of luck!

Rhea30

I wouldn't say marriage is hard work but rather marriage is something you both have to want. You need to be a friend to him as he needs to be one to you, mutual respect, and always remember no one is perfect.

Twilliamsg

Wow.. If you're bored then go do something fun together. *Married 8 years* Boredom happens in LIFE. Do you really want to be chasing he rush of a new romance forever? If you have a good one, hang on to him because there are few out there.. and there will be even fewer by the time you do decide to get married again.

Improvised

I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.

And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).

But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.

I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!

Best of luck! Hope this works out for you two.

itsjustdawn

I have to say that I think that people think that marriage is something you can dispose of because so many of us have divorced parents. I got married at 21 and will be celebrating 11 years of marriage to a wonderful man. However my parents did not set a very good example for me with their marriage. They were divorced at 17 years. I honestly can not imagine living with someone for that long and then just decided you don't want to be married to them any longer. I take my vows seriously. But I will say that if I was unhappy in my marriage, I would leave. But before I left, I would make darn well sure that I did everything in my power to see what I could do to save my marriage.

My parents are why I don't want to get married! My father (aka sperm donor at this point) is on wife #5 and he's a divorce attorney. My biological mother has been divorced at least twice. My step/adoptive mom (my father's 4th wife) is on marriage #3 (my stepdad is awesome so I think this is it for both). Fine examples eh? I have friends who were together for years before getting married but divorced after 1-2 years. I just don't get it. Do people just give up? Not care? I don't even want a wedding if it ever happens for me. Seems like a waste of money these days.

Shae3891

I agree with soccermoma, I would try counseling and working it out first, so that you will know that you tried everything. I also saw your follow up and think it's great that you talked to him. There is a reason they say the first year is the hardest, you're getting to know each other better and figuring out who you'll be as a couple. Give it some time before you give up. I was with my husband for 6 years before we got married and there was a time in the first year where I said out loud "are we going to get divorced?" because we were behaving differently toward each other than we ever had before and it felt weird. But we talked it through and gave it time and now 4 years later I could never imagine my life without him. You are not ALWAYS going to be happy or feel head over heels in love and it's not a matter of IF you fight or IF you hit rough patches but rather HOW you handle them and work through them. Know that what you're both feeling is normal and give yourselves some time to get through it, you may find yourselves in a better place when you do. best of luck and thanks for your courage in being honest.

Prahasaurus

It sounds like you entered into the marriage too casually. Staying in a relationship that isn't working is bad for everyone. Having kids will only make matters worse. And considerably complicate things when you do split up. I'm speaking from experience here...

I suggest counseling. Not just to save the marriage, per se, but to better understand how you got into this situation so it doesn't happen again. I'd start with just you and a counselor (or someone you respect, etc.).

Good luck.

--Prahasaurus

MrsUnderwood

I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.

And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).

But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.

I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!

Good for you. My husband gets on my LAST NERVE sometimes lol... but that's what happens when you are so close with another person. We have financial stress too, this is all typical, especially early on in a marriage. It's great if you can come up with a plan and begin to work the plan together. It takes some of the stress off. Definitely having a relationship with God is the most important thing. My husband and I are both Christians too and it's our commitment to Him that makes our commitment to each other so very important to maintain. Love your husband through the eyes of God and I guarantee it will change your mindset about some things.

rextcat

I have only been married to my husband for 11 months... We had a quick engagement and had only dated for 2 months. I just do not feel the same for him anymore. He is a wonderful guy who does everything for me but I don't want to settle just because of that... I am 19 and I now feel like I got married to quickly, I still want to have fun and experience the world... Basically, I want a divorce but I don't think I could live with myself if he became suicidal or never married again... I just want to be happy... any suggestions?

:huh:

marriage take ALOT of work, and on that note yunz got hitched way to soon. i married my hubbie after 6 years of "living in sin" and that was going on 7 years ago. we still get to explore the world, only with 2 car seats and 1 large bag for just "bathroom needs" of our girls in tow.
my advice take a vacation with him, somplace you havent been before...aslo TALK TO HIM NOT THE FORUMS ON MYFP!!
thank you and good night!:bigsmile:

megan1869

I hope you at least have mentioned this issue to him BEFORE brining it up in an online column :ohwell: . Chances are someone you know WILL read this and he WILL find out about it... I can't think of a more hurtful and humiliating way to find out personal problems. I find it hurts more when in writing - if you took the time to type it chances are you really meant it.

Based on the facts provided I must agree that I side with the majority of the forum... you haven't tried or taken this experience seriously. I'm by no means an advocate for divorce, however I'm not sure counseling would be worth the time and money for you? Divorce can be costly and time consuming. However based on your age chances are you lack substantial assets and you dont have children so you may be able to get a divorce fairly quick and cheap (when compared to a counseling bill). On the other hand I skimmed your profile (not to be creepy) and I think you mentioned something about being a student? Depending on what university you attend many of them offer some form of couples counseling (sometimes you get X amount of sessions free before paying). You could also check with community centers etc. Maybe you want to exhaust ALL of your options before throwing out the "D" word - in any marriage I believe there should be a healthy fear of the word

Whatever you decide I wish you well and hope you learn something (anything really) from this slight detour you've taken in life.


For the record since everyone else seems to be citing to their personal stories: I'm 25 and marrying my best friend October 20th of this year after 3 years of dating - I'm yet another military wife - our relationship has survived time together on land, time apart while he was at sea, relocation & my law school experience.. if that stress isn't work than Im not sure what is

P.S. Random Side Note: People who arent particularly religious do get married in churches... most of the time because they are pretty, lack other options, or are terrified of planning an outdoor event due to weather (this is me) - no disrespect intended to each their own

Shae3891

And let me add that I was 18 and my husband was 19 when we met, and next week we will celebrate 10 of the the absolute best years of our lives together

Start out now with being honest and communicating (even with the difficult and akward conversations) and it only gets easier.

hedgiie

just for start, i got married when we was 18, but unlike yourself, we feel that we live our married lives to the fullest what i mean is it's up to you but there are many factors in staying married, i hope you can find all the right reasons.

karen0214

Well, I remember back when I had only been married for 11 months -- I felt like I was going crazy. There is so much adjustment and the first year or so is when both people are adjusting to living together and learning about each other. If he's good to you, maybe you could think of having fun and exploring the world WITH him? And, as a 49 yr old who was married for 21 yrs, I can tell you that truly, you will have that same "blah" feeling many times in the marriage, whether it's with him or someone else. I don't know of a married couple on this planet that hasn't gotten bored or felt like they were no longer "in love" with their spouse at times. That's why marriage is all about commitment, not feelings and emotions. Once the hormones wear off, it's all about commitment and choosing to love the other person for who they are. Marriage is NOT easy, no matter who you're married to, so please don't think that there is some "perfect" person out there. Every relationship takes effort and work. I hope you and your husband can make a go of it. Talk to him and see how he feels. Best wishes!!

P.S. Yes, I am recently divorced after 21 yrs of marriage, since my husband decided to find a MUCH younger woman. Oh well, I'm glad I hung in there all these years and we had 6 awesome kids together.

karen0214

People shouldn't be allowed to marry at 19. Clearly.

Obviously there are people who married at 19 and are happy. But that would still be the case if they got married a few years later!

I don't understand how the US can let you marry before you're even allowed to drink!?

A generation ago, people got married much younger. My grandmother was 15 when she married and she thought I was an "old maid" because I was 18 and not married yet. I think this generation is just very immature for their age.

Cold_Steel

Haha makes you wonder what the gay communituty is fighting over when people want divorces out of boredom and because they made an immature decision. It is a sad state of affairs when two people who don't really live each other can go head first and get married then treat the "sacredness " that every one claims is the defining reason versus gay marriage as if it was a used condom ... You had your fun now it's useless... Then there are gay couples who love their significant others and they cannot be married because it may tarnish what marriage is... This is the twilight zone right ?

karen0214

I think what you can take away from this is to have a baby. That really is the point of marriage anyways. Once you have one, maybe your outlook will change.

Sorry, but I TOTALLY disagree with this. Having a baby only brings more stress into a relationship. The LAST thing I would recommend is having a baby. Of course, if you did get pregnant, I certainly would not abort, but I would never get pregnant on purpose in an unhappy marriage. Just my opinion....

Pebble321

I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.

And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).

But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.

I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!

This is good to hear - all relationships have good days and bad days, and finding a way to get through the bad times is a skill that will help you all of your life.

chipgirl25

Oh Honey there are going to be many days where you don't look at him the same....lol....it's just the reality of it all. Marriage is about the good, the bad and the ugly. It is hard work sometimes. There will be peak & valleys. Communication is huge and by talking with him and getting couples counselling it shows that you want to make it work. Remember what brought you together in the first place. It is your foundation. There may be cracks but that doesn't mean it broken. Here's to many more years of the two of you growing together and as indivduals. Whatever you do don't get caught up in the movies/media thing it is so so far from reality of what real committment relationships are about. I have to remind myself everytime I see Dirty Dancing!:laugh:

Oh ya....definately hold off on the baby thing. You want to be on solid ground for bringing little people into the world.

karen0214

I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.

And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).

But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.

I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!

Hey, I'm so glad you are reevaluating the situation and talking with him. It sounds like he loves you to pieces!! Even though this is a fitness board, I do think there has been a lot of really good advice, with most people encouraging you to stick with it and don't expect marriage to be a rose garden 24/7. And remember, you may not always FEEL like you love him, but as others have said as well, love is a CHOICE. I certainly wish you all the best.

Nataliaho

Haha makes you wonder what the gay communituty is fighting over when people want divorces out of boredom and because they made an immature decision. It is a sad state of affairs when two people who don't really live each other can go head first and get married then treat the "sacredness " that every one claims is the defining reason versus gay marriage as if it was a used condom ... You had your fun now it's useless... Then there are gay couples who love their significant others and they cannot be married because it may tarnish what marriage is... This is the twilight zone right ?

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Sabine_Stroehm

Glad you talked to him. Try to work out your finance woes. They add a lot of stress to a marriage. And DON'T have a baby for the sake of a marriage. I personally think that's terrible advice. Babies ADD stress to marriage.
Just ignore his comments (the open marriage and make a baby guy), he's just mocking.

Thanks for updating us. Good luck!

EmCarroll1990

Counseling.
Marriage used to be til death do us part, not boredom.
Consider talking to him, and going to counseling.

No kidding. I wonder how parents anymore have skipped teaching this very important lesson to thier kids.

It's mind blowing.

It's a different world. That said, I'd hope folks would take that vow with the seriousness they entered into it with.
PS: I'm married.

I agree with this. I saw a photo recently of an old couple and when asked how they stay married for so long, the response was, "Back in our day, when something was broken, you fixed it. You didn't just throw it away."

P.S. I'm engaged.

ElizabethRoad

People shouldn't be allowed to marry at 19. Clearly.

Obviously there are people who married at 19 and are happy. But that would still be the case if they got married a few years later!

I don't understand how the US can let you marry before you're even allowed to drink!?

A generation ago, people got married much younger. My grandmother was 15 when she married and she thought I was an "old maid" because I was 18 and not married yet. I think this generation is just very immature for their age.

Um that was not "a generation ago". Getting married at 15 was common during the early part of the 20th century. That's 100 years ago.

littlepinkhearts

I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.

And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).

But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.

I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!

Sooooo glad you opted for this route. I hope everything works out for you and your husband. Marriage can be a wonderful thing once you decide to commit your everything to it.:flowerforyou:

littlepinkhearts

I think what you can take away from this is to have a baby. That really is the point of marriage anyways. Once you have one, maybe your outlook will change.

You can't be serious right? They're not getting along so she should have a baby? What kind of advice is that?

Gyoza11

>19
>Only dated for two months before engagement

Gee, I wonder why that didn't work out. This is exactly why so many people get divorced today, why are they in such a hurry to get married?! At least get over the heart thumping, passionate beginning part of the relationship before taking it to the next stage...

Sabine_Stroehm

I think what you can take away from this is to have a baby. That really is the point of marriage anyways. Once you have one, maybe your outlook will change.

You can't be serious right? They're not getting along so she should have a baby? What kind of advice is that?

He also suggested an open marriage. He's just being snarky.