Does anyone else NOT want kids?

Seminolegirl97

I'm 48 and never had any children, but I have been both a step-mom and a foster mom. I wanted children in my life, I just didn't want them there forever!

THIS!!!

escloflowneCHANGED

So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.

(1) How is not having children you don't want more selfish than having children you don't want? I never understand this. To me one of the worst things a person can do is have, and keep, a child they don't really want and aren't prepared to care for. I have studied child maltreatment, and it is a terrible thing. I have close friends who grew up knowing they were never wanted--I can't begin to imagine what that felt like. How can not having children be more selfish than that?
(2) What in the world does the size of Texas have to do with the dangers of over-population? The absolute reality, not just according to people like me, but according groups like the World Health Organization, is that the world cannot be full of people who live (eat, consume, etc.) like Americans, it's just not environmentally sustainable.
(3) If I hadn't been born, I wouldn't know the difference, now would I?
(4) Everyone doesn't think like me, that is how the world works. Some people have kids, some don't, it's okay, really...Especially since the U.S. is still well over replacement levels of births.

Stop making so much sense...you will upset some people on this site!

LuckyAng

I think people that don't want kids are selfish.

LOL. Ducking.

Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.

Please tell me this is a joke. You were joking...right?? It is not my kid's job to take care of me. I would never put that on them.

quietHiker

As far as your MIL though, that discussion is your husband's responsibility, not yours. You can be there, but he needs to lead. It's his parents, not yours, and for you to bring it up opens up the door for her to think "Oh, my son wants kids but SHE doesn't." I don't know how your MIL is, but a lot of times that's how these things get construed. He needs to take the lead and tell her that you guys aren't planning to have children.

^^^ as for advice, this is perfect!

As for me, I'm 26...still young to be saying I don't want kids or never want kids, but I fully believe in my heart that kids aren't in my life story. I've always said it since I was 16, and I've heard the "oh things will change when you get older" but I get sick of that and really don't believe it. Especially more so now than ever because I'm currently in love with my boyfriend who already can't have kids (had previous marriage, and ended up with a little "snip snip" job) I know from him, that he didn't want kids, but now that he has his, he loves them. He's one of those people who keep saying, "one of these days..." or "what if you change your mind..." ...but I know I won't. I have the best of both worlds. I have an amazing boyfriend, who has amazing kids that I'm able to have conversations with and laugh with. and I didn't have to go through all of the pains of labor lol

I think women who are pregnant and mothers are amazing...you have gone through so much physically and emotionally that I could never comprehend.

Anywho, I never want to have kids, and it doesn't matter what others say because I know exactly what I want

McLifterPants

Crazy, I just wrote a blog post about this yesterday! http://community.feministing.com/2012/06/17/5-reasons-why-i-dont-want-children/

Jxnsmma

I think people that don't want kids are selfish.

LOL. Ducking.

Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.

Lol. And so having them so they will take care of you... how is this not being selfish?

THIS!!!

jenj1313

As far as your MIL though, that discussion is your husband's responsibility, not yours. You can be there, but he needs to lead. It's his parents, not yours, and for you to bring it up opens up the door for her to think "Oh, my son wants kids but SHE doesn't." I don't know how your MIL is, but a lot of times that's how these things get construed. He needs to take the lead and tell her that you guys aren't planning to have children.

What she said. I'm not married anymore, but my ex-MIL used to think that about me. She was right, I didn't want kids, but I'd discussed that with my husband at length before we got married and he was totally comfortable with it... he just never filled in his parents prior to us getting married, so they always thought it was me.

I'm a medical provider and I've had lots of women tell me that they were unsure or apprehensive about having kids, or that they don't like "other people's kids" but that it's different with their own. It's something to consider, but it never made me change my mind.

You probably want to be a bit more delicate with your MIL, but I am not above being blunt with nosey people. I've told people that it's none of their business, and I asked one lady if she'd feel better if I told her I was barren. That shut her up. My mom knows how I feel and she chose to tell me one Christmas in front of my family and my ex's that it was time for me to have some "grand babies" for her. I told her that if she wants more (yes, more, she's already got 3 who LIVE with her). She wasn't too happy about that, but I wasn't too happy with being put on the spot when she knew already where I stood.

All of that aside, it's your decision. Your husband has said he would stand by you and that includes finding a way to communicate with his parents about this decision, to make them see that it is something he is committed to as well.

Good luck to you!
Jen

But

Mommareed4

I love kids I have 4 myself (6,5,4,2) but I agree kids are not for everyone, and thats okay...Just ignore people who try to tell you other wise, they are not the ones who would have to raise them.

Tropical_Turtle

I will be 40 in a couple months. I wanted kids, but it was not in the cards for me. I look at it now like this: I am not in a relationship with anyone I would imagine having kids with,and I do not want to be in my 60's dealing with college, etc. When I am 60 I want to think about retiring and enjoying my life.

If having kids happened earlier I would have loved that. But because it didnt I am now taking steps to make sure it wont happen. My theory is if I decide I want kids later, I can adopt. Just because I have a uterus does not mean I need to use it.

Bentley2718

I believe it to be my holy duty to help God populate the Earth. I am looking for a good Christian woman to join me in this journey to lose weight and have children.

First and foremost..rather than populating the earth..you need to take of the little ones that are already here...thats what we did..coudnt "populate" the earth..so we took in what was already here..and you cant tell my daughters werent here from the get-go..no one believes that they are adopted..cause they look so much like me..I only have one answer.."God is Great!"

But then, they won't be my children.

I really, really, hope you're trolling.

MsTanya77

I'm 34, and I didn't want kids up til I was about 26. At 26, God changed my heart and I decided I do want children. Your heart and mind may change, but if you are absolutely sure you don't want kids, that is fine too. Some people get upset when you say you don't want kids, as if you have to have them, but it really is your choice at the end of the day. Nowadays you can get your tubes tied even w/ no children if you are absolutely sure...........

rhonniema

When I was younger I didn't want any.
Now I'm on the fence.

getfitdiva

I will honestly say I was nervous to have my own kids b/c taking care of my friend's kids was an eye opener. In all honestly it is different if they are your own.

I hope you were honest with your husband before you got married that you didn't want to have kids because that would be unfair to him especially if he wants a kid. It's really not the MIL's business but your husband YES. I don't think it's selfish to not want to have kids, but it is a decision that should be agreed upon before marriage by both you and your husband.

somatiff

I hate kids. I think they are foul and disgusting. Parents these days don't teach their children manners and it seems to only be getting worse. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but still, no thanks.

I get so frustrated at people that say "Oh you'll change your mind. it's different when they are your own." that might be their mindset and how they felt, but I'm 30 and am more than certain that it will not happen EVER.

CrazyDaisyMom

I just turned 30 and have no interest in having children, I've been with my boyfriend for 8 1/2 years and he feels the same way. I haven't had the problem with having to tell his parents we don't want kids because he tried getting a vasectomy when he was 18, but the doctors wouldn't do it because of his age and he didn't have any children. So, they already knew he didn't want kids. My parents kind of knew, I think, that I would never want kids. We occasionally get the "are you sure you don't want kids?" but as we get older, we get asked that less. We have our animals that are our fur kids and the grandparents get cards and gifts from them. Now, if we can just quit being asked when we are getting married things would be great......

Katbaran

>>>>I wish more people would decide not to. Some people should not spawn. Not saying you shouldn't, but I wish some people wouldn't have them just because they can. <<<<

Agreed. What you said brings to mind the quote from Forrest Gump: "Stupid is as stupid does."

Not meaning you, but the stupid folks who have stupid kids. :bigsmile:


ETA: to add quote that was not shown.

lzulk

I knew at age 14 that I never wanted children. Had to wait 'til age 25 for the snip-snip and I still regard it as one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

Here's what I like to say to people who try to herd me towards breeding; "I'm too selfish to take care of a child for the rest of my life but not selfish enough to bring one into the world". I find it’s effective closure to the topic.

LuckyAng

I hate kids. I think they are foul and disgusting. Parents these days don't teach their children manners and it seems to only be getting worse. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but still, no thanks.

I get so frustrated at people that say "Oh you'll change your mind. it's different when they are your own." that might be their mindset and how they felt, but I'm 30 and am more than certain that it will not happen EVER.

Please don't have any then.

Barbellsandthimbles

I've always been very much open with my parents and MIL that we don't want kids. It's my choice and I've asked them to respect that. My mother was a little upset at first (thinking I'd change my mind) but as time has gone on and I've not changed my mind she's come to accept it. I'll be 37 this year and have been telling her since I was 20!

Regardless what people say, it is your choice. You're not being selfish. If you had a kid just to please the others you may be resentful toward it and where would that get you? I know I worry too much and just flat out don't have the patience to be a parent. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm not broken. I just happen to know what I can and can't handle. My family supports me in my/our decision and I'm thankful for that.

angiesteele

I love (most) kids. I have one. We are done.

So I constantly get the "when are you having another?" "You can't just have one, that's not fair to him!"

How is it not fair? He has friends he's grown up with since birth, cousins that he loves, classmates at daycare.. a large church family with tons of kids to interact with.. but at the end of the day, I don't lose my mind running after 2 or more children!

We're young too. I'm 28, husband is 31. So people just assume we're going to continue to spit out kids.. nope, doesn't always work that way!

this could be me. I never wanted them, thought about it, changed my mind, i have one that is 4 and i am done. I have no urge whatsoever to have another. I am almost 30 and my husband is 34. my child is happy as an only and is not lacking in friends plus i know i can spoli her like crazy and she does not have to share me with anyone else.

cr_rn

I definitely think it's a personal choice. I desparately wanted to have a family and children, but was not meeting the right man for the "job." I was told to just have the kids on my own, but that goes against my values. I'm now 41, and very comfortable with the fact that I have no children, and realize that I wouldn't get to do the things I want if I had them. I know that sounds very selfish, but I call it mature enough to realize that I wouldn't make a good mother. I say tell your mother-in-law, get it out in the open. She'll either accept it or she won't, and her reaction is her deal, not yours. Your choice to not have kids is your deal and not hers.

k_pickle

I am also 28, my husband is 30, and we don't want kids either. I love my neices, but I don't have any desire to have children of my own. My husband and are are happy, so why change anything. We want to spend our money on us! I think people want babies, not kids, anyway lol They forget that they grow up & then you are dealing with adolescents and teenagers....just honestly not my thing...When we go to family events and everyone starts telling us we need to have kids, I now tell them "Sell me one it...Tell me how my life is going to get better with children" That's worked lately because they know we really enjoy our lives now. My husband & I talked seriously about it thought, and we know that if we are 40 & want kids, then we will have done all of the things we wanted to do & we can adopt!

Tropical_Turtle

I believe it to be my holy duty to help God populate the Earth. I am looking for a good Christian woman to join me in this journey to lose weight and have children.

First and foremost..rather than populating the earth..you need to take of the little ones that are already here...thats what we did..coudnt "populate" the earth..so we took in what was already here..and you cant tell my daughters werent here from the get-go..no one believes that they are adopted..cause they look so much like me..I only have one answer.."God is Great!"

But then, they won't be my children.

Genetically no but kids can become your kids and love them just as if they were your own. Saying they wont be my children is the most selfish, egomanicial concept. All children are God's children, and if you are a God fearing man, then it should not make a difference. All I have to say is get over yourself - really.

3rdChance

Hi! I'm 38, had my tubes tied at 26, and there are no regrets. It was like body and brain were finally on the same page!

I did not get married until I was 32 and people often made remarks about the ticking clock and what not, and I would find myself kind of gleeful as I was in on a joke where they did not know the punch line. Being in my late 20's and single, it was much less of an issue.

As for the people in your life who really want to be grandparents, simply, "That's a private decision," or even "That's not my wish," should work. They can either get over it or not--but that's not your problem. I continued to do what I like to do while my Mom mourned her non-existant grandkids for four years only to finally come to peace with the fact I did what was right for me. I know I love aunthood myself: I am happy to see my nieces and also happy to give them back.

Because yes, it is different when they are your own--you are responsible for them 100% 24/7/365.

BandForAlyAnne

i never want kids. i dont like them, and i have no desire to have them. i can tolerate somebody elses kid for about 10mins then im out. lol. my biggest fear is that i won't be able to find a man who also doesnt want kids tho. but some of the posts in this thread give me hope.

Prahasaurus

Tell your MIL that, unfortunately, her son doesn't want kids. That he keeps alluding to some incredibly tragic event that happened when he was a child, and that forever changed his mind about having his own children. Ask her if she knows anything about this. Pretend to be unconvinced when she claims, probably in shock, that she has no clue what you're talking about. Tell her you swore to your husband never to mention it, so she should just drop it. Then immediately change the subject.

I think this will take care of the problem...

;-)

--Prahasaurus

mymelody_78

I'm 29 and don't want to have kids. I love my niece to death, but I just don't want one of my own. I've reached the age where all of my friends are newly married and trying for the first baby so I'm starting to feel a bit out of the group, but it helps that I'm single so I get a lot more "We need to find you a guy" and a lot less "You need to start making babies."

My sisters both keep telling me that I'll change my mind one day, but I've done a lot of thinking on this and I just don't want to have a child of my own for my own reasons.

This sounds almost exactly like my situation!

AlsDonkBoxSquat

So I just turned 28 and I am married. I have always said "kids aren't my thing". My husband is on the fence and might like one but knows how I feel. I suppose many Mother in Laws & mothers are this way where they will constantly talk about babies or ask about when I plan on having kids, since I am getting to the age where I would need to decide soon. How do you say that you don't want them? My MIL keeps talking about my husband holding our new niece as "good practice", but I don't have the heart to tell her how I feel! Any advice?

There's a group for this, you may get some nasty comments here . . . why? I don't the f know why someone would give you a hard time for being honest to your true self, but whatever. Planned kids are an agreement between the two people having them. If you both want them, you try to have them, if you don't want them you don't make the commitment to have them. If you aren't on the same page, watch out . . . love can only carry you so far sometimes. Whether or not you and your husband are having kids is an agreement and discussion between the two of you, if he would like to discuss it with your MIL then he should, but if you've expressed your desire to not discuss it with her than she needs to respect that. If she persists he needs to talk to her about backing off and he can decide (with your permission) to talk to her further about your intimate discussions regarding kiddos.

While kids were definitely for me, they aren't for everyone, and it's better to know in advance then to not give your kids committed and desiring parent(s). I fully support a person's decision to not have them. That being said, my mom always said that she hated other people's kids and loved hers to a fault, that they're different when they're your own.

Jellyphant

ME ME ME. I always get SO MUCH *kitten* for not wanting precious kids. I'm sorry, but I'm vain about my body which is already wrecked as hell, and kids just plain piss me off. And.. they're constantly sticky.. or something. Just... no.

CCJ13

I believe it to be my holy duty to help God populate the Earth. I am looking for a good Christian woman to join me in this journey to lose weight and have children.

First and foremost..rather than populating the earth..you need to take of the little ones that are already here...thats what we did..coudnt "populate" the earth..so we took in what was already here..and you cant tell my daughters werent here from the get-go..no one believes that they are adopted..cause they look so much like me..I only have one answer.."God is Great!"

But then, they won't be my children.

I sure hope you didn't mean that. I have 1 that is adopted & we are possibly looking at adopting one more. The one we did adopt is as much mine as the 4 biological children I have.