I don't know what to do.... divorce?

Gyoza11

People shouldn't be allowed to marry at 19. Clearly.

Obviously there are people who married at 19 and are happy. But that would still be the case if they got married a few years later!

I don't understand how the US can let you marry before you're even allowed to drink!?

A generation ago, people got married much younger. My grandmother was 15 when she married and she thought I was an "old maid" because I was 18 and not married yet. I think this generation is just very immature for their age.

Um that was not "a generation ago". Getting married at 15 was common during the early part of the 20th century. That's 100 years ago.

Plus in those days marriages were almost always arranged marriages. People married for status and to further their family so it wasn't uncommon for everyone to have someone on the side for romantic love.
It's actually one of the reasons so many marriages in that time lasted so long. Because it wasn't a romantic thing, just to better your standing (also women were more of a commodity/worker rather than wives).

va_va_voom

Age and length of time spent dating have nothing to do with your ability to commit to marriage.

My grandma was 17 when she married my grandpa who was 18 (she lied about her age in order to marry him). They celebrated 64 years of marriage before she passed away. Oh - and did I mention that they met and got married 10 days later?

My parents knew each other 3 months before getting married and they will celebrate 40 years in July.

As other posters have mentioned, marriage isn't all sunshine and roses - it takes hard work, dedication, and open communication on both sides. If you weren't ready to step up, then you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.

There are few issues that merit divorce, IMO. Ongoing infidelity and abuse are the only two that are really legit, if you ask me. Boredom is definitely not a valid reason to divorce.

If there are things lacking from your relationship or that you want out of life (other than being able to be with other men) then talk to your husband and find ways to experience the things you want to experience. If you wanted to be able to be with other men, you should have taken that into consideration before you got married.

I will repeat what another wise poster said - put on your big girl panties and deal with the issues in your marriage or that are preventing you from being the best wife you can be for your husband. He deserves your best.

reallyregina

I'm only going to say that if you feel you rushed into marriage don't rush into divorce.

carolann_22

OP: I liked your second post. If finances are stressing you out, do something about it together. My husband and I are doing a Dave Ramsey class about Financial Peace and it's A. GREATLY reduced our stress about money and B. Made us realize we are really both on the same team. Opposites attract in life, but that can cause HUGE problems with finances - money is the number one reason couples in the US divorce. Understanding your innate differences and making a financial plan you are both happy with will help alot with that kind of stress.

saxmaniac

I'm not sure that age is the issue. It's that as a society we artificially extend the time in which people are allowed to be immature without being called on it. Our grandparents married young, on average, and stayed together longer than we do now. My own parents married at 19 and 20 (see upthread.) It's the societal attitude that 19 year olds are supposed to be immature. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

For someone who's not married, you sure win the thread.

OP got married. Now she's a grown up. Now she has responsibilities.

As for taking advice for random strangers on the internet, you've got another thing coming if you think therapists are much better, just because they paid money for a degree. Most therapists suck.

Here's a template for good, free life advice. Find people who 1) were like you, and now 2) are what you want to be. So, if you want to stay married - find an old married couple who married young like you, and ask them.

Ignore advice from people who don't have both, because there's a ****load of people who like to pretend they know what they are doing, while having accomplished nothing.

saxmaniac

Um that was not "a generation ago". Getting married at 15 was common during the early part of the 20th century. That's 100 years ago.

Not really. 100 years ago (1910) the median marriage age (for women) was 21.9, which is damn close to one generation ago (1980). Things really didn't change that much.

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005061.html

The age spike is *definitely* in this last generation. Just one generation ago (1980), the median age of marriage *was* much lower than now (22 vs 26). Still, it has never been anywhere near 15. However, it is definitely true that a lot *more* 15-year-olds did get married, pulling down that median.

callsitlikeiseeit

i married at 19 and have been married for 15 years.

we've been through every conceivable marriage difficulty you can imagine. financial, personal, legal.... you name it, weve been there.

there were times when it would have been easier to quit. there were times i didnt like my husband much, and he didnt like me much.

but you know what - our love for each other and our commitment to our marriage (and no, we are not religious) made us persevere.

i can't tell you what to do. no one here can. i think you probably married too young (most people at 19 are not mature enough to deal with it) I think you did not know him long enough/ well enough.

people today give up way too easy, and way too quick. if you both truly love eachother, this 'bump in the road' is nothing time and maybe some counseling (which i think is overrated) can't fix.

marriage is not easy, and is not for the faint of heart.

misscristie

I just seriously hope you've learned something from this experience. No advice for you. I'd give you a kick in the pants if you were my kid though. All with love of course.

I will tell you that when we're young and "in love" we can't see the forest for the trees and we're OK with settling. Then when we grow up and realize there is more to being in love with someone than "He's nice to me", things get better.

I married young, because I got pregnant with my daughter. It didn't work out. I was much more selective the second time around. My husband and I have been together for 11 years now and I love him more and more every day.

You just need to do what's right for you. He'll recover.

rmsrws

I have been married 18 years. Not all of it has been paradise! More like HELL!!! But we made a vow "til death due us part" That is suppose to be a sacred vow. Just because something is broke, ya don't throw it to the trash! Some things are worth fixing and you may find it works better than before!

Today so many people are willing to just throw things away rather than work for it, or fix it! Sad!

StaceyL76

Counseling.
Marriage used to be til death do us part, not boredom.
Consider talking to him, and going to counseling.
ps: yes, I'm married.

This.

BeautyQueen90

I was 19 when I got married 22 now still married best thing that ever happened to me.... Those are things you should have thought about before you got married. Marriage is a commitment. You just want to be happy? How come you can't be happy with him? Fun doesn't stop because your married but it does depends on what you call fun if it's not respectable to your marriage then it shouldn't be done. You should only divorce if he cheats is what God says. Give it a try... You already married him.

THayesTeamNoXQS

Give it to God!!

600racer

Talk to him about it. Get a counselor. Being married is hard sometimes and you have to work at it. Communication is the key. Remember to that marriage is not a 50/50 deal. Sometimes it is 60/40 or even 90/10 or 99/1. It just varies on which side of the equation you fall on. But talk about it, from the heart. Less than a year is not giving yourselves much of a chance.

BeautyQueen90

I was 19 when I got married 22 now still married best thing that ever happened to me.... Those are things you should have thought about before you got married. Marriage is a commitment. You just want to be happy? How come you can't be happy with him? Fun doesn't stop because your married but it does depends on what you call fun if it's not respectable to your marriage then it shouldn't be done. You should only divorce if he cheats is what God says. Give it a try... You already married him.

Also make it right now that your married if you don't feel how you felt learn to feel that way again find that love you had for him. Marriage is a serious thing for better or for worst, in sickness and in health til death do you part. Work together as ONE

Rivers2k

Divorce because your bored. That is going to start viscous cycle that will never end. Yes the butterflies fade after the honeymoon but in marriage it is replaced by so much more. Real love is not a feeling its a choice and when you choose to love someone it grows and grows. Grass is always greener on the other side pops into my head.

Please what ever you do don't try and fill that void with kids because then it gets even harder.

Nailrep

Do him a favor and be honest. He will marry again. Unless he's unstable, he will be okay. If you are already regretting your decision, imagine how you will feel when you are 30 or 40.

va_va_voom

I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.

And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).

But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.

I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!

This is good to hear - all relationships have good days and bad days, and finding a way to get through the bad times is a skill that will help you all of your life.

I did not read all the way through the thread before responding, so I was glad to come across this post by the OP. I agree with the person who responded here and said that finding a way to get through the bad times is definitely something that will help you lifelong.

chrishgt4

Counseling.
Marriage used to be til death do us part, not boredom.
Consider talking to him, and going to counseling.

No kidding. I wonder how parents anymore have skipped teaching this very important lesson to thier kids.

It's mind blowing.

It's a different world. That said, I'd hope folks would take that vow with the seriousness they entered into it with.
PS: I'm married.

I think the problem is - that seriousness was missed in the beginning. It was clearly rushed into without much thought. If she knows now that it was the wrong decision, then to stick with it because of some notion that it is wrong not to would be foolish.

Rivers2k

PS. I understand wanting to have fun and explore the world. What better way to do that than with a partner buy your side who loves you. I think the best thing to do is through out your TV. That will force the two of you to do stuff together.

AzhureSnow

You took a vow. You made a promise. What makes you think that "boredom" is sufficient grounds for divorce? Have you even talked to him?
The fact is - you're REALLY young, and being so young means you get bored easy (that's why marriage at such a young age is generally just a bad idea - you don't know what you want). What did you think you were agreeing to when you married him? "I vow to hang out with you until I decide you're no fun"?
Have you talked to him? A marriage counselor or pastor? You rushed into engagement... rushed into marriage... and it's caused problems. Don't rush into divorce, too.