When You Cry... They Win. Stop.

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Replies

  • mbajrami
    mbajrami Posts: 636 Member
    This is one of the best things I have ever read...EVER. And I've read a lot of ****. Preach on, brutha. Real talk.
  • gchutson
    gchutson Posts: 657
    As a therapist I'd love it If only it were that easy. Hey depressed person, stop being being sad. Hey low self esteem person, stop giving a crap what others think or say and believe in yourself. Hey person with conflicting ideology, stop caring when someone offends you. Hey person with emotions, don't feel anything negative, just ignore it or bottle it up where this arm chair psychologist can't see it and be annoyed; oh wait I forgot he doesn't give a *kitten* enough to start his own whinny post.

    Posting in a forum, writing a blog entry, talking to a friend, all of these things are a perfectly healthy ways to deal with a negative experience. The danger is when people don't process those hurts and stop sharing and stop leaving their house, or start hording, or develop an eating disorder, or start cutting.

    I'm not an armchair psychologist, I'm an attorney. And nowhere in my post did I advise people to "not feel emotions." I advised people on how to not allow those emotions empower those who hurt them.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Well said! :)
  • DeeShows
    DeeShows Posts: 8
    LOVE this post!!!!!:smile:
  • StaceyL76
    StaceyL76 Posts: 711 Member
    LOVE <3

    Thanks for the tough love. ; )
  • BigAlfrn
    BigAlfrn Posts: 173 Member
    I love it. everyone should read this post every morning to begin their day!
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
    "Hey funny joke. Now, go get a spoon so you can eat my *kitten*."


    This made me crack up laughing. :laugh:
  • skinnyeascolady
    skinnyeascolady Posts: 287 Member
    all I can say is amen amen amen. Preach it!!!!!!
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
    As a therapist I'd love it If only it were that easy. Hey depressed person, stop being being sad. Hey low self esteem person, stop giving a crap what others think or say and believe in yourself. Hey person with conflicting ideology, stop caring when someone offends you. Hey person with emotions, don't feel anything negative, just ignore it or bottle it up where this arm chair psychologist can't see it and be annoyed; oh wait I forgot he doesn't give a *kitten* enough to start his own whinny post.

    Posting in a forum, writing a blog entry, talking to a friend, all of these things are a perfectly healthy ways to deal with a negative experience. The danger is when people don't process those hurts and stop sharing and stop leaving their house, or start hording, or develop an eating disorder, or start cutting.

    I get this to a point. I am like the living poster child of how opinions can hurt. I didn't think my family cared about me. They ignored me and I never felt good enough. I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was 8, suffered through 2 attempted suicides, anorexia, self mutilation, and spent years hating who I was. I was put down, made fun of, and all this culminated with being raped. I had therapy, I had pills, but none of that helped. I spent YEARS working on myself, finding my own outlets like writing as well as a few not so healthy things I went through in my teens to recover. You have to work on YOURSELF! Yes, talk to friends, talk to a therapist, but anyone knows that the internet is not the place to go if you want to find solace for your problems. People are ****s. You have to make the conscious decision to love yourself and eventually, you realize whose opinions matter and whose never did.

    Maybe that sounds really callous, but as someone who has been there, I know a lot of it is fear and it is just easier to stay in that unhappy place. It is like being here to work on ourselves to be happy. It is hard, some days you don't want to do it...you'd rather sit on the couch and watch TV or play video games than workout. Those who are successful workout anyway. It's hard, but you just gotta do it.
  • spokaloo
    spokaloo Posts: 25 Member
    I love it!!! You rock :wink:
  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
    You have hit this one on the DOT!!! -- simply put... you can't control **** people say or do but you are in full control on how you will allow that **** to affect you, you have to give peeps permission to offend you and/or hurt you...
  • Dethea
    Dethea Posts: 247 Member
    Every time I see you post a new thread, I think "Man, he's a little ridiculous."

    Then I think "I want to be his friend."
  • MamaBear57
    MamaBear57 Posts: 336 Member
    You are right!! Some stuff in my life I let overrule me at times and I will be posting this to remind myself to let the jack@ss's of the world stay in theirs and I will stay in mine!!
  • megsi474
    megsi474 Posts: 370 Member
    A. Freaking. MEN.

    It's all mind over matter- if you don't mind, it don't matter.
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
    to the OP...great post!
  • gchutson
    gchutson Posts: 657
    Every time I see you post a new thread, I think "Man, he's a little ridiculous."

    Then I think "I want to be his friend."

    I get that a lot, less the friend part.
  • PayneAS
    PayneAS Posts: 669 Member
    Ok, tough-love time...

    I've seen string-after-string of "whining" and "crying" about the things other people say.

    Examples:
    - "They insulted me."
    - "They hurt my feelings."
    - "They made me sad."

    Here's a few steps to help some of you guys with the crushing things other people say...

    Step 1: Stop giving a *kitten* what other people think.
    Step 2: Repeat Step 1.

    Gawd, I've been telling my husband this for years. I wish he would listen! He refuses to come play at the pool with his 5 yr old son because he's fat and doesn't want anyone to see him. Even wearing a swim shirt. I always tell him, "Why do you care what other people think of you? Are you trying to impress them? No? Then why does it matter what they think?" But I have yet to get him into the pool. Sigh.
  • YogaNikki
    YogaNikki Posts: 284 Member
    Best thing I've read all morning. Thank-you :)
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    This is a good post.

    I do think it can be a difficult thing to learn how to do.
  • hkevans724
    hkevans724 Posts: 241 Member
    Mean People Suck! You are my new favorite person! My co-worker cried yesterday because another co-worker told her that she always screws everything up. I wanted to call her a titty-baby and tell her to get over it.
  • Aemely
    Aemely Posts: 694 Member
    I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! :flowerforyou:

    Well, at least some people. The rest of the people... I guess we are just not mutually compatible.
  • turningstar
    turningstar Posts: 393 Member
    LOVE IT!

    No one has the power to make you feel inferior unless you give it to them.
  • Tammi623
    Tammi623 Posts: 113 Member
    To me personally this is a great post. Loved it!!

    It may be slightly harsh to those who are not at the point where they can appreciate the tough love of it, but that’s what the therapist is for I guess lol.

    As was said earlier “Whenever I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead” pretty much the story of my life lol
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    lately when I get unwelcome 'advice' or comments, I just say, "Thank you, I'll give that the consideration it deserves" then I immediately forget whatever it was that was said.
    Because it deserved no consideration at all.
  • garnetsms
    garnetsms Posts: 10,018 Member
    WOW! I never looked at it that way.

    I also see the point that the therapist was making, and I agree with the OP still...It was never stated not to "feel," but to not allow it to "control" you.

    The only thing I could add is; when I look back at something that was said to me that should not have been said, the problem does not lie within me, but the other person. I believe in biblical terms its stated...Take the plank out of your own eye, before worrying about the splinter in your brother's eye....(paraphrased).
  • Emilina79
    Emilina79 Posts: 28 Member
    I'm def gonna remember this next time some ideot trys to get one over on me, putting me down to big themselves up!
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    This is so very true, and I am a more than little in love with you OP :love:

    It is all about power. One of my favourite response to insults "Sorry you seem to have mistaken me for someone who gives a *kitten*"

    Or when they rant, wait until they run out of steam and then say "Hmmmmm? Sorry, could you run all that by me again I was thinking about <insert own subject> " I usually say Squirells :laugh:

    But then I am lucky that my parents instilled in me a sense of my own self worth that has never left me and never will. I am awesome no matter what anyone else thinks or says :smokin:
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    LOVE IT!

    No one has the power to make you feel inferior unless you give it to them.

    Or... if you pay them by the hour while they wear a leather bustier and spank you with a ping-pong paddle.

    <Fetches tools of the trade> Who's been a naughty boy/girl then????
  • mistylovesmusic
    mistylovesmusic Posts: 147
    How do you shush the inner fat girl from the insults? Seriously, she insulted me yesterday when I was clothes shopping for the beach and I left the store in tears!
  • kathyms13
    kathyms13 Posts: 497 Member
    Ok, tough-love time...

    I've seen string-after-string of "whining" and "crying" about the things other people say.

    Examples:
    - "They insulted me."
    - "They hurt my feelings."
    - "They made me sad."

    Here's a few steps to help some of you guys with the crushing things other people say...

    Step 1: Stop giving a *kitten* what other people think.
    Step 2: Repeat Step 1.

    Now I have no doubt, a handful of people will be morally outraged by what I just typed.
    Please reference Steps 1 through 2.

    (I'm sure a few of you have seen me post that on other strings)

    When you get "offended," "hurt," "insulted" and "morally outraged," you've already lost the battle, because you granted the other party all the power before you even got started. When you run to your blog or forum to e-whine about how "that big mean person made you saddy-sad," they win. And you helped them to do it.


    - When you cry, they win.
    - When you're "emotionally devastated," you give them all the power.
    - When you're the "victim," you make them the "victor."

    Don't let them win.

    i love this gonna put it on my facebook.
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