Does anyone else NOT want kids?
Replies
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So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.
Choosing to NOT have kids does not make you selfish.
And that thing about "good thing your parents chose to have you, blah, blah, blah" is about one of the dumbest things I have ever read. That's like something you think of when you're tripping on dope: "Maaaan, if my dad hadn't knocked up my mom, I wouldn't even be here, maaaaan....."
Just because Texas is a big empty desert, doesn't mean it should be filled with people. Where would all the food and water come from?0 -
I dont want them and never have. Truthfully anyone who wants me to respect the fact they they wanted kids should do me the same courtesy. I hate it when I hear that people who don't intend on having kids are selfish. Whether we "want" or "don't want", both are desires and not necessities. So who's to say one is more selfish than the other?
Truthfully, my boyfriend backs me up in front of his family, and he gives me the confidence to speak my mind on this issue because of it. His family has at least 4 younger couples that have babies and toddlers and the topic is pretty much everywhere, with overwhelming support from everyone. It's easy to feel left out, or forced upon by this topic because everyone expects you to care about it as much as they do. He goes to bat for me every time and I feel like we are a team standing together against something that can sometimes turn into what I feel is an attack on me.0 -
It's not for everyone, so don't feel like you HAVE to have them no matter what anyone says especially if you don't want them. I was born to two young parents, neither of which really wanted me when I was born, and it was not a good relationship to have as a child.
Personal question but - how does that affect you as an adult?0 -
So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.
damn what sort of haterade did you drink?
Who wants to live in 1 square foot in Texas?
You're being exceptionally rude.
Well, she IS a SAHM mom of SIX kids. She had my two. And your two. And her two.0 -
When we got married (3 years ago), my husband and I both did not want children (he was 25, me 21). We did make it an open ended argument though, and agreed that in 10 years (putting him at 35 and me at 30-31), we were allowed to bring the topic up guilt free. Right now, at 24, I have moments were I try to picture myself with children, and it still isn't happening. I understand that these things can change with time though.0
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I think people that don't want kids are selfish.
LOL. Ducking.
Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.0 -
So I just turned 28 and I am married. I have always said "kids aren't my thing". My husband is on the fence and might like one but knows how I feel. I suppose many Mother in Laws & mothers are this way where they will constantly talk about babies or ask about when I plan on having kids, since I am getting to the age where I would need to decide soon. How do you say that you don't want them? My MIL keeps talking about my husband holding our new niece as "good practice", but I don't have the heart to tell her how I feel! Any advice?
Im 23 and married, my husband is 24. We BOTH have always said that kids aren't our thing.
We have discussed it a few times, bc our family is pushing the subject a lot!
My friends have kids as well as a lot of my family and we get the same not so subtle hints as
you are getting.
We just told everybody, we dont really want kids and dont really plan on having any.
BUT if we were to have kids it would be further down the road (mid 30's or so).
If we are going to have kids, we need to be financially stable and have our own home and
have our careers. Flat out we want to have our time to grow up without having someone else to
take care of. I think that yes, children are a blessing, but at the same time changing diapers, feeding another person,
hearing a child cry is not something that I find particularly "exciting". I like children theyre great, but giving them back the
moment they start crying is fantastic! haha0 -
It's not for everyone, so don't feel like you HAVE to have them no matter what anyone says especially if you don't want them. I was born to two young parents, neither of which really wanted me when I was born, and it was not a good relationship to have as a child.
Personal question but - how does that affect you as an adult?
My relationship with my parents is still rocky. They were 17 and 18 when they had me, and had no plans to have a child. It was just rough. They were too young and irresponsible. My grandparents were more of my parents than my mom and dad ever were, and that was difficult since they didn't really want another child to take care of either. It just really can be a problem when you KNOW people who created you don't want you. Obviously, that isn't the case for all surprise babies, but it was for me. That's why I think people like the OP should stick to their guns if they don't want children. It's just not for everyone, and there is nothing wrong with that.0 -
My wife and I were adamant from the start that we would never have kids. We told them every single time it came up. Eventually, people got the hint and stopped asking us about it. You need to nip it in the bud or they will NEVER let up.
We've been married for over 10 years now, and this past Mother's Day we announced we are having a kid and everyone was shocked and there were a lot of tears. People who really wanted us to have a kid (for example, my mother-in-law) were so happy and surprised.
People need to stop pushing other people into doing things they don't want to do. We came to this suddenly, and it may not happen for you - we didn't expect to ever want to become parents, that's why we said never. But sometimes people change. You may want to in the future - just don't make any drastic surgeries or something in case you regret it. But if you never end up wanting kids, at least you'll have people off your back.
The main problem I see here though is your husband being on the fence. I was on the fence a few years before my wife jumped on with me before tumbling to the other side with me, but I didn't tell her about it because I figured it'd never happen, and I was OK with that, I just thought, if she ever changes her mind, I'm open to it. And she did.
WTF? Your close friends can't talk about their own kids around you because you don't want any of your own?2 of my closest friends have just had kids but they understand how I feel about them so they don't constantly bring them up around me.0 -
We don't really like children and our lifestyle does not fit children. We vacation a lot -- and yes, we could have "different" vacations with children but you don't know our vacations so something "different" is out of the question. Not to mention the fact that we don't even like encountering children when we're on vacation.
I don't really care if someone wants to have children or not. If you don't want to give a lot of yourself or change your life for a child that is fine with me but I will never understand comments like this "We don't really like children...". Not wanting them and not liking them are two totally different things. Every person on the planet started off as a child so how can you dislike something you once were? I seriously doubt that people who make these comments went around as a child avoiding adults because they felt they were annoying and inconvenient, hiding in their room until they became adults.0 -
I think people that don't want kids are selfish.
LOL. Ducking.
Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.
There's no guarantee that your kids will be willing or able to take care of you.0 -
Truthfully, my boyfriend backs me up in front of his family, and he gives me the confidence to speak my mind on this issue because of it. His family has at least 4 younger couples that have babies and toddlers and the topic is pretty much everywhere, with overwhelming support from everyone. It's easy to feel left out, or forced upon by this topic because everyone expects you to care about it as much as they do. He goes to bat for me every time and I feel like we are a team standing together against something that can sometimes turn into what I feel is an attack on me.
Excellent boyfriend. My husband does the same.0 -
So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.
Who wants to live in 1 square foot in Texas?
Not to mention it takes more than one square foot to produce the amount of energy, food, and clean water a person needs to survive.0 -
So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.
Oh geez...0 -
I flip flop in the "Want to have kids" department. When I was a little girl, I wanted to get married and have babies. A few years ago I decided I prolly wouldn't want children.
With my late partner, I was like hey, in 5 years when I'm done with school and have a job, let's have a family!
And now, meh, I don't see kids in my future. Maybe when I'm 30 I will rethink, but as of now, I do not want children, I'll stick to getting my kid fix by visiting my nephews and my friends kids.
I think it's extremely rude to pressure someone to have children, whether they want them or not. It's a very very personal choice. And ya gotta live with it for the rest of your life!
My poor mama is still not done raising me and my sisters.
Motherhood is a very long and big commitment.0 -
My husband and I just come right out and tell anyone who asks that we don't want kids. Most people give a coy smile and say, "You say that now...but you have plenty of time. You might change your mind."
Um, no. We won't. We have Kylie - my husband's daughter - with us half the time. I love her like my own. My husband loves her too much sometimes. We love our time with her.
We also love our time together and our relative freedom. And we enjoy not spending every dime we have on everything a child needs, which we'd have to do if we had more.
Everyone is different. All we have to do is accept that.
And I think it's a good thing you know you don't want one, rather than deciding to have children and either being miserable or not a good parent or both because you didn't really want a child to begin with.0 -
I think people that don't want kids are selfish.
LOL. Ducking.
Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.
There's no guarantee that your kids will be willing or able to take care of you.
Amen. My grandmother had 10 kids and my mother is the only one who was willing to take care of her. I can't imagine taking on the responsibility of raising a human being for the sole purpose of having a built-in caretaker. To me, that's what's selfish.0 -
I think people that don't want kids are selfish.
LOL. Ducking.
Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.
There's no guarantee that your kids will be willing or able to take care of you.
My all time favorite anti-childfree statement--and the most selfish argument for having kids. I like to respond to this with "I will be able to pay people to take care of me with all the money I save from not having children".0 -
I chose at a very early age, 10 or 12 or so (i remember the event, but not the date), that i did not want children. My hubby agreed that he had no use for them either, and we went through years of his family asking, when are you going to have a kid, blah blah blah. The way i got everyone to stop asking about it was i told them i'd have them when i'd be allowed to kennel them like i do my dogs. That shut most of them up for a while. I had my tubes tied at 30 (37 now) and haven't looked back.0
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I don't want them, but I have them anyway. JK! But sometimes they drive me nuts.0
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I believe it to be my holy duty to help God populate the Earth. I am looking for a good Christian woman to join me in this journey to lose weight and have children.0
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Nope, not for me either ... oh, but wait ... damn, too late ... my son is 26 and while he wasn't part of the plan and taxed everything about me (parenting is the hardest thing a person will ever do IMO) I wouldn't trade him for anything.
The problem now becomes finding a new mate with the same mindset. Not an easy task, especially at 50.
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So I just turned 28 and I am married. I have always said "kids aren't my thing". My husband is on the fence and might like one but knows how I feel. I suppose many Mother in Laws & mothers are this way where they will constantly talk about babies or ask about when I plan on having kids, since I am getting to the age where I would need to decide soon. How do you say that you don't want them? My MIL keeps talking about my husband holding our new niece as "good practice", but I don't have the heart to tell her how I feel! Any advice?
Just be honest with her. If she doesn't like it, too bad.
I have two kids. I love them with all my heart and really feel like motherhood is something I needed in my life. But that isn't the case for everyone. There is no reason for you to have kids if you don't desire them. It's none of your MIL's business. It's your body and your life.0 -
So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.
damn what sort of haterade did you drink?
Who wants to live in 1 square foot in Texas?
You're being exceptionally rude.
Well, she IS a SAHM mom of SIX kids. She had my two. And your two. And her two.0 -
Be honest.... cause the more you wait it out then the more people are going to push. I understand mothers & mother's in law bc most of them are older & want grandkids to spoil. It will be heartbreaking for them but it's your choice regardless.
There are plenty of kids out there who don't have grandparents who are available to spend time with them--why can't people spoil those kids? When I was in my teens, my mother told me that I should never feel pressured to have kids for her sake, that when she was ready to have grandchildren, she would go find some, and when the time came, she did just that. She has a great time with the kids, the kids she spends time with get to have more adult attention, and I'm perfectly happy not having kids--it seems to me this works out all around.0 -
So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.
damn what sort of haterade did you drink?
Do you know ANY old people that are GLAD they didn't have any children, just think about it!
Who wants to live in 1 square foot in Texas?
You're being exceptionally rude.
Well, she IS a SAHM mom of SIX kids. She had my two. And your two. And her two.0 -
Well, at this point in my life, no. And I don't know if I ever will considering the career path I've chosen, but I'm not 100% closed off to the idea, just mostly lol.0
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I think people that don't want kids are selfish.
LOL. Ducking.
Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.
There's no guarantee that your kids will be willing or able to take care of you.
My all time favorite anti-childfree statement--and the most selfish argument for having kids. I like to respond to this with "I will be able to pay people to take care of me with all the money I save from not having children".
Agreed. That's a terrible reason to have kids.
Nobody should be shamed for their choices about whether they want to have children or not. It's deeply personal.0 -
If you don't want kids, definitely don't have them! It is no one's business but your own whether you have them or not. I don't really see how you even need to tell your MIL anything.0
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I think some days "I don't want kids" but since I have 4, I think that ship has sailed.
I have friends that don't have kids and when they want to do "kids" stuff, they come visit my family... I notice they visit a lot less often lately.
It is not up to anyone, if you have kids or not, but you and your husband. Because in the end it will up to you and and him to take care of that child.0
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