I don't know what to do.... divorce?
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I have only been married to my husband for 11 months... We had a quick engagement and had only dated for 2 months. I just do not feel the same for him anymore. He is a wonderful guy who does everything for me but I don't want to settle just because of that... I am 19 and I now feel like I got married to quickly, I still want to have fun and experience the world... Basically, I want a divorce but I don't think I could live with myself if he became suicidal or never married again... I just want to be happy... any suggestions?
You should probably talk to him on how you feel about this, how you feel you rushed into the marriage and not ready for that level of commitment.0 -
I got married when I was young and dumb too, it took me ten years to realize just how bad a mistake I made.
But what do you want to do that being married gets in the way of? Being married does not mean you have to buy a house, vote republican, and start watering your lawn every weekend. If you want to do things with your life, be creative and figure out how to do it with your guy still in the picture. Otherwise you're just making excuses.
If you're afraid there's someone better out there for you than your husband, well, you are young and dumb. Try not to TOTALLY screw everything up. You can grow up a little, stick it out even if marriage isn't what you thought it was, and see the world and finish college or whatever.
Just FOR GODS SAKE don't get pregnant.0 -
I just have to say, I'm lucky to be with the man that I am with. We tied the knot last Sept, but we have been together for almost four years. ANd yes, I'm 23 and he is 25, and yes we do have a child, but we didn't get married because I was knocked up, we had been planning our wedding for two years. Both of us take our vows very seriously, and no matter how much we fight, yell, scream, whatever, we still talk and we still work it out. And i can't wait to celebrate our 1 yr wedding anniversary in Sept.
Marriage today is taken as a joke. And it sucks because marriage is no joke; it's a lifelong commitment and anyone who says that marriage isn't work is full of it. My point: counseling, try everything you can (even soul searching) to work it out and be together. If you truly can't find it within your heart to still be with him, then let him go so he can be happy and so can you.0 -
My husband and I met on facebook. We only met each other in person twice before getting married. It took us a year in total from when we started dating to when we got married, but there sure was a lot to learn about each other and now, 2 years into our marriage, 3 years into our relationship we are still learning, fighting, growing and loving. The other night my husband and I were talking about marriage and how we both believe that marriage is a choice. Love is a choice. We choose to love one another and we don't turn our backs on that choice. We have been through a lot, and will continue to but we are life partners. I truly believe that people who get divorced after a short period of time have not even tried yet. Marriage is tried by fire, and comes out stronger when coming out different tests and trials.
I think you will really regret a decision to leave him after years of loneliness and falling for wrong guys. You will realize you wasted more years than you could afford when you had what you needed all along. I agree with the others. Get counselling.0 -
I am divorced, but that was because my first marriage ended because of severe emotional and physical abuse. My second marriage was nearly as bad with emotional abuse and neglect, but I worked very hard at trying to make it work...at the end of the day though, I couldn't make him change and I had to make a decision for myself. I still love the person that I fell in love with, but I don't love the person he became. That being said, marriage requires hard work, communication, and dedication to a common goal. If this is truly an issue of being bored, then I'd have to say that perhaps it is time to spice things up. Get some counseling, but also try and introduce new things into the marriage...date nights, massages, etc...it doesn't have to be spendy, just try to work on this together.0
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You're going to be bored in your marriage sometimes. Sometimes things won't be easy going and happy. Sometimes it will suck. But it's a commitment, and its NOT one that requires no effort. I've only been married 5 years and it is a hell of a lot of effort sometimes. We got married young, too (I was just a couple months away from 18, he was 20). Counseling during rough patches is invaluable. Do not be afraid of it. We all need an outside perspective sometimes that takes both parties into account.
Also, you can have fun life experiences while married. Unless you're thinking about "single girl" experiences, then yeah... I guess you don't get to have those. I wouldn't be too upset about that though.0 -
THIS!You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.
I agree...that woman wins hands down
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You're awesome! Very happy that other people still value marriage even when it's not perfect!
This ^^
11 months in isn't very long.. Till death do you part right?
Make the effort and talk to him, go to counseling.. find what you fell in love with and made you want to marry in the first place. Being married doesn't stop you from having fun or experiencing things, it gives you someone to share the journey with.0 -
I think what you can take away from this is to have a baby. That really is the point of marriage anyways. Once you have one, maybe your outlook will change.0
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Can I just add that the scripture thumping is kind of inappropriate, considering none of you have any idea what OP's spiritual beliefs are. Just because she's married does not mean she follows your religion. People of ALL faiths and lack of faiths can get married.
A whole 2 posts that definitely have religious overtones and a couple that are ambiguous at best and you have to call them to the carpet? Especially when the vast majority are telling the op that she needs to talk to her husband and possibly a therapist. You don't know the op religious beliefs either. Just because something doesn't quite fit in your puzzle doesn't mean it's inappropiate for all.0 -
You will get divorced many, many times if you divorce for the sake of boredom! Marriage really is like a roller coaster. There will be exciting times, boring times, happy times, not so happy times, really passionate times, and times where you don't even want to touch each other. I met my husband at 16, had a baby at 17 almost 18, married at 18, had our second baby when I was 20. We are about to celebrate 7 years together. I'm still young, I don't know everything, of course not, but what I do know, is we get bored with each other. We get sick and tired of each other sometimes, but at the end of the day, we made a commitment. We have had our fair share of down right awful times where divorce may have been a real possibility. But when it comes back to the vows, the commitment, we know each other, we are comfortable with each other, it is more than love. There is no perfect person out there.
And let me just say, there is nothing wrong with marrying young. Or having children young. Every situation is different. I am a great mother, I have never been to a "party" in my life, and I take my role as a mother and a wife very seriously. My husband and I have made a very nice life for our family that I would say compares to people twice our age.0 -
I hope that was sarcasm?I think what you can take away from this is to have a baby. That really is the point of marriage anyways. Once you have one, maybe your outlook will change.0 -
Can I just add that the scripture thumping is kind of inappropriate, considering none of you have any idea what OP's spiritual beliefs are. Just because she's married does not mean she follows your religion. People of ALL faiths and lack of faiths can get married.
A whole 2 posts that definitely have religious overtones and a couple that are ambiguous at best and you have to call them to the carpet? Especially when the vast majority are telling the op that she needs to talk to her husband and possibly a therapist. You don't know the op religious beliefs either. Just because something doesn't quite fit in your puzzle doesn't mean it's inappropiate for all.
I would like to add that her profile pictures DO indicate that she was married in a church, btw. Generally, folks who are anti-religion don't do that...
just sayin'.0 -
Well opinions are like a-holes.. Everyone has one..
I agree boredom is not a valid reason for a divorce. I'm a not quite understanding why you can't go out and have fun especially if there are no children involved. By your own admission the man treats you well..
Marriage is a serious commitment that you willingly chose to enter into. Doubts should have been addressed before the "I do" and legalities. The first year of marriage can be either a hard year or the honeymoon phase depending on if you lived together first. You owe it to yourself and your partner to try all available options before making such a drastic move as divorce. You did promise to love, honor, and cherish in sickness and in health for richer for poorer until death do you part. .. (haha I purposely left out Obey in my vows) How is it honoring him by walking out at the first sign of trouble.
Also I feel sorry for your spouse.. I would feel disrespected and humiliated to have such issues be publicly announced on a public internet forum. You should be speaking to HIM.0 -
I have only been married to my husband for 11 months... We had a quick engagement and had only dated for 2 months. I just do not feel the same for him anymore. He is a wonderful guy who does everything for me but I don't want to settle just because of that... I am 19 and I now feel like I got married to quickly, I still want to have fun and experience the world... Basically, I want a divorce but I don't think I could live with myself if he became suicidal or never married again... I just want to be happy... any suggestions?
Ok, I guess I'm going to be the bad guy.
You rushed into marriage. And now you are rushing out of it.
Marriage is something that takes the UTMOST maturity and dedication and patience... Its a lifelong skill. It takes work. And NO 19 year old on the planet is going to understand that. Or make it happen. Not because you don't understand love, but because you don't understand love. lol... As stupid as that sounds.
Love is an amazing ridiculous thing... for anyone. And usually it is still equally hard for someone 30, 40 years old as it is someone who's 18-19. The difference is maturity ... age, life, and the fact that EVERYTHING changes, and your adaptability to change with it.
I wish you understood that at 18, but you didn't... just like the rest of us. lol ... BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Stop thinking your parents are idiots that they "just don't understand" and take their words of advice. If there is ANYONE in the world that is looking out for you and only you... its them. They don't want to make you miserable... they want to help you. (Im only saying this because I'm sure they warned you)0 -
Can I just add that the scripture thumping is kind of inappropriate, considering none of you have any idea what OP's spiritual beliefs are. Just because she's married does not mean she follows your religion. People of ALL faiths and lack of faiths can get married.
A whole 2 posts that definitely have religious overtones and a couple that are ambiguous at best and you have to call them to the carpet? Especially when the vast majority are telling the op that she needs to talk to her husband and possibly a therapist. You don't know the op religious beliefs either. Just because something doesn't quite fit in your puzzle doesn't mean it's inappropiate for all.
Haven't you learned anything though hun? If it doesn't fit in her world, NO one is allowed to have it. She will post, and post, and post, and post...and never shut up...with absolutely no positive outcome, until the thread is so far gone (not that this one matters, the OP's likely never coming back to it now that she's been called out) that the only option the moderators have is locking it and deleting it.
:grumble:0 -
The other night my husband and I were talking about marriage and how we both believe that marriage is a choice. Love is a choice. We choose to love one another and we don't turn our backs on that choice.
Absolutely true.0 -
Talk to each other before doing anything. Marriage is a relationship that is continually changing and both people's feelings change throughout their relationship, that's normal. I don't adore my husband every day, I can barely stand him some days. But I always know that it's worth working through because I do love him. So long as both of you don't fall out of love at the same time a marriage is usually salvageable. If the reason you're considering leaving is because you don't feel the same as when you started, you need to understand that that is inevitable. It's not realistic to think that you're going to feel that "madly in love, crazy for each other" feeling every day of your married life. That's not real, that's not love. And if you think that's how it should be, unfortunately you will be doomed to a series of short term relationships because you will bail as soon as you no longer feel that way. I'm not trying to be harsh or judgmental in any way. I've just been there and done that and finally figured out that in all my failed relationships I was the common denominator so I needed to change something I was doing. Good luck in whatever you decide, but be upfront and honest with your husband, he deserves no less.0
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People now a days want a wedding not a marriage. Thats problem number one. Number two, I dont want to be a bully but why are you asking people, most untrained counselors, to have a role in your life. Look for advice from family, close friends, and professional counselors. Third, it is unfair to the man, the one who promised to love you until death, that you are telling your personal business to complete strangers. You need to develop emotionally in order to succeed in a marriage, this shows immaturity. Do what is right and reevaluate your life.0
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Ok, I guess I'm going to be the bad guy.
You rushed into marriage. And now you are rushing out of it.
Marriage is something that takes the UTMOST maturity and dedication and patience... Its a lifelong skill. It takes work. And NO 19 year old on the planet is going to understand that. Or make it happen. Not because you don't understand love, but because you don't understand love. lol... As stupid as that sounds.
Love is an amazing ridiculous thing... for anyone. And usually it is still equally hard for someone 30, 40 years old as it is someone who's 18-19. The difference is maturity ... age, life, and the fact that EVERYTHING changes, and your adaptability to change with it.
I wish you understood that at 18, but you didn't... just like the rest of us. lol ... BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Stop thinking your parents are idiots that they "just don't understand" and take their words of advice. If there is ANYONE in the world that is looking out for you and only you... its them. They don't want to make you miserable... they want to help you. (Im only saying this because I'm sure they warned you)
Not everyone who marries young is ditzy about love.
My mother and dad married when my mom was 17, dad was 20 (by a week), and they've been married for.... 43 years in June.
Of course, that was back when forever meant forever and not "for until I get bored..."0 -
I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.
And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).
But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.
I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!0 -
People now a days want a wedding not a marriage. Thats problem number one. Number two, I dont want to be a bully but why are you asking people, most untrained counselors, to have a role in your life. Look for advice from family, close friends, and professional counselors. Third, it is unfair to the man, the one who promised to love you until death, that you are telling your personal business to complete strangers. You need to develop emotionally in order to succeed in a marriage, this shows immaturity. Do what is right and reevaluate your life.
I love you, and I don't even know you.0 -
He doesnt deserve to be married to someone who doesnt want to be married to him, do him a favor and be honest. You are 19, way too young to have gotten married in the first place. If you dont have kids, just leave. He will be better off.0
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getting a divorce because your bored.... isn't a good enough reason.
I'm currently going through a divorce myself but not because i'm bored of him and i wanna see what other fish are in the sea but because we have been having problems for the last 3yrs and he just can't be bothered helping me help the relationship and ignored me 24/7 for weed and the computer and didn't work for 4yrs (we were together in total for 7yrs)
I think you need to sit down and talk with your husband, tell him how you are feeling. You would be surprised at how understand people can be when you are actually truthful with them.
EDIT - just saw your last post!!! *dont read what i posted hahahahaa* ^^0 -
I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.
And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).
But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.
I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!
Congrats on talking with him and getting counseling! I hope the best for the both of you.
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Ok, I guess I'm going to be the bad guy.
You rushed into marriage. And now you are rushing out of it.
Marriage is something that takes the UTMOST maturity and dedication and patience... Its a lifelong skill. It takes work. And NO 19 year old on the planet is going to understand that. Or make it happen. Not because you don't understand love, but because you don't understand love. lol... As stupid as that sounds.
Love is an amazing ridiculous thing... for anyone. And usually it is still equally hard for someone 30, 40 years old as it is someone who's 18-19. The difference is maturity ... age, life, and the fact that EVERYTHING changes, and your adaptability to change with it.
I wish you understood that at 18, but you didn't... just like the rest of us. lol ... BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Stop thinking your parents are idiots that they "just don't understand" and take their words of advice. If there is ANYONE in the world that is looking out for you and only you... its them. They don't want to make you miserable... they want to help you. (Im only saying this because I'm sure they warned you)
Not everyone who marries young is ditzy about love. My mother and dad married when my mom was 17, dad was 20 (by a week), and they've been married for.... 43 years in June.
Of course, that was back when forever meant forever and not "for until I get bored..."
Exactly! I don't doubt people are capable of love everlasting... but it is the minority.. now everything .. is very cut and dry.. Being divorced or not, doesn't mean much.And everyone is rushing to do it 1st, instead of doing it forever. 0 -
I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.
And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).
But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.
I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!
I just wanted to say...my level of respect for you went up about ten notches right there. Not because you're doing what I think you should...but because your reply was intelligent, well written, and though out....without an ounce of defensiveness.
My apologies if MY posts offended you. This is a subject near and dear to my heart.0 -
Dont mean to sound rude but Ima do it anyways..
Who of ever imagined a marriage at the age of 19 would be a sure thing! Really... Worst decision ever.
In saying that, you made it so you need to deal with it, in the best possible, you should try and sort it out and talk openly about it with him, you owe each other that in the least. Soo soo young, plently of time to get over it and find the real loves of your lives.
Good luck!0 -
I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.
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I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!
I'm glad to hear you're going to counseling and will try to work it out Anything truly worthwhile is worth the effort.
In a way I've been in your shoes - only 7 months between meeting and marriage (and most of that 7 months was long-distance), and I was 20 at the time. It certainly hasn't been all sunshine and roses (and some of the down times were pretty low), but we recently celebrated our 21st anniversary. Keep hanging in there and fighting for it - it will be worth it!0 -
Good luck with the counseling.....and the best to you and your husband. 0
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Dont mean to sound rude but Ima do it anyways..
Who of ever imagined a marriage at the age of 19 would be a sure thing! Really... Worst decision ever.
In saying that, you made it so you need to deal with it, in the best possible, you should try and sort it out and talk openly about it with him, you owe each other that in the least. Soo soo young, plently of time to get over it and find the real loves of your lives.
Good luck!
Word. lol
I fulllllllllllllllllllly agree with this.0
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